The Life and Movies of Erşan Kuneri (2022) s01e05 Episode Script


Yes? You made a movie called Bad Goods.
Me and the boys, we watched it.
Yes? We've repented.
We decided to go on pilgrimage.
- Allow me to kiss your hand.
- No, please.
Sometimes lives affect movies, and sometimes movies affect lives.
Good luck to you.
Thank you, sir.
You're the best.
Yes, come on.
Come on.
İsa, give us some tequilas.
Cheer us up, İsa.
- Yeah.
- Come on.
Drink up.
It's okay, don't worry.
It's all right.
Let's go.
They were about to give the award for Best Actress, then they realized, "Wow, it's a man.
" Me! Who? Me! So that's why I couldn't win it.
I didn't watch the movie.
Oh, you should.
It's a very different perspective on village life.
I don't need any perspective on it, I barely escaped from it.
What happened? No luck? Not my target audience.
They don't watch movies.
- How about that girl? - Hey, that's a man! I didn't want to set my expectations too high.
A challenge where the last one standing is king.
Don't rush, wait.
- Hit it, nice.
- Wow, Feride, look at you.
I'll get you wasted, Sunay! - Do I look okay? - Yes.
- Yes, I'm still standing.
- Cool.
Alev, good evening, dear.
Erşan, dear, let me introduce you.
This is the famous Iranian director Ameen Facker.
Who? - Ameen.
- Ameen, sir.
Ameen Facker.
- Pleasure to meet you.
- The famous Iranian director.
I don't drink much anyway.
It's haram.
Don't be silly, he's not like that.
He lives in Paris.
And guess what? We're engaged! Wow, I think I saw something! - Ameen Facker.
- An Iranian director.
He's in İstanbul for a movie.
He actually lives in Paris.
My name is Seyyal.
What do you think of İstanbul? Authentic.
What's going on, Erşan? Hello.
Ameen Facker, Iranian director.
He's engaged to Alev.
All right, move away.
Don't stifle him straight away.
What would you like to drink? Please.
I'll get it.
I bet he will.
Stylish man, by the way.
- I said that you are very stylish.
- Oh, thanks.
Erşan, sir, I've heard so much about you.
Your work, your movies are said to be great.
I'd like to get together and consult with you.
- Ameen, sir.
- No, don't.
A challenge where the last one standing is king.
Do you fancy? Ameen, please, I said no.
I am nervous.
A challenge where the last man standing is king.
Erşan, name me one king who kept on standing.
But you are a true king.
The crownless king.
Or the underwearless king, Erşan! Oh, didn't you have a movie like that? Underwearless King? Alev.
This engagement suits you, dear.
Sir, it was an honor to meet you.
- I wish you happiness.
- Okay.
- Merci.
- Ameen, sir.
Altın, what's up? Why are you looking around? Man, Alev's fiancé, that Iranian director, he asked for some "long" drink, I can't remember what it was.
Just give him rakı.
Tourist style.
Give him rakı.
What's with the Iranian director? Man, I think it'd be great if this guy made a movie with us, huh? - I wonder if he'd like some melon.
- Really? What's his name? Faqbâdi.
Faqbâdi? Wow, his name sounds familiar.
Let me say welcome to the guy as a courtesy.
Yeah, go.
Did you see the Iranian director? I saw the Iranian director! I did! I saw his cape.
I saw his face.
I saw everything! - Enough already.
- Don't be mad.
I thought he looked like There was a guy playing craps at Blonde Tefo's.
Selim the Fox.
- Who? - Selim the Fox.
- So? - So? - So what? - He looks like him.
- Him? - Yes, he looks like him.
Iranian cinema is We got it.
You've spoken in every language.
People have doppelgangers, İbrahim.
Remember that.
A Long Island iced tea, please.
Just Only this asshole is unique.
Why the hell have you been ass-licking since the guy came in? What are you talking about? Tumtum, the guy has a keen eye.
Just now, he said to Muammer that he is the new Omar Sharif.
Mami is ten years older than Omar Sharif! It's disgraceful! Come on.
Come on, move.
He really looks like - He's Selim the Fox.
- Huh? He's Selim the Fox.
- That guy? - Yes.
- I'll beat him up.
- We both will.
- I can.
- You will.
- I will.
- Why not? - Let's go.
- Why wouldn't you? The place is yours.
