The Simpsons s25e20 Episode Script

Brick Like Me

(snoring) MARGE: Homie! Homie, wake up! You're having a nightmare.
HOMER: It's not selling out.
It's co-branding.
Co-branding! MARGE: Wake up! (Homer grunting) Oh, honey, the best part of every day is waking up to your smiling face.
Oh Just like the best day of my life was when you (pop) gave me your hand in marriage.
(chuckles) I'd like it back, please.
(barks) Hey! Drop it, you stupid dog! That's one of my wife's pieces! She needs it to reciprocate high fives! (Homer grunting) That's okay, Homie.
I'll just grab another.
Mmm Oh I haven't worn this one since New Year's.
(sizzling) Hmm.
Is it just me, or does something seem weird today? You're right-- something is different about the Simpsons today.
Your father's wearing a tie.
Oh, that's what's different! That's the one and only thing.
Maggie! Stop that! No more playing with your food.
Aw, they're so cute when they're Duplo.
Uh, yes, is this a toy store? Uh-huh.
I'm supposed to get my daughter a birthday present-- hmm, what's it called? Here it is.
Perky Patty's Princess Shop.
(grunts) (groans) Oh! I'm so sorry-- but I have an awesome excuse: I was distracted driving.
Oh, don't worry about it.
(chuckles): Good thing we don't feel pain.
Hey! These are the monkey's legs! (whimpers) (panicked chattering) Come back! I'm a clown! I can't afford to look ridiculous! (school bell ringing) Hey, Bart, check out what I brought for share day.
BART: Whoa! A skunk! Who should we stink first? It can't spray-- it's been de-sacked.
Ew! The gypsy skunk-seller lied! (panicked yelling) He went in there! Stop it! If you pull out those bricks, the whole school could collapse! But there's a skunk in there.
(gasps) Scottish steak! (students groaning) (both gasp) You are going to rebuild every brick of this school.
This says: ages 12 and up.
Age guidelines are conservative, and everyone knows it.
And to motivate you, some words of support from the school chum.
Haw-haw! SKINNER: Thank you, Nelson.
(Homer humming) One Perky Patty's Princess Shop, please.
Always good to meet a fellow AMFOP.
Huh? Adult Male Fan of Princesses.
It's for my daughter.
Yes, yes, it's always for the daughter.
Well, that's weird.
I feel like I've seen this toy before.
(rumbling) Do you like it, honey? I love it, Dad! Thank you.
Well, have fun putting it together.
Wait, wha Dad, don't you want to build it with me? Well, there's no dad on the box.
I don't want to get in trouble.
(laughs): Of course I do! Mm-hmm.
Well, what do you know? I enjoyed playing with you.
Me, too, Dad.
No, no, no.
Listen to me.
We played and it wasn't boring.
We've played lots of times.
Of course we have! Because you're my girl and I love you.
But I'm letting you in on a secret.
When parents play with their kids, they don't like it.
And I'm no different.
Suddenly I can't breathe.
Every fiber of my being screams out for a nap.
And if someone handed me an issue of The New Yorker, (chuckles): I would read the fiction.
I swear to God I would.
But there are millions of parents in the world.
Surely some of them like playing with Nope, not even one.
Just look at the things you kids like: tea parties with pretend food; hide-and-seek with flagrant peeking; and the most inhumane torture ever devised by man (shudders) Candy Land.
But this this is tolerable! (gasping breaths) What a crazy vision.
I was in a world where nothing is made of bricks, except for toys! Hey, read the sign.
Thank you.
(whimpering) Marge, I'm telling you, it was so weird.
My body was squishy, and my hands looked like snakes made of meat! It was horrible! Oh, Homie, it was probably just a mini-stroke.
You're just saying that to make me feel better.
Whatever you saw, it wasn't real.
That's how the world works.
Everything fits with everything else, and nobody ever gets hurt.
I know.
Oh, maybe you just need someone to you know, take your mind off it? Hm? I always need that.
I only don't ask because being rejected (breathily): gets old.
(Homer and Marge sigh) Oh, baby, I feel so close to you right now.
(whistling a tune) (clinking) (shrieks) Hmm? Hmm? Marge? Did you replace our regular mirror with a magical mirror from a mystical salesman at a weird store that if we went back to find it, it wouldn't be there anymore? MARGE: No.
(screams) Okay, Homer, get a grip.
I'm sure lots of people, every time they look in the mirror, see a hideous flesh monster.
Just a one-time thing.
(gasps) Oh, brick me! Leave me alone! Why don't you go back where you came from! I have as much right to be here as you! I, sir, am in the Advent calendar! Hmm? APU: December 18, final week! Huh? Moe, I'm going crazy-- I need to kill off as many of my brain cells as possible.
Well, I'm here to help.
(clinking) (sputters) What the? This isn't beer.
Beer is plastic circles.
