The Mayor (2017) s01e02 Episode Script

The Filibuster

1 - [Music stops] - [Electric razor buzzing] Don't judge.
The taper's when it all comes together.
Hold still.
One slip and I'm gonna have to shave your head.
Oh, please don't, Mom.
I'm not really confident with the shape of my head.
- There's a little peanut in the back.
- It's all right.
What's more unprofessional getting an in-office haircut, getting an in-office haircut from your mom, or getting you know what? It's all unprofessional.
I gotta look good for today.
It's my first mayoral appearance at Fort Grey Elementary - our old alma mater.
- Jermaine: That's right, and as your Communication Director, I scored us Channel 8 News.
I also called CNN.
They said no.
But they were kind of nice about it, so I think they might come.
[Chuckles] And as your Director of Constituent Services, I will be doing that.
, when a constituent has an issue, you help them fix it.
Let me spell it out for you.
It's like a combination of streamlining and liaising.
Yes, thank you.
I I get it now.
Guys, you know what's really inspiring is that the kids are gonna be able to meet the mayor! They're gonna know that dreams really can come true.
Or that an attention-seeking showboat can end up with way more power than people are actually comfortable with.
- That's a valid lesson, too.
- Most importantly, we have a very important budget meeting later with Vern.
- Who's Vern? - Vern Corker? He's the biggest stud in Oakland's fiscal analytics committee.
I poached him from their Department of Water and Power.
It was a major coup.
The point is the City Council votes on the budget tomorrow, so part of me feels like we should know what's in it.
Just call me old-fashioned.
So, a meeting before a meeting? Do I get a haircut before a haircut? No, it just doesn't make sense.
There are more important things to your job than just looking good for press events.
Are you saying I look good? Girl! I'm saying, it's our first budget meeting! You should understand the procedures so that we can actually get some work done.
You don't think a sharp haircut can get things done? That explains a lot.
Courtney: Wow, this place really brings back memories.
I learned my first scales on that piano, figured out some crazy time signatures on those drums, and, uh, kissed Shawna King by those tambourines.
All: Eww! But seriously, I would be nowhere if it wasn't for the lessons I picked up right here.
Music kept me out of trouble.
It was like a guardian angel looking over me while my mom was out struggling to put food on the table.
I love you, Ma.
I love you, too, baby! And you know what else music taught me? Music taught me that no matter who you are, you have something to bring to the band.
No matter how small you are, or how quiet you are, or how overlooked just like the triangle.
This thing's the worst.
The worst? What's your name? Theresa.
I hate the triangle.
Come on! That thing packs entire Cajun beats.
It brings cowboys home to dinner.
[Triangle dings rhythmically] [Rapping] I dare you not to get down to that beat I'm sorry, is that thing decorative? I mean, that man is changing young minds.
Document this! Give it a try.
Yeah, there it is! You just had to find your groove there, T! Y'all, look.
You even got Miss Dempsey back here getting it! But, if it wasn't for music, I wouldn't be your mayor.
You hear that, Principal Keeler? Mayor.
Say it with me.
And you told me he'd be living at home for the rest of his life.
I mean, he is, but as the mayor.
Give me a little dab.
[Kids playing instruments] Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, wait.
Let me see that.
How would you kids like some new instruments? - Hmm? - All: Yeah! Right? New percussion, new horns, a piano with more than six keys.
- [Kids cheering] - You know what? While we're at it, let's get a new digital sound system and we're gonna name it after someone we all know and love Theresa: Chance the Rapper? No, but we'll we'll figure it out later.
- It's it's me.
It's - Excuse me, Mr.
- May I just have a moment with you? - Yeah.
Yeah, we can't be freestyling promises.
The City Council has to approve stuff like that.
Yeah, but the old way wasn't working, and, Val, I'm not a politician.
Promising things you can't follow through on textbook politician.
And that's why I plan to follow through.
Textbook Rose.
[Plays a note on recorder] Miss Dina! Hey.
What's that? Oh, it's my back brace.
It's phonebook week.
I don't know why we still have these things.
But then again, how would anyone ever find their local Radioshack or Blockbuster? [Chuckles] What's Blockbuster? - Don't worry about it.
- Well, hey.
Maybe I can help you out with that.
