The Summer I Turned Pretty (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

Summer Dress

1
[BABY QUEEN: "DOVER BEACH".]

Hear your voice over and over ♪
Sitting on the beach of Dover ♪
What is happening? Oh, dear ♪
I keep wishing you were here ♪
And I swear I'm gonna lose it ♪
If I keep playing your music
- [BICYCLE BELL DINGS.]

- Ow! Okay.

Okay.
Okay.

Come on.

[PANTING.]

[BELLY.]
Sometimes it kind of feels like
no matter how hard I try, I just keep
missing the boat.

In the water, your
mirage is like a stalker ♪
I should push him off the cliffside ♪
'Cause he's coloring
my insides ocean blue ♪
And everywhere I look, I look at you ♪
It's true ♪♪
[JEREMIAH.]
Do we really have to
physically sit for our portraits?
Can't she just, like, look at a picture
on her phone or something?
- Okay, get out.

- [LAUGHING.]
What? Why?
She needs to see you in the flesh
in order to capture your essence.

While you're still
young and full of hope.

[BOTH LAUGH.]

Her words.

Well, Conrad does not
have hope, actually.

He's hopeless, but my hangover
smoothie it cures all.

Can you please just hurry up?
Just go back to bed, all right?
All right, seriously, Steven, get out.

Oh, come on.

This is a delicate science,
and your heavy breathing
is gonna break the yolk.

Okay.
Okay, okay.

She hasn't painted you
since you were little.

I think it'd be nice
to have these portraits
- for when you're older.

- Old.
No.

When I'm older, I'm
sure there'll be, like,
like, holograms or something I
can watch of myself, you know?
[BLENDER WHIRRING.]

Just sit for your portraits.

I don't see Conrad complaining.

He'll complain when he's conscious.

Hey.
Here.

Thank you.

[STEVEN.]
Come on,
man.
Hurry your ass up.

All right? I can't be late
for my first day of work.

- We won't.
We're good.

- Come on, man.

- Ooh!
- Those old country club boomers
are gonna tip me so hard, man,
they won't know what hit 'em.

- [JEREMIAH.]
Oh!
- [LAUREL.]
Steven, I swear.

- [STEVEN.]
What?
- [JEREMIAH.]
Come on, Laurel.

My boy's got to get that bread.

[STEVEN.]
Thank you.
[LAUGHS.]

Good morning.

Belly, where have you been?
Is that a bruise?
Um, I-I bumped into someone.

You bumped into someone?
Doesn't look that bad.

Um, cereal?
- Yeah, hit me.

- Sure.

[SUSANNAH.]
Oh, my God!
Belly is gonna be a debutante.
[LAUGHS.]

[BELLY LAUGHS.]

It's really not that big of a deal.

[STEVEN.]
I'm sorry.
Like, Belly?
Like, my sister? Like,
that thing right there?
Shut up, cretin.

Okay, this is gonna be so much fun.

Just you wait.
There is,
uh there's the tea,
the auction, the ball,
of course, the rehearsal.

I got to write this down.

[GASPS.]
We need to go shopping.

- [LAUGHS.]

- This sounds expensive.

Oh, don't worry, Laur.
It's on me.

It was my idea after
all, and we still need
to style you for your book party, so
Belly, are you sure you want to do this?
It doesn't seem very you.

It's not.

Conrad, could you please
be a little more supportive?
Now, which one of you is gonna
be Belly's escort to the ball?
Not me.
I went last year.

Yeah, and I swore off balls.

- [LAUGHING.]

- The dances, dude.

- [LAUGHTER.]

- Wow, guys.

Stop fighting over me.
[LAUGHS.]

Um, I'm not going with either of you.

I am going to find my own date.

Wikipedia says debutante
balls require instruction
in morals and social etiquette.

[CONRAD.]
I'm going for a swim.

[STEVEN.]
She could use
some etiquette.
Yeah.

No offense, Beck, but I don't feel like
a country club is the best place
to teach Belly about morals.

Laur, times have changed.

There's a girl debbing this season,
and she's bringing her
girlfriend as her escort,
and the club was fine with it.

[LAUREL.]
How very progressive of them.

[JEREMIAH.]
Here you are, Belly Button.

Well, hurry up! We have shopping to do.

