The Other Two (2019) s01e09 Episode Script

Chase Drops His First Album

1 God, I hate flying.
You know if this plane goes down, the headline is gonna read: "ChaseDreams Comma Others Die in Plane Crash"? We are "Comma Others.
" Just need to see our pilots, and as long as they have salt and pepper hair, I am good.
- Why? - Salt and pepper hair, it's experience, it's knowledge, it's miles.
My ideal pilot is John Slattery.
This isn't even a real flight, okay? We're just gonna be circling JFK for 90 minutes.
Why couldn't Chase just release his album in a club? Um, because any idiot can release an album on land.
Only truly bomb people do it in the air.
Can we please not say "bomb" and "air" right now? Look, this is gonna be fun, okay? And we're not gonna die.
When I say Chase, you say Dreams! - Chase! - ALL: Dreams! - Chase! - ALL: Dreams! [all screaming] - [chanting] Chase! Chase! Chase! - Okay.
We might die.
[kids screaming] Okay, welcome, everyone.
And shut up.
Love the excitement.
Can't take the noise.
Now, you're here because you're Chase's biggest fans.
And because your parents are rich.
Is ChaseDreams really on the plane? - Yes.
- [crying] And for your superfans, it's not just Chase on the plane, but the whole Dream family.
[all scream] I love you, Cary! I love you too.
Okay, and remember, once the music starts Hey, Cary, your hair is looking a lot less swooped.
I know.
Why didn't you tell me? I looked crazy.
Well, I was trying to be supportive.
Also it was really funny.
You're the one that told me to ride the wave.
I told you to use Chase.
Not become him.
Now, once we reach 30,000 feet, we will be streaming live on ChaseDreams.
com.
There are cameras all over the plane, except the bathrooms.
Viewers will be able to watch any camera at any time.
So if you need to yawn, burp, sneeze, fart, do it now and do it fast.
[tiny fart] Excellent.
Oh, um, here's a random question.
Lance.
Just such an idiot.
Right? Um, sure? But he's, you know, he's kind of cool, as well.
Oh, so you're getting back together with him.
- No! - Yes.
No.
No.
Never.
I just I think you should be nicer to him.
Okay, Brooke.
God I wish I had seen those pilots.
Hey, Car.
I know you're scared of flying, so I thought you might want to hold Helen for a little bit.
You brought a pig on the plane? It's a therapy pig.
I got it for you.
Look, she's very calming.
Unless you hold her the wrong way, and then she'll attack you in ways that you never thought were possible.
Um, no thank you.
Okay.
I was just trying to help.
Okay, folks, we are ten minutes out from hearing Chase's new album.
[all scream] 12 incredible songs.
We are talking over 19 minutes of music.
12? I thought he only had three songs.
Uh-huh.
And nine remixes.
Hey, not to be a bummer, but, um How are you doing with today? Oh, um, I'm okay.
Sorry to bring it up.
No.
No, no.
It's It's good.
I mean, it's been almost a year and no one ever talks about Dad.
Yeah, it sucks.
I wonder if Chase's remembers it's his birthday.
I'm sure Mom does.
I hope she's doing okay.
- Hi, guys! - Oh, God.
Hey, how, uh, how you doing with today? I'm great.
I'm great.
This is such a big day for Chasey.
And me.
I'm wearing the first sample from my jewelry line.
Oh, you have a jewelry line now? Yeah, yeah.
The book was such a hit that they're letting me move into apparel now.
This is just a prototype.
The real version will be four times bigger and heavier.
Okay, I'm gonna go check on Chase.
I'm wearing it on the livestream to get feedback from the marketplace.
Yeah, wow, you You're doing a lot.
[rattling] Hey, kiddo.
Just wanted to see how you're doing.
Today.
I guess I feel a little weird.
Yeah, I figured.
- Do you want to talk about it? - Sure.
They put a bunch of filler in my lips to make them look kissable, and now I can't feel them.
Oh.
Okay, any last questions before we go live? Yeah, where's my mom? Oh, right.
She arrived not very camera-ready, so Casandra will be your mom for this flight.
Hello.
That's an upgrade.
God, Chase doesn't remember either.
Oh, my God, that is so sad.
