The Moodys (2014) s01e02 Episode Script

Happy Anniversary Kevin & Maree

Thank you again so much for letting us stay.
You're back for good? That's the plan.
Find a job, settle down.
Peggy tricked you into thinking you were the father of her child, and then she rorted you for child support.
And I let that get in the way.
He's our crazy uncle in jail.
He's out on day release for Christmas.
That make you feel better, Sean? It's my home too! Where am I supposed to go? How do you sleep with yourself, selling the family home? She bit me! She bit me! Oh, shit! OK, Sylvester, now give us a big, big smile there, mate.
OK, that's good, now imagine you're out in the desert, you're having a great old time on your horse and the rodeos OK, that's pretty that's pretty good, and OK, I think that's as good as Yeah, you come and choose one to have printed, if you like.
No need.
Got one.
Uh, yeah, so you did.
Eight megapixels.
Everyone's a photographer now, aren't they? Yeah, it's probably why it's a dying industry, I suppose.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, maybe I should put a sign up that says 'Please don't take photos on your phone because I'm trying to make a living here'.
A bit long, but yeah, something like that'd probably help.
OK, well, I'll brainstorm it.
Let's get one behind the rocket, mate.
No, I don't think so.
Just hop in there.
You'll just take one on your phone.
What are you doing? It's a free country.
It's not like you have Is there a problem? This snapper here won't let my son get in the rocket.
Of course he will.
He'll just take a photo on his phone.
I wouldn't have thought a professional would be threatened by someone on a camera phone.
Wow! Yeah, eight megapixels.
That's amazing.
Did you buy this outright or did you get it on a plan? Outright.
It's so light.
You could put it on a tripod.
Yeah, you just get a little thing that clips on the Yeah, that's amazing Where's he going? I think he's getting a shot from further back.
That's probably far enough, Daniel.
Daniel? That's alright.
They're a dime a dozen.
Hey! Guess what? What? We got the place.
I thought they said no.
I may have gone up a tiny bit, but we can afford it.
I'll be, uh, sad to see you go.
Thanks, Mr Benson.
Me too.
Just kidding.
It's a joke.
How is that a joke? I took an uncomfortable situation, put a whimsical twist on it.
That is not a joke.
Agree to disagree.
I'm sorry.
But on a brighter note, we're moving out! Yay! You've just got to get your boss to sign something.
Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
Thank you, sweetheart! Ooh.
You'll get your real surprise later.
Do you mind? I'm trying to eat breakfast.
Are you stressed about your auction, darling? Yeah, but more so about my family taking over my house.
But it's nice being together.
Oh! Sean! No sugar? Oh, come on, Kevvie, put some pants on, mate.
I do not need to see that first thing in the morning.
I'd appreciate it if you all wore pants while you're staying with me, please.
If it weren't for three of you, we wouldn't be in this mess.
I've gotta go.
Only difference with you is you're leeching off your sister instead of us.
Need I remind you, Dad, that you demolished the family home.
Sold it! with me inside it.
I had no idea they'd knock it down.
It's attempted murder, mate.
I'm sorry it was only attempted.
Mum, you hear that? You're a witness.
You're going down, son.
You're an idiot.
Am I? Idiot! Who do I have to root to get a coffee around here? Language, Sean! Oh! Good morning.
Duh Customs Officer of the Year.
Oh, crazy night.
Is that my toothbrush? Mm-hmm.
Oh! Smells like someone else needs it more than me.
Oh No, no.
A little polish.
There you go.
No, no Oh! God! So, do you need a lift anywhere? I thought I was going with you.
Where? To your brother's anniversary lunch.
What? Don't you remember asking me? No, no, I do, I do.
I just I thought you wouldn't want to come.
I thought it'd be pretty boring and everything You know, you've probably got stuff to do.
No! Aah That's it.
There you go.
Stop it.
Stop it! Public place, Sean.
They give 'em to you.
They're insulted if you don't use 'em.
Hey, check, check, check, check.
Ah Here we are.
Hey, Tez.
Happy anniversary.
Thanks, Tez.