[LAUREL.]
It's not like I was
getting any work done anyway.

[BLACKPINK WITH
SELENA GOMEZ: "ICE CREAM".]

Come a little closer
'cause you looking thirsty ♪
I'm-a make it better,
sip it like a Slurpee ♪
Snow cone chilly,
get it free like Willy ♪
In the jeans like Billie,
you be poppin' like a wheelie
- Here you go.

- Thank you.

You know I keep it icy
- Isn't that pretty?
- I like that.

- Oh.

- Right?
- Yes?
- Yes.

Keep it fresh like roses
- I like that one.

- Yeah?
You like this one?
- Yeah, look so sweet ♪
- Hey ♪
Lookin' good enough to eat
- [LAUGHS.]
Wow.

- I don't think so.

Ow.

Catch me in the fridge, right where ♪
The ice be
- Oh.

- It's cute.

Yes.
Uh-huh.

- Don't.

- [BELLY YELPS.]

- [LAUREL LAUGHS.]

- Hell yeah.

You could double dip
'cause I know you like me ♪
I know that my heart can be so cold
Okay, they're called "fascinators,"
and all the girls will be wearing them.

[LAUREL.]
Seriously?
- Seriously.

- I don't know about this.

Come on.

Come on!
I can't see nobody else for me, no ♪
Get it, flip it, scoop
it, do it like that
- Oh, boy.
That is
- That's No, put that away.

- No.

- [LAUREL.]
You were right on this one.

[SUSANNAH.]
I know.

Looking good enough to eat ♪
It's good.

Coldest with the kiss,
so he call me ice cream ♪
- [BELLY SIGHS.]

- [SUSANNAH.]
Next one.

- Ready?
- Here we go.

Look so good, yeah, look so sweet
Hmm.

- No.
Really?
- [LAUREL.]
What?
- Oh, what have I done?
- Oh, no.

- Oh, boy.

- Are you okay, babe?
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.

Yeah, uh, it's-it's something.

Oh, you look like a princess.

- She looks like the Tooth Fairy.

- Ah.

Look at that detail.

Everybody's eyes will
fall out of their heads
- when they see our girl.

- [LAUREL LAUGHS.]

I love you so much,
but you're ridiculous.

I love you so much, and I
know I'm ridiculous.
[LAUGHS.]

[CLARISSA.]
Or what about this one?
Oh, no, no, no, that
one's much too simple.

But it does seem more like Belly.

[SUSANNAH.]
Laur, trust
me, these girls go all out.

[GIRL.]
Oh, don't get my hair wet!
- [WHOOPING.]

- [LAUGHTER.]

Hey!
Hey, Jeremiah.

Hey, Gigi.

I didn't know you were
working here this summer.

- [LAUGHS.]

- [CHOKING COUGHS.]

[BLOWS WHISTLE.]

Hey.

Billy, no choking, all right?
[GIGI.]
Jeremiah,
aren't you gonna save me?
[LAUGHS.]

Here you go.

- Thank you very much.
Enjoy that.

- Thanks.

- Don't forget to tip your waitress.

- [LAUGHING.]
Oh.

- Hey, you're on break, kid.

- Oh.

Uh, thank you.
[LAUGHS.]

Totally, yeah.
I would, uh
I would love to, uh,
take you surfing sometime.

- [GASPS, LAUGHS.]

- [LAUGHS.]

Dude.

- Oh, you fucked up.

- What? What? How
How could I have already fucked up?
Nobody's gonna want to hook up with you
after they see you in this.

You should've been a lifeguard with me.

- Oh.

- And hardly anyone drowns.

God.
Okay, well, I'll take the hairnet
if it means I don't have to
live with my mom freshman year.

- Yeah.

- All right.

- Fair enough.
Fair enough.

- See?
[JEREMIAH SIGHS.]

Take it in, Steven.

This is all ours.

- Summer in July ♪
- [YUKON BLONDE: "SUMMER IN JULY".]

Summer in July ♪♪

[DOOR CLOSES.]

Honey?
Hey, hon?
Yeah?
Would you change and meet me out back?
I want to paint your portrait first.

Why me?
'Cause everyone else has things to do.

I have things to do, too, Mom.

I think you can spare a few
hours for your mother, hmm?
- Sure.

