The Real Ghostbusters (1986) s05e08 Episode Script

Live: From Al Capone's Tomb!

[Ray Parker Jr.'s "Ghostbusters" playing]
Ghostbusters! ♪
[Slimer screaming]
There's something strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
[alarm ringing]
There's something weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
[cat yowling]
Ghostbusters! ♪
- [growling]
- [screaming]
[Slimer] Luigi, jump!
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
[Slimer] Ghostbusters.
[Slimer] Yeah!
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
And me! And me!
[announcer] ABC Entertainment
and GB Productions brings you
an historic television broadcast,
The Ghostbusters, live,
from Al Capone's Tomb.
With Dr. Egon Spengler
I won't do it.
[announcer] Dr. Ray Stantz
and Winston Zeddemore
[both] Hi!
[announcer] And your host
for this evening, Dr. Peter Venkman.
Al Capone, a two bit hood
with delusions of grandeur
or just misunderstood.
We don't know, and we don't care.
This is it. Al Capone, the boss.
And now here's my associate,
Dr. Egon Spengler, to tell you
why we're here tonight.
Don't push, don't push.
You'll have to excuse him.
This is his first time on TV
and he's just a little bit nervous.
Go ahead, Egon, my main man,
tell the folks at home
why we're here tonight.
We're here tonight because
Peter sold the TV rights
for lots of money before we could stop him
and now we're stuck on national TV
and I'm not having any fun at all.
[chuckles] Isn't he a kidder, folks?
OK, Egon, tell them the real reason.
Egon, read the card.
We are here because Al Capone's ghost
appears every 10 years
at midnight on this spot.
Excuse me?
[Peter] Keep reading!
And we're going to catch him on live TV
right in front of all you
crazy guys and gals.
And now, with no further ado
Peter, wait.
No one's ever seen Al Capone's ghost.
Not in 10 years, that's right.
But we will, tonight.
Thank you, Egon. And you better get back
to those ghost traps. We'll need 'em.
Now here's a brief history
of Al Capone, the boss.
Alphonse Capone, accused as a young boy
of cutting down a cherry tree,
he was never convicted.
The witnesses and the tree itself
suddenly disappeared without a trace.
An only son, he worked hard in school.
That's a real nice pencil box
you got there.
It'd be a real shame if something
would've maybe happened to it.
Ain't that so, Manny?
[chuckles] Yeah, boss. Be a real shame.
[Peter] As a young man,
he came to Chicago,
determined to become a mob tenpin.
I don't know.
Uh, this just ain't right somehow.
[Peter] Then he wised up,
and decided to become a mob kingpin.
Soon, he was the most
powerful gangster in Chicago,
through a series of well-executed raids
on other gangsters.
Better, much better.
[Peter] But like every petty crook,
he spent his last few years behind bars.
Nobody does this to Capone! You hear me?
I'm still the toughest guy around,
and I'll prove it.
You just wait!
That's all, folks!
Whoops, almost midnight.
Just a few minutes to go,
better check in with the team.
You there, guys?
[Ray] All set, Peter.
Can I say hi to my mom in New Jersey?
Maybe later.
Finally, to certify that
everything tonight is on the up and up,
our observers from the firm
of Tully, Melnitz and Spud,
Louis Tully and Janine Melnitz.
[both] Hi.
Anything to say to the millions of folks
watching at home?
[both] Hi.
Yoo-hoo! [humming]
Peter, I'm getting some strange readings.
Maybe you shouldn't push this.
Yeah, while Dr. Spengler and I confer,
here's another clip from Capone's past.
Egon, I know there's been
no sightings of Capone.
I'm not worried about that.
- I'm concerned about all this activity.
- [PKE meter beeping rapidly]
Peter, I think you're waking something up.
Don't worry, it's OK. It's
Peter, we couldn't find the clip.
You're still on the air.
We're still on the air?
We're still on the air!
Al Capone, right here on our stage.
Any minute now,
we'll see that cheap hood Capone,
Uh, Peter
Just a second, Egon.
Yes, Capone, that ectoplasmic wimp.
Peter, I'm getting a
OK, boys, get this straight.
I'm giving youse just one warning.
Cut it out, cut it out now,
or there's gonna be trouble!
The heck was that?
A fourth magnitude
supernatural disruption.
It seems to have come from all around us.
Uh, Peter, we're
Back on the air, right
Well, folks, seems we had a little trouble
with our transmitter.
But we're back on line now, and
- [clock strikes]
- Listen! Midnight!
Peter, I really think
we should reconsider this!
When the clock finishes tolling,
on the final stroke of midnight,
the ghost of that creep,
Al Capone, will rise.
You ready, guys?
All set!
[thunder clapping]
- Peter?
- Now!
Now! Uhnow!
Anytime now.
