The Marriage Ref (2010) s02e06 Episode Script

Rachael Ray, Larry Miller, Jb Smoove

Are you married? Yeah That's not a good attitude.
Who are you with? Your mom? Well, that's not gonna help you.
You're not gonna pick up girls walking around town with your mom.
That's not-- no, a puppy.
"Hey, yeah, that's cute.
" "I know.
You want to go out?" No one's gonna come up, no offense, and say, "oh, your mom! How cute! Can I pet her?" Tonight on an all-new The Marriage Ref From The Rachael Ray Show, America's favorite celebrity chef, Rachael Ray.
- That is the craziest thing I've ever seen, ever.
- From New York City, Kim and Kadir Benson.
- All I hear is this kk-kk-kk-kk.
It's annoying.
I tell ya, it's-- it's driving me crazy.
From film and television, comedy legend Larry Miller.
The most important part of any long-term marriage, I think, a working bar.
From Indianapolis, Indiana, Corey and Laura Johnston.
- It's not fun for her.
And I see that, but I need her.
I mean, she's good.
- Bobby, sit in your chair straight and eat your peanuts over the bar.
From the Emmy-Award-Winning show Curb Your Enthusiasm, the hilarious J.
- You can't have her cleaning toilets and putting mayonnaise on sandwiches.
That's all I'm trying to tell you.
From Baltimore, Maryland, Karol Martinez and Candace Doane.
- Cherry pitter.
- You don't need it.
- Mango slicer.
- Hi, hello.
- Ice cream maker.
- No.
Now, please welcome your host, Tom Papa.
- Oh, welcome to The Marriage Ref.
I'm Tom Papa.
Look, if you're married, fighting is just part of the deal.
But if you're lucky, you get to fly to New York, go on TV, and let celebrities fix everything for you.
And that's what we're gonna do right now.
Say hello to our celebrities, everybody.
Good to see you, buddy.
I am so happy that you guys are here.
I love these people.
I love you guys, I love all of you.
I'm just meeting some, I know some.
You are married a long time.
You are a marriage veteran.
- Well, 17 years, which is a Hollywood record.
And, uh But we got the kids, the house, the dog, everything.
And the most important part of any long-term marriage, I think, a working bar.
- Whoa, nice.
And, Rachael, you're married as well.
- I am.
I've been with John ten years.
We've been married five.
- Wow, very nice.
Weird math.
First of all, thank you for having me on a show that does not have an on-set stove.
That's lovely for me.
- Well, who knows? We may drag one out, 'cause you're here.
And, J.
, are you married? - Married 7-- 7/7/07.
- 7/7/07.
- 7/7/07.
I was trying to do the math.
- 7-7-0-7.
See, all the sevens, that's good luck, see.
- That is good luck.
- It's very good luck.
- All right, so this is how the show works.
We are gonna watch some couples fight, and then you guys are gonna decide who's right and who's wrong.
And then at the end of the night, our three winners are gonna be voted on by our audience to see who is the rightest of the night.
And that person is gonna win $25,000 and a billboard in their hometown declaring they are right.
- That is huge.
- Yeah.
- That--a lot on the line with the billboard.
- All right, now it's time to meet our first couple.
From right here in New York City, our neighbors, Kadir and Kim Benson.
- Well, Kadir and I met at a dance on Valentine's day.
- 1993.
- '93 or '92? - '92.
No, '94.
- Okay, we met at a dance-- - 1994.
She was with this guy that had on, like, a red cowboy hat.
I thought, if she'll be with him, she'll surely be with me.
- He always keeps me laughing, and I think that's what makes our relationship so special.
My husband has an addiction, and he needs help.
- I don't think there's any problem.
- He's in denial, and he just doesn't know it.
- I've been doing this a long time.
- I want Kadir to stop chewing.
I want him to stop chewing on remotes.
- I do it because it relaxes me.
I can think better.
- All I hear is this kk-kk-kk-kk! It's annoying.
I tell ya, it's-- it's driving me crazy.
You wouldn't allow children to chew on remote controls, so why should an adult? - Chewing on the remote is therapy for me.
- He chews on the remote, and he flings pieces behind the couch, because he's trying to hide his addiction from me.
This is a problem.
- I can't explain it.
I don't know why, but it gives me a particular calm.
- The amount of remote controls that we go through, it's ridiculous.
- I am going through two per month, so over the past five years, it'd be over 100 remotes.
- He has remote controls in the car.
