The Horror of Dolores Roach (2023) s01e04 Episode Script

Bitch, I've Already Been to Prison

I'm going back to prison.
Oh, uh Pearlman, uh,
Pearlman Property Group, you said?
- Who's next?
- Yeah.
Just, uh, ham and cheese, please.
Is there a-a place we can talk?
So what?
We've still had no response
from you on the buyout
- or the back rent.
- Oh, the buyout.
- The buyout, yeah.
- And the deadline was last week, so
What was your name again?
Jonah Pearlman.
Right, uh, I was dealing
with a Gideon Pearlman.
- Is that your
- My father.
Your father, yeah.
Well, your pops and I have been
having an ongoing negotiation,
- so
- A negotiation?
Yeah, sure. Matter of fact, I just spoke
- to him the other day.
- Uh, Luis
He's the kind of man
that understands that it is
important for Empanada Loca
- And he understands that's it's in his best interest
- You got customers, Luis.
Wait, wait, wait, you spoke to him when?
Five, six days ago?
Uh I could check my phone.
Do you have any of this in writing?
Isn't that why you're here?
Am I What?
Bro, aren't you here
to give me the contract?
- Uh
- Looks like a miscommunication
on your end.
No, bro, it's okay, I'm not mad.
Uh why don't you go
ahead and call him?
Yeah, just get it all squared away.
No, no, um
Uh he's away.
- Yeah.
- That's right. That's right.
I remembered he had,
he had mentioned something
about taking a trip.
He did? Did he say where?
Uh, no.
Atlantic City? Upstate?
No, he did not.
Right, okay.
Uh, and you said you spoke
to him on the phone?
- He never came by in person?
- Nah,
he never did, but
you know, I wish he would've
'cause I would've loved
to have, you know
shaken his hand and let him see
the fruits of our labor and
Where are my manners?
I'm so sorry, man.
Won't you try
one of our famous
- Muy Loco empanadas?
- Luis
- Oh, uh
- Sweet Cannibal Jesus, please, no.
One of a kind. Meat's locally sourced.
You ain't had nothing like this before.
That batch not cooked yet.
- Oh, no, it's cooked, mami.
- No, no, it's not ready.
- It's ready to go.
- No, it's not.
It's a little inside joke
we got. You know?
You should try some guava and cheese.
- Try that.
- I've actually never
I've actually,
I've actually never tried empanadas.
Hey, we already need more Muy Loc
- Hi.
- Oh, looky here.
This right here is our
loyal empanada specialist, Nellie.
- Nellie, this is
- Uh, I'm Jonah.
- Hi.
- I'm Nellie.
Jonah Pearlman of the
Pearlman Property Group.
So, you're the new landlord?
- Well, not me, but my
- Good.
I got a leak in my kitchen ceiling.
In one of our buildings?
Yes, I live upstairs in 3B.
Didn't we just renovate 3B?
No, you renovated 3A,
which is across the hall
where the white boy lives.
And I don't want to have to call 311,
but I'm gonna
No, no, no, no, don't-don't call 311. Um
Don't call 311.
I-I can take a look now,
- if you want.
- Well, I have a job,
- and I'm working
- Whoa, Nellie, Nellie,
- Go show the man your ceiling.
- Really?
- Really?
- Yeah.
You don't think I got it covered down here?
It's my shop.
Uh, okay, Luis.
- I'll show you.
- Okay.
Oh, um, um, before we go,
may I?
Yeah, yeah, of course, of course.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
- Nothing.
- Nothing, nothing. Nothing.
Here you go, my friend.
Can't get them like this
anywhere else in the world.
I'm going to hell.
mmm, mmm. Wow.
Is this, is this duck?
It's a mouthful of Daddy.
It's a trade secret. You understand.
Yeah, that's
really good, thanks.
I'm very proud of it.
Lead the way. Yeah.
Oh, I'll, um, I'll follow up soon.
Stabilized lease or not, you're
you're still on the hook
for the back rent.
Yes, sir.
Mmm. Thank you.
Yes. Yes.
Ooh, I told you,
I told you, Magic Hands. I told you we won.
- What kind of sick fuck are you?
- Ow.
You fed him to his son.
His son, Luis.
Yeah, I keep telling you, mami,
we are hiding in plain sight, okay?
And we getting rid of all this evidence,
and you heard the man,
I still got a debt to pay,
so if you'll excuse me,
I'm-a get back to business.
I'm not going to hell.
This is hell.
I can't live like this
but I still got nowhere else to go.
Do I?
Make a fucking plan.
What is that?
- What the fuck?
- Done.
It's done.
You wanted to get rid of the evidence?
I got rid of the fucking evidence.
Why the fuck would they
childproof these fucking things?