How can I drink (shudders) this? (mug shatters) Did you guys see that? Oh, it's getting worse! (shrieks) (grumbling) Ugh! Rebuilding the same boring old school.
I could make this place so much cooler if they just gave me a chance.
(yawns) (snoring) (sneaky chuckling) (gasps) What have you done to my school? I put in a rock-climbing wall, all the classrooms are skate parks, we got zip-line stairwells, Terminator gym teachers, your office is now a haunted forest-- extra ghosts-- and, if you can believe it, two tetherball poles.
How will children learn if they don't feel like they're in kid jail? Relax.
I used all the same bricks.
Plus Ralph.
Yo soy language lab.
(groans) But I don't want to go to church-- I'm too busy going crazy.
Come on, Homie.
When I'm troubled, I always find solace in the airtight logic of religion.
"Before the world began, "there was only table.
"Then the Great Constructor scissored open bag one "and dumped out the universe.
"Then came the time of the Great Sorting: "color to color, shape to shape, and a pile of just "windows and doors.
"And everything was made of eternal, unchanging acrylonitrile butadiene styrene," or in the common tongue, "plastic.
" But, Reverend, what if everything isn't made of plastic? I think there's more to this world.
You mean like decals? Well, the Orthodox don't use them, but we're a Reform congregation.
I mean a place where nothing snaps together and you just can't toss your kids in a dishwasher to clean 'em.
(chuckles): Oh, Homer, a place like that could only exist in some kind of magic rock song.
Look around-- we live in a perfect world where everything fits together and no one gets hurt.
Mustache is right.
(others agreeing) But I'm having all these hallucinations.
Like right now my hands look like they're these weird wiggly things.
I think they have a name, but I can't put my finger on it.
(congregation gasps) Don't look, boys! (pop) Wait! You guys see them, too? He's a freak! Take him apart and lose the pieces under the couch! Well, I don't find him disgusting.
Oh, boy, that's mushy! Come on, Marge.
We need real answers, and there's only one place we can get them! Let's see, "fingers.
" Come on, show me something about fingers.
(sighs) Bad news, people.
Our religion is not true.
Sorry about that.
Really sorry.
If I'm right, when I touch this box, it'll trigger another memory from some alternate me's life.
If I don't come back from that other place, tell my wife I loved her.
I'm right here.
Promise me! (rumbling) I can't believe all the time I wasted playing with Bart when I could have been playing with you.
Aw Our little Springfield is really turning out great.
City Hall, the weird-smelling bank, Rehab World Krustyburger, Krustyburger Express, the Krustyburger where the governor got stabbed Oh, you two.
Hey, look what I found in the "Arts-Weekend-Obituary" section of the paper.
LISA (gasps): A builders competition! We got to enter our mini-Springfield.
We're a great team! We're there.
I'll clear my calendar.
Hey, Lenny, remember those two surfers we were gonna fight? Well, you're on your own.
LENNY: But you're the one who sat on their fish tacos.
Great talking to you, buddy.
(chuckles) Lisa, Lisa, I spent all day at work making a Duff brewery for our mini-Springfield.
I don't want to brag, but it really brews.
Huh? Where is she? Okay, I got us tickets for the 7:30 show of Survival Games.
I've never been to a PG-13 movie before.
I wonder what the one swear word will be.
What if it's (whispering) (gasps) Oh, I've never heard that one.
My grampa said it at Thanksgiving.
We usually don't hang out with second graders, but we saw your Survival Games book report hanging in the hallway, and we were very impressed.
You really understood that the theme of the book was love.
Hey, older girls, I'm Homer Simpson.
That's right.
Lisa's playtime partner and BFF.
(girls groaning) I assume Lisa told you about the pretend tiny town she's building with her overweight father.
Oh, yeah, it's gonna be mucho fresh.
Come on, honey.
It's time to click some bricks.
I don't know what he's doing up here.
He usually stays in the basement.
It's okay, Lisa.
We have dads, too.
I have three dads.
See you Friday.
Friday? But that's when Brick-Stock is.
Um, actually, Friday is the opening night of the new Survival Games movie, and they invited me.
But this was our thing.
I know.
I'm sorry, but cool older girls have never wanted to hang out with me before.
One of them wears deodorant.
I don't know which one.
All right.
Thanks for understanding, Dad.
What just happened? It's not you.
Lisa's growing up.
It's a really complicated time in a girl's life from age eight to actually, all the rest of the way.
Oh! I finally found something I like doing with my daughter, and now I've lost it.
I don't fit into her world.
This is for the tacos! Ow! Tacos, brah! Ow! What did you build? Mmm Oh, that's the teenage crossbow ace who stole my daughter from me.
Keendah Wildwill is a modern feminist hero-- strong, independent and resourceful.
She's a little bustier than I remember.
My work on that front is never done.
I wish I lived in little Springfield.
Everything fits together, and no one ever gets hurt.