- Driving in new York is not a problem if I do like this simple in my mouth, it's hands free.
- He has saved remotes.
- This here brought back some good memories.
The all-in-one.
Oldest remote I have.
Love it.
So I've had these for a while.
- He needs help.
Somebody help him.
- I'm not hurting myself.
- This is why your teeth are bad.
- I just come back from the dentist.
- I would say five out of five dentists would discourage chewing on a remote control.
- I'm concerned about one of these pieces getting lodged into your throat.
- I actually think that these might help.
I think there may be a nutrient that's in there that's making a difference in me.
I haven't been sick.
- It doesn't just end with remotes.
Plastic forks, pens, telephones.
- You know, Kim's never tried chewing on any of these items.
- It's gross.
- My whole family chews.
- This is insane.
- Why won't she just let me be in peace? - So the issue here is, should you have to take chew toys away from your husband? - The man's out of his mind.
He's a very nice fella.
He's sedated from plastic.
He's eating in a car? They have drive-throughs.
Get some fries.
- Did you-- - We did find out one thing, though.
- What's that? - PlasticRight? - Yeah.
- Make you lose your memory.
You see him? "Uh, '94.
"Uh, was it '95? I don't know.
'99? Is that right?" He couldn't remember when he got-- he couldn't remember anything.
- I like how he starts going into-- - the toxic plastic.
- "They might have certain nutrients that are making my insides better.
" - He's slowing down gradually.
He's likeOne minute, he's like this, like He's like - Did you see his family? Did you see how, with his brothers and sisters? - And they're all gnawing.
It's unbelievable.
So-- - what happens when he can't find the remote? Does he go over and chew on the TV? - Or you want to change the channel.
But what happens when she wants to change the channel? Does she purell the thing or something? I mean, what-- - they haven't changed that channel in 32 years.
- I think they sit and watch TV, and if she doesn't like it, she just goes, "Chew.
Ah, you're good.
You're good.
" - You know what their favorite channel is? Their favorite channel-- the food network.
- That's right.
- Gotta be.
- Now, Rachael, you're very good with snacks.
Is there any way that you can make this somehow more appealing? - There ain't a sauce on the planet for that really.
- What about throw some cheese on it, make it look like nachos? That looks delicious.
- Actually, if you put that amount of cheese on something, I might chew on the remote.
- Oh, you would, would you? - If you wrapped it in bacon or put a large pile of cheese, I might be in.
- As soon as they changed it to the cheese, I thought the same thing.
I thought, "say, that looks pretty good.
" - It's a lot better now.
- I like this picture behind you.
It looks like he's eating corn on the cob.
- Crazy.
- I guarantee you there's no one in new York walking out of a yoga class that looks as relaxed as that.
- That's true, that's true.
- Right? - But, I mean, you know, switch it up.
Give him a flossy.
That's what my dog loves.
At least he'd be getting some nutrients and flossing while he's chewing.
- "That's what my dog--" I love how we're no deciding he is a puppy.
- Tom, the man's a human being.
Maybe-- - he's not a puppy.
He can be told, "don't chew that here, honey.
Go in the garage.
Do something.
" - And he's spitting the plastic - Oh, that's just gone.
- On the floor, like a guy who bites his toenails, you know what I mean? Like He's just.
- Oh, we gotta think about this.
We'll be right back.
If you want to try chewing on your own remote, make sure you don't change the channel, because the Bensons will be here when we get back.
Coming up next, Kim Benson explains why she's right.
- He went to the emergency room, because he thought he had poisoning from eating the remote.
- J.
Explains why he's rooting for the underdog.
- Thank goodness he's not across town chewing on some other woman's remote control.
- Ohh! - And, later, we meet a couple with a problem as old as time.
- Corey begins that piece by saying, "I'm living my dream," and she ends it by cleaning the toilet.
- Right.
It's everything you could want in a reality show on The Marriage Ref.
Welcome back to The Marriage Ref.
All right, take your delicious remotes and place them on the coffee table.
It's time to welcome Kadir and Kim Benson, everyone.
- So nice to see you guys.
- It's a pleasure.
- Nice to see you, too.
- You guys look great.
- I love how they coordinated.
- I know, they're all purpled up.
- Twins.
Aww! - So how does it feel to be on TV and not eating TV? - You know, it's-- it feels absolutely wonderful to be here.
But, you know, the remote is like my therapy.
- I see that.
- You know, like you get movies on demand? That's therapy on demand.
It makes all the difference in the world.
- It calms you down.
- Yes, it does.