My masterpiece.
I'm the one who's cleaning up after you,
- You're the one who's going
- Bitch.
I've already been to prison, all right?
If you wanted to help me,
you could've dumped him in the river,
not fed him to his own son.
- Hey, it's edible.
- What?
Like the Greek myth.
That's what I said.
That's the last of him, right?
- Mr. fucking Pearlman.
- Yes, yes, yes.
It's the last of the meat.
This is done.
It's done.
I'm running a business here, D.
Got to get me a clean start, a fresh start.
Got to finish what I
started all those years ago,
before Dominic fucked my life apart.
What are the chances any of these infants
also killed their landlord?
Excuse me.
Holy shit, Georgie.
My closest friend my
whole two years here.
The one who held my hand
at my dad's funeral.
Guess it's been a minute.
What the fuck?
If I agree to a Sunday
morning appearance,
I'll be talking about how these
are non-violent offenders,
and that they should be the ones
allowed to profit first
when the legalization
She's here?
I'm not interested in
being some talking head
on behalf of No.
I'm not saying I won't discuss
- Okay.
- Can I help you?
I'm sorry, what? No.
I wasn't I-I know her.
Professor Bellyard is very busy.
You're gonna have to make appointment
if you want to talk to her.
I wasn't
I don't want to make an appointment.
I just, uh
I want to come back to school.
You're looking to enroll in classes here?
Yes, yes. Yeah, I am.
Okay. Then come with me,
and I'll get you figured out.
Hey, Dolores.
Cunt face.
What's up?
I worked this block
a long time,
and I ain't never seen
a line out the door
for those shitty little empanadas
your boy makes.
He changed up the recipe.
- Oh, is that right?
- Look, I don't know
- what you're asking, but he's
- I made it very clear
that this is my turf,
and you turn around
and start selling to my customer base?
Ugh, girl, I ain't selling
anything, all right?
I'm giving massages.
I've seen nine of my regulars coming in
- and out of there.
- You think this is a drug front?
Nine regulars that I
haven't seen in weeks.
Look, I just spent 16 years
in prison for selling,
why the fuck would I do that shit again?
Because nobody else'll
hire you, "Magic Hands."
I'm going back to school.
What, so you can get a job in a office
and start shopping at Chico's and shit?
Dolores Roach in a
pencil skirt and heels.
I could see it.
Look, we got off on the wrong foot,
but I'm telling you,
I'm a masseuse for real,
and if you don't believe me,
come downstairs
and let me show you.
Oh, what, you're gonna
give me a tour now?
No, better. I'm gonna
give you a massage.
Come on.
No more Muy Loco today.
All sold out, sorry.
So, if you want to go ahead,
you can undress to the level of
your comfort.
All right, uh
I have, um
aromatherapy candles,
I have ambient noise, you want any of
Give me the works.
All right.
So, where'd you learn how to massage?
My girl
in prison, Tabitha.
She was a masseuse on the outside,
but she couldn't do it anymore,
so she taught me.
And why couldn't she do it anymore?
She got her hands cut off.
She did not.
She got her hands cut off, absolutely.
So, you trained in prison
- with a handless masseuse?
- Yeah.
I sure did.
And, uh, you like doing it?
Uh yeah, I do.
I do. I think it
it might just be my ticket out of here.
I love a woman with ambition.
And where you looking to get out to?
I don't know.
I love New York,
but I want to get out of the city,
you know, eventually.
- Mm-hmm.
- Not far, just somewhere with space,
you know? Peace, simplicity.
Maybe Jersey?
You can get to Jersey with bus fare.
Those hands
get you a lot farther than that.
Get you a lot farther with me.
I'm no eme with no hands,
but I'd be damn lucky to
have somebody talented
and beautiful like you around.
Excuse me for a minute.
I've slept with exactly two people
in the last 20 years
Fresh start, right?
What are you doing?
I don't give a fuck
what tricks you learned
from some dyke in prison,
I'm not new. Where are the drugs?
There are no drugs, I told you.
I showed you.
Oh, you got them hiding here?
Hiding in plain sight, huh?
Why do you think that's where
What are you doing?
No, not my table!
What are you doing? No!
Just because Dominic
dipped out on you like some snitch
doesn't mean you're
free to take his place.
What are you talking about?
Dominic didn't snitch on anyone.
Oh you really don't know.
Dominic set you up, sweetness.
He No. No.
- No?
- No, he didn't.
Well, what do you think happened?
I think we got busted.
I got busted, you know
because I was the one there.
People get busted.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- Okay, and then
he had to go hide somewhere,
lay low, or do because
he knew that
Yeah, obviously, obviously,
he abandoned me,
but he didn't set me up.
