The Neighborhood (2018) s04e14 Episode Script

Welcome to the Big Little Leagues

All right, Pasadena Dodgers.
It's our first game of the season.
All your hard work is about to pay off.
Pay off.
And it is time to collect dividends.
And you are all too young to understand the banking metaphors.
Is anybody else nervous that we don't have our uniforms yet? - Yeah.
- Hey, hey, hey, uh, uh, relax.
The team sponsor promised to bring them before the season starts, all right? Man, that's in, like, five minutes.
But, hey, in the meantime, let's, um get on our feet, let's close our eyes and do some deep breathing exercises.
Oh, yeah.
Very Zen.
Now, breathe in.
One, two, three.
Breathe out.
One, two, three.
When I say "whoo," you say "sah.
" Whoo.
- Whoo.
- Sah.
Uh, son, that's "Wu-Tang.
" All right? Know the classics.
All right? And speaking of something that's also for the children, check these out.
Hey! Oh, man.
Those look like real Dodger uniforms that got left in the dryer too long.
You know what? And here's the best part.
Bam! Whoa.
Look at that.
Very subtle, Pop.
Uh, was the Goodyear Blimp unavailable? Well, it-it gets better.
Because, during night games, my face gets highlighted.
It's like Vegas.
But instead of Donny and Marie, it's me.
Hey, it's not too small, is it? No, Pop.
This is youth baseball, but that is a major league banner.
So, what do you want me to do, Coach? I can get the kids started with some calisthenics and some wind sprints.
Maybe some shuttle runs.
Uh, no.
No, see, that's a little old-school, Pop.
Before we do any physical work, we do visualization exercises.
See the ball.
Be the ball.
And throw the ball.
Now catch the ball.
See that, Dad? I just jumped four feet and caught it off the wall.
Imaginary Gold Glove goes to you, buddy.
Since we're imagining things, I'm gonna imagine I just didn't see that.
What is Listen, I'm just trying to take a more holistic approach to the game, man.
It's important to train their minds and their bodies.
Son, Babe Ruth once ate 12 hot dogs before a game.
That man wasn't worried about his mind or his body.
And he was a winner.
Well, there's more to sports than winning, Pop.
What? Son, come on, now.
I taught you better than that.
My coaching got you all the way to the pros.
Let me see your lineup card.
Cards are so old-school, man.
It's an app now.
- Give me the thing.
- Oh.
Okay, so you got A.
at first base.
Wh-Which one is A.
? Oh.
Right over there.
The one wearing his glove as a hat.
That's not gonna work at all.
Whoa, whoa, hold up.
What are you doing, Pop? Call me old-fashioned, but I'm putting in your best players.
And we may use an actual ball.
Hey, kid! Heads up! Okay, let's-let's imagine that didn't happen.
Cupcakes! Get your cupcakes here! Made with peanuts and Cracker Jacks! And I do care if you ever come back! Hey, uh, Mommy would you, uh, hook your favorite son up with one of those cupcakes? Oh, well, these are free samples to drum up my business.
But for you, baby, - Mommy has a extra.
- Oh.
That's what I'm talking about.
Did your finger just slip or did you just wipe off some of my frosting? What? There's too much frosting.
I worked hard to get my cake-to-frosting ratio perfect.
And you are not worthy to eat it.
Gimme! - You're not worthy! - Please! Cupcakes! Get your perfectly frosted cupcakes here! All right, come on, Noah! - You got this! - Come on.
See the ball, be the ball.
Just hit the ball.
Whoa! - Oh, that's out of here! - All right! That's what I'm talking about! Oh, man, Noah really crushed that thing, huh? And whose idea was it to have him bat cleanup? Oh, I believe his face is on the back of their uniforms.
Yeah, I guess you were right this time, Pop.
Just like most of the great coach dads.
Think Venus and Serena's father.
Tiger Woods' daddy.
LaVar Ball.
Okay, the jury's still out on that one.
But, better yet, your father.
Lucky you.
Nice win today, buddy.
You know, you guys played like real big leaguers out there.
I mean, I guess.
But I'd feel more like a big leaguer if you'd let me walk to the park by myself.
Even A.
's parents let him go on his own, and he still has "accidents.
" You really want to walk to the park by yourself? Because, you know I cherish those walks.
Well, um, what your dad means is w uh, we'll talk about it.
Okay? Why don't you go up and change? Okay.
That's our baby.
I know.
That said, I'm totally fine letting him walk by himself.
You know, but if you're not, I get it.