- How do you feel right now not having a remote? - Oh, it tre-- it had me, like, a little upset for a minute 'cause I picked up a fork later.
- Oh, yeah, you need to talk about that.
- Oh, really? Really? - You're eating their remotes.
- Does this look familiar? - That is not right.
That is not right.
- Yeah, this is yours, isn't it? I can tell it's yours, 'cause there's a lot of damage to this thing.
- But that's workable.
- You're getting worked up, look at you.
He doesn't like it.
- Still working.
- It's like a puppy with a ball, ball, ball.
- I can't believe you touched the part he ate when you took it out-- - don't knock it till you try it, Larry.
- Ohh! - All right! - No way! - Somebody--somebody just ask him something.
- Now, how far has he actually gone down on a remote? - Uh - Has he gone down so far where you couldn't turn the power on or change channels? - Yes.
- You gotta turn it on by hand, like - No.
- How much is it.
- It always works.
- Hey, I want to say this.
You guys are a beautiful couple.
- Thank you.
- And all I'm saying is this-- that's a player right there.
He's a player.
Thank goodness-- I can tell.
He had it in him at one point.
Thank goodness he's not across town chewing on some other woman's remote control.
- Ohh! - Boom.
- Yes, indeed.
Yes, indeed.
- He could be somewhere else chewing on another woman's remote, but, no, he's home chewing on your remote.
- No, he'll be chewing on your remote.
Your wife's remote.
He's gonna chew on your wife's remote.
Let him into your house.
- This is your remote! Both of you! You share this remote! - I have to wait till she goes to sleep.
I have to wait till she goes to sleep.
To chew on the remote.
I'm sitting there, she's like, "No! No!" - So it is a secretive thing.
So it is secret, and you are in denial.
- No, because I didn't want to annoy you, baby, that's why.
- No, you're in denial! That's why you wait till I go to sleep! That's what addicts do! - Did you know that-- did you know that he was a remote chewer - When I met him? - Yeah.
- Yes.
- Never.
- How deep in-- - no, I don't think so.
- How deep in did you get before you knew? - I would have to say maybe a year into our relationship.
- So you were full -on in love with him.
And what was your first thought when you saw him gnawing? - I suggested that he get therapy.
- I suggested maybe it was some latent thing in his life that maybe he needed to talk about.
- And it was.
- Well, his entire family chews.
- Exactly, I introduced her to my family then.
- Okay, so the family chews as well.
- Has any of your family ever discussed it with a therapist or a doctor? - No, it's something we've always done.
There's no need to.
- Okay.
- Why would you pay a therap-- why would you pay a therapist if the cable guy brings you a free remote every two weeks? - And he did last week.
- I just have a I have-- - I know, it's so hard to discuss it, right? - Oh, no, it's easy to discuss.
Start smoking.
- No, actually, what happened, my sister-- my sister's dolls, my brother and I used to race to see who could bite the fingers and toes off - Oh, my God.
- The quickest.
And then as we grew, we started-- we were eating pencils.
- Let me ask you a question.
Have you guys ever been in the middle of a passionate, beautiful kiss, and a piece of plastic's in your mouth? - Never.
Never! - I hate you! - Did you ever have any medical conditions other than your teeth because of this? - No.
- Oh, no.
- I thought I did one time.
- What do you mean? - He went to the emergency room because he thought he had poisoning from eating the remote.
- Well, that was-- - yeah.
- Yeah, I did, but the reason why was because No, all the advertisements on television were saying that plastics coming into the united States were-- they have lead in them, so I just wanted to check and make sure there was no lead in the remotes I was eating.
I mean, I was health-conscious.
- He's health -conscious.
- Wanted to ask to make sure that their remotes are lead-free.
- You think you're sitting on the couch, chewing a remote watching TV, but really the TV is watching you chew the remote.
The TV's like, "what is this fool doing?" - I do go to sleep on it.
- All right, let's go to the final call.
Who is right, Kadir or Kim? And I'm gonna start with you, J.
- I'm gonna go with my man, Kadir.
You know why? That's true love right there.
If they can survive through the plastic in the mouth while making love and all that good stuff, it's all good to me.
- All right, there you go, Kadir.
There you go.
- It's all good.
- I love it, all right.
- Kim or Kadir, Rachael? - I have to go with-- with Kim.
It is bad for your teeth.
I can't imagine that it's good to eat, ingest plastics.
I do find it really a little creepy.
- All right, so one for Kim and one for Kadir.