- Great.

I'll see you outside in ten?
See you there.

Put on something nice.

- [LAUGHS.]

- You see her?
- [JEREMIAH.]
Hooked up with her.

- Mm-hmm.

- [JEREMIAH.]
Him, lifeguard.

- [LAUGHS.]

[JEREMIAH.]
And, uh, the one in the blue
and the guy with the eyebrows.

- [LAUGHS.]

- Yeah.

Dude, you're such a slut, man.

Okay, I just like to kiss
and be cozy with people.

Oh, yeah?
[JEREMIAH.]
Never kissed her, though.

Yeah, keep it that way.

Okay, all right, Shayla's cute and all,
but I'd avoid getting sucked in.

- Sucked? Sucked into what?
- To all that.

Girls in sundresses are my kryptonite,
but I've never let one talk
me into being an escort.

Trust me, if Shayla asks
you and you say "yes,"
it's gonna blow up your whole summer.

Yo, Steven, we need extra
hands at the deb tea.

Pays double.
Come on.

Yeah.

Okay, yeah.
All right,
go get that bread.

- Yes, sir.

- Cheers.

- Thanks, Mom.

- Sure.

Belly?
I just want you to know
that if you decide you hate
it or if the girls are mean
or even if the food is
bad, you can text me.

I promise I won't say "I told you so.
"
- I'll be fine.

- Humor me?
Use our code phrase,
and I'll be right there.

Mom.

You remember it from when
you were little, right?
- Lemon Jelly Belly.

- Lemon Jelly Belly.

- Have fun.

- [CAR ENGINE STARTS.]

Hey.

Jeremiah.
[LAUGHS.]

Oh, my God.
Uh, Belly.

Wow.
I didn't even recognize you.

Tell me the truth.
Um,
do I look like a fool?
Um [LAUGHS.]

Uh, no, y-you look good.
You look good.

Um, let me walk you over.

What?
- [LAUGHS.]
Nothing.

- Uh, let's go.

Uh, are those are those pineapples?
- Pineapples?
- Pineapples, yeah?
No, they're flowe Have
you seen flowers before?
I-I have, but that is,
for sure, a pineapple.

That's a nice pineapple
dress you got there.

They have strawberry, raspberry,
raspberry type cookies.

- Oh, they're to die for.

- Okay.

I-I still never thought I'd see the day
where you were wearing
a fascinator.
[LAUGHS.]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]

[CHATTER QUIETS.]

Jeremiah.

Paige.

Where's your shirt?
- It's always a pleasure.

- Mm-hmm.

This is Belly.

I mean, uh, Isabel Conklin,
the young woman my mom told
you about, my future wife.

- [SLAP.]

- She's late.

I-I-I'm so sorry.

You're at table two.

Are those those little
Brie and fig jam sandwiches
- with the prosciutto?
- Don't you dare.

- Okay.

- Those are for the girls.

- Jeremiah, those are for the girls!
- Just-just one.

Knock 'em dead.

[BELLY.]
Oh, my God.

That's the girl Conrad
was kissing at the bonfire.

And that's the girl Steven was with.

Ugh.
FML.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]

Hi.

- [QUIETLY.]
Hi.

- Hi.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]

Hey.

[BELLY.]
Lemon Jelly Belly.

[SHAYLA.]
Hey.

Hi.

Is that from the other night?
- Yeah.

- Here, let me fix it.

- I think we're good.

- Yeah?
Thank you.

[BELLY CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]


So
how's Nicole?
Mom, can we not do this?
Like, no.
Uh, uh, you asked me
to come sit for this
portrait, and-and I'm here,
and I'm sitting, and I'm
more than happy to be here,
but can we not make this, like,
a bonding experience, please?
Well, excuse me for trying
to connect with my son
before he leaves for a year.

[SIGHS.]

Belly looked really
nice in her new dress.

Look, if you want to spend your summer
moping around, I can't stop you, but
[CHUCKLES.]
no more sleeping till 2:00,
no more day drinking.

I want you doing something productive.

You're getting a job.

Sure.

Great.

[LAUGHING.]
Now sit still.

Sit up.
[LAUGHS.]

[MARISA.]
I told my mom the
only way I would do this
is if I could bring my
girlfriend, 'cause I thought
it would be a deal killer,
but the club has been
surprisingly chill
about the whole thing.