Oh, I-I'm I'm ready.
I just don't want to rush you.
Oh, no, I'm already there.
I'm totally cool letting him walk five long blocks through the streets of Pasadena all by himself.
Me, too.
I don't even care - if there's a 30% chance of rain.
- Oh.
- Cool.
- Cool.
- Cool.
- Cool.
You know, I hate to say it, man, but that kid can't catch or hit.
Or high-five.
Look, if we're planning on winning, we're gonna have to make some changes, starting with getting A.
to switch to soccer.
Everybody plays these days, Pop.
And they should, because they are here to have fun.
But thank you for your help.
So, what you're saying is "no thanks.
" Maybe you forgot who got you the win last time.
It Maybe we should visualize it.
I visualize a great man.
A wise and all-knowing coach with a hardheaded son.
Oh, uh Oh, I Wait, I-I I'm not seeing any of that.
- Yeah? - Now, I hate to break it to you, but you are not the coach of this team.
All right, everybody line up for some pregame yoga.
What are you g hell no.
I got my own yoga.
It's called running laps until you puke.
Let's go.
What? Everybody stop! Tree pose.
Uh, trees don't play baseball, Malcolm.
Go! Get it! - Let's run! - Wait a minute, stop! - Stop Stop.
- Keep going.
Run it off.
Triple Play here, get your Triple Play.
Everything you love about baseball, now in cupcake form.
I'll try one of those.
Oh, sure.
Here you go.
Doesn't anybody respect cupcakes anymore? It's got too much frosting.
No offense, sir, but you have frosting for brains.
Give it back.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
You're not deserving of my cupcake.
- Come on.
- Okay.
Sorry about that, Alejandro.
Let me just talk to my friend for a minute.
Take your time.
I'm going to the snack bar, where they're not as judgy.
Do you know who that was? Yeah, A.
's no-taste-having daddy.
Yeah, but he's also a food critic with a huge Instagram following.
How huge? He got a Wienerschnitzel kicked out of his neighborhood.
So it won't be good if he writes a bad review of your cupcakes.
Well, ain't that some schnitzel? You're out! I know.
Now I'm also deaf.
I love you unconditionally, son.
Grover was a mile behind that pitch, man.
You know what? Uh, Ump, time.
- Come here.
- Whoa, whoa, hey.
What are you doing, Pa? I'm making the hard decisions you won't.
Noah, you're pinch-hitting.
Ben, to the bench.
I love you unconditionally, too, Ben.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
T-This is my team.
What I say goes.
Well, I'm gonna take over before you steer this team into a ditch.
All right, look, Pop, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
- You're kicking me out? - Yes, I am.
Baseball has changed, old-timer.
Oh, is that a fact? Do they still do this? Huh? No, Pop.
It's more like this.
Oh! - So you gonna do it like that? - Yeah, I'm-a do it like that.
I know more about this You know what, that's it.
Get out of here, Pop.
I've got a game to coach.
You know what? You want me to fall back, I will.
See the loss, be the loss.
Oh-ho, you know what? That is it, Pop.
Let me put this in a language you can understand.
You are out of here! Okay, all right, uh, guys, I-I know you're working through something right now, but technically, I think the umpire is the only one who can toss somebody from a game.
Don't look at me, man.
I'm only doing this for community service.
Fine, Malcolm.
You want me to go, then I'll go.
Ok All right.
Guys, baseball is supposed to bring fathers and sons together.
- Um, Dad? - Grover, not now.
Now, please, let's just talk about this.
You know what? Enough talk.
You got players out here being trees and woosah-ing and drinking wheatgrass shots.
Well, when you come to your senses, you know where to find me.
The winner's circle, baby.
Oh, and one last thing.
Well, what do you mean I can't cancel my oven delivery? Okay, fine.
I take my "good afternoon" and "I hope your day is going well" back.
I see you're having one of those kind of days, too.
Ugh, man, I pissed off a food critic.
I don't even want to talk about it.
What's going on with you? Your disrespectful son kicked me out the game.
What did you do? Absolutely nothing.
All I tried to do was share my wisdom.
Oh, boy.
Wait a minute.
Are you taking his side? Calvin, what's going on? Look, I just thought it was gonna be the way it used to be.
Uh Baseball was always our thing, and but now, it seems like he doesn't need me.
Baby, you are a great father, which also means knowing you've done your job.
Yeah, I guess.
And the beauty is, knowing that all of their accomplishments come right back to us because we raised them.
I guess, when you put it that way, I'll back off.
- All right.