I was carb-loading last night.
Fitness is a passion.
Aww, well, that's very sweet of you, T.
, - but don't you have a big job now? - No, man.
It's like a pity job you give somebody to keep them busy.
Like how for Thanksgivings, you put Jermaine in charge of keeping me from the cranberry sauce? Uh, no offense, T.
, but that job is as real as they come.
Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, Miss Dina, but come on.
The last Director of Constituent Services died in 1976 and was never replaced.
Get in the truck.
Don't touch my licorice.
Vern: If you take one things from this budget meeting, it's that third-quarter projections - mirror Q1 and Q2 in qualifying districts.
- [Camera shutter clicks] Vern, no one expects you to have this on your fingertips, but can you please just explain the parameters that qualify the districts? I know, it's it's it's crazy to ask, but That was actually the thrust of my next slide.
- I knew it would be.
- Jermaine: Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm trying 'gram some pics.
You know, keep the people informed.
But, man, you are not giving me anything that I can work with.
Can we please just jump to a sexier slide? I think I can deliver on that.
Thank you, brother.
Here are some budget percentages of various programs as pie charts.
Man, our "sexy" s are very different.
Can you just maybe try peppering his name in? It'll help keep his attention.
Courtney Rose.
Maybe just a little bit more seamlessly - Hold up.
- I stand corrected.
Where is the music program? There's no music pie slice.
Because, Courtney Rose, the City Council is proposing to eliminate it.
Courtney Rose.
[Laughs] Are you serious? I just literally promised to boost music funding.
What am I supposed to tell Theresa? Valentina: I hate to be that guy, but this is why we should have had the prelim meeting this morning.
Could've seen this one coming.
Okay, first of all, you love to be that guy.
Secondly, you're missing the point.
They're cutting the music program.
For children! They're like little tiny helpless adults.
What do you suggest that we cut in its place? Ladders for firefighters? Raises for underpaid teachers? Oh, what about we just get rid of water? That's not what I'm saying.
But really, "traffic flow" gets a pie slice? That is a fat boy slice.
Reducing traffic is hugely popular.
Each pie slice is like a political landmine.
You can't just take out one thing and put in what you want.
Okay, not with what I want.
With what the mayor wants.
Cutting the music program is not an option.
I still got veto power, right? - Well, technically - Yeah I do! You do? The mayor's first veto? Pics ain't gonna cut it.
We are going livestream.
- Don't livestream! - Here we go.
- [Phone chimes] - [Beatboxing] You guys, don't livestream.
We got the veto Mm, unh-unh, unh-unh, unh - Courtney! - We said "Hell, no!" Hell no! Unh-unh Don't take our oboes [High-pitched] Oboes - We got the veto - Veto - We said "Hell, no" - Hell, no Oo-ah! Gunt: City Council resolution number 340 - Mayor Rose.
- Yeah.
If you're looking for the vending machines, they're in the lobby.
- [Chuckles] - Oh, wait.
Does your mom let you drink soda pop? [Chuckles] He lives with his mom, everybody.
I think it's adorable.
I just looked at your "Every Child Left Behind" budget and I can't believe you're trying to kill the music program.
Yeah, we're trying to kill a lot of things.
Look, guys, the music program will be a huge help for these kids.
Champion of the arts.
That's right, schooling all of them.
All of them.
Right here.
I'm a champion of the city not going bankrupt.
Yeah, but not at the expense of the kids! Which is why I am dropping a V-bomb on your cruel budget.
Pow! [Spectator murmur] I'm gon I'm gonna veto it.
[Scoffs] I hereby, officially, veto your budget.
Please, let the record show that "V-bomb" means "veto.
" Put that down.
[Laughs] - You done? - Yeah.
[Gavel bangs] Overriden.
Today, Mayor Rose learned a painful lesson in how vetoes work.
But the real pain will be felt by Fort Grey's children.
And then Mayor Rose promised us a whole new music center! I'm so excited! My whole class is.
[All cheering] I'm Pauline Darabont, Channel 8 News, Fort Grey.
I promised the kids Disneyland and I dropped them off at a condemned playground.
Come on, man.
Who knew the City Council would hit you with the override? I did.
What? I didn't think that you'd be interested because it was part of the "process.