- [DARA.]
I'm honestly shocked.

- Yeah.

Literally, Dara, I was
expecting a conversion camp
to spring out of the bushes.

No.
Lesbians and debutantes are, like,
- a completely juxtaposing idea.

- Opposites.

Yeah, but Cousins likes
to pretend to be woke.

Mm-hmm.

Trust me.
My family
deals with it constantly.

The things we do for
college applications.

It's insane.

Don't worry, Marisa.

You'll get in everywhere.

Wait.
Where are you applying?
You know, the usual.

Every Ivy minus Cornell.

- Mm-hmm.

- Ithaca is so bleak.

- [LAUGHTER.]

- I know.
What about you?
Oh, Belly's only a sophomore.
Right?
I think that's what Conrad told me.

Yeah, I-I'll be a junior in the fall.

So, is this your first
summer here in Cousins?
No, I've been coming here
for my entire life.
[LAUGHS.]

Yeah, she's, like, family friends
with Conrad and Jeremiah.

Uh, so are you and
Jeremiah, like, a-a thing,
or are you gonna take him to the ball?
- Um
- Oh, my God, back off, Geeg.

- It was a question.

- They're, like, basically
related, okay? You have
nothing to worry about.

- I'm not worried.

- [SHAYLA.]
Yeah, sure.

Keep telling yourself that, babe.

Gigi has had this thing for Jeremiah
- Ever since he got abs?
- [LAUGHTER.]

- Pun intended.
Absolutely.

- [SHAYLA.]
Relax.

I'm not into Jeremiah Fisher.

Yeah, and your noticing his abs?
- Ooh.

- No.

She's too busy eye-fucking the waiter.

Dude, that's Belly's brother.

Oh, my God.

- Really?
- Oh, that's gross.

So, what's it like to live
with Jeremiah and Conrad?
- Yeah.

- Conrad's so mysterious.

- [STAMMERS.]

- [PAIGE.]
Hello, debutantes.


[SIGHS.]

[TAPPING KEYS.]

[SIGHS.]

A few small housekeeping
bits I'd like to go over.

We have a lot to look
forward to this season.

Now, I understand
some of you might think
that debbing is outdated.

It's something you're doing
to appease your families.

But the Cousins Debutante
Ball is a part of history.

Venerated, yet ever evolving,
it's a tradition you'll someday
pass on to your own daughters.

It's a formal marking
of this passage of time
between your teenage
years and your adulthood.

One ends, and the other begins.

[INDISTINCT WHISPERING.]

[PAIGE.]
It's a journey
generations of women
before you have taken.

Women who you can learn
from and who can inspire you.

Debs, at each table is a big sister
who will guide you through the season.

So, please introduce yourselves.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]

Hey, little sis.

[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Hey.

Honestly, my parents
made me do it last year
because, you know, like, all the
women in my family have done it.

But my big sis was great,
and I actually ended
up having a lot of fun.

So just don't be nervous.

Okay? Do you want some?
Um, no, thanks, I'm good,
but, uh, I'll be right back.

- Oh.
Okay.

- Sorry.

What is that about?
Cam.

Belly.
What are you doing here?
- Uh
- Wait.
Are you a deb?
Yeah, I guess, technically, yes.

Cool.
Nice.

I-I went down to the marina
yesterday, but, uh, your boat
- had already left.

- Seriously? Man.

Yeah.
If you'd looked
back toward the pier,
you would've seen a-a
sweaty version of me
looking wistfully toward
your boat.
[LAUGHS.]

Well, we never want you to be wistful.

You know, I think it's too
late.
The wistfulness has set in.

- No.

- No.
I might be wistful forever.

Okay, well, do you think
going to a drive-in movie
with me tonight might
help with the wistfulness?
Yeah, I think it would.

- Cool.

- [LAUGHS.]

Uh, you know what? Let me give you this.

You can put your information.

Um
I think that should be good.

- Sweet.
Yay.
Cool.

- There you go.

- So, I'll see you later.

- Okay, yeah.
Bye.

- Bye.
Have fun.
See you later.

- [LAUGHING.]

[BIRDS CHIRPING.]


You look really cute.