That goes to Larry Miller with the tiebreaker.
- I didn't know how-- I didn't know how to make that sound right.
- Who is right and who is wrong, Larry Miller, Kim or Kadir? - The man is descended from wolves.
And I'm voting for Kim.
- Congratulations.
Our panel thinks that you are right.
You win.
And we'll see you at the end of the show, and see if you win $25,000 and your own billboard.
A big round of applause for the Bensons, everybody.
- They're beautiful.
- They're beautiful.
- All right, now it's time to meet our next couple.
Corey and Laura Johnston from Indianapolis, Indiana.
They have a bit of a smoking problem.
Let's take a look.
- We met at a restaurant.
I remember she was back in the kitchen.
- I was scooping butter.
- Scooping butter.
- And it was love at first sight in the kitchen.
- Yeah.
I knew when I met him that he was gonna be my husband.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, I knew he really, genuinely liked me, and I genuinely liked him.
He was marriage material, you know what I mean? - I did genuinely like you.
- Yeah.
- I own this business.
I refer to it as living the dream.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- It's so rewarding to be able to do something that you've worked hard for and dreamed about, and I've never been happier.
- Indy Cigar Bar.
I am not enjoying myself.
Would you like some nuts? - Thank you.
- There you go.
I work there all the time, and that's really it.
I mean, that is what I do.
Did you ash on the floor again, Ken? I keep the bar clean.
I'm constantly cleaning out ashtrays.
I measure out the pours.
Corey just kind of wings it.
- Bet you'll like that.
Enjoy that, yeah.
- He is definitely the talent.
There's a lot of man-crush going on there.
Yeah, well, you know.
- And I'm all business.
- Thank you, Laura.
- Here's some matches.
Here you go.
- Bobby wants more snacks.
- Good God! - I would like for him to hire help, so we can spend more time together.
- Hey, Laura, when you're done cleaning, can I get a drink? - You're gonna get a friggin' knuckle sandwich is what you're getting.
The Cigar Bar is a boys' club.
I love the guys at that bar, but you can't be vulnerable and not strong when you're in there, 'cause they will walk all over you.
If you have a nut allergy, I don't have an epipen for your ass.
I'm not sure what's happening here, but the ashtray is big enough for you to put your cigar in.
- It's not fun for her, and I see that, but I need her.
I mean, she's good.
- Bobby, sit in your chair straight and eat your peanuts over the bar, please.
- Yes, ma'am.
- We have nice coasters.
Why are we not using them? - Laura, stop being a buzzkill.
- Some of the nicknames that Laura gets are Dream Killer and Ice Queen The Boss.
- Last call, guys.
- Aw, come on! - Come on.
There's a little bit longer.
There's a little bit-- a little bit longer.
I would like to get Laura actually more involved, because I'm looking at another store.
- He's living his dream, and I'm living his dream right along with him.
- So the issue here is, should your wife have to work in your grown-up clubhouse? - Well, yeah, you know, Corey begins that piece by saying, "I'm living my dream," and she ends it by cleaning the toilet.
- Right.
- I mean I just want to know what her dream is, and when did she flush that down the toilet? - That's a good point.
- How do you meet scooping butter? I mean, that's on my list right there.
You know, it's like, butter, scooping butter is sexy right next to edible underwear, you know what I mean? It's like, it's right there on the list, scooping butter.
You are so attractive scooping that butter, you know what I mean? - Oh, I saw her scooping butter and I just had to have her.
- I had to have her.
That is not love at first sight.
That's I see a person who could be my employee at first sight.
- That's why he liked her.
That's right.
- Pick that up, pick that up, wash that off.
Clean that toilet for me.
- She was doing her side work, and he saw that and he's like, "Brilliant! Side work! Fabulous! Fits into my master plan for the bar.
" - "Ooh, she'll be fabulous in my cigar bar.
" - Now, do you ever work with your wife? - We wrote, uh We made a pilot for NBC.
My wife's a writer, and, uh A comedy writer as well, but the first 20 minutes of every day, every writing session, we strangled each other.
But that's because-- then you get through that and you work together.
I think this is too close, every minute of every day.
Just leave her alone.
- And look at the guys in the bar.
It's like he's just hanging out with all of his friends, right? This is what she sees when she looks at these guys.
It's like Star Wars bar.
Ahhh! - Hey, if you're gonna be there, at least fit in better.
She should smoke a cigar, you know what I mean? Walk around with a cigar.