Good God! Mr.
Ameen! James Bond film, making İstanbul, Kapalıçarşı.
- Yeah! - You know Kapalıçarşı? - It's all in here.
- Selim the Fox! - Excuse me? - James Bond comes to Turkey.
He fucks up those 500-year-old roof tiles, and no one says a thing.
Why? - Why? - Why? Because we're so infatuated with the West! Okay? Now, let's see what you'll do when I tell your secret, Mr.
Whoa, Erşan, do you hear yourself? What the hell is "Faqbâdi"? The guy's name is Ameen.
- Tomato, tomahto - Indeed! - Say you're Selim the Fox.
I dare you! - Don't be ridiculous.
You're both wasted! Go on! Tell them if Turkey's gonna become like Iran! Or wait.
- Let his fiancée say it.
- Fine with me.
I'm sorry.
Erşan - Stay out of this.
- Look, Erşan, dear.
Ameen has come to our country.
He's gonna make a great movie, and we're all gonna be in it.
- You're being rude! - Is this the new Omar Sharif talking? - Who's talking? - It's the new Omar Sharif.
- Obviously.
- Is there a line in between? Or is he the fake Omar Sharif? You're all so rude to Erşan.
I've had enough.
Shut up! You can barely stand! - What's going on? - Who the hell are you? Ayhan Işık.
Mon dieu! Ayhan Işık! Ayhan, my good sir, I'm delighted to see you here.
This night is getting better.
I'd like to see you in my movie.
Please, come.
Yeah, go.
Just go.
You go act in award-winning Iranian movies too.
Yeah! You do that too! - The new Alain Delon! You should go too.
- No.
- Please.
- No.
Erşan, what are you doing? I can't even recognize you.
I know you! The new Sophia Loren! Huh? New, huh? He's also new.
She's also new.
They're all new.
Everyone's new.
They're all yours.
I'm old.
The old Erşan.
All right, man? He collapsed.
I won.
- Eryetiş.
- I won.
Take him to the office, son.
That's what I said to the man? Well, you really went too far this time.
Erşan, I'm sober and I'm saying it again.
That guy is Selim the Fox.
Erşan's over there.
Tell him.
- Hold this, will you? - I don't care what you believe.
We did him wrong.
That bastard had me all wound up! There was a bit of jealousy too.
- I guess you were jealous of Alev.
- Maybe.
She used to say she'd never get married again.
Never mind.
I can fix this.
I'll invite him to my place.
Entertain him.
And I'll call and apologize to Alev.
He's a very smart guy.
He's different.
He's had a hard life.
He struggled.
He's passionate.
He wants to make the movie he's imagined.
He's just like me.
But just because he wears a cape doesn't mean you have to be all over him.
- What's the name of his movie? - Dagger of Galata.
- Interesting.
- Yes.
So far, it's me, Altın, and Muammer.
And Alev, of course.
And two British actors will be joining.
Though, he wants Payro to audition.
Because, you know, he realized that he wasn't Ayhan Işık.
Oh What's up, Feride? Welcome.
- Guess what happened last night.
- Hello.
- Erşan, what's up? - What's this? Independence Day for Teşvikiye? He asked me to have some pictures taken wearing a local outfit.
Feride, Alev asked you to call her.
Who are you playing? A customer at the barbershop the lead goes to.
- In the flashbacks? - No.
He's portraying us with a fez.
- Something smells fishy here.
- He shouldn't portray us with a fez.
You want me to go like this? This is not local.
No, you're being paranoid.
I read the script.
It's about the Dagger of Galata theft.
- They're shooting it at Topkapı Palace.
- See? They'll break the roof tiles! If there isn't some other plot in this guy's movie, color me clueless.
- Tell me the short version.
- Color me clueless.
Who are you playing? A customer at the barbershop the lead goes to.
- In the flashbacks? - No.
Your character? A customer at the barbershop the lead goes to.
- In the flashbacks? - No.
Dagger of Galata, huh? He shouldn't portray us with a fez.
Sertaç is the composer for our movies.
You ask, "When's it ready?" He always gives the same answer.
- "You'll get it on time.
" - Always.
Let me check on that Iranian man.
Excuse me.
Erşan, please don't break his heart.
Watch your words.
Of course not.
- Okay.
- Nice.
Your move.
Then, H8, and finito, baby.