Bitch, I was there.
The feds were closing in,
somebody had to go down,
and it sure as shit wasn't gonna be him.
He knew your gullible,
lovesick ass would do
the time for him
Which you did and he let you.
He let you rot for him.
He was a piece of shit, he really was.
Decent fuck, though.
You slept with Dominic?
Me and half the bitches
in Washington Heights.
Wh I mean,
he didn't seem to be
satisfied at home, so
It was a lie. It was all a lie.
What the fuck is this shit?
Is this a vision board?
Is this Jersey? Your house in Jersey?
Let me see.
And that's supposed to be Dominic.
You giving him a massage?
"Make it happen."
Oh, shit, I almost forgot.
Thank you for the rub.
Bitch! You bit my arm.
Cunt face.
You're fucking crazy.
Okay, okay, hold on.
Tabitha said to wrap your right arm
around a neck from behind.
And if you can't snap the neck on your feet,
all you got to do is
He set me up.
He set me up.
How could I not have known?
He set me up.
So, my empanadas,
you can't find empanadas like
this anywhere else in the world,
but at the same time, they
are universal. 'Cause I
am a firm believer that
you are what you eat.
I really do mean that. Oh, hey,
look who it is.
Yo, man, you got to interview Dolores.
She has a very interesting story.
Really? I'm always in the market
for an interesting story.
W-Why would you interview us?
Well, I have this podcast
where I shine a light
on hidden New York gems
that I've discovered.
New York, New Gems.
Is that a Don't know
if you've heard of it.
Anyway, Empanada Loco is perfecto.
My listeners'll eat this place up.
See, I got to drum up
business any way I can
because someone decided to
contaminate the last of my
Uh, of the one cut I like.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, about that, uh
Uh, your new butcher called,
and a new shipment
came in a little while ago,
and I brought it downstairs
for your safekeeping.
It's waiting for you.
My friend, my friend,
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you
for a rain check while I
go handle this new supply.
You mind if we continue
our chat in the morning?
Oh, not a problem. I'm right upstairs.
It's a beautiful day.
I'm gonna go for a little walk.
Thank you, Dolores. I love you!
Oh, for fuck's sake.
- Oh, hey, D.
- Yeah?
Do you want Jonah to
look at that broken step
- that's still giving you trouble
- No.
- Um, no. No.
- Oh.
Uh, I got it under control.
I'm gonna fix it.
I'm-a go right now and
get some stuff to fix it.
I don't want you to go downstairs.
I don't want you to hurt yourself.
I'm going back to prison.
Hey, Dolores, you got a sec?
Actually, I don't.
I really have to go
Just a quick question, I promise.
- All right. Uh-huh?
- I promise. Uh
Luis cheating on me?
He got all this new business,
but he ordering less and less meat.
Oh, fuck.
I I don't know. I think he said he
he has a new butcher. I-I-I don't know.
Wow, does loyalty count
for nothing these days?
Yeah, probably not. I-I got to go.
I just I There's
somebody I have to
Yeah, no, go. I mean,
I got some more questions
but no, go.
Oh, God, I'm going back to prison.
I'm going back to prison.
I'm going back to prison.
I'm gonna go back to prison.
He got questions.
Yeah, I got questions, too.
Was that cocksucker motherfucker
cheating on me the entire time?
Were the happiest five
years of my life a lie?
Maybe I did know he set me up.
I mean, of course I fucking knew,
but I couldn't even let myself think it
because he knew I would protect him.
He knew that. I was the one
he could throw under the bus.
I was the sacrifice.
I still fucking am, and I still will be
until I put an end to this myself.
Until I put an end to him.
Shit, I missed this bitch.
Oh, you're not dead?
I hadn't heard from you.
I started to wonder.
How's the land of the free?
You were right.
He wasn't there.
I don't know where he is.
He set me up.
Yeah. I know that.
Did you not know that?
So, then, what are you
or where-where are you
Just with an old friend.
He runs an empanada shop that
that empanada shop
- that I loved, right?
- Just renting a room
in his basement, and, um,
I'm giving massages for cash.
- Massages?
- Yeah.
So, I guess your time with
me wasn't a complete wash.
I used everything you taught me.
- That's nice.
- No.
I mean everything
you taught me.
It's not important.
So, you
I can't believe I'm asking you this,
but, um,
you remember you said you had
a friend with a side business?
Shit, I don't remember
her name. She, uh
She finds people who
don't want to get found.
No, absolutely not.
Please, Tabitha.
You're gonna wind up right back here
if you go down that road.
I'm gonna wind up here if I don't.
Here, or worse.
If I help you find him
what are you gonna do,
take him to lunch?
I'm gonna put his ass
on the fucking menu.
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