So, the old Ari, eh? Yes.
Hello, I'm Maree.
Yvonne Tisdale.
Kevin Moody.
Pleased to meet you.
Yvonne is a work colleague.
Think I'm a little bit more than that now.
Oh, Tez, you sly old dog! It's nothing like that, Sean.
Bit too much frisking going on at the Customs Awards last night? Keep it in your pants now.
Full body cavity search, you know what I'm talking about? Sean, was it? Yeah, how are you going? I think that we've all had enough of your immature innuendos.
Yeah, right, I was only kidding.
Well, let me be clear here.
Terry and I are in a relationship, and yes Well.
it is of a sexual nature.
Oh, there it is.
The details of which are none of your concern.
Yep, OK.
That's a nice big lazy Susan there, isn't it? Happy anniversary, Kevvie and Maree.
Oh, happy anniversary.
Why do you always do that? Eyes.
-That eyes thing.
I booked us a room for a slideshow.
What, today? There must a projector here somewhere.
Dad, there's hundreds of slides here.
Is that an air conditioner? There's a few work ones.
Don't use those.
Yvonne, Daniel has a new job.
Who's Daniel? Uh I don't know if you'd call dressing up kids in a shopping mall a job.
He gets paid for it, so I'd probably call it a job.
Mate, do you want a real job? Maybe come and talk to me.
I might be expanding soon.
Uh, yeah, no thanks.
Sounds familiar.
The difference is, Dad, my company's got prospects.
Daniel has plenty of work.
He'd be used to working with children, having you as a brother for the last 30-something years.
OK, what's the joke? What did I miss? Nothin'.
-Oh, Rhys! Uncle Rhys, how are you? Sean, how are ya? Hey, ma Just kidding, mate.
-Rhys, how are you, mate? I thought you couldn't make it today.
No, no, I couldn't.
But I had to make the effort.
Big day.
Big day.
Back on the happy pills.
We're happy that you're here.
It's great to see you.
I got I got a gift for you two.
Oh, no, you didn't have to get us anything.
No, look, nonsense.
We are family, alright? I do for you and you do for me, alright? OK? Alright? OK, here.
Have a look at those.
Open 'em up, open 'em up.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Come on, try 'em on.
Oh, look at that, eh? Genuine leather.
Thanks, mate.
Bloke I know gets 'em from Actually, I don't know where he gets 'em from.
Thank you.
Hey? Unreal.
Italy? Are you sure? I saw the brochure in his bag.
I'm impressed.
He knows how much I want to go to Italy.
God knows I've dropped enough hints.
Oh, sorry, Mum.
I have to take this.
Lisa, hi.
Oh, no! Really? Yeah, that's good.
How long you been working together? Just a few months.
Six months on the 20th, but it feels like years, doesn't it, darl? Not the hair.
Yvonne works with the sniffer dogs.
I used to.
Well, that's how we met.
Barry, one of the beagles, was sniffing Terry's crotch and barking.
Only because I'd rubbed up against some old fruit I'd confiscated.
Not that kind of old fruit.
Some papaya.
Yes, it was.
Take it easy, mate.
Plenty to come yet.
Actually, mate, I'm on a bit of a tight schedule.
I was hoping I might be able to have a quiet word with you and Maree.
After lunch, eh? Hmm.
Check it out, check it out.
He's up to something.
Just don't start anything.
OK? Be nice.
You know he still hasn't apologised for the crossbow incident? You've got to let that go.
Cora? Yeah? Can I just have a word for a sec? Yeah.
Oh, here he goes, here he goes.
Yeah, lookin' around.
What's he want? Oh, the last prawn dumpling? I don't think so.
Um, yeah, anyway, that's it.
It's a false economy, isn't it Dan? So Sean.
Hmm? Hmm? You're stopping it moving.
Oh, am I, mate? Did you want something? Yes, Sean.
Oh, right, I was just gonna check for myself, just for a second.
Sorry, mate.
Um what will I have? Sean.
So do I need to bid? Well, just a starting bid, if I give you the signal.
