The Tick (2016) s02e04 Episode Script

Blood and Cake

1 NEWS REPORTER: Last night, in her crime fighting debut, new hero Joan of Arc declared war on the city's gangs Look, it's completely obvious.
She's hiding behind the 28th so she can go after her rivals without getting caught.
Or perhaps the "Arc" in Joan of Arc is an arc of redemption.
Tick, you can't be serious.
Ah, the age-old tale of story equilibrium.
Some villains become good, some heroes become evil.
Some go sideways.
Check it out.
NEWS REPORTER 2: I'm here in Wyoming at Devils Tower where Superian, the world's first superhero, has carved an effigy of himself into one of our most stunning natural wonders.
Oh, God, no.
NEWS REPORTER 2: This baffling action has inspired worldwide backlash.
Oh, no, no, no, no Megalo-mountaintops.
Somebody should have a word with that guy.
FLEXON: Well, look at this, it's the vice squad.
Boy, you guys stay busy.
Still on the trail of Lobstercules? - We clashed with his henchman.
- Yeah, Donny.
He left this shoe behind with all this gunk on it, so I thought we'd drop it off at the AEGIS lab, get them to analyze it, maybe find something on here that can lead us back to the sewers, figure out where Lobstercules is hiding.
Magic mud on the moccasin.
That old chestnut.
- Good call.
- Thanks.
Too bad the lab level is closed.
Why is the AEGIS lab closed on a weekday? Oh, the whole branch is in an interdepartmental meeting, all day.
Haven't you guys seen the news? ARTHUR: Oh, right.
That.
AEGIS has a conniption fit every time Superian has a wobble in his wings.
And this is the biggest wobble he's had in decades.
It's creepy.
But, I mean, what do you expect from someone who tucks their cape into the front of their pants? Ooh.
I know that guy.
Put that coffee down.
Bronze Star! - You old plate of soup! - (LAUGHS) Come on.
We need to find a crime lab! Tick, but it's not just the lab.
We need somebody who can actually run the tests.
Maybe we don't need somebody.
We need some-boaty.
Oh, Tick, I don't know if that's a good idea.
- I'm talking about Dangerboat.
- Yeah, no, I got it.
I get the sense that Dangerboat is trying to be in a relationship with me.
Well, that's nice.
It's kind of awkward and weird.
You know, I just don't want to confuse him or confuse me I'm already confused.
I mean, it's just a boat, right? Arthur, I think you're being a little unfair to DB.
Asking a favor of someone can often make them feel valued and appreciated.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I wonder how that particular bee got in Superian's bonnet.
Uh, maybe we should just stay focused on the case.
(GRUNTING) Krav Maga.
Not a bad strike.
Why do you keep breaking in to my apartment? Nothing's broken.
How long have you been doing Krav Maga? I started when I was 15.
I thought you were supposed to be in Cuba.
What you said did things to my mind, I I altered my contingencies.
- So you listened to me? - No.
- I spoke to Rathbone.
- That's great.
How'd it go? He didn't send his flying monkeys after me, - so that was a nice surprise.
- Did he believe you? I'm not sure.
But he said there'd been rumors.
The Duke may have survived.
Wait a minute.
So The Duke is yet one more guy who was widely believed to be dead, while secretly being active underground all this time? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- Like The Terror? - And like you? - Sure.
I guess, yeah.
Look.
The Duke is out there, and I think Dangerboat may have caught his trail online last night.
The M.
O.
matches exactly.
He started a new black market business selling high-end luxury items to the ultra elite.
"Human furniture"? That La-Z-Boy is a woman.
He's running a human furniture ring? Yeah.
I'm getting a mission ready.
I could use a little help.
I'm so up for a mission.
But I thought you only work alone.
I did.
Until The Tick saved my life.
Now you realize the importance of teamwork - and connectedness.
- No.
That's stupid.
Look, I need help because - I can't kill.
- What? Why? I live by a code.
When someone saves your life, you owe them your life, until you can save their life back.
But I can't save The Tick's life because he's invulnerable.
So instead, he wished for me to stop killing.
