The Marriage Ref (2010) s02e04 Episode Script

Seth Meyers, Denise Richards, George Wallace

I live with my wife and two little girls And two girl cats.
Just like I dreamed of when I was a little boy.
I used to sit up late at night And say, "I can't wait till I leave all my friends behind "and live in a house filled with all girls.
"a magical place where even the animals are girls.
"just a home filled with emotion And a hatred of everything I enjoy.
" Tonight on a totally uncensored The Marriage Ref, From Saturday night live's weekend update, The hilarious Seth Meyers.
I mean, I like cuddling with my girlfriend, But we also have separate pairs of pants.
From the great state of New Jersey, Gurdeep and Sunita Singh.
I don't think I know any other couple Who sleep on, like, a single twin bed.
Model, actress, and author of the book, The real girl next door, Denise Richards.
I do like to cuddle.
- Well, come closer to me.
- And I think it's sweet That he likes to cuddle.
From San Mateo, California, Ted wee and Vicky Yoshimura.
And potato chips is the same thing.
- She opens it up like this.
- No.
And the potato chips go flying.
They call him Mr.
Las Vegas.
Legendary comedian George Wallace.
How old were you when your mind just got up And walked away from you? And from Steamboat Springs, Colorado, David and Carrie Epstein.
Like that.
Oh.
Ow.
You can't just poke me I'm just trying to get your chest out.
Now please welcome your host Tom Papa.
Welcome to The Marriage Ref.
I'm tom Papa.
Have you ever been in the middle of an argument With your spouse and thought, "if we just had three famous people who could tell us Who's right, we'd never have to fight about this again"? Well, your wish has been granted.
Say hello to three famous people, everybody.
Thanks for being here, guys.
Thank you.
You guys hang out together a lot? - Yes.
- Yes.
And we always said our dream Would be to collectively do this show.
well, thank you for being here.
Now, George, you and I have been friends For a long time.
About a week now.
And you're the first person to actually fit in these chairs.
So you're saying I have a big ass.
That's what you're saying, right? And you are not married.
No, I'm not married.
I want to be married, But all my married friends want to hang out with me.
They call me at 3:00 in the morning.
But you can't call them after 9:00 at night, Because they've got the kids.
- That's true.
- And, Seth, you're not married.
- I'm not married.
No.
- Ever been married? Uh, no, I was gonna, and then I started watching this show, And it looked like a bad deal.
So.
Very smart.
And, Denise, you have so much marriage experience.
And divorce.
That I figure you could help balance these guys out.
- Exactly.
- Now this is What we're gonna do tonight.
We're gonna watch some couples fight, And you're gonna decide who's right and who's wrong.
And then at the end of the show, Our studio audience will vote On which of tonight's three winners Is the rightest of the right.
- Oh.
- And that person will win $25,000 and a billboard in their hometown Declaring they are right.
- Oh, that's great.
- Aw, that's nice.
Clever.
All right, now let's meet our first couple.
From one of the good parts of New Jersey, Let's meet Gurdeep and Sunita Singh.
We met at his work.
He worked at a gas station, And I worked out of state, So, every other day, I needed to get gas.
we started to, you know, Realize, like There was something more Than friendship.
Yeah.
He's hardly in a bad mood.
Like, he's always jolly, And that's the part that really attracts me to him.
She's very caring, and I want to spend the rest Of my life with her.
I love snuggling.
I love Gurdeep, you know, But he can be a little clingy sometimes.
I'm not clingy.
I just love my wife, And I want to be close to her.
I try to all the time hug her.
I don't know why she complains.
The main problem is the bed.
I don't think I know any other couple Who sleep on, like, a single twin bed.
Good night.
I like the small bed Because this bed forces us to get closer.
He doesn't realize, like, how much it suffocates me.
You're on my hair.
There is no space left between Sunita and me.
So it's perfect, you know.
He has his arms on me.
He has his legs on me.
His arms feel like an octopus.
This bed is designed for lovers.
I fall off the bed at least twice a week.
I think she exaggerate.
This is the dream bed.
- This is too big for two - No, let's try it.
This is for four men.
From this bed, you will go this side, I will go this side.
There will be too distance between us.
No, we can get closer.
The difference is, I'm still gonna have space.
Why would we waste this space? Gurdeep is being, not selfish, But really just not understanding.
Do you not realize, like, how many times I've fallen off? How many times Hello? From this, you could fall down here.
Yeah, but I'm still gonna fall.