I have said it once and I'll say it again, Cary.
We are the only normal emotionally stable people in this family.
- [rumbling] - Oh, God! - Oh, God.
- Oh, my God.
Come on, that was not even that bad.
[sighs] - [beep] - Hey, guys.
It's your captains speaking, Tiff and Amanda.
Sorry about the turbulence, but from now on, we are expecting such a smooth ride.
So relax and enjoy the flight.
BOTH: Bye! Mm, no.
Our pilot's name is Tiff? Oh, what, a woman can't be a pilot? - Okay.
- Wow.
Gay misogyny is real.
No, a woman can be my pilot, all right? Meryl Streep can be my pilot.
Viola Davis can be my pilot.
You'd rather have Viola Davis, the actress, than than two actual pilots? - [beep] - Hey, guys.
Sorry to bug.
But we have now reached cruising altitude.
So feel free to unbuckle and move about the cabin.
BOTH: Bye! - I know you know what I mean.
- No.
No, I don't.
They said "bye" at the same time.
I love women.
I think all pilots should be women, and I think all flight attendants should be Yeah, well, we have to keep the phones - Oh, shit.
- What? This guy I used to sleep with by the airport.
Oh, my God, he's coming.
He's coming.
[snoring] - [gags] - [beep] Okay, it's official.
We are streaming live! Say hi the world, guys! ALL: Hi! On behalf of ChaseDreams.
com, welcome to the release of "Chase Manhattan," featuring "Stink," the number one song on iTunes for six weeks running.
And now the man behind the music, ChaseDreams! [all screaming] [pop music playing] ChaseDreams! Okay, calm down.
Okay, thank you guys so much for being here.
Today is a special day, because it is the release of my first album I ever got to make.
[all scream] It's also special because today would have been my dad's birthday.
ALL: Aww.
He was the best, and I really miss him.
He died of cancer.
So in honor of him, I have a surprise.
I'm gonna donate 10% of my album sales to the American Cancer Society! - [all scream] - [music playing] BOTH: Oh, fuck.
What are we doing? There are no cameras in here.
I don't think there's any AC either.
God, Cary, focus.
Chase just told the whole world that Dad died of cancer.
Mom needs to tell him the truth before someone else does.
I know.
You should talk to her.
What? Why me? Because you're Chase's assistant now.
So? I mean, you are way better at having difficult conversations with Mom.
Remember when you told her you were gay? You told her I was gay.
I mean, who can remember who told what when? She found weed in your purse so you said "Cary's gay.
" [laughs] That's right.
Well, in that case, it's your turn.
[pop music playing] - Hey, Mom? - Hey.
Can I talk to you in the bathroom for a sec? Sure.
Okay, if you guys liked that song, you're gonna love this next one, 'cause it's the same plus horns.
[all scream] [brassy pop music playing] How do people have sex in these things? - They're so small.
- Ooh, Mom, gross.
How are you not freaking out right now? About what? Chase just made his entire album about cancer, and he did not have a dad that died of cancer.
So? It's still nice.
What are you saying, you don't want your brother raising money for cancer? That's pretty low, Cary.
No, I don't want my little brother labeled a liar.
Well, no one knows the truth except for our family.
Well, and the hospital.
And Lisa from down the street.
She's the one who brought me the blow-dryer.
Oh, my God, Mom.
But it's not online anywhere.
Even his obituary said cancer, so this can just be like our new family history.
Mom, that's not fair to Chase.
We'll deal with it later.
I mean, he's only said "cancer" once.
Okay, guys, I've got another surprise.
This fall I'm going on tour, and 10% of the proceeds will also go to the American Cancer Society! [cheers and applause] Great idea, Chasey.
You're doing it.
You're fighting cancer.
Hi, Shuli.
Can I just talk to you in the bathroom for a second? Listen, is there any way we can tone down the whole cancer thing? Absolutely not.
This is a PR goldmine.
That's why we made sure every kid on this plane has cancer.
- They do? - Wait, no, no, no.
We ended up not doing that, because we didn't want them coughing over the "music.
" It's just that it feels like cancer's been done before.
You know? And between you and me, I feel like if we were gonna solve cancer, we really would've by now.