"What can I get for ya? "Ha ha ha ha! Right there!" You know what I mean? - Maybe she should grow a handlebar mustache.
- Fit in, grow a mustache, put a cigar in your mouth.
Fit right in.
- All right, when we come back, we will have the Johnstons right here in our studio, so smoke 'em if you got 'em.
See you in a minute.
Welcome back to The Marriage Ref let's meet the entire staff of the Indy Cigar Bar, Laura and Corey Johnston.
Welcome, guys.
How are you? Good to see you.
- Here, this is a bribe.
- Oh.
Oh, boy.
- How are you? Good to see you.
- Very nice.
- Thanks, baby.
- Very smooth.
A nice cigar for all the celebrities.
Well, somebody knows how to make people happy.
You are-- - What's with your wife? Why aren't you making this lady happy? - Well, because I'm living the dream, and, uh, she's, um - I'm living a nightmare, is what I'm living.
- Did you know going in once he opened up the place, and you're like, "Okay, we're opening the door.
Here's a toilet brush.
" - I had no idea that it was gonna be And it's a total boys' club.
Like, when I walk in there, it's like It sucks.
- Now, Rachael, do you feel for this woman? - I really do, and I want to know, because he keeps saying, "it's my dream, it's my dream.
" What's your dream? - You know, I've always liked to cook.
I've always-- believe it or not--and - But not in a toaster oven.
- Yeah, not in the toaster oven or on the foreman grill.
Okay? I mean, seriously.
It is so much work.
- But we make the best Cuban sandwiches, you know.
- Again, "we.
" He says "we.
" - "We make the best Cuban sandwiches.
We can clean a toilet like nobody's business.
" - And I can tell ya, I've been a dish machine operator, I've cleaned toilets, and she is deeply in love with you to tolerate other men's urine for you.
I think you gotta give this woman a couple of nights off a week so that she can go to culinary school, take French cooking classes, or do something that brings her a little bit of joy.
- I want to know, um, are you making the sandwiches and cleaning the toilet? I'm--yes.
But I like to-- - ohh.
I do I do sanitize.
I do sanitize.
- But, no, I mean, I just-- come on, give her a break, man.
At first, you know what, I was on your side.
I was saying, "you know what, this guy's right.
" You know what I mean? "They are a unit, they are together.
"They've built-- she's got his back.
" I love that.
But you can't have her cleaning toilets and putting mayonnaise on sandwiches, that's all I'm trying to tell you.
- I gotta say, if you want to save money, you might want to think about pouring those drinks a little smaller and stop handing out the cigars to strangers.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- I like it, though.
And you know what else I like? I like saying J.
With a cigar.
- Hey, J.
- Hey.
- Hey, J.
, who do you think's right, Corey or Laura? What do you think, J.
? See, I don't know, see.
- What do you think there, Larry? - Let me begin by saying I may have just changed my vote.
- See? That's not fair.
- But that's what he's good at.
This is a talent.
- I gotta tell you something.
We just met, but I love you like a brother.
I'd be in your joint every night if I lived there.
I mean, there is no reason to have a human who loves you doing these things, especially when it's all, "hey, Laura! Can I have another drink? Aww!" It's just horrifying.
Leave her alone.
- Yeah.
Listen to this man.
- All right, I'm gonna go to the call here.
Who is right, Corey or Laura? And I'm gonna start with you, Rachael.
- I don't think she knew what it was like to run the front and the back of a house of a business like this.
But I have to take her side, and I think maybe one is enough or now, and save a little of that money, uh, you know, and slow down the plan a little bit.
Enjoy the success of that business, so you can keep your beautiful woman as happy as you are, you know.
- Can I just ask you, do you like cigars? - No, but my husband does, so you are not getting mine.
- All right, just asking.
, who's right, Corey or Laura? I gotta go with the lady, you know.
- Really? - I'm gonna tell you, one rule, brother-- guys do not like to be around women who just happen to be your wife.
- It's actually hurting your business is what he's trying to say.
Larry? - This one is very clear, but how much were those cigars again? - $30.
- Oh, well, it got murky.
No, you know what? The truth is, pal, that your wife loves you, you love her, you met, love at first sight.
That's all grand, but you know what? What do you do when people want to tell dirty jokes at 11:15, and she's still standing there pouring wasabi peanuts? - All right, congratulations, Laura.
You are right.
You win.
- Thank you so much.
- Congratulations.
And you might be the winner of $25,000 and your own billboard.
Big round of applause for the Johnstons, everybody.
Thank you.
All right.