How about this bed? Oh, my God.
- This is the same size.
- It's more comfortable.
It's small.
It's nice.
Look.
No, you're gonna be using the remote, And you're gonna make me even more uncomfortable.
No.
I just love my wife, And I want to snuggle every night her.
You know what, if we're not gonna get a bigger bed, I'm leaving.
I need a bigger bed.
That's it.
So the issue here is, was a twin bed Ever designed for two people? George, have you ever in your life At any age been able to fit in a twin-size bed? Never in my life, tom.
Never.
First of all, if you're gonna make love In this bed, that bed is so small, The only way you can make love is standing up.
Let me tell you that right now.
that guy is crazy Right there.
But he's in love.
He loves He's too much in love.
- Oh, there's no such thing.
- He's crazy.
He's got a pillow against the wall.
She's got the floor.
Boom.
What kind of what's going on there? He's crazy.
- Are you a cuddler? - I do like to cuddle.
But Well, come closer to me.
I think it's sweet that he likes to cuddle.
I knew this was gonna work out.
- But I - We're gonna get a twin bed.
Now I understand.
I think I know the answer, but do you cuddle? I mean, I've been known to cuddle, but I mean, you know, I like cuddling with my girlfriend, But we also have separate pairs of pants.
The night vision footage of them is, like, scarier Than paranormal activity.
Oh, it's brutal.
Plus there's a health issue here.
She's gonna have a lot of bumps and bruises on her.
- I know.
- How's he can explain that To his neighbors? He's gonna wind up going to jail For spousal abuse, I can tell you that.
He's gonna go to jail, And they're gonna put him in a bed That he really likes.
And he's gonna have a cell mate That's gonna really cuddle his brains out, trust me.
Trust me.
I like his solution was a second bed To fall into out of the first bed.
As if he wouldn't just roll into the second bed with her as well.
Right.
Now isn't it sweet, though, That a guys loves this girl this much? Yeah, I think it's very sweet.
It is sweet.
He likes to cuddle.
He wants to be with her all the time That's not right.
That's not right.
- What? - There's something wrong With this guy.
I just think you don't know how to love.
This man is in love.
He loves this girl.
He just wants to squeeze her.
Do you squeeze your wife like that every night? Would she let you squeeze her like that? - Why don't you get a twin bed? - I'll be honest.
I actually like to cuddle, And I don't want a keep-going cuddle.
A little cuddle for a little bit, And then roll over and go to sleep Back in your own space.
- That's why God invented king -size beds.
You do your business and move over.
Right.
Yeah.
This is a bad scene.
uh I'm gonna say this.
I think Franklin Township, I guess the number five best place in America to live Based on the sign You're right, the number five best place.
I think this guy's bringing it down To, like, eight.
Now you think That this is an expression of love, Denise, Or do you think that this is a little too much? I like to cuddle, but I like to do What you and your wife do.
Really? Well, I don't know.
Exactly what we do? Maybe.
we have to take a quick break.
Gurdeep and Sunita will be here cuddling up On The Marriage Ref couch when we come back.
Coming up The Marriage Ref George throws down.
You are so wrong, I don't know how you live with yourself.
And Denise almost spills the beans.
I was her.
Your ex used to do the sign thing? I'm not gonna go someone did, yeah.
All this and more when we come back.
I don't have to take this.
All right, welcome back to The Marriage Ref.
Please welcome the very close Gurdeep and Sunita Singh.
Oh, you guys look great.
Thanks for being here.
Thank you.
So did we put you up In a hotel last night? Yes, you did.
Thank you very much.
What was the size of the bed? - Oh.
It was a king -size.
Yes! And did you cuddle last night? Yeah, I didn't like that bed.
I like my twin bed.
So how does it feel to be so loved? Um It feels good.
All right, it feels good.
George? I think he's pissed off now about that sofa.
I think that sofa's too big.
Is it? It's too big.
I want to be close Come over here and sit in my chair.
Yeah, we could sit together.
George, go sit with him and let him know what it feels like.
Now you really feel Like, if you get this bigger bed, You'll have a little more breathing room? Is that what it is? Oh, absolutely.
It's ridiculous.
I don't understand Why he's being so stubborn.
No, it's a perfect bed for us.
- Do not speak for - It's perfect.
Do not speak for me.
No.
You know, we need all I'm asking for Is one size bigger.
Seriously, I mean, it's not much to ask.
You know, this bed we have, It's literally, like, twin-size for one person.