You are gonna have so much fun tonight.

We're just going to see a movie.

You look nice, hon.

I can't believe crop tops are back.

Remember how I thought I was
such hot shit in that baby
tee I wore freshman year?
- [LAUREL LAUGHS.]

- Have fun tonight.

Are you not driving with us?
Um
Didn't Belly tell you? She has a date.

[BELLY.]
Sorry, Mom.

- Um, his name is Cam.

- Yeah, his mom works at the club.

Really nice boy, very smart.

- Like, Harvard smart.

- [LAUGHS SOFTLY.]

It's fine.
[LAUGHS.]

Of course you can go.

I've dragged you to enough
of these book parties over the years.

Have a great date.

Thanks.

Do we need to talk about
consent before you go?
Mom.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]

I kind of wish I weren't
going to this party, either.

- No offense.

- Quit being such a Debbie Downer.

You'll get inspired again.
I know it.

Maybe I said all I have to say.

Maybe I don't have any
books left in me anymore.

You haven't done anything
since your divorce.

You got to get out there,
replenish the well, have fun.

Go to parties.

Come on.

[SIGHS.]

Full team, full team, full team.

Okay, I'm coming, coming right now.

[CHEERING IN VIDEO GAME.]

Wait.
You see one?
- Cracked one, cracked one.

- Nice.

Got him.

See you guys later.

Damn!
- [WHISTLE BLOWS IN GAME.]

- Are you kidding? No.

Yeah, fine, just abandon
the game completely, Jere.

You look hot.

[BELLY LAUGHS.]

Hey, hey, hey, stop
flirting with my sister.

- Shut up, Steven.

- No, you shut up.

Well, you look good, though.

[LAUGHS.]
You driving with,
or are you meeting us there?
I'm not going to the book party.

I'm going to the drive-in.

- With who?
- [PHONE CHIMES.]

- Dude, dude, focus.
Come on.

- Um
[LAUGHING.]
Uh, okay.
Bye.

[STEVEN.]
All right, let me catch you up.

- Hi.

- Hi.

You look less wistful.

I, uh I-I feel less wistful.

[LAUGHING.]
Okay, good.

What movie are we seeing?
Uh, it's some old movie
called, uh, Sabrina.

Audrey Hepburn? Two
brothers? That Sabrina?
- I think, so.
Yeah.

- Yeah? I-I love that movie.

- It got really great reviews.

- Oh, cool.
I'm-I'm sure it did.

- It's really good.

- Yeah? Good.

Yeah.

[SABRINA.]
And as had been traditional
on Long Island for the past 30 years,
the Larrabees were giving a party.

It never rained on the
night of the Larrabee party.

The Larrabees wouldn't
have stood for it.

There were four Larrabees in all:
father, mother and two sons.

Maude and Oliver Larrabee
were married in 1906,
and among their many wedding presents
was a townhouse in New York
and this estate for weekends.

Are you sure you don't want
something to drink or?
- Yeah, I'm okay, thanks.

- Yeah.

[SABRINA.]
Linus Larrabee, the elder son,
graduated from Yale, where
his classmates voted him
the man most likely to leave
his alma mater $50 million.

His brother David
went through several of
the best Eastern colleges
for short periods of time,
and through several marriages
for even shorter periods of time.

He is now a successful
six-goal polo player
and is listed on Linus's tax return
as a $600 deduction.

Life was pleasant among the Larrabees,
for this was as close to heaven
as one could get on Long Island.

[MOVIE MUSIC PLAYS.]

[QUIETLY.]
Don't drop it.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]

You can do it, all right?
[LAUGHS.]

Thank you.
[LAUGHS.]

I really liked it.

- You read my book?
- Yeah.
Yeah.

I thought it was, uh, really interesting
how you made, um, Iris
an unreliable narrator.

In what way?
[LAUGHS.]
Just, uh, how the
story she was telling us
about her marriage, I mean, so
clearly wasn't the real story.

- [LAUGHS.]

- I'm not sure that's entirely true,
but okay.

[MAN.]
Great to meet you, Cleveland.

- Can't wait for the next one.

- Yeah.
You, too.

So, what is the next one?
It's mainly about sailing.

Yeah, it's sort of a modern epic.

You sail?
Are you surprised? Is that? [LAUGHS.]