Trust me, Brooke.
By the end of this blitz, Chase will own cancer.
Okay, it's just [tearfully] It is really hard for me to hear "cancer.
" Oh, Brooke, I'm sorry.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, if you're gonna cry, let's get it on the livestream.
Hey, hey, hey, Car.
Can I talk to you in that bathroom for a second? Sure, yeah.
Is everything okay? Oh, yeah, yeah.
I just wanted to do one of these.
So what are you guys talking about in here? You making fun of me? What? No, no.
We're just dealing with a family issue, so Oh, good.
Then, come on, lay it on me, man.
What's what's the issue? All right, because I consider you guys family.
You and Brooke are like grandparents to me.
That's very nice, but we're just gonna handle this internally.
Okay, you know what I think might help? Helen.
I don't want to hold your pig.
Okay, well, can you? 'Cause she's getting very heavy.
Okay, guys, thanks to everyone who bought tickets to the raffle.
All the proceeds are going to Say it with me now: ALL: The American Cancer Society! [cheers and applause] Now the first prize is sick.
God, it's hot.
Where is Cary? Oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, hi.
[chuckles] This is embarrassing.
How are you? I'm great, ma'am.
Would you like a beverage? Ha ha! Very funny.
Uh, so no beverage then, ma'am? Are you joking? It's me.
It's Brooke.
Have we met before? Yeah, we used to hang out.
At the motel.
By JFK.
- I don't - I ate your butt.
Oh, my God, sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Okay, guys, this next item is a chance to be a part of my next music video, 'cause I'll think of you as I film it.
[cheers and applause] Mom? Hi, Mom! You're having fun! [laughs] Can I talk to you in the bathroom for a second? [mouths] Mom, what are you doing out there? I thought Cary talked to you.
Yeah, he did talk to me, and we both decided we're not gonna tell Chase the truth.
Ugh, Mom.
I know that you lied to Chase to protect him, but you could really hurt him.
Well, if you two want him to know so bad, then why don't you tell him? Because I'm not his mom, Mom.
Even though I basically have been for the last six months.
Is it hot in here? Come on, don't change the subject.
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
We're not gonna tell Chase.
And starting tomorrow, my name's Roberta, you're Felicia, Cary's Dante, Chase is Miguel, we move to South America, we start over.
What? No! That is no.
God.
Also, Felicia? My brother's gay - Yes, gay, very fun.
- And I'm here to say This song is about me.
Yay.
I love this.
Hey, Shuli.
Have you see Brooke? I think she's in the bathroom with your mom.
Thanks, cutie.
So Chase is still going very hard at the whole cancer thing.
- Have you not told him? - No, she hasn't.
How about this? We crash the plane.
- Mom.
- Not into a building, Cary.
Into a field so only we die.
- Mom, no.
- Well, I don't see you two pitching any ideas.
- [groans] - God, why is it so hot in here? - [beep] - Hi, you guys.
Not sure if you noticed, but the AC has gone down, which sucks.
We'll pass out some extra water, but yeah.
BOTH: Sorry, guys! I'm just saying if John Slattery was our pilot, - there would be not an issue.
- No.
No.
The AC has nothing to do with them.
That is the grounds crew, and they are probably all men.
Okay, I've decided.
I'm not telling Chase.
None of us are.
That's my final answer.
Why is this necklace so heavy? Remind me, they need to be smaller when we sell it.
Okay, guys, this next question from the livestream comes from a window manufacturer named Tad.
Hey, listen, I tried to stay out of this, but your family has a secret.
And I know what it is.
It's shameful, and it's embarrassing.
But it's time you guys came clean.
You all have diarrhea.
- What? - Yes.
- That's our secret.
- Yeah.
- I have diarrhea.
- Yes.
I smelled it the second you stepped on the plane.
I've been smelling shit this entire flight.
Yeah, it has nothing to do with the pig you've been holding.
- No.
- [pig squeals] Dream family, I just wanna get your take on this.
A couple people on the live stream are saying that Chase's dad didn't die of cancer.
ALL: Um Damn it.
Mom, we need to tell Chase now.
Do you really want him to find out from a livestream? It's probably those stupid nurses.
Or Lisa's dumb fat son.