So Tick got a wish 'cause he saved your life? Yeah.
You know, I saved your life, too.
Don't rub it in.
What I'm saying is that you also owe me your life.
Or a wish or whatever.
So, maybe I can unwish The Tick's wish and let you kill again.
- You would do that? - I don't know.
Am I screwing myself out of a mission if I do? No.
It's still a two-person plan, but now I'll do the killing.
It works better that way.
That is better.
Okay.
I hereby unwish Tick's wish.
(MAGICAL CHIMING) You are officially Overkill again.
Thank you.
Thanks.
(CLEARS THROAT) (SEABIRDS SQUAWKING) DANGERBOAT: Please place footwear on Dangertable to begin wide-spectrum residue analysis.
Thanks for your help, Dangerboat.
Yeah.
Thanks again.
Oh, and hey.
I-I'm sorry that we couldn't find the time this week to watch the movie.
I understand.
Everybody is so busy these days.
Yeah.
I don't want you thinking that I'm only using you for your onboard crime lab.
DANGERBOAT: I would never think that.
Now, what am I looking for exactly? Well, the shoe is the clue.
We're on the hunt for the bank robbing Cinder-fella - that lost it.
- So, my theory is that Lobstercules is hiding in the sewer, which means his henchmen must go down there.
So I'm hoping you can analyze this for some data to give us a better idea of specifically where their lair may be.
DANGERBOAT: Analyzing.
Want to watch a movie while we wait? A buddy flick, maybe? Uh, how long is this gonna take? A little while.
Lethal Weapon is a classic.
Or Tango & Cash? You are so a Cash.
I'm more of a Tango because I like to dance.
Hey, speaking of things that boats don't do, we saw a video of your brethren Or sisteren at AEGIS.
- My what? - It was airborne fleet of Dangerboats.
Just like you, but they could fly.
DANGERBOAT: I don't I'm not I-I-I Uh, DB, y-your scanner's glitching.
DANGERBOAT (DISTORTING): I identify as a b-b-boat.
Sure, but can you fly? I'll have Dangerboat pull intel on the warehouse.
What the hell are you doing here? Dangerboat is helping us on our mission.
DB, I need you on our mission.
W-What are the two of you doing together? And why-why are you dressed like that? I'm helping Overkill with a problem.
Okay.
Do not drag my sister into your danger business.
He didn't drag me into anything Arthur.
I make my own decisions.
Yeah, well t-this is a bad decision.
Stop pointing at people.
You look ridiculous.
- Okay, you know what? - D-Don't grab me, either.
(WHIRRING) DB, what's up with you? DANGERBOAT (SKIPPING): I identify as a boat.
Overkill, there's something different about you.
- No, there isn't.
- Yes.
Definitely an air.
A crackle of violent potential.
- Nah.
- DOT: What, Arthur? I'm just here on my own mission with Overkill.
- I don't understand why you're upset.
- You're here on your own mission? - With Overkill? - Yeah.
Okay, you know what? You're out of your mind.
Because you cannot be going on missions with Overkill.
You cannot be pretending to be like him.
I'm not like him, and I'm not pretending.
I know you and this is not you.
This is not who you're supposed to be, and this is not your story.
So, it's okay for you to put on a costume and help Tick save the day, and I'm supposed to do what? Just wait around for you to call me to play some dumb bit part in your adventure? I wouldn't call it a "bit part," but yes, that sounds more reasonable.
Guess what, Arthur? This is my messed-up universe just like it's yours, only I'm gonna do something about it before it's too late.
So you're gonna just bring the whole universe into this? - So you're gonna have the universe - Oh, my God.
- side, for the sake of an argument? - Is that your problem? - What are you looking at? - Have you been killing people? - No.
- Good.
But I can now, if I want to.
You promised you wouldn't! And I kept that promise.
But then someone else saved my life, and they made me promise to kill again.
- Oh, puh-lease.
- It's true.
- Who would do that? - Tick, it was me.
- (SCOFFS) - What? ARTHUR: Oh, good move.
Dorothy Everest.
- (MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY) - You un-wished my wish and turned Overkill into a kill genie? I'm not a genie.
