The Tick (2016) s02e09 Episode Script

In the Woods

1 - - (BURBLING) (HIGH-PITCHED WHOOPING) (WHOOPING, LAUGHING) TICK: So round.
So perfect! Ah why do the best things in life pop so easily? You've really never seen these before, Tick? Circles? Seen plenty of them.
(PHONE RINGING) Hey, would you mind getting that? - Ah.
- Bubble duty beckons.
There you go, little guys.
- Hello? - (ON PHONE): Urgent message for Arthur.
Urgent? Got it! (PANTING): Arthur! - It's urgent! - What? - Hello? - (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) - Hello? - Hello.
Yes.
Is this Arthur? - Yeah, speaking.
- This is AEGIS.
You made the Flag Five.
- I beg your pardon? - You made the Flag Five.
What? - Really? - What? Tick, we're in.
In what? We made the Flag Five.
Chum.
Your dream came true! (HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER, SHOUTS) Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, it's the Flag Five Ready Room.
I am in the Flag Five Ready Room.
TICK: You are ready to be in the Flag Five Ready Room.
The Tick and Arthur.
Welcome to the big leagues.
Sage! Bronze Star! BRONZE STAR: Whoa.
I kind of forgot about the whole "flag thing.
" Right? Looks like the Fourth of July threw up in this mug.
I know.
It's so perfect.
- Hey, boys.
- (GROANS) God, I can't believe they'd let you on the Five.
TICK: She has a checkered past, but has done enough good to confuse the issue.
- And me.
- Yeah, Arthur.
I'm starting to hear voices in my head and everything.
What do you say we call a truce and not ruin our big day? Fine.
But I am watching you.
Heroes.
Please take a chair.
RATHBONE: We call to order this first assembly of the TICK: Whoa.
Heh! These chairs are cool! (WHISPERS): Tick, Tick, we said this was a professional environment.
Be cool.
Thank you.
- Oh.
- RATHBONE: Now, we call to order this first assembly of the newly ratified Flag Five.
- Hmm.
- Joan of Arc, Bronze Star, Sage The Supernumerary, The Tick and Arthur.
Thank you very much.
I appreciate it.
Now, being a member of the Flag Five not only comes with great responsibilities, it also comes with some damn fine privileges, which you will find in your manuals.
Your Ready Room, right here at AEGIS, your Flag Five Fortress Your HQ An impressive array of vehicles, weapons and technology, and also, coupons for several local businesses and eateries.
SAGE: 30% off dry cleaning.
I could use that.
Oof.
- What is this? - HOBBES: Oh.
Just some initial concepts designed to make you more visually cohesive as a team.
To put the "flag" in the five, - as it were.
- SAGE: Well, is that is that a "5" on the Blind Eye of Thirdarra? Nah, but that-that's just blasphemy.
I look like a crossing guard for justice.
I look great.
And, of course, there's the Flock Flare.
Oh, my God, Tick.
Don't you know what this is? - Nope.
- (ARTHUR EXHALES) It's the Flag Five Flock Flare.
Flantastic! ARTHUR (SIGHS): The righteous wristwatch signal that calls the team together in times of trial.
Oh, my God, I've only ever seen these things in photos before.
From this day forward, you five heroes will become one.
So heroes stand with me and raise a glass to the new Flag Five! OTHERS: To the new Flag Five! (TAKES DEEP BREATH) That hero walk felt good.
- Hey.
- (GASPS) There you are.
Let's go get your paperwork started.
(WHOOSHING) I been looking for you boys.
We need to talk.
(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER P.
A.
) (SNIFFS) Mm-hmm.
I've been trying to get Lobstercules on board with the plan all morning, but it's a no-go.
Maybe you can chew her ear a little bit.
How is biting her gonna change her mind? Gentlemen.
Such excellent cake.
(CHUCKLES) I couldn't resist.
Oh, man, you guys get cake.
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Scanning.
Agent Doctor Hobbes.
Access granted.
(WHIRRING) - - Hello, Overkill.
Cake? I know why you all have come, but I cannot agree to your legal strategy.