Mom, we have to tell Shuli and Streeter too.
They need to do damage control.
Oh, why is it so hot in here? SHULI: Dubeks? What's going on in there? ALL: Nothing! STREETER: Give them a second; they have diarrhea.
And they're all going together? - They're all going together.
- Okay, I'm outta here.
- Do you want me to go get Chase? - GIRL: I need to use the bathroom! BOTH: Use the other one.
- It's full too! - Then kill yourself! - STREETER: Helen, no! - [pig squeals] - Mom, just tell him.
- I can't breathe in here.
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe! I gotta get out of here.
No, Mom, can you come back in this bathroom, please? No! I'm not going to.
- It's just a play.
- No! - We have to talk about this.
- No! - Yes! - No! - Mom! - All right, fine! Fine! Everyone wants to know the truth about my husband? Great.
Here it is.
He didn't die of cancer.
He was a fucking alcoholic, and he froze to death on our roof.
Mom, you I wouldn't let him drink in front of Chase, so he climbed up to the roof and he blacked out and he froze to death.
And I found him the next morning, and it was one of the worst things I've ever seen - in my entire life.
- Mom.
And since everyone is so desperate to know all the details of our family's life, how about this? He peed himself too.
And since he blacked out on his stomach, his dick froze to our roof.
That's right, everybody.
That's right! My husband died with his dick frozen to the roof.
And Lisa had to come over with the blow-dryer and help me thaw it off and we had to get an extension cord.
So, there.
It's all out in the Open Let's all have a laugh Let's all laugh at my Dead husband! Mom, no one's laughing.
It's okay.
He was the only man I ever loved.
I did not want him to be a fucking joke.
Mom, nobody thinks that he's a joke.
No one.
Okay? He was a good man.
He was a great man.
- I mean, not great.
- Cary.
He was doing the best that he could.
He was born at a certain time in a certain place, and the gay stuff was very, very hard for him.
But he was doing the best that he could do.
- Do you understand? - I know.
I know.
And this is why I didn't want Chase to know.
You two have so many shitty memories of him, and I just wanted Chase to have something different.
I know [stammers] We didn't know you were this sad.
Yeah, we just thought that you were writing books and - Doing molly and stuff.
- Yeah, I know what you think.
"Oh, there's Mom with her dumb little book.
" - I hear you laughing.
- Well, that's what they do.
You know, they laugh at people.
They think we're all so dumb.
Oh, my God.
Shut up! You're not a part of this family.
And there it is.
She finally admits it.
I would've said that months ago.
I just, I spent the last 30 years of my life taking care of an alcoholic.
Am I not allowed to have a little fun? - No, you are.
- You two come home for the holidays, you come home for the funeral, and you go back to New York City to your big fancy life, and you leave me there.
You leave me there.
I'm sorry, Mom.
We just want you to be happy.
Yeah, I mean, we like it when you write your books and make your necklaces.
I hate this stupid necklace.
It's so big and heavy.
And why is there no AC in here? It's these stupid dumb bitch pilots.
- [beep] - Hey, guys.
We're also watching the feeds up here and really feel for your family, but I think you know the AC is not on us, and it's this kind of girl-on-girl sexism that makes it harder for women everywhere.
BOTH: Okay, bye.
I'm sorry, Chasey.
This might be a bad time, but I remember now.
You did eat my butt.
Oh, no, thank you.
It's actually the perfect time.
Oh.
Okay.
Hey.
I think now might be a good time for Helen.
Yeah, fine.
[pig squeals] Hey, sorry we ruined the livestream or Yeah, sorry I yelled at you.
No, it's okay.
You know, I know you guys think of me as a big joke.
I see it.
But to be honest, I know exactly where you guys are at right now, I really do.
My dad, uh, froze on a bench.
- What's that? - Yeah.
I don't like to talk about it, but, um, my dad was an alcoholic too, and, uh, when I was 18, he Went for a drink in the park and he fell asleep.
And then he froze on a bench.
- [sobbing] - Oh, my God.
I mean, we had no idea.
My my dad froze too.
It was before I was born.
He drank all the time.
And one night he went ice fishing and he froze.
He was so cold.
But anyway Hey, hey, hey.
