The Neighborhood (2018) s04e06 Episode Script

Welcome to the Haunting

1 Hey.
Hey, Dave.
Can you grab me a wrench, man? Yeah, sure.
Gotcha! Good job, Grover.
Okay, you know what, son? This is a teachable moment.
Never prank the person who pays your allowance.
Yeah, that's why I won't prank Mom.
Man, I love Halloween.
It's like Christmas, but instead of giving out gifts, I give out nightmares.
Hey, y'all.
Oh, hey, Dave.
Are you taking Grover trick-or-treating? Nah, he's going to a friend's Halloween party.
Apparently, the kid's too cool for me now.
I saw that one coming.
Yeah, you lasted longer than we thought, Dave.
Dad, I think there's a scratch on your truck.
What? - Where? - Yeah, ri-right here.
Can't you see? It's right there.
Want to float? It's okay, guys.
It's just Malcolm.
Oh, Pop, you didn't even flinch.
And this mask was not cheap.
Yeah, well, your prank was.
I've been pranking people in this neighborhood for over 30 years, and no one has gotten me yet.
I'm the reason Freddy Krueger moved to Elm Street.
This yard is filled with the bodies of those that tried to scare me before.
Oh, please, Pop.
I would not go that far.
Don't leave me! Come for the king, you best not miss! - - Gonna scream on Halloween Oh, okay.
You're in a good mood.
Let me guess, you scared the hell out of someone this morning? I got Miss Kim real good.
You know, it turns out she runs pretty fast without that walker.
Calvin, you are wrong for that, baby.
That was terrible.
I'm-a go over to Gemma's and pick out a costume.
I'll be back later to give you some candy.
Mmm, mmm.
Did you turn the AC on? I just got the chills.
That's all me, baby.
All right.
I do feel a little draft in here, though.
Tina? What was that? Anyone here? Oh, all right.
I see.
Trying to scare me with the ole Chucky footsteps.
Yeah, come on out.
Malcolm? Marty? Oh.
Well, I guess no one's here, so I'll just go back to the kitchen.
I see somebody's learning from the OG.
A little girl, really? Nice try, but I was there when your mama gave birth to you.
It's gonna take a lot more than that to scare me.
Okay, we've got all the classics: sexy vampire, sexy nurse, - sexy maid.
- Ooh.
Ooh, save the sexy maid for later.
My room is dirty.
Honey, we have company.
It's fine.
I know you two are freaks.
Oh, look, my old cheerleading uniform.
Go Cobras! I used to roll the skirt up, so when I walked away, you'd see my Yeah, you're right.
I'm a freak.
All right.
Well, you guys have fun.
I'm gonna go find a new space for Webster here.
You know, he was traumatized this morning when I faced him towards Miss Kim's yard.
So, uh, what do you think? Sister Mary Cleavage? - Mm.
- Or Satan's little helper? Ooh, I'll take the Devil.
Is it hot in here, or is it just me? Shh - You know it's me.
- Yeah, it's you.
Calvin? You home? Yeah.
Hey, Dave.
What's going on? Left your wrench out front.
Ah, yeah.
Thank you.
Ooh, while I'm here, I was wondering, are you planning on pranking me tonight? Because, you know, I'm a little skittish already, and, look, if you're gonna do it, can you just do it to me now? That's not how pranks work, Dave.
What was that? Was-was that the prank? Calvin, 'cause I told you, I am skittish.
Nah, that's just Marty and Malcolm trying to pull a prank on me.
And it's so lame, it's a shame.
Okay, Calvin, uh This all sounds pretty real to me.
No, Dave, I'll show you.
They just got a fan and-and a speaker hidden in here somewhere.
You'll never find me.
And we don't want to.
Aha! Found it.
Man, you know what? You would think, with me being their father, genetically they would be better than this.
And just like that we unplug ghost girl.
So disappointing, guys.
Yeah, that's right.
You can't dethrone the king.
Do you want to play? I know I unplugged that speaker, right, Dave? Dave? I can't believe these fools are trying to come for the king.
Now, I know my boys did it.
I may not know how they did it, but I know they did it.
Or your house is actually haunted by a creepy little girl.
Be quiet, okay? We're about to get the drop on them.
And because I'm the landlord, I got the key.
What the hell? Okay, all right.
Well, to be fair, we didn't knock.
Pop, is that you? Yeah.
I wish it wasn't.
Dad, Dad, we can talk about boundaries later.
Right now, we need your help.