And it's not No, it's for a husband Not for persons.
And wife, Exactly.
It should be called A couple's bed.
Husband and wife.
It should be called the clingy bed.
No, no, no, no, no, it's not for clingy.
It's for who they love each other, husband and wife, Like, the bed for perfectness.
It's a lovers' bed, he says.
I know what he says.
He's speaking the language of love.
- Oh.
- Yes, exactly, you got it.
I know he loves me, but, seriously, I just want a full-size.
- Just full.
- Just full-size.
I'm not even asking for queen or king.
I just want a full-size.
- I'm not changing it.
I'm perfect on that bed, you know.
I like it.
Yeah, you're perfect, Because you haven't fallen off of it.
Wait, we're all on the same page That you like the bed.
Why do you always Why do you always have to sleep on that side? Why don't you push his ass out Of the bed every now and then? Oh, no, I refuse to sleep on the other side Between the wall and him.
No way.
No, no.
No, then I'll just be stuck.
There's no way I'm doing that.
No.
I've done it once.
And that was the last time I'll do it.
How many hours a night do you sleep? I would say, like, maybe 3 1/2, 4 hours.
- Oh, no, this is not true.
- Yes.
No, how do you know? How do you know? You were, like, asleep.
You don't even know what's going on.
Why do you have to be so close? Were you breastfed until you were 20? I like to be close to her.
I love her, so I know you do.
Yes, he does.
He loves her.
Yeah.
That's right.
I love you too, but please.
All right, I think it's time to make The final call.
Okay.
So I'm gonna ask you who is right, Gurdeep or Sunita, and I'm gonna start With you, Denise.
I really love that you love her so much, And you're so sweet and very endearing, But I'm gonna have to go with her.
You can snuggle but have space.
Oh, going with Sunita.
She's got space all her life.
She's falling out of the bed.
She sleeps with me all the nights.
- Yes.
- No, I go on the sofa.
You're a lover, Gurdeep.
You're a lover.
Yes, I love her.
George? Sir, you are so wrong.
You are so wrong, I don't know how you live with yourself.
But I know you love her, And I'm gonna man up and stay with the man.
Wow.
Going with Gurdeep.
Seth? First of all, I need to let every time we applaud, The lights in their house go on and off.
Keep that in mind.
I do also have a lot of respect for how much Gurdeep Loves Sunita, but I do think One size up on the bed would not be the end of the world.
All right, congratulations.
You are right.
You win.
Whoo! Way to go, Sunita.
And you may be the winner Of $25,000 and your very own billboard.
A big round of applause for the Singhs, everybody.
Now let's meet our next couple.
From cool and crunchy San Mateo, California, Ted wee and Vicky Yoshimura.
When I first met Ted, He had a really nice smile There was some chemistry right then that first day.
And he was wearing a hat too.
I was wearing a hat too.
It was, like, love at first sight.
My life is all about order, Neatness, And cleanliness.
Life is chaos If you're not organized And have a method To each of your activities in your life.
Vicky doesn't respect that.
I call him kind of like a control freak.
Look, there's more sauce on the plate Than there is in your taco because you opened it up wrong.
It's tacos.
We're having tacos.
Who cares? And I create very disciplined processes.
Ew.
And if you follow those, That is what preserves order In my universe.
Ted thinks, by controlling me and this household, He's controlling the universe.
It doesn't work that way.
- What are you doing? - I'm throwing garbage away.
There's a reason why we keep the kitchen garbage Separate from the bathroom's.
I don't want our food hovering Over your, like, used dental floss.
You know what's really gross is this sign.
I do not like the signs.
Signs are an integral part of our universe.
It drives me crazy.
Please keep this hall door open.
Who really cares? Close the door till you hear it click.
- Who cares? - Make sure that the front door Is locked.
- Who cares? I mean, imagine if our world if we didn't have Any type of signs, if you didn't have stop signs, You didn't have road signs.
You think we're gonna get in a car accident If you don't have a sign here? I just want to just relax.
Do I have to hang a banner from the ceiling? Have a good time.
L.
E.
D.
s that scroll? I'm just like, okay, whatever.
It's chaotic.
So the issue here is do clips on your bags Of potato chips help you control the universe? Are you are you neat, Seth? I'm not no, I'm not that neat.
- No? - I will say, in college, When I had roommates, they did leave They had to leave notes for me that told me To turn off the stove, 'cause there were a couple times There were a couple times in college I left the stove on.