You guys are not gonna believe this.
People on the livestream are all sharing stories about their dads freezing.
Yeah, hundreds of people.
The hashtag #mydadfroze is trending across America.
Well, mostly in the Midwest and specifically a Brainerd, Minnesota.
Oh, my God, that's so sad.
No, this is great.
Everyone talks about cancer, but no one talks about alcohol abuse or dicks freezing to roofs.
I mean, but your family has brought both issues to light.
Oh, I guess I guess that's good.
In, like, a weird sick way.
Okay, so, Chase and I had a nice talk, and we decided that he's gonna take a month off.
No album press, no tours, nothing.
And I don't care what anybody says, I'm his mother, and I'm putting my foot down.
- Okay.
- Great.
- Yeah, I mean, definitely.
- Oh, my God.
Okay, I just got the craziest email.
They want Chase to perform at the VMAs! [cheers and applause] Wait, like, the actual VMAs? - Whoa, that's huge.
- I know.
I mean, this is gonna change everything.
- Well, when are they? - Two weeks.
Uh, okay, instead of a month, Chase will take two weeks off, but no less.
I totally hear you, but he needs to start rehearsals Thursday.
Okay, he'll take five days off.
And he has a fitting tomorrow.
Okay, he'll go to bed early tonight.
But I mean it, no screens.
I'm serious.
Straight to bed.
Are you excited? - Yeah.
- I know, me too.
Wait, what are the VMAs exactly? Oh, hey, so Brooke told me about your dad.
I'm so sorry, Streeter.
- Oh, that was a lie.
- What? Yeah, my dad's alive.
I just said he froze to help you guys out.
You know, turn a meltdown into a movement.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- Well, thank you.
- Eh.
You are one smart man, Streeter.
You know what, I am really smart.
Also, I got you this Imodium for your diarrhea.
Oh, thank you.
Yep, I am a very smart - [pig squeals] - Oh, Helen, no! So let me know what you think, marketplace.
It's also gonna come in a turquoise, and we got in chocolate brown.
Also, we're thinking of expanding it to fanny packs, but we call them "Fanny Pat's.
" Isn't that cute, marketplace? - Hey, Mom? - Hey.
Can I talk to you in the bathroom - for a sec? - Sure.
- Like a [racing car sound] - Yeah.
[laughing] Hey guys, this is the Other Show.
- I'm Chris and this is? - Sarah, hi.
And we're here to talk about episode nine which is - pretty dark, yeah.
- Jason drops his first album.
Jason drops his first album.
- It's the plain bottle episode.
- Yes.
We're here with Drew and Helene and Molly Shannon.
- Whoo! Molly Shannon! - Yeah.
I know you get a full name at all times.
You know if this plane goes down, the headline's gonna read, Chase Dreams comma others die in plane crash.
We are comma others.
- Well, first of all - Yeah.
If we were on a plane, it would say Molly Shannon comma others die in plane crash.
[laughing] Without question.
The example that we had in the show that we cut was if Oprah and Beyoncé, this is morbid, but were on the same flight that crashed, - Jesus.
- CHRIS: Who would get top billing? I think Oprah.
I think Oprah, too.
But what if it was the day after Formation came out? - Ooh.
- That's tough.
Wait, somebody in the writer's room said that they would put out two different editions - of the paper that day.
- Yeah.
[laughing] Like collector's editions where you'd get to choose - whose your top billing.
- Yeah, yeah.
Can Oprah die? - Oh.
[laughing] - That's a good question.
- Chase! Chase! - Chase! Chase! [screaming] So we shot this episode for four days, and we had a bunch of kids on the plane but not all kids could come for all four days.
They were only allowed to I guess to legally work for two days, or something.
So they hired only twins.
- Only identical twins.
- CHRIS: So everybody on the plane is an identical twin, So in acts one and two, it's one twin and then in act three, where you start screaming, it's their twin.
Whoa.
That's crazy cause we got to there we were like, hi, like we knew them and they were like, "hi".
One twin is gonna be like, I don't know, it's like a fun party and the other one is gonna be like, are you sure? This woman was just screaming about her husband's dick.
Is this the same show? So you what I think might help? - Helen.