Kind of.
I thought you were,
like, a Brooklyn hipster.

- Ooh.

- Do people say "hipster" anymore?
- No.
[LAUGHS.]

- [LAUGHS.]

But you're right.
I don't sail.

You know, I am trying to learn.

You know, I like
I like to write about
things I know nothing about,
to completely immerse
myself in new worlds.

And the problem is I
am completely lost at sea.

[BOTH LAUGH.]

You see that boy over there?
Oh, yeah, the one who's been
pounding chardonnay all night.

- Yeah.

- Oh, Conrad?
Come over here.

[CLEVELAND LAUGHS.]

Conrad, this is Cleveland.

He's writing a book about sailing
but also knows nothing about sailing.

- [LAUGHS.]

- Conrad's a great sailor.

You won a regatta last year, right?
Came in second, but
Ah.

So, uh, do you teach?
You know, I could, uh, use some lessons.

- [LAUGHING.]
So yeah.

- [LAUREL LAUGHS.]

Did my mom put you up to this?
What? Why?
Typical.

[SIGHS.]

A man of few words?
Apparently.

Um, here you go.

- Oh, thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

[CLEVELAND LAUGHS SOFTLY.]

You know, this shit is so
boring.
Can we go somewhere?
- [JEREMIAH CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]

- Yeah.
Where?
We could go into town, I don't know,
buy some weed from that guy
with the Rainbow Dash tattoo?
Nah, he got arrested last summer.

- Oh, shit.
Really?
- Yeah.

- [JEREMIAH SIGHS.]
- Yeah,
we could go to the drive-in.

Dude, gross.
No, I-I don't
want to watch Belly hooking up
with some kid in the
back seat of a minivan.

Yo, actually
let's go to the drive-in.

Wait.
Like like, really?
- Yeah.
Why not?
- [STEVEN LAUGHS.]

- Yeah.
Yeah!
- All right, bro.

- [LAUGHS.]

- You're driving.

- Oh, yes.

- Guys
Get up.
Come on.
[LAUGHS.]

["LA VIE EN ROSE".]

Can, um can I ask you a question?
Yeah.

Why marine biology?
Well, why not?
I just I feel like it was a, um,
a phase that everyone goes
through when they're little,
but y-you stuck with it.

Yeah.

There's a jellyfish with
Benjamin Button's disease.

[LINUS.]
How do you say in French?
- What?
- Yup.

Scientists think it's immortal.

But nobody knows why, though.

This thing could be,
like, the cure for cancer,
but how do you harness jellyfish cells?
I-I don't know.
How do you?
- I don't know either.

- [LAUGHS.]

Nobody does.
It's nuts.

And, um, eels?
Nobody knows how eels reproduce.

- Seriously.

- Hmm.

The fact that eels exist, it's
just, like, a complete anomaly.

- Really?
- Yeah.
It's wild.

And people don't know, you
know, what's at the bottom
of the Mariana Trench either, so
So many inexplicable
things about the ocean.

I want to be able to
explain them, some of them.

- Totally.

- Sure.

[LINUS.]
Why are you
looking at me that way?
[SABRINA.]
All night
long, I've had the most
terrible impulse to do something.

Well, never resist an impulse, Sabrina,
especially if it's terrible.

[SABRINA.]
I'm going to do it.

[BELLY.]
Before last
night, I'd only kissed boys
during spin the bottle,
not in real life,
not because we both really want it,
but the way I feel right now,
this is what everyone talks about.

[CAM CLEARS THROAT.]

[STEVEN LAUGHS.]

Hey, could you, um, grab
me that drink, actually?
Maybe like a-a Cherry
Coke or something else?
Yeah, it's no problem.
Sounds good.

- Thank you.
Yeah.

- Yeah, I'll be right back.

Thanks.

[MAKING KISSING NOISES.]

[STEVEN LAUGHS.]

What the hell do you
think you're doing?!
Uh, just catching the
end of our favorite movie.

- I mean
- You have no right! You have to go!
Oh, Belly, relax.
We-we
were just joking around.

Steven, if you don't
leave, I swear to God
I will send everyone in this
car your Dramione fanfic.

- [LAUGHTER.]

- You wouldn't.

Oh, he spent an entire chapter
talking about Draco's wand.