Why are you guys wearing this ridiculous costume? We're going to a costume party later, so we figured we'd try it on first.
And I told Marty it was stupid, and the stupid zipper got stuck.
Yeah, well, then Malcolm started freaking out, and I'm downwind from Malcolm, so then I stated freaking out.
Okay, all right, all right.
Let me see what I can do.
Very clever, fellas.
I see what you're doing.
You got you a alibi.
But I know that you're the ones that's behind this creepy little girl stuff, and I'm gonna prove it.
You got to remember, I'm the prank king.
What are you talking about, Pop? We've been stuck in here for an hour.
Man, this thing really won't budge.
Ah! Hurry! I know camels can hold their pee, but I can't! Ah! I'm not gonna make it! I'm not gonna make it! Huh.
If you two can't get out of a camel suit, then I know y'all not behind the ghost girl.
The question is, who is? We already tried pranking you this morning, Pop, and that did not work.
Well, I'm gonna find out who's behind this thing.
Trust me.
It can't be Tina.
No Maybe it's Miss Kim.
She's only got one good hip.
Well, I'm gonna figure out why I agreed to go as a camel instead of Dumb and Dumber like I wanted to.
It's Halloween, son.
You can't go as yourselves.
You served it up too easy.
Ooh, girl.
Look at you.
You should save that outfit for when Dave is mad at you.
Oh, and I would happily spend a night in hell with you.
Oh, hey, guys.
What do you think of our costumes? Um I mean, uh, no offense "No offense" is always followed by something truly offensive, but go on.
Should you be dressed that way? I mean, you-you're you're moms.
And you have been for, like a while.
So, what do moms dress like? Well, Uggs, messy hair, sweatpants with holes in them.
Yeah, uh Chipped nail polish, a T-shirt that says, "Everything happens for a Riesling.
" - Okay.
It's time for you haters to leave.
- Yep.
Beat it.
Get out.
Tina, I never thought I'd say this, but do you think we're too old for Sexy Halloween? You know, normally, I would scratch your eyeballs out - for saying that - Mm-hmm.
but this corset is killing me.
- Please, just give me a pair of sweatpants.
- Okay.
For Halloween, I'm going as a lady that gave up.
You know, Calvin, that's your third cup of coffee.
You're damn right it is.
Because I'm staying up all night until I figure out who's trying to take my prank crown from me.
You know Calvin, is it really that hard to believe that a little ghost girl wants to play with you? You know what, Dave, you're off the case.
Go home.
Dave! Look! Oh, my God.
Is that a tamale? No.
I think it's a doll.
Stop! Don't touch that.
Wait, uh, Miss Kim, you-you know who that thing belongs to? Oh, yes.
And I'd hoped I'd never have to see her again.
See who? Emily.
Who's Emily? The little girl that haunts this neighborhood.
Wait a minute.
I've lived here for 30 years.
I've never heard of this Emily.
Have you been drinking again? Yes, but mind your business.
Emily lived in this neighborhood over a century ago.
Oh, that Emily.
I heard about her on NPR.
The story goes that she went missing on Halloween, and now every time there's a harvest moon on October 31, she returns in search of a playmate.
That's right, Dave.
The last time Emily was here, she picked little Willy Hopkins to be her next playmate and almost dragged him back to the underworld.
The whole neighborhood had to perform a ritual to free Willy.
You know what, Calvin? I bet that's the little girl that's been running around your house.
She's been in your house? Ooh, that's not good.
- Why? - Because that means that she's chosen you to be her next playmate.
So pack your bags and include some short sleeves, 'cause where you're headed, it's gonna be hot.
All right, you know what, I'm done.
I'm not listening to this nonsense.
Don't you have a gentleman to grope? As a matter of fact, I do.
So if you don't want to know how to get rid of her, it's your funeral.
I'll see you later.
Or maybe I won't.
That's exactly what you get when you mix bourbon with blood pressure pills.
Where's that little ugly doll? I bet Emily took it.
Calvin, you better be careful.
Look, Dave, I'm fine.
All right? This is just all a bad Halloween prank.
Come play with me.
Uh, Calvin, that ball had blood on it.
Aw, hell no.
Miss Kim! Miss Kim! Still depressed about our insensitive children's casually cruel comments? Yeah.
We gave them life, - and now they're hating on ours.
- Mm-hmm.
You want a mini Kit Kat? No.
I want four 'cause that makes a whole Kit Kat.
- Leave us alone! - Yeah, we're trying to eat our feelings! Trick or treat! - Aw.