Is that possible? There's one on all fours here.
- Love, she's playing tricks on you.
- No, not at all.
A brilliant mind.
Truly admirable.
Alev, would you mind if I borrow Ameen? Not at all.
But just bring him back.
I'll be needing him.
- Alev.
- My love.
My fiancé.
- Have they shown you around İstanbul? - Yeah.
- Have you had any kebabs? - Hot.
Not too hot, I hope.
I'm sorry about last night.
I had a little too much to drink.
Erşan, don't mention it.
You were having so much fun.
We're all human, after all.
Please, take one.
Erşan, sir.
Where I'm from, there's a saying, a proverb even.
Yeah, that's what they say, yeah.
Ameen, sir, what is your movie about? Oh, that's a very good question.
I'll try to explain it to you.
Sir, the title is Dagger of Galata.
It's a detective movie.
I'd like the characters to have conflicts with each other.
Is the movie condescending? Or humiliating? - I'm sorry? - I mean, like this.
This one.
What the hell is this? I just wanted to dress casual.
There's nothing special about it.
That's Arabic, not Persian.
Mami, sir.
Or should I say, the new Omar Sharif? Would you turn around for me, please? Very good.
I can almost see the character.
I can almost see the character too.
Right? Just wow.
The mighty Muammer Rado.
Is this what you've become? What's wrong? Why are you upset now? Mr.
- Mr.
- Yes? Our art director has made an exact replica of the Dagger of Galata.
- An exact replica? - Yes, an exact replica.
- Great.
- Oh, really? He'll be here soon.
If you'd like to see it, this way, please.
I would love to.
If you'll excuse me.
- Please.
- This way.
- Because he's made an exact replica.
- Good evening.
How much is that? Two? If I could move in the direction I desire with all the equipment, this could be of very high quality.
Of course you will, you're a man of quality.
- The dagger.
It's the same.
- Wow.
It's really the same.
My love Ameen, Bursa.
Heavy is the dagger.
Heavy is the dagger.
- Dagger, yeah.
- Dagger.
- Yes? - Are you ready? - What are you on about? Where are you? - That jerk is right in front of me.
Who the hell are you talking about? Who do you think? Ameen Facker.
I mean Selim the Fox.
You dickhead! He's at my place now.
Hang up the damn phone! Oh, poor you.
They're deceiving you too, Erşan.
See you, then.
Well, I guess this is it.
You can fool everyone, but not me, Selim.
- Excuse me? - You put a ring on her finger, fine.
Leading my friends on as if you're making a movie.
All is great, but couldn't you pick a better name, man? - What is it? - So, you're saying you're not Who? Ameen Facker.
They're doppelgangers.
Anyone could confuse them.
I'd like to be mad at you, but I can't.
Have I ever misled you? Fuck it.
That's not the point.
I listened to that bastard's project down to the tiniest detail.
I'll tell Alev when she gets here.
- What happened? - Wow! Omar Sharif.
Please, have a seat.
- Alev, welcome.
- What's going on? Let me be happy for once.
They're doing a table read with Ameen.
I hardly made it here.
- Ten minutes would be all they need.
- Shut up.
What's going on? Alev, you're in no fit state to know of what your fiancé is doing because you are blinded by love.
What's the movie about? Theft.
Where does it take place? Topkapı Palace.
- There he is.
- Hi.
Oh, God damn you! Really, God damn you! Licking the ass of an Eastern director to curry the West's favor Well done! We have a great opportunity here.
The guy's trying to get into Cannes.
He says it'll be good publicity.
It'll open doors for us.
Don't you want us to be known in the West, beyond Edirne? Is that it? - Do they know you in Edirne? - Oh, fuck you.
Answer the question.
Do they know you in Edirne? They do! Good.
Alev, he's gonna go to Topkapı Palace and make everyone believe that he's shooting a movie, then he'll take the real dagger leave the fake dagger Payro crafted instead and skip town! He's using you.
Movie and all, they're all fake! - You'll do 40 years.
- You think he'd do that to me? Anyone who could do that to Mami's eyebrows is capable of anything! If he takes the dagger to Paris, would he be able to sell it? Alev, you're not making any sense.
Hey, I have to think about my future.
If any of you take part in this movie, I swear I will report you.