See what I'm dealing with, fellas? That is one stubborn shellfish.
Look, Lobstercules, Tick and I are taking care of your babies.
TICK: And they are an absolute delight So musical.
Do you think they would enjoy - violin lessons? - ARTHUR: They should be with you again.
Let Flexon introduce them as evidence, and I swear, I think you have a chance of getting back together.
LOBSTERCULES: You think I don't want to be with my children? But how can I trust this place? Because that's the rule of law.
That's what AEGIS stands for.
I mean, look what happened when when you told them that you could talk, okay? You got a lawyer and now a chance for your freedom again.
My boy Arthur makes good points.
Tick, friend, what do you think? Ah, Lady Lobster, all I can think about are their cute little faces and their unforgiving love pinches.
- (SIGHS) - Your little ones are so wonderful, and they miss you so much.
(SIGHS HEAVILY) Lawyer, you may move forward with your coercion defense.
Hot damn! We got a motion! - All right! - The babies are gonna be so happy to see you again.
- (BEEPING) - Sorry.
Hello? Where are you? - Dot? - It's his sister.
Uh, I'm at AEGIS.
Why? I need you to leave there immediately and meet Walter and me on our boat.
Do you copy? You found Walter? Wait.
We have a boat? DANGERBOAT: Arthur, I am the boat.
Please, we need you.
Copy that.
Okay, we're on our way.
(VEHICLE WHIRRS BY IN DISTANCE) (CHUCKLES): Where the hell have you been? I've got plans to run by you.
I was just at the big show.
And it was glorious.
I have no idea what that means.
It means I'm done with this petty crime shit.
Man, this superhero stuff has gone straight to your head, made you nutty.
You're not hearing me, Frank.
Pretty damn sure that crime doesn't pay as much as the Flag Five.
Look.
Newly designed super-ship.
Plush headquarters.
A freaking satellite.
And if you become the leader of the Flag Five, they actually hand over the keys to AEGIS.
(SCOFFS) This is gonna bite you in the ass, unless you're a real hero now.
Hmm.
I'm moving up in the world.
You can come with me.
I, um I don't know.
Hey.
Is he coming with you? Yes, Frank, he's coming with me.
(SCOFFS) - Mm.
- I've got an important role in the new paradigm.
I'm her sidekick.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, boss.
But where you're going, I don't want to be.
(DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES) John Wu? Yes.
Walter is not a Walter? No.
My feet don't feel so good.
I'm sorry, Tick.
So so this whole time, you've been hiding this-this secret agent past, pretending to just be boring? It's like you're this whole other person.
God, what about Mom? - Mom deserves to know the truth.
- WALTER: I know.
- I know.
- Guys, you need to pull it together.
Like we said, Overkill is in serious danger, and it's all wrapped up in AEGIS.
I'm sorry, I just need another minute to process this whole "Walter" thing.
Walter is a Wu.
Please, guys.
Overkill needs our help.
Look at him.
TICK: What is that? It's the extraction pod that trapped Overkill at the Duke's lair.
It's signature AEGIS equipment.
The Duke must be working with someone inside the agency.
Told you not to go in there.
You know, wait for us, we said.
Let us help you, we said.
I mean, what were you even doing in there? Look at that that looks like one giant explosion.
How do you even get out of there alive? DANGERBOAT: Arthur, your sister used her ability.
- I'm sorry, her what? - Okay, you know what? Let's all just try to focus.
Rathbone suspected that there was a mole in AEGIS.
He was right.
We have proof now.
Okay, so what do you want Tick and I to do about it? WALTER: We have to meet Rathbone somewhere safe and give him our evidence.
Now, if I try to make contact, I'm afraid the call will be intercepted.
But Flag Five team members can contact Commander Rathbone on his secure hotline.
You want me to call Tyrannosaurus Rathbone - on the Five-Alarm Flagphone.
- Yes.
Will you do it, Arthur? Will you call? My-my-my first day as a member of the Flag Five.
Literally my-my lifelong dream and-and you want me to call Ty Rathbone and-and say what? "Oh, hey! It's Arthur.