" So you basically just hung me out there to dry? I didn't hang you out there to dry.
Okay, that's that's exactly what I did, but I was just trying to get through to you.
Val, you are literally the Chief of Staff to the mayor.
He is the mayor.
- Thank you! - Always.
I do not need you to be giving me tough love.
That is what his mom is for! - Jermaine.
- Yeah? I got this, okay? If you have something to say, then say it to my face.
Okay, I will.
What I'm trying to convey to you is you can't beat the system if you keep pretending it doesn't exist.
If you would have listened to me before, we could have taken an informal vote just to test the waters.
And we could've cut a back-end deal! So, this is your process, huh?! You have a meeting before the meeting, - you have a meeting after the meeting? - Yeah.
Pre-party, party, after-party.
You scope the girl out at the pre-party, you chat her up at the party, and then you close the deal at the after-party.
Man, we started bragging about the after-party way too soon.
Homegirl bailed.
Life lessons.
They really travel.
: See, now, Jermaine's job, that's the real deal.
Press events, taking reporters out to sushi, buying really nice jeans.
- I think that's just him buying jeans.
- Nah, nah, nah.
He wore them jeans to sushi with a reporter.
Them are sushi jeans.
You see that busted light? Doggone kids threw too many shoes up on that power line.
Oh, man, I love Sneaker Junction.
It's like an art piece.
Yeah, well, somebody should really fix that.
Don't you think someone should fix that? [Tires squeal, car horn honks] - T.
: Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Damn! That's really dangerous! I mean, whose job is it to fix that? Like, is that Water and Power? Whoever it is is really dropping the ball.
I don't think they realize they're holding the ball.
That is so true.
You want to talk about what's bothering you? If not, I can certainly talk about what's bothering me.
There's plenty.
Like when somebody brings a cupcake to work and doesn't eat one themselves.
I see the game you're playing, Tasha.
And another thing Pat Sajak.
I just don't like him.
Okay, I'll go.
The City Council wants to cut the music program, so now I have to choose between xylophones for kids and water for everyone.
Okay, I feel that.
When you were a kid, you got into a new instrument each month.
First it was trumpet, then it was piano, then you wanted to try the drums, but I made up something about how the building doesn't allow it.
- The building does allow drums? - Focus, babe.
- Okay, I'm sorry, I'm here, I'm here.
- Before long, I was paying for two or three classes at once, but I knew you'd either end up being a famous musician or somebody who had to resell their old instruments for food.
Ma, I know we didn't have a lot, but how did you still get me all that stuff? By cutting corners where I could.
You know, a buck here, 2 bucks there.
It's all about finding it without feeling it.
So, you get your store-brand chips, and your one-ply toilet paper.
I bet you didn't even notice when we switched over to powdered milk.
April 16th, 2006.
Okay, that was a bad example.
No, that was a perfect example.
- I think I got it, Ma.
- Okay.
- I got to go.
- Well, all right.
I know you're coming back here to eat this cereal 'cause we don't waste no food in this house.
I got the cereal.
[Laughing, hammering rhythmically] Jermaine: My boy's gone viral.
Watch this part, watch this part.
I am drop-drop-dropping a V-v-v-v-v-bomb - [Hammering] - Overridden.
You know how they say that there's no such thing as bad press? This is the exception.
It's a problem! A problem or opportunity? Broke-onomics.
Valentina: What's less awkward? Me asking what that means or pretending to know so that I don't have to ask? No, we used to get by on broke-onomics.
He's talking about reusing Band-Aids, jacking your neighbor's cable.
The only phone plan we had was - "Yo, give me your phone, bruh.
" - You were right, Val.
The only way we can make a difference is if we work the system.
So I know we can't take big pieces out of the pie, but if we just took little nibbles out of the crust, a little bit here, and a little bit there, we'll be able to fund the music program.
Wow, okay, I I have goosebumps.
Is that because of helping the kids or because of the joy of budgetary review? Probably best that I don't say, but but honestly, going every line item? The budget vote's in an hour.
We wouldn't have time to do that if we had, like, two Verns.
You're picturing two Verns right now, aren't you? I am.
We need to delay the vote.
Ooh! Got it.
Bomb scare.
Okay, we're gonna put that in our back pocket.