And what happened? I learned to turn off the stove.
So do you think signs are a good thing? Well, look, you know, clipping potato chips is one thing.
Leaving the door open is another.
- Right.
- So I think, you know, If you can't learn to close the door, Maybe a note is a good passive-aggressive way.
By the way, I love the passive-aggressive smiley face After three exclamation points.
Right.
but, you know, I love you.
How do you feel about signs in the household, Denise? I lived this, so What do you mean? I was her.
So your ex used to do the sign thing? I'm not gonna go someone did, yeah.
He probably could have used a sign or two.
Probably.
'cause it's really a control thing, isn't it? Completely control thing.
You have to live life and enjoy it and - Throw some chips around.
- This is too much.
Throw some chips.
Yeah.
Right.
How do you live, George? I live the way I want to live, Tom.
I do what I want to do.
One day, I'm clean.
The next day, it's dirty.
I don't give a damn.
There's something wrong with this guy.
If I lived with somebody like that, I'd have a sign that says, "way out.
" boom.
I know.
Let me let me see him In the kitchen again.
That is the tightest apron I've ever seen.
Look at that thing.
It's such a shame 'cause they are perfectly suited In that they both wear cowboy hats that look Like they were left in the dryer too long.
I know.
They've got a ton of hats.
And for a guy who's so clean, Look at the shape of that hat.
- I know.
- You know how many men Would die to have a wife like that, Not so neat, just laid back like that? Yeah, but I have to say, not that I am this guy - Yeah.
- But I understand wanting A clean place.
And when you live with somebody and they make a big mess, It can drive you a little crazy.
He didn't say she wasn't clean.
You don't think she's making a big mess? I think this is to the extreme, don't you? - This is to the extreme.
- I agree.
You think she's just living normal and he can't take it? She did wipe her hands on the blanket.
Yeah.
That's a little over the line.
Seth, when you're home eating your potato chips, You don't take your little snucky and What do you call that thing, a snooki? I call mine a snooki, but other people call it a snuggy.
You ever had a roommate that's been disgusting? I had roommates that were slobs.
Listen, I never had a roommate, But we shared an apartment once, And there's a guy that we know very well You're talking about your pal Jerry Seinfeld.
He you know, an orange juice orange juice carton - Right? - What do you do When you finish drinking orange juice? - Throw it away.
- Not him.
What do you mean? He's got to fold it up, mash it down, Screw it up, and, by the time he's finished, It's about that big.
There's something wrong with him.
So the first time he did that, I had to leave.
I said, "no, I can't stay with you.
No, this ain't No.
" No, but there's something good to somebody Who's being so efficient.
I mean, this guy sees order in the universe, Like Jerry probably.
Everything is done and nice and right? That's a good way to live.
Yeah, it is.
Then you're with someone who's just, like, Throwing chips around And leaving doors open.
No? I just feel like they should stop wearing hats inside.
That's my issue.
I got a completely different issue.
You're in the house.
Why would any idiot wear a house inside? Um, George I think he's right.
No one should wear a house inside.
Wear a house inside? I mean a hat.
Why would any idiot wear a hat inside the house? Why didn't you tell me I said house at first? I didn't know I'm sitting out here looking stupid.
You should listen to yourself.
You don't even realize you have a house on your head.
I don't have to take this.
Sit down.
Sit down.
We're gonna take a break anyway.
All right, we're gonna discuss all of that When we come back.
Welcome back to The Marriage Ref.
Okay, straighten up, everybody.
Ted Wee and Vicky Yoshimura are here.
You guys look styling.
Welcome.
Thank you very much.
Well, I just wanted to say, though, That, you know, even on the trip over here, It's like, there were opportunities For me to put up signs.
Because I mean He's obsessed with signs.
Well, I have to keep repeating things.
And as we keep repeating things, you know, I finally get to the frustration where I have to put up a sign, Tape it up, in order to see some results at all.
I left the light on in my bathroom Just for a couple of hours, And he was outside coming home from work, And he said, "who's in my bathroom? Who's in my bathroom?" Because all the lights were on.
There's three light bulbs there.
The bulbs, The light bulbs, he removed them And then put a sign saying, "turn the lights off.
" - Exactly.
- So when I have friends Who come over to visit me, they see all these signs, And they're like, "why are their signs all over the house?" And then there's a sign for the garbage can Because I can't put the bathroom garbage, Which is sealed Well, that's because Okay, she's mixing biohazardous waste No, no, no, no, no.
