The Tick (2016) s02e08 Episode Script


1 TICK: Egads, more paper.
Come on, Tick, it-it's just one arrest report for the Donnellys, you know? AEGIS needs to be kept in the loop on all hero-related incidents.
Careful what you put down, chum.
I know, I won't say anything about the babies.
I hate that all this red tape is forcing us to lie.
We're not lying, okay? We're just omitting certain details.
There they are.
The wily moth and his big blue bud.
- Hey.
- Way to take down those bank robbers.
You two are the talk of AEGIS.
Well, they seem to be rewarding us with nothing but red tape.
Speaking of that, I got some things I need to run by you regarding the Lobstercules case.
So, uh, h-how's it going? As promised, I signed on as her lawyer this morning.
I filed an injunction requesting the immediate release of Lobstercules under AEGIS article 1026B which states that coerced criminal action cannot - be cause for imprisonment.
- Right on.
- It was rejected.
- Wrong off.
Problem is, I got nothing on what the robbers were using to actually coerce your friend.
Uh, I kind of can't talk about it right now.
(QUIETLY): Cool, I get what you're saying.
Maybe a little house call later on? Yeah, sure.
Let's plan on that.
All hail the paper queen.
Here you go, all finished.
You're not gonna check it? It's you.
I'm sure it's perfect.
Arthur is quite the expert at bureaucracy.
Aww Congratulations on the big capture.
Between us, I've heard that Rathbone is getting really close to choosing the new Flag Five, so this is really good timing for you guys.
Are you saying that we're finalists? FLEXON: Man.
I miss these croissants.
I muddled my medulla.
All right, kids.
Who's up for a pinch fight? Whoa! You know, I've been thinking.
Destiny is a multilingual mistress, chum.
Perhaps she is calling out to us to embrace the path of parenting.
This isn't really parenting, though.
It's more like babysitting until Flexon helps us release Lobstercules.
But what if he can't? Can't desert the wee ones.
Uh, Kevin, Tick, let's get the lobsters in the bathroom, now.
Mom? Hi, what-what are you doing here? Arthur, I need to talk.
It's Walter.
Uh, come right in.
(MOUTHING) Uh, what-what's wrong with Walter? Here.
Read for yourself.
"Going away for a while, back soon.
" Okay.
You don't think there's anything weird about that? Uh, what? Th-that he went somewhere? It's under ten words.
Have you ever known Walter to say anything in under ten words? Okay, that's a fair point.
- And then there's your sister.
- What, Dot? Yes, that's the one.
I've been calling and calling, and she doesn't pick up or call me back, and then I tried calling her at work and they told me she quit last Tuesday.
- Did you know about that? - No.
God, I am so worried about her.
She was so weird at the coffee shop.
Do you know what's going on with her? What is wrong with you? You're acting strange.
What? No, it's, uh, not acting strange.
There's, uh, nothing strange going on at all.
So let me get this straight.
The monster isn't a monster, she's a mother.
- Mm-hmm.
- These are her babies.
- Right.
- And you two have sworn secretly to take care of them? Uh, yeah, that's pretty much it.
TICK: Mm-hmm.
I'm acting more in a godfather capacity.
All right you little scampi, meet your new meemaw, Joan.
LOBSTER BABIES: Joan! Baby's first word.
Okay, they are kind of cute.
Uh, well, Mom, you know, this is just a temporary situation.
- (BABBLING, FUSSING) - JOAN: You know, you could've told me about this.
Yeah, well, that kind of would defeat the purpose of the whole sworn to secrecy thing.
Good or bad, I want to know.
We're supposed to share things with each other.
Why do you suppose I wanted to have all those dinners? - Preach, Mama.
- I could make a dinner.
Look, things change, life gets complicated.
I want to be in your world, Arthur.
See who you're becoming.
Help you.
Well, Joan, you're a mom, right? - Ooh, my - What does it mean when they're both agitated but lethargic? When Arthur was a little boy, when he acted that way, it meant he was hungry.
Tick, she's right.
They must be starving.
KEVIN: But what do they eat? Starfish.
Like, these little pinkish purplish ones.
We've got to find some more.
Joan, you are a fount of motherly knowledge.
LOBSTER BABIES: Joan! - Oh - Aww.