I'm an avenging avatar.
I am the darkness within the light.
TICK: You're a liar with pants - of crimson fire.
- ARTHUR: Wait a second.
Is that, uh is that "MacArthur Park"? DANGERBOAT (DISTORTING): This is X12 reporting for duty.
Someone left the cake out Dot, check the door.
Quick.
(DANGERBOAT VOICE SKIPPING) It won't open.
Shit.
What's that? I don't think that I can take it 'Cause it took so long to bake it The time we have left to live.
That recipe again Oh, no I still can't believe you took out Romeo.
(SIGHS): Oh, Frank, it was beautiful.
Last night I zapped Romeo, I cooked the Gill brothers in their club, and this morning I took out Tony Temple.
- I'm on a roll.
- I got to say, this superhero cover, it's working.
Bet your ass it's working.
Edgelord, am I charged yet? 'Cause I'm ready - to get out there.
- Another 20 minutes to full.
I think we should talk about your social media presence.
Maybe we should talk about the gang.
You know? I mean, me and the guys, we're ready to get back out there.
We've got this cherry warehouse gig, and we're ready - to pull it today.
- Frank.
We're busy.
Look, you've got Joan of Arc knocking out all of our competition.
We should start taking things for ourselves.
EDGELORD: Social media loves you.
Your YouTube channel is starting to blow up, and I paid some Latvian hackers to get you trending on Twitter.
"Blow up" and "trending" That's good, right? Boss, I think we need to move on the whole crime side of this thing.
We've got an airtight plan.
Zero risk.
Go, Frank! Go! Go pull the job! All right.
I will.
(DOOR OPENS) We should look at these comments.
MISS LINT: "Why does Joan of Arc look so familiar?" - What the hell does that mean? - You've been outed already.
It's just Internet rumor, but we should get ahead of it - all the same.
- So people know that I'm Joan of Arc? - But how? I'm wearing a mask.
- It might not help that Joan of Arc has been hitting every one of Miss Lint's criminal rivals.
Mm.
So it's time for me to stop playing favorites.
MacArthur's Park is melting - (SONG CONTINUES) - Dangerboat? Hello? Can you hear me? Come in, Dangerboat! Come on, DB, wake up, wake up.
You can yell all you want, he won't hear you.
Just tell us what the hell is going on.
Dangerboat's prepping to fully self-sanitize.
He'll preheat his coils, he'll light up his interior to 1,800 degrees.
In a few hours, there'll be no more grime, no more germs, no more us.
- But why? - Why? Because one of you two jackasses triggered him.
Easy there, Mr.
Killy Britches.
We didn't do anything, okay? He was just helping us - with research, and then that's it.
- That can't be it.
If that were it, this wouldn't be happening.
Guys, cut it out.
This isn't helping anything.
Just Why would Dangerboat be going into self-sanitize mode? DB's got PTSD issues.
He's not 100% stable.
You have to be careful how you treat him, what you say to him, how you look at So something we said hurt his feelings? - I am aghast.
- How is that possible, though? I mean, he's just a boat.
You of all people know that's not true.
What the hell did you say to him? Um, well, we were, we were talking about buddy films, and then, uh, shoes, spectrum analysis, uh you asked him about the other troop carriers of AEGIS - AEGIS? - Yeah, when we registered.
- You what? - You fools registered at AEGIS? Yeah, we saw all the flying Dangerboats on their videos, and I asked DB if he could fly - Idiots! - And that's when he started glitching.
Don't ever ask Dangerboat why he doesn't fly.
Clearly, this is something that's happened before.
Yeah.
Once.
We had an argument.
But I was outside.
I was yelling at him from the pier, then he just shut down.
He went offline until he cooked himself clean.
When I got back in, the place was spotless and everything was gone.
All my clothes, my shaving kit, my CDs.
- ("MACARTHUR'S PARK" CONTINUES) - Everything but the Fo-Ham.
- Fo-Ham's invincible.
- Well, we're not, so let's get out of here.
- Tick, rip the door off.
- Roger that.
No.
Stop.
DB's in panic mode.