What's the signal? Um, I don't know.
Maybe just a look, like this.
They're not going to sell under the reserve.
I just need to look like there's some interest.
Is it legal? Technically no, but everybody does it.
I've got this girl who normally helps me, but she had to pull out.
I don't know.
I feel like we should stay at lunch.
Well, we won't be long.
You'll get your hand off it, Sean.
It's your last chance.
I'll have this.
Gonna have this.
-Sean, don't do tha No, no That's my beer! Rhys, that's enough! Or you could stay here, with them.
Wait, Rhys It's still your beer.
Yep, let's go.
No! No, I'm still working on it.
No, no, just stay in the car, please.
Bloody stay in the car.
Sorry, Dan.
Bridget and Cora coming or what? No, never mind.
Let's just go.
Oh! -Kevvie, you hottie! I hope there are a few of you like that in there in your tight little budgie smugglers.
Oh, no, don't don't Daniel, not the houseboat holiday.
Ah, sure.
Thank God for that.
Alright, I'm getting a beer.
Who wants to have a ticket in the meat raffle while we wait? I've got something I need to take care of, pronto.
Hey, Kevvie, we'd better go and do that that thing.
Wh-what thing? You know, that that thing that you need my help for, remember? Yeah, thanks, Tez, but I got this, mate.
You hit the meat raffle with Yvonne.
Come on, I'll show you my system.
I always win.
Here's your purse.
Oh, God.
You carry it, sweetie.
Come on.
I reckon it's about time I bought my beautiful sister a beer.
Let's go, Rhys.
You right there, Danny? Yeah.
Good luck, Dan.
Thank you.
Ah! Mother Everything OK in here? Yeah, I think the bulb's just Louise? Daniel! Hey! Oh, my God! I didn't realise it was you.
You were here for the anniversary booking? Yeah.
Well, my parents, but yeah.
What a blast.
Wow, I haven't seen you since -Uni.
Uni! Wow.
So you work here now, or? Yeah, deputy manager - catering, gaming and operational services.
No more photography, or? No, that's just more of a hobby now.
So you've got projector problems? Yeah, yeah.
I think the bulb's blown.
I'm sure we've got a spare one in the storeroom.
Really? Yeah.
Can I have a? Yeah! 'Course! Thanks.
Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you here today on behalf of the owner and William and Wicks Real Estate.
Ladies and gentlemen, this property has unlimited potential.
In fact, there is only one thing this property lacks.
That one thing, ladies and gentlemen, is you, and so without further ado, let's open the bidding.
Over to you now.
Let's start with a nice strong bid.
Let's kick it off.
000 from the lovely lady in the sheer white.
Any advance on $300.
000 dollars? We've kicked it off now.
Any advance on $300.
000? Any more bids? No other bids.
Nothing? I know I've been a bit off me game these last few years, but something's come up up north and it could be a life changer.
That's great.
What is it? Driving, for the mines up there.
You got the job? Yeah, yep, yep.
Well, no, but I'm really close, you know.
Just I wanna get up there, you know? I wanna get settled, you know? You're asking me for a loan? No, no, not a loan.
Just I was thinking about Mum, you know? Mm.
And the will.
Never got anything from that.
Mum didn't have anything.
The money from her house ran out at the nursing home years ago.
But she did leave you a fair bit of jewellery, eh? What, you want Mum's jewellery? Well, I think it's only fair, like, for me to have my share.
I reckon Mum'd want that.
What are you gonna do with the jewellery? What do you think? No, I'll use some for collateral, you know, to help me get started, and then I wanna have it, you know, keep it close to me heart, you know, remind me of her.
Come round the house.
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
No, I wanna get going pretty soon I haven't got the thing here! What about those? You want Mum's pearls? That's all I need.
Don't know what good these'll do you.
What about that? No, mine.
That's beautiful.
Thanks, darlin'.
You're the best sister, you really are.
Gee, you look beautiful in that jacket.
You and Kevvie, so smart, you know.
Hey, I'll be back in a sec, eh? Try in that box.
Try this one? Mm-hmm.