If someone tries to steal the Dagger of Galata, I'll make him sit on an obelisk and get people to throw coins for luck! I'm Erşan Kuneri! I do what I say! Well, no offense, man, but this sounds a little over-the-top.
Let's make it a pillar, then.
I'd like to go beyond Edirne to Cannes.
I'm sorry, but it's the truth.
- Is that so? - Erşan.
You've been acting strange since he told you that he'd found the new Omar Sharif.
We made lots of promises to the man.
We can't let him down now.
You could emphasize your eyebrows a little more.
This is nonsense.
That's your final word? We're shooting interiors at Topkapi Place tomorrow.
Schedule, anyone? - Give me that.
- I'll be dressed like a local.
Good, I don't have morning scenes.
They're sold on the whole thing, man.
Forward and backwards.
- My love.
- My love.
- Good luck to you, my dear.
- Thank you.
For Europe.
- "To Europe.
" - To Europe.
My love.
Ayhun, sir.
- The dagger? - That's the dagger.
That's the real one.
This one is fake, but we mustn't mistake one for the other.
- Or they will - Yes? screw us.
No touching the dagger.
That's obvious.
"No touching," he says.
And they're accusing him of theft.
- Heavens no.
- Yeah.
Cut! It's the end of the road to Europe for you.
Actors, don't worry.
What's this? This is the man who's planning to steal the Dagger of Galata, sir.
He's called Ameen Facker.
Ameen Facker? Oui.
That's me, sir.
Ameen Facker.
I can't believe it, sir! What an honor! The pride of Iranian cinema.
Ameen, sir.
The pleasure is all mine.
- What's up? - Sir.
Give me that.
They've made a replica of the Dagger of Galata.
They're movie makers, of course.
It really is an exact replica.
Good job.
Oh, it's no big deal.
Can you show us the permits and the other documents? Sure.
Mami, if you could just bring me that folder? - I'll get them immediately.
- Here.
Thank you.
Honorable sir, let me present you with these.
This is the permit from the Ministry of Culture.
Here are the signatures.
This one is from the Bureau of Palaces and Parks.
And this is the permit from the Prime Minister's office.
This is from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and includes the customs exemptions.
Let me just show you, on the last page, there's the recommendation letter from the President himself.
They're missing the Ministry of Agriculture's permit.
Let's see if you could get that one.
Sir, we're sorry to interrupt your work.
I've been told that you were planning to steal the dagger.
Quoi? What? Are you calling me a thief? Are you okay, love? - Alev.
- Darling.
I'm not okay.
That's a wrap! Turn it off! Shut it down! Cut! Don't do this, sir.
- Let's keep shooting.
- I won't shoot.
Please, keep promoting our country.
Sir, I am not a machine.
I am an artist.
Erşan, this really annoys me.
You called me a thief.
I'm not a thief.
- Ameen, okay - I wouldn't have expected this from you.
Okay, keep shooting.
I won't shoot this movie here.
I'll shoot this movie in France.
In Paris, at the Louvre! - Ameen, sir.
- Sir.
- Officer.
- He's not going to shoot here.
Enough! - Babe.
- Let's make a deal.
- Sir.
- Ameen! Ameen! - Ameen Facker! - Stop! I've worn every kind of outfit for you! You will shoot this movie.
If you don't, I'll cut myself! Don't touch the dagger! It's my movie, isn't it? I won't shoot.
Shut up! You won't, huh? - Easy.
- Shut up! I dare you! - I'll cut myself! - Good job.
You promoted our country well.
- I dare you! - Stop this! - I dare you! - Easy.
- Ameen Facker, huh? - Let go of him.
Shoot it! We make mistakes.
We're only human.
The guy has done a very good job.
Have you read it? That photo is from the festival, right? Yeah.
You should show it to Muammer as well.
Facker DISCOVERS THE NEW OMAR SHARIF Well, that's good.
At least we know the guy.
- I have a wonderful story, but no money.
- That's surprising.
İsa, pour me a whiskey too, sugar.
I sold the ring.
It wasn't worth that much.
- Wow.
The ring was a fake? - Well, not worth millions.
- I told you he was an ass.
- What's the title of your movie, Erşan? Will this be enough? Faqbâdi.
It's a movie about virtues.
- Count me in as your partner.
- What partner? It's all yours.
Once upon a time, there was a traveler named Faqbâdi.