You breach his outer hull when he's like this, he'll go up like a Tijuana firecracker.
(GROANS) Come on, DB, snap out of it! And stop this stupid cake song! Listen to us, DB! Please listen to us! Okay, okay.
Last time you were trapped outside, but there has to be something we can do from in here.
Maybe.
I might be able to get Dangertable's basic OS up and running.
Then do it.
And I'll never have That recipe again Okay, we got everything we need.
(WHIRRING) - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Jesus, boss.
You scared the hell out of me.
We weren't expecting you here.
Sorry, Frank.
Sorry for what? Wicked men, stop your evil ways! (MEN SCREAMING) Someone left the cake out in the rain Why would you leave a cake out in the rain? - It makes no sense.
- It's about loss, Tick.
The guy had a good thing, and that's the cake, and then he screwed everything up, - the cake got left out and it's ruined.
- And how about your cake, Dot? I thought you were a healer, but now your sweet green icing is all flowing down.
Don't worry about my cake, okay? - I'm working on it.
- Okay.
And how is that going? You know, running off and joining the mercenary circus? I'm not running anywhere.
And Overkill isn't a mercenary, he's a vigilante There's a difference.
You enabled him to kill again.
- You're an enable-ator.
- Have you ever stopped to think that maybe there's more than one way to fight evil? Of course not.
And how come you get to make those decisions? - Because I am The Tick.
- What does that even mean? You don't know.
You don't know anything about yourself.
- Leave him alone, Dot.
- Tell him to leave me alone.
Everyone leave everyone alone! I think I got it.
I might be able to access DB's main circuit grid.
Here, Tick, pull this off.
If I can tap into the controls for the shower, I can manually switch it over to Cargo Cannon mode, then we can fire ourselves out of the cannon and into the river.
Overkill, what's wrong with him? Why is he doing this? It's not my story to tell.
It all happened years ago, before I even knew Dangerboat, before he went rogue.
DANGERBOAT: Mission Control, this is X12 reporting.
Objective complete.
We are returning to base.
AEGIS CONTROLLER (OVER RADIO): Roger that, X12.
Outstanding work, as always.
OVERKILL: He had a different partner back then.
Agent Michael King.
Nicely done, DB.
Casualty count was minimal, - and that was all your doing.
- Thanks, Michael.
I couldn't do it without you.
We're a great team.
And we look so good together.
King was different from other agents.
When Dangerboat came online, became sentient, he broke the rules.
King never informed AEGIS.
Instead, he nurtured Dangerboat, - helped him, protected him.
- DANGERBOAT: Shall we watch a movie during our flight? - You know what I like.
- As you wish.
(CHUCKLES) How many times have we watched this now? Oh, I don't know.
Who's counting? I suppose I am.
It's part of my programming.
I log everything.
We've seen it 23 times.
23 times.
Ha! (LISPING): Inconceivable! Pause the flick.
I almost forgot.
- What are you doing? - No peeking.
Happy birthday to you OVERKILL: It happened on the one-year anniversary of Dangerboat's sentience.
DANGERBOAT: Oh, Michael, you remembered.
Happy birthday, dear DB OVERKILL: All it took was a split second of being distracted.
Happy Dangerboat, look out! - (SCREAMS) - Michael, no! ARTHUR: Oh, my God.
Michael died? Went through that steel mesh like cheese through a grater.
We'll have to stop him from killing more people.
He'll feel terrible when he wakes up.
- Yeah, so will we.
- Hang on, think I got it.
- (GRUNTS) - Overkill! Are you all right? I'll be all right.
DB's control circuits are electro-shielded.
- Can't cut into them.
- ARTHUR: So that's it? Our story does not end here, chum.
I know what we have to do.
(HANDS WHIRRING) - (WHIRRING STOPS) - Damn it.
My hands are fried.
I'd need DB to fix it.
Dot, you're gonna have to do this.
- Do what? - Go to the circuit bundle.
There's one power line that won't be shielded.
How do I know which one it is? OVERKILL: It's near the center.
It's thinner than the rest.
It's glowing.
Overkill, what is that thing? It's Dangerboat's spinal cord.