No, really, he'll, uh
[both] Huh?
[ghost wailing]
I am the ghost of Al Capone.
Well, why not?
I can think of several good reasons.
OK, Capone, this is it.
This isn't your town anymore.
You are finished.
You're a has-been, a loser, a
I warned you!
[thunder crashing]
[Slimer screaming]
- Whoa!
- Peter, I think we've got a problem here!
This wasn't in the script!
This wasn't in the script!
[screams] Oh, my gosh! They're gone! Hey!
[all screaming]
[Slimer screaming]
Oh! Yuck!
OK, I am cheesed off!
How come this stuff
never happens to Heraldo?
- How come we
- Wait a minute.
Peter, where's Ray and Winston?
For that matter, where's Ecto-2?
Told you we'd make it down safe, Winston!
But we haven't checked
for contusions or abrasions yet.
You know the rules about first aid!
Go, go!
[Peter] Hey, looks like a 1930 Ford!
8-cylinder, runners mint condition.
I wonder what else it's got.
[gun firing]
[Egon] Had to ask!
[Ray] Hey, Egon. Look at this!
Those aren't bullets. They're ectoplasm!
I suspected as much.
At a guess, I'd say all of this
is a supernatural manifestation.
It looks like we've been pulled
into the spirit world.
In other words, that's a ghost.
Yes, Peter, that's a ghost.
Well, that's all I needed to hear.
OK, buddy, nobody interrupts my TV show!
Eat proton!
Of course, I meant eat protons
in the very bad sense of the word.
The boss sent me to get you.
So youse is coming with me. Now.
So, what if we don't, like,
wanna go with you?
That would make me very unhappy.
And I would have to shake your hand.
I would shake your hand anytime I wanted,
'cause I would keep it
in a box on my table.
Oh, guys? [laughs nervously]
This nice gentleman would
like us to meet the boss.
Isn't that nice?
You know, if you curtain some nice plans,
then this place could really come alive.
I think coming alive
is a little beside the point.
This whole place is dead.
Well, maybe we're just
not seeing it at its best.
Then again, maybe we are!
So what the heck happened
to our proton patch, Ray?
If Egon's right,
and this is the spirit world,
then the rules of science might not apply.
There it is.
The boss's house.
[Ray] Uh, excuse me,
but who is "the boss"?
The boss? That's Mr. Capone!
Mr. Al Capone!
Said he wanted to welcome
you real personal like.
Make you feel so much the home,
you'll never leave!
[thunder clapping]
Uh, youse is to wait here.
The boss will be with youse in a second.
Big place.
[imitates gunfire]
Slimer, don't! You'll get us in trouble!
Ray, we're already in trouble!
[Al] So, you guys are the Ghostbusters?
Who wants to know?
The name's Al, Al Capone.
Oh, yeah? Let me see some ID.
I got your ID right here, pal.
Will that do?
Well, actually, it's, uh, expired.
Well, so have I, big deal!
And I'm still the toughest guy
south of Chicago.
Way, way south of Chicago.
Thought you'd make
a big name for yourselves
by going after me, didn't you?
Thought you'd make me out
to be some penny-iddy dummy?
Well, I take that kinda thing personal!
I need time to get this working, guys.
Uh, actually
There's a good,
very good explanation for all of this.
Um, tell him what it is, Ray.
Yeah, that's right.
It was, it was Peter's idea.
- Hey!
- Well, it was.
Tough guy!
Without those fancy heaters,
you're not much, are ya?
Maybe where you come from,
you're big stuff,
but now you're on my turf.
Yeah? Well, turf this!
OK, Egon? Now what?
[Egon] Pray he bunts.
It's a raid!
[firing lasers]
I don't get it.
They're firing,
but it doesn't seem to hurt 'em.
[Egon] It's the only thing they
knew how to do in life,
so I guess it's all they know
how to do now.
Great. I've heard about being in a rut,
but this is something else!
Yeah, well, unless we wanna
end up buried in a rut,
I say we make a run for it
while they're distracted.
Agreed. Go!
You'll never take me alive, coppers.
This way!
In here.
Right. OK, quick, in here!
[all] Peter!
Watch it!
I'll have you know I'm a close
personal friend of Jimmy Cagney.
OK, you mugs, listen up.
I'm only gonna say this once.
You guys know where you are?
Well, yes, we're in the spirit world.
There, you see? Guy's got smarts.
Yeah. A regular Einstein.
Well, thank you. I'd just like to say
Shut up!
Yes, sir.
I gonna make you
an offer you can't refuse.
Me and my boys here,
we'll help you get back
to the world of the living,
if you help us get rid of Capone.
Wait a minute.
I thought you were all on the same side!
What are you, a comedian?
When me and the boys got here,
we figured we'll call a truce.
But Capone, he decides
to take over the whole joint.