- [CONRAD.]
Bro.

- Oh, my God.

Steven, come on.

You know, don't be
embarrassed, man.
Draco's hot.

- Drop it.
Drop it.

- Hey, seriously?
Please leave.

[LINUS.]
or fallen through.

Let me put it this way.

- All right, let's go, guys.

- What?
Wait.
What?
- [STEVEN.]
Are you kidding me?
- Steven, drive the car.

You were the one who
wanted to come, Conrad.

[OLIVER.]
I seem to have
missed something here.

Would you mind starting all over again?
[LINUS.]
Now, Miss McCardle.

Elizabeth, I hate to have
to break the news to you,
but at this very moment,
your fiancé David Larrabee
[DAVID.]
Is late, as usual.

[WOMAN.]
[LAUGHS.]
No problem.

Hi, how can I help you?
[DAVID.]
Hello,
everybody.
Hello, darling.

Huzzah.
Cherry Coke.

- Thank you so much.

- For you.
No problem.

[DAVID.]
I heard there was
a board meeting going on.

- How is it?
- It's good.

[ELIZABETH.]
Sabrina? Who's Sabrina?
[OLIVER.]
That name, that name.

[DAVID.]
She's on the boat, I guess.

[PHONE WHOOSHES.]

What are you up to, hon?
[PHONE WHOOSHES.]

Uh
yeah, you know, just video games.

Don't stay up too late.

You've got work early
in the morning tomorrow.

All right, Mom.
Promise.

[DOOR CREAKS.]

Had a really good time tonight.

Did you, also?
[LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
No, I had a really
I had a really great time, yeah.

I think I was just dehydrated before.

[LAUGHS.]
Okay.

Are you hydrated now?
- Yeah, very.
[LAUGHS.]

- [LAUGHS.]

[BELLY.]
I don't want
this night to be over.

Uh, can I, uh?
Would it be cool to you if?
- Can I?
- [LAUGHING.]
Yeah, yes.
Yeah.

[WHEATUS: "TEENAGE DIRTBAG".]

- Uh Yup.

- Oh, yeah.
Good idea.

- Thank you.
I just
- Don't need those.

[BOTH LAUGH.]

She rings my bell ♪
I got gym class in half an hour ♪
Oh, how she rocks ♪
In Keds and tube socks ♪
But she doesn't know who I am ♪
And she doesn't give a damn about me ♪
'Cause I'm just a
teenage dirtbag, baby ♪
Yeah, I'm just a
teenage dirtbag, baby ♪
Listen to Iron
Maiden, baby, with me
Oh.

Steven, I-I know it's kind of lame,
but I think we'd have fun together.

Will you be my date to the deb ball?
Uh
Uh, yeah.

My ass if he knew the truth
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely.

And he drives an IROC ♪
But he doesn't know who I am ♪
And he doesn't give a damn about me ♪
Exactly.
Cool.

'Cause I'm just a
teenage dirtbag, baby ♪
- Bye.
Good night.

- Bye.
Good night.

Yeah, I'm just a
teenage dirtbag, baby ♪
Listen to Iron Maiden
- Bye.

- [LAUGHING.]
Bye.

Baby, with me ♪
Ooh ♪
- Sweet dreams.

- [LAUGHING.]
Bye.

Oh, yeah, dirtbag ♪♪
How was your hot date?
Excuse me?
Okay, relax.
We were
just having a little fun.

You guys are assholes.

Belly, come on.

All I wanted was to go
to a drive-in with a guy
that I think is-is cute and sweet,
and and you guys
had to come and ruin it.

And us showing up, for, like,
two minutes ruined that, really?
Grow up, Belly.

Why couldn't you let
me have this one thing?
Huh? Admit it.

You knew what you were doing.

What? What was I doing?
Reminding me that you existed.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You cared where I was, who I was with.

No, I didn't.
I don't care.

- Stop lying!
- Stop being such a baby!
Oh, and you're such an adult?
You spent your Saturday night
crashing my first date for fun.

Fine.
Fine.
Forget it.

Why don't you go smoke some more pot?
Why don't you go look
in the mirror some more?
[BELLY.]
I wonder if this
is the way all crushes die.

With a whimper, slowly, and
then, just like that, gone.





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