- But for the record, backing off is not how you get Will Smith to play you in a movie.
Thanks for finally letting me walk to the park by myself.
Oh, yeah, you're welcome, buddy.
Hey, your mom went to go get snacks before the game, but we'll both meet you at the park.
Wait, which way is the park again? I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
- Bye, Dad.
- All right, buddy, have a good time.
We'll see you at the game.
Bye, Grover.
Hey, uh, Marty, can you come over and bring your drone? Of course you have a drone.
Your bumper sticker says "E.
Drone Home.
" Okay, all right.
There's Grover.
He's fine.
See I was worried for nothing.
No, man, I told you this was a safe neighborhood.
Hold on.
Is there someone following him? There's definitely someone following him.
What kind of sicko follows a kid? - Give me those controls.
Give me that.
- Wait, you are not certified! What the ? Some sicko with a drone is following Grover.
Wait a second.
That creep is Gemma.
Gemma? What's she doing out there? Well, she is lying to me about getting snacks.
Uh, Gemma, I know what you're doing, because this thing is HD and I don't see any snacks.
Dave, why are you in a drone? Because I was worried that Grover would be followed by some weirdo.
Apparently, that weirdo is you.
Oh, hi, Melody.
Just talking to Dave in a drone.
So you're stalking our son now? Totally not cool.
Wh Oh, yeah? Oh, I guess neither one of us are as cool as we thought we were.
Mom? Dad? Now, this is real uncool.
Yeah, we've already established that.
Hi, Mr.
Um, yeah, I-I know who you are.
So before you write something nasty about my cupcakes L-Let me stop you right there.
I already wrote my review.
I just posted it.
Really? I mean, how could you even sleep at night knowing that you're killing a Black-owned business? I-I'm not even a mom-and-pop shop.
I'm just a mom shop trying to "Local Baker Hits Grand Slam.
" Oh, so I don't have to cuss you out? Please don't.
Gemma gave me another cupcake and I loved it.
With all the frosting, just as the artist intended.
Well, okay, then.
Oh, I'm sorry I went off earlier - I'm passionate about food.
- Oh I need to learn to keep my opinions to myself.
Apology accepted.
All right, all right.
Is that mayonnaise on your french fries? Are you out of your mind? Baby, I know it's hard for you to just sit here and watch, but you're doing a great job at letting Malcolm do his thing.
You were right, babe.
- You know, I need to let go.
- Yeah.
And not notice that Ben is shooting a TikTok video in the outfield.
Look, Grover's coming to bat with the bases loaded.
Be the hero I know you are! Oh, Lord, please.
P-Please shine your light upon Grover and bestow upon him hand-eye coordination.
Nice save.
Let's go.
Come on, G-Man.
Just wait for your pitch.
Strike two.
Full count.
That's all right, that's all right.
G-Man, step out of the box.
Are you sure? I don't want to be the reason we lose to them again.
Trust me.
Oh, man.
- I knew my baby could do it.
- Aww.
Oh I should've never doubted you, man.
Hey, this is my son, everybody.
And he's got his own ideas.
Well, uh, actually, Pop, it was you that inspired me to call for a bunt.
Uh, back in the day, you always had me bunt - when I was in a slump, so - Mm.
It's a little old-school, - but it works.
- Yeah.
I guess all that imaginary bunting practice paid off.
Yeah, it did.
Imaginary Gatorade bath! Well, thank God it worked, or you would've never heard the end of it from Dad.
No, I never would have heard the end of it.
Well, I guess I could learn something from this new-school stuff.
Well, and I can use some old-school coaching tips.
Why don't you come by next practice? Oh, you know what, son? I'll come by, but you got this.
This is your win, you're the coach.
Hey, I'm the one who actually won the game.
And I never doubted you.
Even though some of these haters did.
Oh, yeah, I heard you.
Well, uh, you know, hey, guys, uh, to celebrate, why don't we all go out for pizza? - Aww.
- Okay.
That's what I'm talking about.
- Hey, old-school rules.
- Yeah.
Coach pays.
Oh! Not cool.
You can't carjack your own dad, Grover.
I can and I did.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hey, honey.
So, Grover Sorry we didn't trust you to walk to the park alone today.
It's okay, Mom.
I knew letting go was gonna be a process for you guys.
We're really proud of you.
So we decided you are ready for this.
A phone? Thanks! Best day ever.
You guys are the coolest.
I'm gonna go text A.
You hear that? - He said we are the coolest.
- Ooh.
What's cool is with that phone, we can track his every move.
You know it.

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