LOBSTER BABIES: Joan! DANGERBOAT: He's out there somewhere, blind and alone.
But he's still alive, right? That small craft launch I tracked during the explosion, I scanned one occupant, heart rate elevated but stable.
That's great.
DANGERBOAT: Then I lost him.
I lost the signal.
He could be anywhere by now.
He's being brought to The Duke.
I don't understand how you know all this.
You say you're an AEGIS agent, but how is that possible? How are you even here, Walter? Actually, it's John.
(SIGHS) John Wu.
Oh, my God.
All right.
Arthur, you said you had some information for our case, so let's get down to shellfish.
Who do we have here? Uh, this is my mother, Joan.
Uh, Mom, this is Flexon.
I'm sorry uh, uh, Pat Murphy.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, no, no, don't worry about it, kid.
It happens.
Wow, Flexon.
It's so nice of you to come here and help Arthur.
I try to stay flexible for my clients.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) (WHINNIES) That's it! Tame that bronco! Ride 'em, cowboy! Oh, oh, easy, easy.
- What the hell are those? - Why is he here? Tick, I invited him.
Uh, we need his help, okay? Flexon, these are Lobstercules' babies.
We-we saved them from the Donnellys, and they were using the babies to force Lobstercules to rob the banks.
Hot damn! Well, there's our coercion.
I need to get this down, huh? Joan, would you take Sam and Phoebe into the other room? The grown-ups need to have a conversation.
JOAN: Come on.
Let go.
TICK: Come on, we'll play cowboys later.
Thanks, Mom.
Hey, rubberneck! We made a hero's oath to keep those lobsters secret.
Heroes do not break their oaths.
Okay, but, Tick, maybe letting AEGIS know about the babies is the only way to actually get Lobstercules freed from prison.
You know, isn't that worth breaking an oath for? We could reunite the family.
Arthur, I'm surprised at you, willing to go back on your word so easily.
But what if going back on my word is the only way to help Lobstercules? My word is my warranty.
Easy there, Blue.
I'm not gonna tell anyone.
Attorney-client privilege.
Don't try and baffle me with your legal mumbo-jargo.
Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick.
That's just a fancy way of saying that he's gonna keep our secret, too.
Hero's honor.
The court will allow it.
Cool, cool, yeah.
Have a good day.
(SIGHS) (DOOR CLOSES) ARTHUR: Starfish stores The City? Why don't you just press that little star button? That is not what that represents, Tick.
Hey, guys, I found them.
- All right.
- There's one store that carries the Violet Five Points, but it's pretty far away, and my wheels are in the shop.
Joan has a car.
You can use that, right, Joan? The day your father was killed, The Terror took special notice of your brother.
(SCOFFS) AEGIS felt that your family needed protection.
So they had you marry my mother? I was assigned to monitor from a distance, and that's what I did, but your mother was so beautiful.
- Ugh.
- It's the old cliché, I suppose.
Spy fell in love.
When I retired from active duty, I wanted her to get to know the real me, so I joined her church group, our relationship grew You wanted her to know the real you, so you lied to her from the moment you met and built an entire marriage on a secret.
I meant to tell her.
I meant to tell you all.
I just didn't know how.
We were happy.
And the years, they-they passed by so quickly, and I kept hoping to find the right time, but it never came up.
The right time was ten years ago.
I may not have been completely honest about who I was, but I never lied about how I felt.
How are we supposed to know that? I don't know.
What I do know is that Rathbone called me because he thought the Everest family was still in danger.
He gave me the same intel he gave Overkill, and I followed it to you.
I don't need you to save me.
I suppose you're right.
I'm not gonna stop trying.
Around Where's this thing? It's got to be here somewhere.
There we go.
Oh, God! - Hello, Arthur.
- Superian.
What are you doing here? Did anyone see you come in? You don't want anyone to find out about those little Atlantians you're hiding, right? (CHUCKLES) Wait, who told you about that? I'm Superian.
Wherever you are on the planet, I can hear you.
Well, what are you doing here? I find myself in need of a little bit more of your talk therapy.
Okay, Superian, listen to me, I am not qualified to be your therapist.
I may have messed up, Arthur.
I may have messed up big time.
