The Real Ghostbusters (1986) s05e07 Episode Script


[Ray Parker Jr.'s "Ghostbusters" playing]
Ghostbusters! ♪
[Slimer screaming]
There's something strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
[alarm ringing]
There's something weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
[cat yowling]
Ghostbusters! ♪
- [growling]
- [screaming]
[Slimer] Luigi, jump!
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
[Slimer] Ghostbusters.
[Slimer] Yeah!
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
And me! And me!
Shoo, fly!
Oh! Sorry, Janine.
[groaning] That's OK, Slimer.
We're all a little tired.
A little tired?
My calculator just fell asleep.
That's it. Break time.
We deserve it.
The slave drivers are back.
[Peter] Well, lookey here.
Must be nice, huh, guys?
Yeah, nice.
You people don't know
how easy you have it.
It's a jungle out there in the real world.
Hey, we're working hard, too, you know?
Uh, which reminds me.
When can discuss
the pay raise you promised?
Uh, we'll talk about it later, Janine.
That's what you said yesterday.
Egon said it yesterday.
I said it day before yesterday.
Anyway, I have to hustle over
to the ladies charity function
where I will be auctioned off
as a date to the highest lady bidder.
Ah, the price of fame.
The name's Venkman, Peter Venkman.
Hey, I gotta run, too.
I'm guest speaker
at a comic book convention.
Yeah, and I got to be
on the set in 10 minutes.
We start shooting the Fizz up
TV commercial today.
And I'm off to the University to receive
their Annual Scientific Achievement Award.
- [car honking]
- There's the cabs.
Wait, guys! These checks need signing.
[Peter] We'll sign 'em later, Louis.
That's what you said yesterday.
- Ciao, Janine.
- We'll bring you a doggie bag, Spud.
- Adios, Louis.
- [Winston] Later, guys.
Boy! If their heads swell anymore,
they'll have to wear
"wide load" signs on their backs.
Yeah, and meanwhile,
we don't get pay checks.
[blows raspberry]
Thanks. Uh, are the ladies ready for me?
Uh, sorry, sir,
but the Ladies Club isn't meeting today.
Of course they are, my good man.
They're expecting me.
[brakes screeching]
[man] You sure this is the place, pal?
There's no comic book convention here.
Yes, there is.
Look, I'm the guest speaker.
Just take me around to the stage entrance.
[man] You're the boss.
Hello! I'm here. Ray Stantz.
You know, The Ghostbusters?
All right, C.B. Roll 'em.
[Egon] [clears throat] I am deeply honored
and to some small degree
even humbled to be the recipient
of this prestigious award.
Good afternoon, ladies.
You've really been counting
those calories, huh, girls?
[shrieking continues]
[ghost] Welcome, Mr. Stantz.
We've been expecting you.
Yeah. Roll 'em!
Nice make up job.
Hey, what's goin' on?
[Egon screaming]
[Peter screaming]
[Ray screaming]
[Winston screaming]
[all groaning]
Man, would somebody
tell me what's goin' on?
Where are we?
And don't say we're not in Kansas anymore.
Wherever we are, if this tux is messed up,
I'm not payin' for it.
[Judge] Silence!
Are we dreaming or what?
No dream, Ray.
I believe this is the other side.
The spirit world.
Quiet in my court room.
This court is now in session.
Bring the prisoners forward.
[ghosts laughing]
You Ghostbusters shall stand trial
for all of your countless crimes
against spirit kind.
A charge that is punishable by
Oh, never mind.
The punishment is much
too horrible to mention.
[Louis] The guys back yet, Janine?
No. And without my paycheck,
I can't buy groceries tonight.
Here's money, Janine?
Aw, that's sweet, Slimer, but you keep it.
Gosh! I wonder what's keeping them.
They're probably out eating filet mignon,
while I go home and open a can of beans.
How late do those ceremonies last, anyway?
Who knows? Check the invitations.
Round file.
Wait a sec!
All these invitations
are in the same handwriting.
You're right, Louis.
How weird.
[sniffing] Uh-oh. Ghosts!
- [PKE meter beeping]
- Holy cow!
Look at the meter.
Louis, I think the guys
have walked right into a ghost trap.
Oh, no!
Yeah. And without their
ghost-busting gear.
What are we going to do?
Only one thing to do.
Look out below.
- [grunts]
- Louis, are you OK?
I just can't get the hang
of that stupid pole.
Coming, Janine.
Everybody ready?
Let's rock and roll!
Yeah, yeah, rock and roll.
I hope you have a plan, Janine.
Never leave home without one.
Start reading out those addresses.
Tell me, Ghostbusters, where were you
on the night of April 17th 1840?
1840? We weren't even born yet, pal.
A flimsy excuse.
You're right. How stupid of me!
Do you recognize these faces,
[Peter] Isn't that the Boogieman?
Boy, he sure has aged.
I hate that.
These are all victims of your wanton ways.
Kidnapped by you and imprisoned
in your cruel containment device.
[all screaming]
Hey, what kind of court is this, anyway?
You want to play some one-on-one?
[all] Guilty!
Not yet.
I'd say we have two chances
for a fair trial.
Zilch and none.
[tires squeal]
[Janine] I hope we find something here.
This is the last address.
[Louis] Come on.
Here we go.
[PKE device beeping rapidly]
[Janine] What's this?
[gasps] Egon's bow tie!
The readings in here are exactly the same
as the places Ray Winston
and Peter went to.
[gasps] You know what?