(yells) (groans) COMIC BOOK GUY: Okay Apparently, our whole world is a fantasy in the mind of an emotionally-devastated Homer Simpson.
One of the main questions I have about that is, why? The real Homer fears losing his daughter's love, so he invented this toy world where nothing will ever change.
How can you be sure? I have devoted my life to second-rate science fiction.
Trust me, that is what we are dealing with here.
So if I don't find my way out of here, I could be trapped in a fantasy forever? I'm afraid so.
(whooping) I'm trapped in a fantasy forever! Kiss my flat plastic butt, reality.
(giggling) Ooh.
Daddy-daughter time will never end! Inventing this toy world to live in is the smartest thing my brain-damaged brain ever did.
Nothing bad can ever happen here.
Great throw, Homer.
Put it in Tupperware, boys.
We'll rebuild it tomorrow.
Homie, ask yourself-- can you really live in a paradise if you know it's just pretend? Marge, who would give up eating steak in the Matrix to go slurp goo in Zion? We don't have that movie here.
Now Lisa can never ditch me, and I can play with her forever.
(sighs) There, I finished.
All 12 of them.
I'll never build what I want again.
Then you've learned your lesson.
Too bad I got these for my birthday.
They always give me the school.
(groans) Sparkle Unicorn, would like some more tea? Oh, yeah, hook me up with some more of that imaginary nectar.
I've never seen you throw yourself into a tea party like this.
Before, it always seemed like you were kind of phoning it in.
Not anymore, Lisa.
I've created a perfect world with no PG-13 movies to take you away from me.
(sips loudly) Ah! 'Cause in a toy town, everything stays shiny and wonderful, just the way I want it.
You'll always be my little girl.
Maggie will always be my giant baby.
Bart will never move out of the house.
I'll work for Mr.
Burns forever.
Marge and I will never grow old together and live like fat cats on Social Security.
Good Lord, I'll never experience the ultimate reward for a life well lived-- the gentle slumber of death.
Marge, I made a terrible mistake! The fact that kids grow up is what makes time with them special.
I think I need to go back.
I wish you'd told me that before I bought all these groceries.
But I understand.
Lego Marge, you're just as cool as Real Marge.
Who?! Nobody, nobody.
Plastic Comic Book Guy, I need to go back home.
Home? But you've discovered the joy of living in a world made of toys where nothing bad can ever happen.
But I miss burning my mouth on pizza, and David Blaine stunts where he could really die.
Now tell me how to get out of here! All you need to do is open the box back to your so-called reality.
But I can't let that happen.
Huh? You're the bad guy? I thought you were the rule-explainer guy.
As an adult who surrounds himself with child's toys, I represent the part of your psyche that prefers this artificial world.
(rhythmic clicking, gate clangs shut) How did you do that?! Because, as the ultimate collector, I have every play set ever made.
(creaking) Huh? (gasps) Pirates! (whooshing, grunting) Pajama guys! (gasps) I'll never get home.
Who could build something awesome enough to save me? Who? Who?! Who?! Don't you even think about it.
(whirring) You are thinking about it, aren't you? (whimpering) (loud, rhythmic thudding) You are going back where you came from-- Denmark.
What is that thing? I have no idea, but it's gonna kick his butt.
That robot is made out of Batmobile, Hobbit hole and SpongeBob play sets.
That's that's mis-set-genation.
(in robotic voice): Kid power.
BART: Lion blast! (whirring, rapid gunfire) Lightsaber barf! (click, whirring, whooshing) Fire Principal! This is strangely exhilarating.
(crying): No! I am going to enjoy playing with this thing forever! (Bart grunting) I'm a creative but undisciplined builder! (Homer grunts, Comic Book Guy groans) (anxious whimpering) (magical whirring) Good-bye, Homie.
Your squishy meat family is lucky to have a good man like you.
Oh, baby, no matter what the reality, you're the best thing in it.
That was a little weird, right? (laughs) A little bit.
(whirring) (yelling) LISA: Dad, wake up.
Wake up.
Oh, Meat Lisa, it's you.
Are you okay? Oh, I had this crazy dream where I was in a world made of Lego bricks and learned important lessons about parenting.
Mmm, isn't that kind of the plot of the? No.
No, it's not.
It's a new plot.
Honey, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to your movie.
I changed my mind.
I knew how much this meant to you.
No, no, go to the movie with your friends.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that I can't stop you from growing up.
I love you, Dad.
Me, too, little girl.
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY Thayson, Joshuel, don't make me pick between you two on the night before I reenter the Struggle Dome again.
We'll never stop loving you, even if you string us along forever.
How can I choose between two boys, one who's dangerous but good-looking, the other who's strong but super cute? ALL (sighing): Ah! Oh, my God, this is terrible.
When do they get to killing the children? Shh! Wait a second.
You're not into this Shh! She's trying on dresses.
Oh, I just wanted to see kids fight to the death, is all.
Shh! Shh!
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