- Wow.
- With my kitchen garbage.
- No.
No, no.
- Maybe you guys Have to change your diet.
Normally what I do is I actually put it In a plastic bag and then put it in the garbage.
That was only after repeated amounts Of me requesting It goes into a landfill.
It goes all into a landfill.
I hear what you're saying.
Panel, what do you think? First of all, howdy, howdy.
I noticed you said on one of your signs, It said, you know, make sure you pull the door Until you hear it click.
- Yes.
- As a head's-up, You might hear a click one day, And it's gonna be - That's right.
- It's not gonna be a door.
That's right.
Exactly.
Question.
Ted.
Yes? How old were you when your mind just got up And walked away from you? That's right.
That's right.
'Cause there's something Where are you from? I'm from I grew up in Kentucky.
Oh, that's number one.
And I always cleaned up after myself.
Like, I was one of three boys, And I always cleaned up my toys After I played with them.
They go back into the boxes, Back into the crates.
What did your brothers do? Oh, they just left the toys everywhere, And they'd leave it there for days.
Did you write signs for them? He always lectures he lectures me all the time Like I'm a child.
And he said you have to get things right the first time.
Absolutely.
Get things right Just get them right The first time.
What am I, three years old? And it's crazy.
I mean No, but that's after I repeat it, So if I go eight, nine, ten times This is what he does with the taco sauce.
He does not let me open it the way I want to.
He grabs it out of my hand, And he rips it on the edge.
This is the way you're supposed to properly open it.
There's instructions.
Was he like this when you married him? When you married him? Was he like this - No.
- Oh, so this happened After the marriage.
- What happened, Ted? - He's a different person.
I don't know.
It's just me Following the inst it says pull on the top It says hold here And it says tear here.
I know, but I'm eating tacos.
Who cares? Right, you guys? Who cares? I'm trying to relax, And my house is like my sanctuary.
But the way she opens the taco sauce Is like a gateway to, like, other things.
And potato chips is the same thing.
Potato chips, she opens it up like this, And potato chips go flying.
Other dangerous behaviors.
It's a gateway drug.
- You start with the taco - Yeah, it totally is.
It is.
Next thing you know, You're opening crack cocaine wrong.
I will say this.
If you ever divorce him, you can live with me, Ted.
Oh.
You can clean the hell out of my house.
You can open my potato chips.
You can do my soy sauce, whatever you want.
You can do it to me.
But can you live with my signs, though? I'll live with your signs.
I won't pay attention to them.
I'll read 'em.
I'll go, "hee-hee.
" Why are you the official boss? You're married.
Well, I have to maintain The security of our family.
Our family members could be In jeopardy of dying No, no, no, no.
What do you mean? What's happening? It is a family security issue, though.
So our family is three parakeets And two cats.
Right.
There's a family issue if that's your family.
I know, but I need - No, let's hear his - But they cannot be Of course, you've seen the cartoon.
Cats should not be with birds.
Right? - Right.
- Cats will eat the birds.
- Yes.
- Well, yeah.
So to maintain safety and security In the household, you have to close Do you put a sign up there for the cat not to eat the bird? Yes, he does.
He does.
He has a sign up there too.
If you keep this up, You're gonna get a sign, and it's gonna be the bird sign From your wife, all right? That's right.
But it sounds like you have good intentions.
It sounds like if Vicky were left in that house, There'd be birds flying and cats eating tacos.
Yeah.
No, the signs are there for a reason, right? There's instr there's road signs, right? There's road signs.
There's signs to point to the bathroom.
I'm very organized.
How would you know how to get to the bathroom If there wasn't a sign? Exactly.
I think we heard both your cases.
I think it's time to make the call.
Who is right and who is wrong? Ted or Vicky? And I'm gonna start with you, Seth.
First of all, I think it's great how you guys Let each other finish each ether's sentences.
Look, Ted, I think keeping a clean home Is a real feather in your cap And you already have it.
I think it's cleanliness is important, And I think you should keep the doors closed, obviously, But I think signs are too much, And I vote for Vicky.
Vicky.
Vicky, Vicky.
Denise? Ted or Vicky? Come on, Denise.
I'm worried for you, Vicky.
- Yes.
- No offense.
You were not like this before you guys got married? Well, actually, he did.
He did.
- But you married him.
- As soon as as soon As he moved in, I mean, we lived together, He was kind of like that, and I saw it already in him, And I was kind of like, "oh, my gosh.
" It's a useful thing.