"Rem-Remember that rogue agent you've been looking for? "Well, now he's been kidnapped "by another traitor from your agency.
Can you just solve this whole mess for us?" Rathbone got him into this mess.
And I helped.
Chum.
Overkill is in trouble, and it looks like AEGIS is, too.
Okay.
Okay, fine.
I'll make the call.
DANGERBOAT: I'm hugging you, too, Arthur.
Thanks.
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES) HOBBES: Now, let's bring you back online and reboot those eyes.
Ah, hello.
Hobbes.
Yes, it's been a while.
I'm sure you're very confused.
Maybe you were expecting to see the Duke resurrected somehow.
But the Duke was always a fiction.
The man you decapitated in Florida was a mercenary that I hired.
His name was Gary.
You murdered my whole squad.
(GRUNTING) - You're the AEGIS mole.
- Mole? No.
I'm not a mole.
I am AEGIS.
Or at least what AEGIS should be.
And what's that? - A human furniture store? - (HOBBES LAUGHS) No.
Human furniture was just R and D.
A crude beta test of a technology I've now perfected.
Whatever you're up to, Rathbone won't let you get away with it.
Rathbone is a fool.
He thinks superheroes are here to save us.
He thinks they're fun; this isn't fun.
Overkill, you have no idea what you represent.
I remember the day they brought you in here.
Straight shooter, so broken.
If you hadn't been a category, you would have been dead.
Then Rathbone had me rebuild you.
New eyes.
New hands.
(CHUCKLES) But then he went too far.
OVERKILL: He went too far? AEGIS was founded to protect humanity and to police the genetic chaos that Superian unleashed.
But then Rathbone recruited you to be an agent.
He brought the chaos into our own house.
You were the first of what is now an infestation of categories into what was once a proud human institution.
Categories are human.
Human, please.
You're one DNA blip away from Lobstercules.
What? You gonna turn us all into lamps? That's the plan? I think you'll find my new technology is much more versatile.
(SIGHS) Are you done villainsplaining? - Yes.
- Good.
(LAUGHS) Now, listen to my plan.
It's simple, Hobbes.
You're dead.
When I get out of here, I'm gonna kill you so hard.
(GRUNTS) I'm not the one you're going to kill.
- This will hurt.
- (HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING) (SCREAMS) Overkill, are you online? Yes.
Tell me how you found the Duke.
5-1-1 3-7-3.
(LINE RINGING) I'm calling, and I'm praying.
Flag Five member, I read you.
What is your caution code? God, sorry.
I didn't know the whole face thing - was gonna happen.
- The what? Son, you do comprehend the purpose of the Five-Alarm Flagphone, do you not? Yeah, no, I-I-I do, sir.
I just I have something of an emergency.
Is there a secure place that we can talk away from the office? You still haven't given me the proper Flagphone call signs.
Now, what is your caution code? ARTHUR: I'm sorry, sir.
I haven't had time - to get familiar with - Son.
What the hell is going on? Well, uh, it's a long story.
Um, apparently AUTOMATED VOICE: Incoming transmission.
- It's my mother.
- This about your mother? No.
No, no.
I'm sorry.
It's not, uh it's about my sister and my stepfather.
My mother's just on the other line right now.
- Then you take that call.
- What? No, sir.
It's-it's just my mom.
It is not just apple pie, it is not just baseball, and it is definitely not just your mother.
Now, you take that call pronto while I wait here on helmet-hold.
- Okay.
Um - Mm-hmm.
Hello? Oh, hello.
Arthur? - Hi, Mom.
- I was wondering if you heard anything from Dot or Walter.
I'm really starting to worry.
No, no, I haven't heard anything.
Look, Mom, I really have to, um, prepare for a meeting right now.
Can I call you back later? Oh, okay, sweetheart.
I'll see you soon.
- Bye.
- Okay.
Bye.
(LOBSTER BABIES LAUGHING) Wow! - (GASPS) Oh! - Joan! Joan! Sorry.
DANGERBOAT: What? Ouch.