Now, we get a lot of submissions from a lot of couples who want to be on the show, and some make us laugh, and some make us say, "you're on your own.
" - For years I've asked that Tim not refer to our dog as his lover.
- I have taken some of her furniture in the past and made it, what I feel is better.
- I hate this shirt.
- This t -shirt came as a result of being a two-time champion hairy chest contest winner.
- We'll be right back with a couple fighting over mini muffins and space gadgets.
Now you're definitely coming back.
Coming up next, our panel agrees - Mini anything is awesome.
- Bagels! Mini birthday cakes.
- Mini burgers.
- Mini wedding cakes.
People love mini things! The battle lines are drawn.
- Why aren't there any Rachael Ray products in there? And J.
B can't believe his eyes.
- How can you hate on a mini muffin? It's a kitchen nightmare next on The Marriage Ref.
- All right, welcome back to The Marriage Ref.
It's time to visit our next couple.
From big, bold Baltimore, Maryland, Karol Martinez and Candace Doane.
- We met at Florida State.
I thought she was a cool girl, and I started flirting.
And by flirting, I mean I would write on her.
I got skills.
- She has mad skills.
I knew she was the one during our senior year of college, when every time I thought about what my next step was, I saw you in it.
- When I was in middle school, I got a mini muffin maker, and, um, I think ever since then, I just have loved kitchen appliances.
To me, they're such a vital part of my everyday routine that I don't know what I would do without them.
- She loves these toys.
Loves 'em.
I hate 'em.
- Having to choose my favorite appliance is like choosing your favorite child.
I mean, I love-- I love them all.
- This closet makes me anxious, and I think I need to be on medication because of it.
- Candace doesn't embrace or understand or see a value to the latest technology.
This is a all-in-one egg muffin maker.
- What? No.
Useful things aren't things that only make one thing.
- This one is just for sandwiches.
Some of the appliances have one purpose, but they're really good at that one purpose.
- Seriously? - Cherry pitter.
- You don't need it.
- Mango slicer.
- Hi, hello.
- Ice cream maker.
- No.
Food saver? - Uh, saves our food.
- How many strainers does one person need? - My juicer has been amazing, but I also have, like, a citrus juicer.
- Waste of space.
You only need one juicer if you're gonna make juice.
I don't understand why you can't use that juicer.
- Thus juicer juices my apples and carrots and beets.
My citrus juicer is specifically for, you know, oranges and lemons and grapefruit and lime.
- Karol, the thing cost $200.
I think it can juice an orange.
We have a tiny kitchen.
Right? And her appliances don't fit.
If it were my decision, there'd be a toaster and a microwave.
They gotta go.
- No, they don't.
I'm the cook of the household, and having these different appliances and gadgets just makes it that much easier to feed both of us.
- Bing.
- Cheers.
- Karol's a great cook, but this obsession with kitchen gadgets has just gotten out of control.
- I love this.
- All right, so the issue here is, is it okay to buy every single thing you've ever seen advertised on late-night TV? Rachael Ray, if I don't start with you, I'm a fool.
- Um, I'm chomping at the bit on this one.
I got so much to say, but I think I'm gonna start with my feelings are deeply hurt because I design an enormous amount of kitchen products.
And all of those cupboards, not one Rachael Ray product.
Thanks so much, Karol.
But I will say this, Karol looks like she not only likes to cook, but she truly loves to cook and that she truly loves her partner.
- Yeah.
- And I think that when a person cooks with love, whatever they're cooking tastes even better, and if you're eating and enjoying that food, you let' em do whatever, you know what I mean? Like, let them do whatever they want to get that food to you.
- Let me tell you something.
She should have caught on from the beginning.
She was writing on her.
She never read what she wrote, you know? It said, "hey, I see you from afar.
"I think I'm in love with you, "you remind me of my blender.
"I want to frappe and I want to puree you.
Please let me puree you.
Also, I love you.
" - I think the theme of this, frankly, was, to be honest, when Candace said, "how many strainers does one person need?" - Well, I have several of many shapes and sizes that do separate things.
- Well, let me just say then, I think it's a great idea.
- I have a problem with the things that only do one thing.
We have a panini maker, and you take it out once a year.
- I love my panini maker.
Don't you pick on panini makers.
And they make many different types of paninis.
- But when you make something, I'm sure it's, like, got curlicues on it, and it's, like, flaming, and it's got meat in it.
After all this, it's a sandwich.
You know that.
- That's right.