And he would get very upset over it.
It's not just, you know Before you married him.
- Yes, before.
- A-ha.
Before.
Does that change it for you, Denise? It does.
I was gonna go with Vicky, But I'm gonna have to go with him, Because, if he was like this before - Ted.
- I don't agree with it.
I don't.
I couldn't live like this.
All right, tiebreaker to George Wallace.
- Only twice - The tiebreaker to me.
Ted or Vicky? I'm gonna go with I'm just gonna cut the show Because you know I think you're crazy.
You know I think you're wrong, So I'm gonna go with Vicky.
Yes.
All right, Vicky.
Congratulations.
You win.
And you may be the winner of $25,000 And your own billboard.
A big round of applause and thank you To Ted and Vicky, everybody.
All right, we have to take a quick break.
When we come back, we'll meet our next couple.
Coming up, everybody get ready.
I've got my crown chakra open.
With the dawning of the age of aquarius.
I feel like mother sky is telling me to vote for David.
Try to keep an open mind.
Blacks and Jews shouldn't be out in Colorado.
When The Marriage Ref returns.
All right, it's time to meet our next couple.
From steamy Steamboat Springs, Colorado, It's David and Carrie Epstein.
David and I met at a St.
Patrick's day bowling party.
And I said, "who's this cute Jewish man At this Irish party?" She's full of passion and full of life And just a pleasure to be around Most of the time.
Holistic living is absolutely a part of who I am.
If you're not open to the energy of the universe, Then you will close down.
This feels fabulous.
Carrie's a little nutty.
You have to walk in harmony Between father sky and mother earth.
I really wish Carrie would stop Pressuring me to be So holistic.
There's plenty of problems out there, So at least get your body feeling good.
Let's do a cat and cow.
She'll try to get me to do pretty much anything.
- Cat.
- Yoga.
- Cow.
- Acupuncture.
- It's very fun.
- Colonics.
Reflexology.
Ow.
Cranial sacrum.
His cranium is so tight.
The moon and the stars being properly aligned Before she'll let me kiss her.
I don't think that's normal.
I just don't understand how anybody can live In a body like that.
I don't.
Right shoulder's high.
We got pecs that are off.
Your legs are locked.
Your toes turn out.
You got a torqued pelvis.
You're crazy.
You're meshuggeneh.
If David were on the table right now, He would benefit greatly.
A loving massage will go a long way.
Ow! Ow! You can't just poke me like that.
I'm just trying to get your chest out.
What's one thing you do for yourself? Besides the hot tub.
I do take care of my body In my own way.
I'll take an ibuprofen.
I sit on the floor like this, And I do traditional calisthenics.
Do you know what calisthenics are? Full of it.
Do we have another wing to the house That I don't know about? I don't do it in public.
He's just given up completely.
Unfortunately.
And I see it in his body.
Some of it is not necessarily Proven to be good for you.
You want to try it? I'm all right.
So the issue here is can someone be forced Into relaxing? Denise, do you do any of this stuff? Well, I do pilates.
You do pilates.
I think there can be maybe more of a balance And maybe not so extreme.
Right.
George, you snapped your achilles heel A couple years ago.
Did you cure it with herbs And sitting under the moonlight? First of all, this whole thing just throws me off.
I don't even is the guy named Epstine/Epstein? Epstein.
Blacks and Jews shouldn't be out in Colorado.
It's not right.
This is crazy.
She's trying to make him live a little bit Of a healthier life.
But that's too much.
She's putting that thing on her head.
Is she trying to get better cable? What the hell is with that thing What was that on her head? Do you buy any of this stuff? Well, I will say, just what she did To him in that clip would cost, like, $1,100 in a Manhattan spa, So I think he should be happy someone's, like, Willing to knead your back and get your shoulders even.
No, I agree with him.
I think it's fabulous To have a massage and all that stuff, But clearly he's not into it.
The problem is, there's too much.
It's not just the massage, It's all of that stuff.
It's day in and day out.
She's always on him, just like It's too much.
That's what he's saying.
He doesn't look that healthy.
No.
He doesn't look healthy at all.
No.
She's flexible and bending all over.
He's like I like that he treats himself Every now and then with an ibuprofen.
That's like, when I'm feeling, You know, I need a treat.
Right.
And him in that hot tub, That hot tub looks a little I don't know.
It doesn't really even seem therapeutic.
And the red, I think, is his prostate growing.
I was wondering that too.
Wondering what that was.