- [pig screaming] I don't want to hold your pig.
Okay well can you, because she's getting really heavy? As soon as I held Helen, it screamed.
It could just tell I had bad energy maybe.
Ken was kind of like, the Helen whisperer.
- And Kate was like - Yeah.
Putty in his hands and then the hand off would happen and the screaming would begin.
[laughing] The pig was very happy, very well taken care of.
- Yes, it was.
- Yes of course.
And the pig's owner was really nice.
I got, I became very friendly with her.
- Yeah.
- We texted one another.
We had one experience on SNL where we needed a squirrel, and this handler was like "Yes, I have a trained squirrel and we'll bring it to you.
"The squirrel does what I say.
- "It will do whatever you need.
" - And also, you really have to shoot at night because the squirrel is driving down from the capital.
[laughing] So it was eight hours in a truck.
Driven down, the squirrel was put on its mark, the camera started rolling, the squirrel immediately just - ran up into the rafters.
- [laughing] And then the squirrel's trainer was like, "We just have to wait for it to come down.
" [laughing] She was like, "What do we do? "What should we do?" We were like, "I don't know what should we do?" [laughing] They were sort of like, "Well, you know with a squirrel, you know, you can train it, but you also just like, you actually can't.
" - [laughing] - You actually can't.
It's a wild animal so it's gonna do what it wants.
You can train it, but on the other hand, - you cannot train it.
- [laughing] I'm not gonna tell Chase.
And starting tomorrow, my name's Roberta, you're Felicia, Carrie's Dante, Chase is Miguel, we move to South America, - we start over.
- What? I think my favorite scenes to shoot were the scenes that we went into the bathroom.
So like watch Molly slowly disintegrate.
CHRIS: Yeah.
But we would do them out of order and stuff - and you're so amazing in it - Yeah.
And all of us falling apart at different times.
But like watching you sort of like have the veneer come off is really awesome.
That was a big chunk to memorize.
And we were shooting, you know, in New York, and I stayed at a I think it was a Hilton, to memorize my monologue.
I went swimming and there was like a glass like window, so there was a prom going on while I was memorizing.
So I was swimming, memorizing my lines, waiving to people like at a prom.
- [Sarah] For real? - [laughing] - Dragging that scene.
- [laughing] Molly Shannon is swimming and screaming to herself? And I swam for so long 'cause there was so much to memorize that when I got out I had a charley horse, and I was like, - I hope the prom people don't see me.
- [laughing] I had to scoot up to the That's going to be their prom story.
They're gonna be like, at my prom I went to a dance and I saw Molly Shannon coming out of a pool, just like falling apart.
So let's all have a laugh.
Let's all laugh at my dead husband! Mom, no one's laughing.
It's okay.
He was the only man I ever loved.
I did not want him to be a [bleep] joke.
In the first episode, it says I miss Dad, and we were like yeah, and I know I did too.
- But we didn't decide what that meant.
- Yeah.
It's so it was like fun to figure out in the room - what happened to him.
- Yeah.
We also went back through, kind of when we were towards the end, and added the year of yes for a line for Pat's character.
That was kind of like a later in the game.
Because we really liked this idea that she We've seen her existing through this whole season kind of like repressing and making this new narrative for herself as like a gung ho woman going for it.
And then in this episode where she finally let's that go the side, it's very satisfying to see that woman give it up.
ALL: Yeah.
I love the part where she's like where she just says, explains why she didn't want to tell Chase that she's just like, I just want him to have a chance.
- It's like so heartbreaking.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I just loved how dignified she is with the way she sees him, how hard he did try and so respectful.
And I guess being an Irish Catholic with a long history of alcoholics in my family I just felt like it was just fucking beautiful.
Yeah, I didn't want to give a sheet or it to be a joke, - I didn't want like people to decide - No.
- who he was for him.
- A joke, that's horrible, yeah, no.
It's also not so cut and dry, any of this.
That alcoholism and anything is never just, he was a loser, he was a bad guy.
It's never that cut and dry.
So it's nice to tell multi sides to that story.
Exactly, yeah, multiple sides to the story.
I've never performed anything like that in my life.
I love it.
I loved it.
It was like [kissing sound] [techno music]