(SIGHS) Fine.
Okay, just have a seat.
I prefer to lie down.
Bedroom is this way, yeah? Ugh, the bedroom.
TICK: I hope Kevin gets back with those starfish soon.
These kids aren't all right.
Oh, easy, Phoebe.
Stay in the tub.
(SIGHS) This parenting thing is a strange business.
W-What happens if you mess up? All you can do is love them and try your best.
Has to be more to it than that.
Being a parent is hard work.
No one's gonna do it perfectly.
But I am The Tick.
- We all mess up sometimes.
- Well, not you, Joan.
Especially me.
When Arthur and Dot's father was killed, I, um, I struggled.
I wasn't there for them.
You are an incredible mother, and Dot and Arthur are fantastic.
- Are they? - Yes.
But Dot's having some kind of life crisis she's not talking to me about, and-and Arthur, well, I was so wrong about Arthur for so many years.
And now he's so right.
(EXHALES) I think what I need is just a big win.
Some decisive action that's just gonna get people cheering again.
Yeah, well, you know, decisiveness can be overrated.
What about denuclearization? Everybody's into that, right? I could just grab up all the nukes in the world, put them in a big net and throw it into the sun.
I think you need to let humanity take care of that stuff on our own, okay? I-I Show the people that you respect their independence and-and their achievements, and, you know, maybe their national monuments.
Oh, okay.
You didn't like my Devils Tower gesture either.
I was a little taken aback by it.
- Hm.
- To be honest.
"Let humanity know how you feel about them," that's what you said.
Now they hate me more than ever and it's just gonna get worse.
I'm sorry, "worse"? Do you, do you care to speak on that? Once they find out about E.
Morgan Pearl.
Oh, no.
What what happened to E.
Morgan Pearl? I kind of left him on top of our pyramid in Guatemala.
You-you left him there? Alone? Yes! I was trying to share my feelings.
Look, okay, I know, I know, I know, I messed up.
You messed up? He's wandering around the jungle as we speak.
He's probably gonna find his way out.
And then he'll start talking again.
Do you think anyone would notice if I froze him and then put him somewhere, like Antarctica? Just for, like, a decade or so? Yes, I think people would notice that.
Okay, so we need another answer.
Go fly to Guatemala, uh, pick up E.
Morgan Pearl, - and then bring him back home.
- Hmm, other suggestions.
No, that's the only answer, Superian, - and it's not a suggestion.
- Arthur? - What's up, Tick? - Do you mind? We're in the middle of a session.
We got more company knocking at the door.
(SIGHS) Okay.
Sorry, Superian.
It's okay.
I'll just lie here for a while and - I'll think about my options.
- Go to Guatemala.
- (KNOCKING CONTINUES) - Who is it? MIRANDA: This is Agent Miranda Li of AEGIS.
(WHISPERING): Tick, what is Miranda doing here? I won't let them take our children.
Okay, okay, let's stay calm.
I mean, there are a million other reasons I can't think of for why she would be here.
MIRANDA: Are you going to let me in? Uh, yes, yes, of course.
Hi, hello.
Come in.
Are you the one I like? SUPERIAN: Hi, Arthur.
- Shh.
- Arthur? Hey.
Come in.
Sorry about the unannounced visit, but that's how an HQ eval works.
ARTHUR: Uh, I'm sorry, the A-A what? HQ evaluations.
I don't think I know what that is.
AEGIS runs an HQ evaluation when someone has been selected as a finalist for the Flag Five.
So we're officially finalists for the Flag Five? Yes.
And we just want to make sure you're not hiding any deep, dark secrets.
(LAUGHS) (LAUGHS FORCEFULLY) This is just gonna take a few minutes to set up.
Yeah, yeah.
What do you think? (SIGHS) Arthur, I know it's been your life's dream to join the Flag Five, but having AEGIS here puts the children at risk.
Yeah, but Tick, if we get on the Flag Five, we'll have a better chance of getting AEGIS to help Lobstercules and the children.
You two ready? Uh, just one second, please.
Are you in, Tick? (SIGHS) If you think it'll help, chum.
I do.
All right, where'd you want us? Let's have you two take a seat right there.
A little closer, please.
(GRUNTS) Closer.
Very nice.