With a cloak on his back, a staff in his hand, and a turban on his head, he would travel from town to town.
Are you making this up right now? No, I've been thinking about this for years.
Faqbâdi's eyes could not see, but his ears were sharp, and his nose could smell even the apricots in Damascus.
Wherever he roamed, he'd either be the light to enlighten or the dark to hide all that is bad.
He wouldn't ask for food or warmth.
Just a sincere smile would be enough for Faqbâdi.
He wouldn't sleep much, he ate lightly, and he drank little.
He was mindful of his weight.
Anyone who'd sit with him would be rid of their stress, feel lighthearted, and embrace life even more tightly.
According to legend, anyone Faqbâdi touched would go on to live for a hundred years.
If you encountered Faqbâdi on the first day of the new month and gave him food and drink, not only would you be unbeatable in this world, you would have perks, such as freedom of movement and a golden visa, in these seven kingdoms.
- What do you think, Nazar? - Very well, master.
It's exaggerated and it also has shortcomings.
We always fail because of those who misinform.
- Give me that.
- Here.
- How is it now? - Wow, it's shiny.
It's shiny, but look what we've got from traveling three villages.
Rye bread, an onion.
What's this? A clay whistle.
You put water inside it and blow.
This is unacceptable.
I promise them they'll live for a hundred years, and they think a half-kilo of bulgur will do? People are hungry.
So? I'm providing them a crucial medical service.
What's on the menu? Two people with a limp, one with seizures and a total idiot.
Send the one with the limp first.
"The foot cannot step on neither earth, nor grass, and if the fleshy crutch is the remedy" - "Hit that ass, who cares?" - I'll start with that.
- Put your leg on my shoulder.
- Put your leg on his shoulder.
Come here.
I'll take that.
Okay, go.
A pinch of this, and a pinch of that.
- Have you bandaged it, Kürişah? - Yes, sis.
Drink this, brother soldier.
You need to boil this and drink it every morning, okay? - As you command, chief physician.
- Well, call me Sister Devaşah.
Otherwise, they think I'm a man.
All right, then.
God be with you, brother soldier.
I'm really exhausted, Kürişah.
I don't even have time to sit and have a cigarette.
Sister, the era! That's what I'm talking about.
It's an issue.
No matter, Devaşah.
We're practicing positive science.
But if we didn't have the family fortune, we'd probably be starving.
I don't understand people.
All they think about is fairy-tales and magic.
Have you heard about this lowlife? "He had the judge of Hordavat walking within two days.
" Pity.
"A witch doctor for an oriental sore.
" "Discount for the retired and the widowed.
" Faqbâdi.
He does more harm than good, that bastard.
Excuse me.
Do you have some kind of antihistamine? I don't think we do.
This is the shitty side of science.
The guy had to leave without medicine.
What else could we do? Lie to him? But if we'd slapped him and told him that he was better now, he'd believe us.
He would.
- What's wrong with him? - Show.
Hey! - Tell him to use his other hand.
- Use the other one.
- Two dried plums.
Go away! - Go away! Unbelievable.
Lack of self-esteem, confidence issues, and something private.
Please, come in.
Quiet! Wow, what's that about? Yes? My veil has fallen.
You could get it easily, if you just bend a little.
- What is it? - My good intentions cause me trouble.
And some inner distress.
I think it could come out the other end, if we push it a little.
Come in.
Come on, get out.
We should be careful.
Times have changed.
Everyone's cunning these days.
Don't be ridiculous.
I've been rubbing smelly villagers for hours.
Now, fuck off.
Remember the last year in Eşmar.
The "MeToo" campaign has caused us Get out! Go! Go away! Please, ma'am.
- Is the mattress here? - It is.
Let's settle in together, then.
Any minute now.
What ails you, brother? Vertigo.
I'm always dizzy.
And my ears ache all the time.
Too bad.
No medicine for that either.
How will this guy treat him, then? Shush, I'm really curious.
I'll sneak in and try to see how he manages to deceive them.
- Me too.
- Okay.
Let's cover up.
- How are you now? - Better.
But it feels like something's burning.
Yes, it may cause a burning sensation.
And what are you looking at? Well, just checking the book for which one That's enough, all right? Let's be clear.
You've been kneading me like dough for half an hour.
See? The confidence issues are gone.
- What was the other nuisance? - Don't waste my time.