- How do you pretend you don't like mini muffins? Are you kidding me? - Yeah, the mini muffin maker.
- I put a muffin in your mouth and you don't bite on it? Are you kidding me? Mini anything is awesome.
- Mini anything is awesome.
- Mini bagels.
Mini birthday cake.
- Mini burgers.
Mini wedding cakes.
People love mini things! - Tiny is good.
- Look at her there! How can you hate on a mini muffin? - But some of the devices seem kind of silly, like on late-night TV, you see these devices.
If your spouse bought everything they saw on late-night TV Did you see what she was in-- wearing, by the way, in the beginning of the piece? - Come on.
- It's the blanket.
- She's wearing the Snuggie.
And underneath that Snuggie's probably a credit card and a phone.
- I think there might be a part of this compromise might be for once getting Karol to try remote controls in the mouth.
With a little luck, we can get them-- - all right, our panel's gonna make the call when we come back.
- All right, welcome back to The Marriage Ref.
Put down your panini maker and welcome Karol Martinez and Candace Doane.
Thanks for being here, guys.
Really nice to have you.
- Yeah.
- So - Ha ha ha! You see what I'm dealing with.
- Well, what are you dealing with? - Um, a barrage and attack of kitchen gadgetry that falls out on me every time I open things up.
- I don't have enough space.
- Look, that's not my problem.
I think that each thing should be one.
Who has two juicers? Who has two crockpots? - Thank you.
- Thank you.
She understands.
- Look, you're on TV.
- I don't keep them at the TV show.
In my house, I have two juicers.
And you know who bought the juicers? My husband, not me, 'cause he loves to make certain types of hardcore juices and then little citrusy things.
- Our kitchen, four feet by eight feet.
- She's a professional.
- You're not a professional.
- I'm just saying.
I'm just saying.
- She's a professional.
You're not a professional.
- Karol's right in the sense that if you can start to make a living at it, I'd be the first one to say, you know what, "whoa, let's get another juicer!" - Sure! But that's not what we do.
- Hey, some of those have been gifts.
Some of those have been gifts.
Wedding registry, birthdays, so - What's your favorite? What's your favorite? - Um, I love my mini muffin maker.
- Ah, J.
Does, too.
Loves 'em.
- Are you kidding me? - I'll make you some mini muffins.
- Are you kidding me? - Look, okay, that thing, one--you saw, she's had it since middle school, okay? - That's how it all started.
- Number two--it's broken.
It has three out of its four legs, all right? She has to prop it up with a book.
- That's okay.
It still works.
- And it's dirty.
She puts them all away dirty.
It's nasty, dirty, gross.
- That's not dirt, that's flavoring.
You know what, you get the best food on a old On a old, black skillet, you make the best food.
- When you were putting that muffin in my mouth, it was like you were feeding me something from another planet.
- But she has a whole room that she uses for her crafts.
A whole room.
- What do you mean? One room? - One room.
- I did see that.
It was a mess.
- But look, it doesn't-- it's not like I got off-site storage for it.
That's what she's got going on with this kitchen.
- At least, she does finish her meals-- she makes a full meal, you guys eat.
I saw half a sweater in the background.
- Oh, baloney! Baloney and cheese, no! - You go like this.
- Let me tell you, people People don't come-- - is that half a sweater? - People don't come over to our house and say, "hey, can you make us mini muffins?" But they do come over and say, "hey, can you hem my pants?" - Or knit me a full sweater.
- I have knitted full sweaters.
There was no half-knit sweater in the background.
- When she-- but, like, when she does, you know, her sewing thing, I'm not telling her, "oh, use this different gadget.
" She uses her own gadgets to do her own thing, so - I don't think a sewing machine is a gadget.
- Why, when you see all of those appliances, why aren't there any Rachael Ray products in there? - Ohh! - That--that-- that was a question I had.
- Easy, easy.
- I think there's been a moratorium that I can no longer purchase appliances until we know what the verdict is tonight, and so, there's lots of appliances out there that I want to-- - see, don't try to bribe her by saying if you vote for me - Straight from here and go to rachaelray.
Com or qvc.
com and start clicking.
- I understand where you're going with this, but that's not it.
- All right, well, let's-- let's make the call here.
Who is right, Karol or Candace? And I'm gonna start with you, Larry.
- I do think there's a compromise here.
This is like a 51/49 for me.
Of course, she cooks, and of course, it's great.
But I think that, I mean, your wife wants to see the counter.
So you know what, I'm gonna have to go with Candace on the 51/49.