Yeah, but if you live with somebody, You're together forever, And she sees all the benefits of it.
And she's healthy and living this great life.
And he's walking around like a brittle saltine cracker.
I mean, let's roll when he talks about his exercise.
I sit on the floor like this, And I do traditional calisthenics.
Do you know what calisthenics are? Full of it.
Do we have another wing Of the house that I don't know about? I don't do it in public.
Who says calisthenics? Hey, hey, that's what We old people say things like that, okay.
No, even when he got down to show how he does calisthenics, It really was touch and go if he would make it.
Do you work out, Georgie? Hell, no.
But I have to I have to lose weight Because watching Dr.
Oz no.
Seth, you need to listen to this.
- Oh, no, I am.
- You too.
Dr.
Oz said a man my size, overweight, Every 35 pounds you lose, you can gain an inch.
Mm-hmm.
So this time next year, I will have lost 105 pounds.
Then you're gonna really need a big suit.
All right, we'll meet our final couple of the night Right after this.
Welcome back to The Marriage Ref.
Everybody take in a deep, cleansing breath And welcome Carrie and David Epstein.
You guys look great.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for having us.
I am feeling two different energies here.
I've got my crown chakra open.
You do have a little bit of a glow.
And you seem a little I'm fine.
I'm feeling good.
- You feel good? - Yeah, absolutely.
And you don't feel like you have to up Up your health in any way? You you're feeling good? I grew up in Colorado.
How unhealthy can I really be? - Right.
- I grew up skiing.
I had close to 50 days last year skiing.
I fish, I go mountain biking.
I love the outdoors.
Oh, that's When do you work? Sounds like you don't do anything.
- Wait a minute - That's right! He says he can't take time out to get a massage, 'cause he's always working, And if he's taking a massage, then he's not working.
So don't believe this.
Last time we were on a bike ride, I was like, "where are you?" And I look back, and he's laying in the field.
"aah!" How much ibuprofen do you take in a week? I mean, a couple of aspirin and I'm good to go.
There's no doubt.
You know? Now, is it a real health concern, Carrie, Or do you think that he should just respect what you do? Yes, of course it's a health issue.
It feeds the organs, it feeds the tissue.
You have to regenerate your body and your muscles.
And take time out for yourself To just relax.
I have people pay me good money.
They schedule weeks in advance.
And he will not get a massage! It is the weirdest thing.
If he won't take it, trust me I'll come to Colorado.
You can rub me down.
You got it, baby.
Bring it.
Come on.
There's lots of different kinds of massages out there, And I'm not against them.
Well, that's the one I'm looking for, The one that you're not looking for.
Regardless, I'm geared more toward the sensual.
She's geared more toward the deep tissue.
And it just doesn't work for me.
He's not geared towards any of it.
He doesn't know what I do.
You are a very sensual person.
That is obvious, Uh, from watching you.
Lounging around in that hot tub Was the pure image of sensuality.
Pure romance.
But I would like to ask, I'm assuming, if this is your job, It probably came up During the courtship, uh, process, yes? He tricked me.
He tricked me.
What do you mean? He came in and got a little lovey dovey.
And, "oh, yeah, that felt good.
" And as soon as we got married, he was done.
So you walked back of an established From an established position.
People say, "oh, your husband Is the luckiest guy on earth.
" And I start laughing.
I said, "he doesn't even know what I do.
" I'm a little confused.
Is this about just a massage, Or about him changing his lifestyle So he's into the healing arts? It's such a world of healing that he doesn't know.
It's a whole world of healing that he's not entering.
It's my body.
It's my body.
So you're out, you're exercising.
You're doing all this stuff.
Does it go into foods also? She she goes into anything.
It could be specialty teas, digestive teas, The next thing you know, she wants me to have a colonic.
- Oh, a colonic? - Right.
And not only does she want me to have a colonic, But she wants me to have a colonic by her sister.
- What? - How weird is that? - Wow.
- That's not true.
- This is - It's not right.
- That's not true.
- It is true.
David, try it.
Try the colonic? Try it.
I think we have to make the call.
So I think, once and for all, Who is right and who is wrong, David or Carrie? And I'm gonna start with you, George.
- I'm voting for her.
- Yay! You're going for Carrie.
Denise.
Uh, I'm gonna go with David.
- Ohh! - I'm sorry, I real I-I like acupuncture and the cup thing.
I do all that.
But I think If he's not into it, You gotta respect that he's If you don't know what your partner does For a living But you can't force him to do a colonic and I don't force him to do colonics.