Val, how do we work the system to, you know waste everyone's time.
I think that government might have a way to make that happen.
Gunt: Mayor Rose.
We were about to break for lunch before our vote, but we can always take a minute to watch you resign? Oh, no, no, no, no.
Have a seat, please.
This is gonna take a little bit more than a minute.
You see, I'm not gonna let the music program that changed my life go down without a fight.
So, I'm gonna invoke statute FGC-612.
I don't know all the letters.
- Filibuster.
- Awesome.
Webster's Dictionary defines "music" as a science or an art of ordering tones or sound.
Yes, I think we all know what music is.
We can cut a little bit out of the office supply budget if we're not wedded to pens.
I use pens.
I'm telling you, when that bear lands into that basket of fluffy blankets, phew, I just gotta have that fabric softener.
You know what? It still feels weird getting out on the left side as a passenger.
But good weird, like it challenges me to see the world from a new perspective.
Never stop learning, T.
I'll be trying, Miss Dina.
- Mm-hm.
- Got to stay woke.
- [Water splashes] - Oh! Did it rain?! You would think that, but nope.
I've been driving past this puddle for years.
I call it the "Forever Puddle.
" It's probably a broken sewer pipe or something.
- [Chuckles] The "Forever Puddle.
" - What? I'm just picturing a bunch of pigeons and rats gathering here, like "The Lion King" or something, but Fort Grey instead of the Serengeti.
The Seren-ghetto.
Come on, Simba.
I'm gonna have to change my sock.
I feel the germs crawling inside my body.
That's all right, baby.
You'll survive.
And you know another commercial that really gets to me? Charmin Ultra.
Another commercial.
When that bear rubs his butt on that tree! "Police Tanning"! We definitely don't need that.
Actually, um, it says "Police Training," so Yeah, probably, we'll keep that.
Earth worms I've always loved since I was a kid.
When I was 6 So, we was on the Superman ride, and T.
had had some chicken and noodles - and I was like, "Bruh.
" - Yeah.
[Imitates gunshot] - Bruh, I got to get some water.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, ease up on the water.
No bathroom breaks, all right? You leave this podium, and those kids die.
- What? - Well, I mean, not literally.
They don't literally just just, that That's your motivation.
Come on.
And do the police really need a new Segway? No one needs a Segway.
I have a Segway.
Uh, what else? [Slurping] Ahhhh.
Oh! Okay, so, I hope you guys enjoyed the show.
But, as an entertainer, I always like to leave on a high note.
You leaving would be the high note.
With regards to Fort Grey's fiscal budget of 2018 [Clears throat] I just want to say that, not for lack of skill or time or creativity or perseverance - or passion - Vern? We don't have the money.
Courtney Rose.
So, let me get this straight.
I listen to you, the kids get nothing.
I don't listen to you, the kids get nothing.
So, no matter what, the kids get nothing? Gunt: Guys, what's going on? Am I putting money in the meter or what? The mayor yields the floor.
[Gavel bangs] Look, there's no way to spin it.
We lost this one.
No, the kids lost this one.
And we can be sad about it or we can move on to the next fight.
I assure you there will be more.
Wow, you really don't get it, do you, Val? Did you have a teacher that said, "Good job," or, "You're important," or "You matter"? You know who you're talking to, right? - Come on.
- Okay, well, guess what? I didn't, okay? I was a bad kid growing up.
I I talked back to my teachers.
I never turned in my homework.
They said I was a screw-up, and I delivered.
Then, winter of 5th grade, teacher came to me and said, "Bad news.
You'll be playing the solo trumpet in the Christmas concert.
" So I went home and practiced and practiced, and it did not make a difference.
But afterwards, the teacher came to me and she said, "Good job, Courtney.
" I had never heard those words before in school, and I never forgot them.
You see, for a lot of us, stuff like the music program, it it makes us feel like we matter.
Well, that is definitely worth fighting for.
And I don't see how anyone can look at those kids' faces and not want to give them what I had.
Okay! I thought we was having a deep conversation.
You just jump up and leave.
[Indistinct conversations] I had the right of way! I had a flashing green.
We all had flashing greens! I was texting.
Dina: Sneaker Junction claims another victim.