Quit it.
TICK: Well, Not Walter, it seems that we're all wandering in the woods.
How do you mean? You're living a lie.
Dot is secretly turning vigilante.
I thought Arthur had been bending the truth to get us into the Five.
But now we have babies, (CHUCKLING): I've even started lying myself.
To be honest, I don't know what Destiny is trying to teach us through all this.
Maybe that the truth is precious.
I think you're onto something.
DANGERBOAT: Arthur has returned.
- Arthur! - (ARTHUR SIGHS) So how'd it go? - Did you reach Rathbone? - Yeah.
He said to meet him at an abandoned AEGIS research facility not far from here.
He said it'll be safe.
- We should get going.
- ARTHUR: Hey.
I set up the meeting, okay? The moment we're done, you're going to see Mom, and you're telling her everything.
He's right.
I will.
I promise.
(HORN HONKING, ENGINE SPUTTERING) MIRROR LINT: Bravo.
- (MISS LINT SIGHS) - You made your choice.
When are you gonna leave me the hell alone? I wonder.
Do you know why you chose the name "Joan of Arc"? 'Cause I like the pun.
As a kid, in the orphanage, you always loved that story.
Oh, yeah.
I did.
She had a gift.
She led an army.
She was fearless.
Do you know what else she was? Toast.
She was a hero, just like you.
You're gonna be so disappointed.
(METALLIC SQUEAKING) (WATER DRIPPING) Careful, creeping shadow man! You face The Tick! Stand down, hero.
It's me.
Commander Rathbone.
It is damn good to see you again, Agent.
You have some information for me, son? I'm not a big fan of AEGIS, but if Walter and Overkill trust you, I'll give it a chance.
I take it you're Dot.
- Yes, I'm Dot.
- Yes this is my sister, Comm.
Rathbone.
Do you recognize that, sir? Yep.
This was the first stage of an AEGIS mind control project that was proposed and rejected years ago.
Well I know what the Duke's been working on.
Does it tell you who's doing this? Unfortunately, it does.
- I'll take it from here.
- Thank you, sir.
What?! No way.
We're coming with you! I'm sorry, Dot, but this is an AEGIS problem.
TICK: All right, then.
Call in the Flag Five, and we'll help.
I will not make giving AEGIS a black eye the first act of the new Flag Five.
No.
This will be handled internally.
I want to protect the good name of AEGIS.
Screw AEGIS! What about Overkill? He's been abducted.
He could be hurt or dying, for all we know.
Dot? Once I have the mole in my custody, I will get our boy back.
I promise you that.
I'll see you all soon.
TICK: Walter, remember, you weren't keeping a secret.
The secret was keeping you.
I'll remember.
I don't like this.
- I don't like any of this.
- Dot, come on.
We got the evidence to Rathbone.
Now we have to let him do his part.
I mean, he's the commander, for God's sake.
He can take care of himself.
- (LOBSTER BABIES MURMURING) - Oh, sweetie, I Kevin, can you help me here? Looks like - (KNOCKING) - (GASPS) (LOBSTER BABIES CHATTERING, TOY WHEELS WHIRRING) Walter.
Joan.
We need to talk.
(HORNS HONKING, ENGINE REVVING) (COMPUTER TRILLING) You wanted to see me, sir? Come on in, Hobbes.
- I want to show you something.
- Ah.
It's on my desk.
HOBBES: Ah, I see.
And, uh, may I ask where you found this object? Operatives of mine.
Operatives.
Interesting.
You were told to discontinue your research.
That mind control was against everything that this organization stands for, and yet, - you continued? - Well, my work is vital.
Your work? Your work is a disgrace to AEGIS.
You're a disgrace.
- You are done here, Hobbes.
- You disgraced AEGIS the moment you let a category be an agent.
Luckily that problem - is about to resolve itself.
- (RAPID TRILLING) - (WEAPON FIRING) - (RATHBONE GRUNTS) (BODY THUDS) (SIGHS) (RAPID TRILLING) - (BEEP) - HOBBES: Thank you, Overkill.
You may go now.