Sorry to eat.
I just get a 15-minute break.
So I can leave 45 minutes early.
Oh, that's pretty good.
Is the pay OK? 1.
200 a week.
Not bad, not bad.
And how long have you been here? I started here as a kitchen hand one summer, and then suddenly four years later I'm still here.
Kitchen hand.
I mean, it is a bit of a shame.
I always thought your photos were amazing.
Really? Yeah, absolutely.
To me, you were the best in our year by a mile.
Until Until I got kicked out? Yeah, the little incident.
I was a bit mental back then.
Well, I wasn't going to say that, but you were pretty intense.
I know! So you haven't torched anyone's car lately, or? Not today! Sorry, you've got a it's just a little on your face Oh! Oh.
Uh, no, no, sorry Excuse me, it's just Oh, whoa! It's sorry, I didn't mean to to poke you there.
Ah, yeah.
So do you think I could still cut it as a photographer, then? Are you kidding me? Absolutely.
Yeah, I'd hire you in a second.
Well, given that the highest bid is so far below your reserve, I don't think we'll be selling today, Dean.
Unless you could come up a bit.
No, I can't, sorry.
It's alright.
I'll take it.
What? Dean, we said high fours.
You don't want to sell for 300.
No, I just want to sell it.
Let's put it on the market.
Low fours.
You'll get that in a couple of weeks.
300 is enough for what I need to do.
What do you need to do? I'm not going to tell you.
Let's think about it for a couple of days.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't need to.
I like her.
I like the idea that she's going to live where I lived.
So And the winning ticket is Here we go.
55! Oh! -Ooh, that's mine.
Margie! Oh, well played, love.
When are your holidays this year? Oh, mid-May or something.
Why? Mine are in August, but we should be able to change the roster and we can go somewhere nice together.
Well, er And the winner of the grand prize is 298! That's me again! Oh, Margie! Hey! This is your lucky day! Meating Margie.
Well, she's having some luck, isn't she? She certainly is.
Keep your trousers on.
I was bored senseless.
What was I supposed to do? Yeah, the back corner.
Yeah, alright.
Hurry up.
Peggy? Hi.
What are you doing here? Oh, just havin' a punt.
Oh, my God! What are the chances? Oh, I don't know the odds.
I just play.
No, no, I mean, what are the like of you and me being here, together? God! You look amazing.
I was actually going to call you about There you are.
I've been looking bloody everywhere for you.
I told you to stay in the car Seanie.
Look who I run into.
I was gonna give her a lift home before I headed up north, but A bloody small world, isn't it? Him? Really? Brian went back to jail.
Turns out the same one your uncle was in, so Rhys got out first.
Now, Sean, it was bloody hard for me, Sean.
Peggy was reaching out, and I figured you two were finished, so And I figured it was my turn to be happy, you know? They're my pearls, Sean.
My pearls! Hey, there you are.
Thanks, it works a treat.
I did it.
I quit.
You quit? I quit! Your job? Mm-hmm.
Wow, that's goo Great! Congratulations.
That's awesome.
Does that mean there's a vacancy here now? Ah, yeah, yeah.
You want me to put in a good word for you? Uh, yeah, if you wouldn't mind.
Yeah, perfect.
I'll take your job, you take mine.
Great, if I had a job to take.
What? Are you serious? Didn't I say I'm kind of between jobs at the moment? But you said you'd hire me in a second.
And I would, I would, if if I had a job from which to hire people.
Oh, you would.
Oh! Oh, that is just fantastic.
Oh, I have to wait around for years for you to get a job, then, you dick face! Whoa! I'm really sorry if I said anything that might have upset you, OK? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
No, no, that's quite no problem.
Whoa! Wowsers.
Ha! What did I miss here? Quite a bit, actually.
Um, probably should explain.
298? Sorry? The winning ticket.
298, you said.
Lucky girl, huh? Pink 298? Yeah.
So it was a pink ticket, then? Can't remember.
I think so.
We should probably get back Yeah, I know so.
You held up a pink ticket and you said 298.