All right, so we have a We have a tiebreaker situation; we have one I don't force him to do what what any of that.
I just want him to know my love connection.
- We have - This is on you now.
We have one for Carrie And one for David, And it's going to Seth Meyers for the tiebreaker.
I feel like mother sky is telling me to vote for David, And father earth Is telling me to vote for Carrie.
No, no, it's father sky, mother earth.
Not for me.
It's different.
Um uh I definitely want you to give Sunita, From our last couple, a massage.
'cause she could definitely use one.
But, um Based on how much You've talked about it in the brief time I've known you, I'm gonna assume she talked about it Right when you met her.
And you probably should have known this was coming.
So I'm gonna side with Carrie.
- Yay! - Oh, Carrie, congratulations.
They decided that you are right.
Carrie wins, everybody.
Whoo! And you may be the winner of $25,000 And your own billboard.
- Yay! - A big round of applause For the Epsteins, everybody! All right, we have to take a quick break.
When we come back, we'll put an end to this nail-biter And find out who is the rightest of the right.
Who do you think will be the rightest? Her? Her? I need help.
Or this lady? All I want is a bed that's one size bigger.
Find out whose face Will be all over this billboard, next.
We're back with tonight's finalists, And they're all hoping to be the rightest of the right And the winner of $25,000 and their own billboard.
All right, audience, this is your chance to vote For which of these three is the rightest of the right.
But before you vote, here's a reminder Of the arguments they won tonight.
Sunita Singh with the snuggle struggle.
I love snuggling.
I try to all the time hug her.
He's honestly like an octopus.
This bed is designed for lovers.
Why are you the rightest, Sunita? I'm the rightest because I know he loves me very much, And I love him too.
But all I want is a bed that's one size bigger.
And Vicky Yoshimura with the signs of the apocalypse.
I just want to just relax.
Do I have to hang a banner from the ceiling? L.
E.
D.
s that scroll? I'm just like, "okay.
Whatever.
" It's chaotic.
Vicky, why are you the rightest? I love my husband very much, But he's driving me absolutely crazy.
And I'm trying to, like, relax in my house, and I can't.
Maybe because there's no sign saying, "relax.
" Yes! I need a sign that says relax.
Exactly.
- Carrie Epstein with the healthy wife -style.
Carrie's a little nutty.
You have to walk in harmony between father sky And mother earth.
Ow! Ow! You can't just Poke me like that.
I'm just trying to get your chest out.
Carrie, why are you the rightest? I'm the rightest of the night because healing goes a long way.
And winning would make you feel better Than that rake on your head? Okay, audience, the time has come.
Please vote now.
Now, you guys are not voting for who is the rightest, But who are you rooting for? Well, I think this comes down to what They're gonna spend the $25,000 on.
- Right.
- And Vicky'd blow it on hats, And Carrie would blow it on, like, chakras.
And we'd know what Sunita would spend it on, So I'm pulling for Sunita.
- all right.
- That's bed money.
That's all bed money.
Denise, who are you rooting for? - Oh, definitely Sunita.
- Sunita.
She needs a bigger bed.
needs a bigger bed.
George.
I'm going with Sunita also, Because if she wins the $25,000, She can get a bed anywhere in America.
She can go She doesn't have to be with him.
Okay, the results are in.
It's time to find out who will be the rightest.
In third place, With the fewest votes, Not the winner of $25,000 Or their own billboard is Carrie Epstein.
Give her a round of applause, everybody, 'cause that's all she's gonna get.
All right, and now it's down to Sunita and Vicky.
One of them will win $25,000 and their own billboard.
And the other gets nothing.
And the rightest of the right, The winner of $25,000 And their own billboard Is Sunita Singh! Congratulations! Thank you.
Let's bring out Gurdeep.
Come on out.
Congratulations.
Now, you won $25,000 and your own billboard, But only one person can make this official.
So, Gurdeep, let's hear you say it.
You are right.
And here's what your billboard is gonna say.
We'd like to thank our panel, George Wallace, Denise Richards, and Seth Myers.
Oh, I'm a celebrity! Look at me! That's me up there! I won! I'm proud of you! No! No, no time to snuggle right now! No time to snuggle! Yahoo! - All couples receive a five -night stay At the beautiful Hyatt Regency Aruba, With spa treatments and a jeep safari tour.
Airfare furnished by Aruba tourism authority.
Keep fighting, America.
Good night.