- Oh, going with Candace.
- I'll take it, I'll take it.
- All right, Candace taking the lead.
I'm gonna go to J.
Who is right, Karol of Candace? - You two are an amazing couple.
- Thanks.
- I think the only way to resolve this is to get back to the origin of your relationship.
I think you have to start writing on her again.
Write something real sweet like, "I'm not gonna throw anything away, "but I do promise to organize all my cooking products.
" - So you're going for Karol? - I'm going for Karol.
- Going for Karol.
So we're split right now.
All right, very interesting.
And we're going to the right person to end this one.
- You know, I have to say that the cooking thing, it is a way for her to express her love for you, and it's so much a part of her identity, I think that taking those things away from her would be taking away little bits of her.
- So in other words you're saying it's almost like a muffin maker without a leg.
- But as long as you love crafting and you have your space, and she loves cooking, and it's a way for her to express how much she loves you, and you love her food and you eat it, I-I-I have to go with Karol.
- Karol, you win.
You are right.
And you may be the winner of $25,000 and your own billboard.
A big round of applause for Karol and Candace, everybody.
Coming up next, it's the moment this has all led up to.
Our three winners will be out here, and our audience will choose who is the rightest of the right.
Coming up, who will walk away with a pile of money and their very own billboard? - I would say she's the rightest.
- Find out who's the rightest and see the real billboard in the winner's hometown when we come back.
- All right, we're back with tonight's finalists.
They're all hoping to be the rightest of the right and the winner of $25,000 and their own billboard.
And here's a reminder of the arguments they've won tonight.
Laura Johnston with the beleaguered barmaid.
- Bobby, sit in your chair straight and eat your peanuts over the bar.
- All right.
Yes, ma'am.
- Hey, Laura, when you're done cleaning, can I get a drink? - You're gonna get a friggin' knuckle sandwich is what you're getting.
- And, Laura, why are you the rightest? - Because I am living a nightmare every day, and I'm ready to start living my dream.
- Kim Benson with the electronic chew toys.
- My husband has an addiction, and he needs help.
- This here brought back some good memories.
The all-in-one.
Oldest remote I have.
Chewing on the remote is therapy for me.
- Kim, why are you the rightest? - I'm the rightest because, listen, Kadir's teeth are falling out, and the video speaks for itself.
- And Karol Martinez with the overstocked kitchen.
- Having to choose my favorite appliance is like choosing your favorite child.
I mean, I love-- I love them all.
- Karol, why are you the rightest? - Um, I love cooking.
And this is-- these are the tools that I use to show my love for my beautiful wife, so - Oh, using Rachael's beautiful speech to your advantage.
All right, audience, the time has come, so please vote now.
Panel, you are not voting, but who are you rooting for? Larry? - I just think that, uh, Laura, she's the rightest based on needs alone.
- Rachael, who are you rooting for? - I have to go with my fellow cook.
I have to go with Karol.
- All right, rooting for Karol.
Who are you rooting for? - Those remotes get expensive.
You know, I really feel for you, Kim, but cleaning that damn toilet? - I know.
- Ooh, I'm thinking-- I'm thinking Laura, but I can't help but feel for Kim with that man sitting there chewing that remote.
- Okay, the results are in.
It's time to find out who will be the rightest.
In third place with the fewest votes, And not the winner of $25,000 or their own billboard, is Karol Martinez.
- Ohh! - Give her a round of applause, everybody.
- Bye, Karol.
- All right, down to Kim and Laura.
One of them will win $25,000 and their own billboard, and the other will win nothing.
The rightest of the right, The winner of $25,000 and their own billboard, is Laura Johnston.
What a shocker.
Thank you, Kim.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Corey, come on out.
Come on out, Corey.
You're wife is the rightest and the winner of $25,000, but only you, Corey, can make this official, so let's hear you say it.
- You wereRight.
- Yeah, there you go.
And here's what your billboard is going to say.
- Oh, my God.
- And it will be in your hometown.
We'd like to thank our panel, J.
Smoove, Larry Miller, and Rachael Ray.
- Ah ha ha! Look who's right, Corey! I was right! I won! Ha ha ha! Give me that thing.
- Aw! - Honk! - Ohh! Hey, you got a honk! All couples tonight will receive a four-night stay at the beautiful El Monte Sagrado, Taos Ski Valley, New Mexico.
Airfare furnished by Orbitz.
- Keep fighting, America.
Keep fighting.
We'll see you next week.
Great job.

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