Which is pretty funny, considering that these stubs show that pink goes from Oh, hello! 100 to 200.
Ah! Really? Maybe my maths isn't what it used to be, but I would think, in this case, 298 would not be a pink ticket.
Well, Margie won, so it's all over.
Yeah, Meaty Margie! Yay.
What do you get out of it, huh? Get a few snags out the back, huh? Do you skim a few chops off the top, do you? Not sure what you mean.
Well, you are about to find out.
We know each other from uni and she was trying to help me, and then she got upset and she kissed me.
Why would you make me quit my job? I never told you to quit.
You made me a better offer.
Oh, an offer at his photo booth? That's sweet of you.
Did you take it? Oh, so you do have a job? No, well, no, no, no.
I did Did? It went away because I had to quit, and I was going to tell you, but your dad was looking at me with those little beady eyes.
Yeah, it's Dad's fault.
Hang on.
Are you his? His girlfriend, yes.
Oh, wonderful.
So you have a girlfriend now? I always had a girlfriend.
It never came up in conversation.
No, it wouldn't.
No, it didn't when you had your finger in my mouth? I didn't have my finger in her mouth.
I was wiping food off her cheek.
You practically rammed it down my throat! I did not! You mouth-groped my finger.
Oh! Oh, that is disgusting.
You did well, you did it, so You are a sick freak! Arrgh! She is insane, OK? And I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the job, OK? I just didn't want you to worry about money.
That would've been nice to know before I bought a house.
You bought a house? I did.
Hi, Dan! Come here! Sean! It's rigged! That's my hand! Yvonne, unhand the meat man.
Come on, Terry! It was fixed.
We never had a chance.
Sorry about this, Mal.
Terry! Stand down! Stand down! Stand up.
Alright! Margie lost Bert a week ago! We all thought if she won a couple of meat raffles, it might cheer her up a bit.
Is that true, Margie? Yes.
Well, I'm going to have to see a death certificate.
Oh, look out, look out! Sean! Get back here.
Arrgh! Sorry for your loss, Margie.
Three-second rule.
Come on, Vonnie, we got some.
Sean! Sean! Sean! Sean! Sean! Well, thanks, Sean, you ruined that.
Well, you ruined Peggy! I I you wanna have a go? Yeah.
Yeah, I do wanna have a go.
Well, let's bring it.
OK, let's bring it.
No, let's bring it.
Yeah, let's bring it.
'Cause when I bring it, it's brought! Good, 'cause I want you to bring it! Oh, I will bring it.
Good, bring it over here.
You bring it here.
I'm ready, mate.
See ya, losers! Peggy, that's my car! Peg! Peg! Peggy! Peggy! Peggy! Peg! What's that? Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
It's our new home.
She is an absolute beauty, Kevvie.
Oh, I bet she's got on-board sat nav.
Oh, and the rest, mate.
Top of the range.
Oh, Mum.
Dad and Italy, did you really think that was going to happen? No.
I guess not.
Hey, Bridget, how could you let Cora buy an apartment? Relax, it's fine.
I'll take care of it.
Thanks, Bridge.
Mum, this is all I could salvage.
I'm sorry.
Maybe Dan could get his arm down there.
He's weedy enough.
Oh, they're fake anyway.
I only wore them 'cause of Mum.
That's them.
And she's the one who manhandled me.
I won't stay silent on corruption in the meat raffle industry.
It's nice you've got your job back, Louise.
I believe these are yours.
Uh, what about our slide show? Well, you're not doing it in there.
Lift it up! Hey! Up! Photography's more of a hobby than a job.
Anyone can do it.
Happy birthday, Bridge.
He's cute.
That is another great suit.
Why do you want to work here? Because I love packing dead people's ashes into canisters, and firing them into the sky.
No, Terry! But I'm hungry.
You know the rules, please.
Sean, she is driving me knackers.
Who is? Yvonne.
I don't think your uncle would take too kindly to you cracking onto his girlfriend.
I wasn't Did you hire a stripper? No! Exotic dancer.
There's a big difference.
Bugger off, you! Roger! Whoa!