I think the guys have been
kidnapped by ghosts!
Oh, no! Poor guys!
Jury, what is your verdict?
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Uh, no, no, wait.
Ah! I now declare
this bridge officially open.
- No, no, no, no. No.
- [snoring]
I find you guilty as charged.
Take them away!
Hey, come on!
[Louis] But if the guys
were kidnapped by ghosts,
where would the ghosts take them?
The ghost world.
The ghost world? Oh, that's awful!
I'll say.
They're blowing all their
accrued vacation days
in a very overrated spot.
We have to rescue them.
Uh, us? You mean,
go to the ghost world? But how?
Slimer? You're a ghost.
You must know a way in.
Yeah! Yeah, I know a way.
[ghosts laughing]
Oh, I hate that!
[ghost mimicking] I hate that.
Keep it moving.
[all laughing]
Hey, watch it!
Enjoy your stay.
Hey, nobody told us how long we're in for.
[guard] You'll find out, flesh boys.
[ghosts laughing]
[Janine] Slimer, that's not even a street.
Ghosts don't need streets.
He has a point.
[Slimer] Turn here, turn here.
Yeah, yeah, this is it.
[Janine] Oh!
Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's do it.
Wait, Janine. Not till midnight.
Why? What happens at midnight?
We'll find out in about two seconds.
[all screaming]
[all groaning]
[Slimer] Okey-dokey. Let's move on.
[Janine] Swell!
This isn't exactly the yellow brick road,
but let's go.
Boy! I never thought
we'd end up like this.
- Yeah. Pretty humiliating.
- [ghastly harmonica music]
Whoever's playing the crummy harmonica,
knock it off!
- Uh, Peter.
- What?
It's their version of elevator music.
[Slimer] See? Ghost world.
Nice work, Slimer. Now to find the guys.
Where do we start?
I think it's that way. No, that way. No!
[sighing] Never mind. We'll go this way.
[whistle blows]
Chow time.
I hope the food's good.
I'm starvin' to death.
Boy! All my favorites.
Any chef specials today?
Move along, skin brain.
Oh, yuck. [gasps]
[Egon] A little eyeball helper
will do wonders.
Er, pardon me, but, uh, have you seen
four gentlemen, about yea high?
Blabber mouth.
Nobody's going to tell us
where the guys are.
We got to find them on our own.
[Ray] Peter, what are you doing?
[Peter] We got to bust out of this joint.
I can't stand it anymore
and neither can my hair.
Peter, without a plan,
you may be wasting your time.
The security here is fierce.
OK, fine. When my escape tunnel's ready,
you guys can't use it.
See? Never say die.
Uh, Peter
No need to apologize, Winston.
Some of us are leaders
and some of us are
[Peter] I hate that!
Peter! But, from where?
- [Peter] I really, really, hate that!
- Up there.
[Slimer] Oh, no!
It looks like a prison.
[Janine] Come on.
If that's where the guys are,
then that's where we're going.
No, no! Don't take me there.
Don't take me to theThe Arm Pit?
What's the Arm Pit?
You'll find out soon enough.
You boys are next. [laughing]
You mean, right now?
No! Right now, you've got visitors.
[all] Visitors? Here?
[Janine] Shame on you, Peter.
Don't you boys recognize
your sweet old Mama and Papa?
[all] Janine and Louis?
[Janine] Slimer.
What are you guys doing here?
Yeah, this is not a nice place.
We came to bust you out.
Louis, we're outnumbered here 100 to one.
Actually, 100.5 to one.
But we brought blasters.
- Blasters? Where are they?
- [Janine] We stashed them.
We'll make our move at lights out.
[ghost] Your three minutes are up.
[Slimer moans]
A-ha! [keys jangling]
Hostage clear.
[guard snoring]
OK, guys, let's go.
[Louis] They're gone!
[Slimer groans]
Your friends have gone to theTo the
Arm Pit.
Why do I get the feeling
we're walking the last mile?
[Egon] Because that's precisely
what we're doing.
Will you guys shut up?
I'm depressed enough.
[ghosts snarling]
- Any last words?
- Yeah.
[clears throat]
Four score and seven years ago,
our fathers came forth to this
Shut up! You creeps are out of here.
Stop! Stop! I have a pardon
from the governor.
Phew! Just like in the movies.
Pardon me, boys.
[all screaming]
Now who you're gonna call?
[ghosts] Not the ghostbusters. [laughing]
Down, boy, down.
Shoo! Away!
Didn't your mothers ever tell you
to keep your claws to yourself?
Uh, guess not.
[Egon] Help!
They've got me. I can't hang on.
You know, you guys,
sure don't make things easy.
Janine! I could kiss you.
I wanna kiss too.
Sorry, spud. It was a limited time offer.
[Ray screams]
Janine. Louis. Get us out of here.
Heads up!
Go! Hurry up. Hurry up.
[all cheering]
[chuckles] all right. We made it!
[Janine] Uh-oh.
We're not out of the woods yet.
[Janine] The portal's shrinking.
[Slimer] Hurry, hurry!
[Egon] It must be dawn in the real world.
The portal can only exist at night.
Ghostbusters! ♪
[all screaming]
We must be home. There's the East River.
Oh, I think we're in the East River.
No. It's not this clean.
Now I know how you guys feel
at the end of a day.
By the way, Janine, you've got that raise.
I do? Oh, Peter! Thank you so much.
[Peter] Janine!
[all] He hates that!
[closing theme song playing]
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's something strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's something weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
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