Oh! You know what I just realized? Sneaker Junction, the Forever Puddle maybe it's nobody's job to fix it.
I mean, I could probably pitch in or something.
I got a big book of numbers on my desk.
I'm sure there's a department that Oh! - Constituents - Yep.
Services - Director - Yeah.
- of - Mm - That's me.
- It's been you, baby.
Wow! That it's real.
- Yeah.
- I have an actual, legitimate job.
- Mm-hmm.
- That I've very much been neglecting.
Oh, thank you, Lord.
I was just about to plow us into a Corolla for you to get it.
I see what you did there, Dina Rose.
- You think you're slick.
- [Laughs] Teaching me a lesson and stuff.
I feel like there was a more direct way you could have done that.
Could have just said, "Fix Sneaker Junction, T.
It's your damn job.
" Then it wouldn't have been a journey of self-discovery or a journey of you delivering my damn phonebooks.
Glad I could help a constituent.
That's my boy.
Constituents! This is nobody's fault! I'm gonna fix it.
But it's probably your fault 'cause you was texting.
I'm not picking sides.
Gunt: Oh, hey, come on.
We voted an hour ago.
It's over.
Courtney: I know it is.
I'm not here as the mayor.
I'm just here as a concerned citizen.
I see a lot of politics in this chamber.
How about a little heart? Is that what we're all here for? To look out for number one and get re-elected? Those kids needed us.
But we did not show up for them.
Valentina: But they showed up for you.
- [Spectators murmur] - Okay.
Come on.
[Recorder plays "Greensleeves"] Okay, now this you can livestream.
I want all of Fort Grey to see that they are worth fighting for.
[Phone chimes] Jermaine: Livestream in full effect.
- [Recorder music continues] - Aw, this is magical.
[Music continues] Wow.
She sucks.
Jermaine: [Beatboxing] Courtney: Unh, unh, yo Yeah, yo What up, City Council? Been talking all day Yeah, I said a mouthful Unh, really trying to stall All we want is music and justice for all [Tuba plays "Greensleeves"] [Laughs] Listen, these kids are precious I mean, straight from Heaven.
But unless some hundreds come flying out of that flute, I'm not striking the vote.
Want to bet? Obviously not.
You're smiling and clearly know something I don't.
What's up? The livestream is blowing up.
I mean, people are calling in angry.
Turns out voters really do love kids and music.
- [Cellphones ringing] - Huh.
Crazy, right? [Cellphone ringing] Yeah, go for Gunt.
Hello, Mr.
Mason, how is the dealership? No, no, no.
No, we're not We're not cutting the music program.
[Kids playing "Greensleeves" on instruments] No, I'm sitting down to fix this right now [Whispering] You're so selfish.
[Music continues] That was pretty dope.
: Hey, Val! I got your message.
I got three more vans full of kids outside.
What do you want me to do with them? [Recorder plays "Greensleeves"] I think that that's what they call "changing the game.
" Yeah.
You got the mind, I got the heart.
Well, I got a lot of mind, too, so I have a heart.
: I mean, if you got to say it Wait, guys, I just thought.
If high school is free, what about college? Okay.
Bye, everyone.
- How about that? - My man! Yeah! Yo, Jermaine.
Set up a press conference.
- Already did it.
- Thank you.
Well, I didn't actually do it, but I'm working on it.
Oh, that's good, 'cause I want to take a botany class.
- Hey, Val.
- Hey, how are you? T.
: All right, I'll talk to you later.
- Hey, Val.
- What's up, Val? Hey, just got off the phone with City Maintenance.
- They're bringing over two more boxes.
- Of the garbage shoes? - Mm-hmm.
- Garbage? There are some vintage finds in here.
Now, look, guys, I found one Jordan III.
Can you please keep an eye out for the other one? You guys have lost your minds.
Seriously, I am gonna dump these in a landfill far, far away.
Finally, somebody making some sense oh, wait a minute, girl, those are cute.
That'll go with my pink skirt.
I like these.
- Roach! - Whoa! - Oh, my God! - Roach! Roach! - Get it! Get it! - Get him! - Ooh! - Did you get it? - All right.
- It was a button.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh! Well, thanks, Val! - That's good.
So, I said with my pink skirt? Wouldn't that be cute? Yeah.