Don't touch that, please.
Thank you.
Now, Tick, if you want to go first, I just need to ask some questions.
I am an open book.
Browse at your leisure.
On your AEGIS form, you checked off the box for "Mysterious Massive Memory Loss.
" - Did I? - Any breakthroughs there? Any flashes of recent memory? Alas, no.
What about uncontrollable impulses? Or the urge to commit violence? Tick wouldn't hurt a fly.
Unless the fly was a villain.
Was that a bad answer? I just have to ask the questions.
Heroes can become unstable under duress, do crazy things.
I mean, look at Superian.
(CHAIR CREAKS) Arthur, you're up.
(LOBSTER BABIES SINGING) Oh, that's my, uh, neighbor's, uh, band.
They suck.
I kind of like it.
The music has a plaintive hunger to it.
- That it does.
Is Kevin back with the - Zip it.
I'm, um, Arthur's mom, Joan.
Mom, uh, this is Miranda, from AEGIS, and she's here interviewing the Tick and I because we are finalists for the Flag Five.
The Flag Five.
Well, don't mind me, I-I'm just gonna go make some coffee.
Arthur, it says here that you've had a documented history with mental illness.
I-I was actually, um, kind of misdiagnosed.
As an accountant.
- I can explain.
- No, Mom, you don't have to do that.
In fact, maybe you shouldn't do that.
JOAN: It was a mistake.
We thought Arthur was obsessed with The Terror, after everyone thought he was dead, but Arthur was right.
And we were wrong.
I was wrong.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay, Mom.
Everything that happened to me, everything that I did, that's what made me the person I am today.
Now, that wasn't too painful, was it? Oh, I hated it.
Thank you both for your time and honesty.
Starfish delivery.
(SNUFFLES) Kevin! Great to see ya.
You're a lifesaver.
Let me get you into the bathroom.
Excuse us.
Uh, K-Kevin's a our plumber.
Yeah, he does amazing work with, uh, copper.
Um, Miranda? - Hmm? - I know it's probably too soon for you to say anything, but can you tell me how we did? You guys are still in the running.
Mm! Arthur! Look who's here.
I thought about what you said, and I realized that I have been oblivious about my negative behavior patterns.
And just wanted you to know that I am trying to begin the process of inner healing, so that I can move towards manifesting my higher self.
What? I don't, I That's not what I meant.
Now tell my friend what you told me on the flight over.
I was wrong to be so hard on Superian.
He-He's trying his best.
(CHUCKLES) Keep going.
A-And I absolutely do not ever, in my entire life, have to tell anybody anywhere I've been.
Did you threaten this man? Me? Nope.
That is not my style.
I'm just gonna take him home now.
- (YELPS) - You know what, maybe I think, I think I should take care of E.
Morgan Pearl.
- Ooh.
- For a little bit.
- Eh - And I, you know what - I think you should do? - Hmm? I think you should take a time-out, Superian.
I think you should take a long walk.
- On the ground? - ARTHUR: Yes! Uh, if you want to just sit down on the couch.
- Uh-huh.
- Um, do you remember where you live? Can I, can I call you an Uber? Or do you just want to curl up into a fetal position? (GROANS) That is (BABBLING) TICK: Oh, come on, Phoebe.
- Eat your mush.
- I don't understand.
I mean, these are the right starfish.
Why aren't they eating them? They don't like it.
Didn't you say that Lobstercules - would chew their food for them? - Yeah.
Maybe set it on "frappe.
" (BLENDER WHIRRING) Hey, um, thanks a bunch, Mom.
Oh, I don't want those sweeties to go hungry.
Oh, no, not for that.
For, you know, what you did back in there with Miranda.
I just never really knew if you approved of me being a superhero before.
(EXHALES) I want you to be who you're gonna be.
I want to be a member of the Flag Five.
I got to (EXHALES) You two really are the good guys, aren't you? Joan, we're trying to be.
Hey, I thought maybe you'd Oh! He put it in his mouth.
The flavor penetrating the palate torpedoing my taste buds.
(CHITTERING) Oh, my God, Tick.
It's working, you're doing it.
ALL: Joan! You like that, huh? All right.
Here comes the choo choo.
Oh, really? Oh.
Oh! He did it again.