- Aw.
What we got? Well, we are out of candy, but how about a scented candle, spare car key, and some Clorox wipes? Say thank you, Joey.
I am so sorry.
He is in a mood tonight.
Don't worry about it.
By the way, you look great, girl.
You are one wicked witch.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you! You know, earlier my son told me my costume was embarrassing.
But I wore it anyway, 'cause I am a grown-ass woman.
Yas! I heard that.
You know what? I have one mini Kit Kat left, and it's all yours.
- Happy Halloween to me.
- Yeah.
Aw, I liked her.
You know what? She wasn't a wicked witch.
She was our fairy godmother here to remind us that we still got it.
And forget the sweatpants, too.
- Whoa.
You guys look amazing.
- Hey.
- Mm-hmm? - Little overdressed for a séance, but amazing.
Mama! We talked about this.
It's because you're a mom.
We did, and I don't care.
That's right.
As moms, we decide when we're too old for something.
Now, let's get this tea party started.
All right.
Gather 'round, everyone.
It's time, Calvin! All right.
I'm ready.
Whoa, Tina.
Ooh! Talk about the Devil making you do it.
Mmm! Well, if you get that creepy little girl out of my house, I will possess you all night long.
Focus, you two.
Make sure you keep that on - after this little séance thing.
- Okay, okay.
Are all these people really necessary? Yes, Calvin, we all have to be here for it to work.
Now, sit.
It's the witching hour.
I have to summon her.
Calvin, repeat after me.
Emily it's time to play.
Emily it's time to play.
Emily? Is that you? It's me, Dave.
We met earlier.
Uh, you-you have a very nice laugh.
Seriously, Dave? Come on, man.
Calvin, I'm a people person, okay? Dead or alive.
Emily? It's safe to show yourself.
You don't have to hide.
- You're among friends.
- Uh, yeah.
How about some double Dutch? Tina and I will play with you.
Uh-uh, girl.
Don't put me in that.
Invite Emily to have some tea.
Emily, would you want some tea? I'd love some tea, Calvin.
H-How did you know my name? She's a ghost, Pop.
She probably know your credit score, too.
Eat a cookie.
I made them myself.
I-I don't see any cookies.
I said eat a cookie! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Those cookies.
Well, you know, look at the time.
You know, it's Halloween, so I'm sure you got a lot of other ghost, ghoulie, creepy stuff to do.
So, uh, just go ahead and enjoy the rest of your death, okay? You're coming to my world where we can play together forever.
That's gonna be a hard no from me.
Come with me! Get this little devil baby off me! Oh, I can't Ah! I ain't been to the Bahamas yet! Gotcha! - What? - Oh, we got him! - What's going - Yes! It was a prank, Dad.
We finally got you.
- Yeah, we did.
- Wait a minute.
You all were in on this? Yeah.
You had it coming.
Remember when you put that stink bomb in my mailbag? Yeah.
And then when you put that Krazy Glue on my blunt.
I was talking like this for two days.
And, baby, it wasn't even Halloween.
I mean, you can't limit all this talent to just one day a year.
But wait a minute.
How did y'all do the creepy little girl? Oh, Emily was a hologram me and my buddies worked on at JPL.
We did everything with remote controls, projection audio, and a fog machine.
And I got all the sound effects off the Internet.
Well, except for one.
Too soon? Baby, we were all in on it.
Don't be mad at us.
I'm not mad.
I mean it took a whole neighborhood and a team of engineers just to trick me.
Besides, I wasn't even really scared.
What? Yeah, come on, Pop.
You were terrified.
No, I was not.
You know what I mean? The only reason that I had tears coming out my eyes, because that doll's hair got in there, and I'm allergic to the synthetic Yesterday was so much fun.
You know what, I'm glad you all enjoyed yourselves.
You edit the video yet, Marty? Yeah.
Almost done.
Just adding some close-up's of Dad's tears.
You know what? I got everybody a little something to congratulate you on finally pranking me.
So, uh, here.
- Go ahead and open it.
- Ooh, I love mixed nuts.
- No! - Dave! What? Do not open that.
It's the oldest trick in the book, man.
You got me.
Eh, I guess I'm losing my touch.
It's okay.
It's all right.
Hey, Malcolm, uh, turn the game on.
- Oh, that's right.
- Yep.
What y'all doing? Oh, my God! Yes! I'm still the king! So, you're gonna fix my transmission, right? Uh, nah.
That was also a part of the prank.

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