We don't want that.
We just want to retire
and be legitimate businessmen.
We hear you're big-time enforcers.
So maybe we can make a deal,
what do you say?
I say, sure, why not?
Good. Now which one of you clowns
is in charge here?
I, uh, why do you ask?
We just wanna know, for insurance.
Uh, he is.
Who? Me?
- Who's he?
- [Peter] A ghost.
Must be from outta town. He got a name?
They call him, "The Spud."
The Spud? But[stuttering]
What'd he say?
He said, "Youse guys relax.
My boys will take care of things.
Except wes got a little problem.
OurI mean,
their proton packs don't work."
- [in Italian accent] Uh, work.
- I said that?
That's because they work on science.
This place works on magic.
And the two don't mix.
But we can fix that.
We'll also need Ecto-2,
and we can't go outdressed like this.
[indistinct talking]
Nice guy. Sharp dresser.
He just don't talk too good.
- Well.
- Well, what?
Wellnever mind.
You said you could make
the proton packs work.
Oh, yeah. Here, try these.
[Egon] What are they?
Magic crystals.
Get outta here!
Read the label!
"Magic crystals.
Manufactured by Magic Crystals Inc.
Satisfaction guaranteed,
or your money back."
You boys need a hand?
Uh, no thanks, Ma'am. We got it.
You know, you're kind of cute, doll.
In the right light,
a girl might even think
you're a stellar guy.
Well, I, uh
[Winston] Ray!
Does this mean you don't wanna date?
Maybe some other time, ma'am.
Ah, just as well. My boyfriend's here.
[both] Boyfriend?
Ah, well, well. Ain't this swell?
Small spirit world, ain't it?
[both screaming]
Hit it!
Uh-oh. Those packs ready yet, Egon?
I think so, assuming
these crystals work. Why?
[tires screeching]
OK, Rocky.
It's curtains for you, see? Curtains.
Got him!
OK, let's get this show on the road.
Time to bring Al Capone to justice.
Uh, boss.
There's something you ought to see.
We got trouble.
Keep firing, we're almost there.
OK everybody, back off!
This is between them and me.
You want me, tough guys? Come and get me.
You think you're big guys, don't you?
Well, this is still Chicago,
and I'm the biggest guy in Chicago!
I'm the biggest guy in Chicago!
Ya hear me?
Get him! Fire!
[all] Whoa!
He got the car. Hang on!
Come on, come on!
Take your best shot! Come on!
Peter, are you OK?
Uh, I'm fine, Dad!
Can I borrow the car for the prom tonight?
I promise I'll get it back
in one piece this time.
[Winston] Listen, I've got an idea!
If we can get rid of that bat of his,
we can get a clear shot
with the proton beam!
I think I know how to do it,
but it may not work.
I'll have to go it alone.
Not a chance, Winston, I'm not leaving.
[Winston] That wasn't a request, Ray.
Hey! No fair!
OK, Mr. Capone,
you maybe big stuff in Chicago,
but where I come from,
you're small change.
[Ecto-2] Automatic self
destruct sequence started.
15 Seconds, 14, 13
[Ecto-2] SixFive
[Ecto-2] FourThreeTwo
[all screaming]
Hey, that's no fair!
Tough break, big guy!
Hey, great going, Winston!
Not too dusty!
That was very dangerous.
Hey, piece of cake!
You know, I was thinking, you and me,
we got a great act here.
Now, I was right in the middle
of doing this special for ABC
And, uh, maybe you could help out!
Uh, Peter, I don't think you should
Cut you in for 10%
and the money from the jukeboxes.
What do you say?
Uh, guys?
[Ray] Nice going, Peter.
Peter, this place is bad enough as it is.
At these prices, I'm not surprised!
[banging drums]
Well, look at that.
I see we're out of time.
So, for the Ghostbusters,
wherever they are,
- Where were you?
- Whoa!
Where were we?
I'll tell you where we were!
We were fighting Al Capone and we won
and we got him right here!
Yeah, sure. Get us another one.
ButBut we really did.
[camera man] Right, whatever you guys say.
The point is, the ratings were terrific.
When you guys vanished like that,
the network was flooded with calls.
Everyone was watching.
It's the biggest thing since the election.
What a great trick!
But it wasn't a trick!
It, uh, oh
Well, look at the bright side.
There's always next time.
Excuse me, what next time?
Oh, didn't he tell ya?
We made a deal with Peter for two shows.
It'll be great. I can just see it.
And now, ABC brings you Peter Venkman,
and the world famous Ghostbusters live!
Uh, I was gonna tell you about it, guys.
It just kinda slipped my mind.
From the center of the Bermuda Triangle
[all growling]
Guys? Guys?
[peter screaming]
[all] Peter!
[closing theme song playing]
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's something strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's something weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
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