Do it.
- You want me to turn off the lights? - Aren't you blind? Just do it, come on.
I'm blind.
I'll do it.
Wow, outrageous.
- Oh, you pig! Have you no shame? - We should crack his skull open.
And another one in the morning before meals would do you good.
Here you go.
Two silver coins.
Two silver coins? - Will that be enough? - Of course.
For merely two olives, we'd f We'd treat the whole village.
Forget about the crippled and the maimed.
Do whoever comes in and earn silver.
You in? What do you think? Eating bulgur is a bitch.
If you're okay with that, I'll let you be on your way.
I'm okay with that, but who are you? I'm Tamara, Fairy of the Covetous.
I have your gift, you have my silver.
I opened your eyes and carved your path.
Good luck, then.
I can see! This is how it's gonna be now.
I can see.
I can see, dammit! The door.
The tent.
The silver! I can see.
Good job! I can see, dammit.
We didn't see anything.
We just arrived.
Lose the sister, and start your own apothecary.
Quit medicine.
Get into the beauty business.
You'll be swimming in money.
No, thanks.
I was just testing you.
You are Tamara.
But why? Why did you carve a path for that guy? And the two silver coins too.
He'll end up even richer.
No cook would ever die before tasting his own lahmacun.
Never forget that.
All in good time.
There's a patient with lice.
Shall I let him in? Come here, you.
- Do you see these? - I do.
Wait, how? Can you see now? I can see now.
I'm enlightened.
No more treating the blind, the lame, the lice, the soiled pants.
Put up a sign.
"Faqbâdi is all about doing it!" - Whoa! - What, whoa? A two-minute session, and look what I got.
- Besides - Besides what? I can't emit light anymore, but I don't care at all.
- I love these shiny silvers! - But what about the legend of Faqbâdi? Fuck that! They can write that later.
Covetous for the silver, a good fuck is what I desire.
I might have lost my gift, but as to why, I don't inquire.
So, we're really gonna put that up? Wait.
Don't write that.
Write this.
" People will understand.
Good luck, then.
- I can see, dammit.
- I'm happy for you.
- I'll check outside.
- I'll do them all.
I'll move up by doing it.
Faqbâdi was covetous for money, and his gift was taken from him.
He wasn't accepting any new patients.
People were starting to line up outside Kürişah and Devaşah's house.
Except for the wretched, everyone with common sense wanted to be treated by them.
But did Faqbâdi starve to death? On the contrary.
People were spreading the good word about how good the therapy was.
The patients were happy.
The therapist had his own problems.
- Personal development.
- Wow.
You've come to the right place.
Send them in! Thanks.
Go inside.
That was a good meal.
What's the count? Bracelet, 22.
Twenty-two, twenty-five.
I will accept a maximum of eight sessions a day.
It feels fake.
I can't focus.
- What's that cough? - Nothing.
Just a hacking cough.
Have some water.
In the old days, you used to cure it with a touch of your hand.
Oh, come on.
Stop it, for God's sake.
I say we build a therapy center on the bank of a river.
Let's get out of this tent.
I mean, what is this? They say when the blind see, they see far.
Tell me, how do you think we'll end up? Whatever will be, will be.
Stop being paranoid.
You're being paranoid.
I'll take your paranoia away in just one session.
Good evening.
Holy fuck! Do you have an opening for a patient tomorrow? Tomorrow Tomorrow looks okay.
But he said we'd leave.
That's what he said.
When exactly? When do you think? He'll come when he comes.
The famous Aşkar is the one coming.
Write that down.
He suffers from extreme introversion, emotional attachment, victim mentality, and a lack of self-esteem.
Tell Faqbâdi to prepare the necessary medicine accordingly.
Who the hell is this famous Aşkar? For five hours Faqbâdi would f Anyhow, this one's gonna take up a lot of his time.
So, the fee will be high as well.
You're coughing.
Tell the girls to prescribe you some meds.
- We don't want to see you wasted.
- All right.
Good Good night.
Look at this.
We have more clients than ever, but instead of ending that guy's charade, it got him on a roll.
He's in league with the devil.
Not an easy task.
Who's coughing? He's gonna cough his lungs out.
Whoa! Isn't that Faqbâdi's servant Necis? I hope it heals you.
Aren't you guys ever ashamed of what you've been doing? I am, but what can I do? We're leaving tomorrow.