And never let you catch me Looking at the sun Dot, you're gonna need to cut it.
Wrap the cord around the blade.
I don't want to kill your boat.
It's him or us, Dot.
That's the choice.
Dot, please don't do it.
We can't kill him.
He's our friend! Don't listen to Small Bunyan and his big blue ox.
They don't know how the world really works.
They joined AEGIS for Christ's sake.
All the sweet green icing Flowing down I'm sorry, buddy.
Someone left the cake Out in the rain ARTHUR: Wait, Dot, no.
Hold on, hold on.
Let me try something.
Just give me a minute.
Okay.
Give me a minute.
Uh, Dangerboat.
Hey, uh I don't know if you can hear me, but I just want to say that, uh, I'm really sorry about what happened to Michael.
Sounds like he was a great guy.
A-And that I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love that much.
Pain so intense that it actually changes you.
And-and people say, you know, they-they-they say that it gets better in time, that it goes away, but t-t-that's not true.
Not really.
It might fade some, but it never really goes away.
I still miss my dad every day.
You know, I think that's okay.
(TIMER BEEPING) DANGERBOAT: Arthur.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Buddy, hey.
I'm right here.
DANGERBOAT: Michael was my everything.
When he died, I shut myself down, didn't let anyone in, protected my heart, until until I met you.
Arthur, can I tell you something? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, Dangerboat, you can tell me anything.
DANGERBOAT: I I love you.
I know you do.
(EXHALES) Ugh! No cake.
No rain.
Just fresh air by the lungful! So, you're gonna go off on some mission with a rogue sociopath? And you're gonna go back into the sewers - with a big blue amnesiac.
- That's not the point.
That is the point, Arthur.
Look, I know you don't approve of what I'm doing, but you have to let me figure this out for myself.
Okay? It worked for you.
Doesn't mean I'm not gonna worry.
DOT: Of course.
We should worry about each other.
He's gonna be all right.
I guess sometimes everybody just needs to know they're not alone.
Aren't we all just ships at sea, passing each other in the night, getting bored and boarding each other while the waves wave on by? (SIGHS) He wants to talk to you.
Me? - Hold this, Tick.
- Sure.
Hey.
I wanted you to know that I've completed your analysis.
Oh, DB, you didn't have to do that.
I wanted to.
The shoe carries signature effluent markers traceable to specific sewer junctions.
I cross-referenced these and found five likely areas for lair location.
I've printed you a map.
That's so sweet of you.
Thanks.
I'm sorry about all that craziness back there.
I'm so embarrassed.
Oh, come on.
Please.
It's-it's fine.
I guess I have some serious work to do on myself, but I hope we can find a way to still be friends, Arthur.
We are friends.
Are we done here? Yeah.
Yeah, we're done here.
How you doing, buddy? You ready for a mission? Overkill, I would like nothing more.
(EXHALES) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) I understand you're looking for a number of pieces.
Absolutely.
Finest quality.
You won't be disappointed.
To start off, I have two matching ottomans.
- Twins.
- (MAN GRUNTS) Of course they're Turkish.
How's this? You take the ottomans and I'll throw in a china cabinet.
Do you really need to ask? (GRUNTS) Come on, come on.
I have a sectional sofa I think you might like.
Come on.
(GRAPPLE LINE REELING) Uh-huh.
Go.
Go, go.
Yes.
Can I put you on hold for a moment, please? Thank you.
(BEEPS) (GUN CLICKS) (GRUNTING) What the hell was that? - You just dodged a bullet.
- What? - No.
- Overkill.
That's right.
It's me.
Where's your boss? - Where do we find The Duke? - It won't be easy.
(CHUCKLES) Cyanide.
Damn it.
No.
No! Bastard.
Oh, my God.
Overkill, come on.
We got to get everybody else out of here.
Come on, everybody.
Wake up! - (GRUNTS) - (BEEPS) Head to the door out back, we have transport.
- What is this? - I need one.
- You need a floor lamp? - I need a piece of this tech.
Might be the only way to track down The Duke.
Overkill, you can't steal a person.
I can totally steal a person.
No, you Overkill! Geez.