An important patient will be coming in.
Then we'll close up shop and leave.
The famous The famous Aşkar.
Aşkar? I don't know him either.
Loop by loop, he's woven his fate One cannot escape death's gate From this point on Just sit back and watch And grab some sunflower seeds While you wait Who is he? He is Aşkar.
Holy fuck! That's him? That's Aşkar? That's our patient? No, wait a second.
Wait a minute.
Aşkar? She said self-esteem.
 Holy fuck! Wait a minute.
The bunny goes straight, its ears are pointy That's enough! He's here! He's arrived! - Who's here? - Our demise is here! Aşkar.
Aşkar the warrior.
The appointment was a trap.
Grab whatever we have.
We gotta get out of here.
They'll screw us.
The troops are here.
They have swords and spears.
- They'll impale us with stakes! - Look.
Let's practice some affirmation.
You always focus on the bad.
Don't get on my nerves! I said they'll screw us! Stop with the affirmation.
You've fucked the world, and now you're gonna fuck me? - Wait.
This is it.
- Don't drive me crazy! You ruined me! Pack up, we're leaving.
- What do you have in your pouch? - Gold and stuff.
I've changed my mind.
I'm not leaving.
I'm Faqbâdi! Let him come! Or wait.
Wait a bit.
Tell him that we're closed, and I'm not doing it.
- You ruined me! - No, I didn't.
Get that out of your head.
Fuck you! - Close your eyes.
- No! Welcome, Aşkar.
The sisters Devaşah and Kürişah.
I told you about modern medicine.
I've heard so much about you.
We'll surely pay you a visit.
- What do you say, chief physician? - Always the utmost respect for the youth.
Let us get on with our visit, then we'll finalize the legend with one last paragraph.
Commander Aşkar.
Faqbâdi checked your complaints and said he doesn't have the cure for you.
He said that you should look into modern medicine for a remedy.
Get that snot out of my sight.
Can we talk? - Take him away! - Commander.
Don't make this mistake.
Reaching out from my heart With our love from the skies I will wear blue tiaras Oh, please Come on and be with me Stop it! Stand upright.
You are known as Faqbâdi.
- Yes, sir.
- How much do you make a month? - Five thousand liras.
- You have a famous notebook.
Is that it? Sir, that notebook means nothing.
It's my personal Now, Faqbâdi, they say you're a therapist, that you take money and gold from people.
Before this revered council, demonstrate how you treat people so we can issue your license or seal the place.
Or break the seal.
What do you think, Master Peydah? Fair enough, sir.
Sir, I don't think therapy would do How do you want to do this? Do I have to take the robe off? Let's not take that off.
Well, sir, you know, these things How do we do that? - Do it like you demonstrated here.
- Do it! Or I'll get angry.
Now, sir, I Normally, when someone comes to me, for example, I ask what's wrong with them.
Shall I ask him that? What's wrong? Anger issues.
Now, these two are not my expertise.
When they tell me that, I tell them to go to a normal doctor.
Go to a doctor.
Go to a real medical doctor.
I'm just, like, supplementary medicine, and you should go see a normal doctor.
I'm getting angry.
Aşkar, listen.
Even though this is on Netflix, I can't have sex with you, sir.
I swear I can't.
Not even here.
What does the chief physician have to say about this? Now, how we assess this is Aşkar, have a seat, sir.
We'll assess according to his expertise.
Very well.
It would be just.
So, why wouldn't you treat Mr.
Aşkar? Now, when you guys rushed in, I got scared.
I guess I was shy, or whatever.
- I felt shy.
- Hear this.
Extreme lack of confidence, bashfulness, and inner fears.
It's advisable that he should be treated using his own methods.
- Inner fears should be eliminated.
- No! Malaka.
This is how it should be done.
Not how it's done in the notebook! No.
It's gone, see? My fear is gone.
No! Please don't.
That day, it was time for the cook to taste his own lahmacun.
I'm getting upset! Faqbâdi bowed down silently.
After a long session, Faqbâdi was only seen once more.
He was buying ointment from the girls.
His last words still resonate through the ears of all mankind.
Do you have the water-based version of this ointment? - No.
- No? Just remember, never stray away from modern medicine and positive science, all right? THE END Subtitle translation by: Diana Renker, Marc Seyers
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