The Time of Our Lives (2013) s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
1 Welcome to The Wise Crack! Eloise owns this bar so here's the deal, ladies and gentlemen.
If you don't buy booze, she can't buy shoes.
Can I go to Chadstone on Thursday night? All the girls are going.
What for? Just to hang out.
Yeah, very unlikely.
Georgie, where are your undies? I don't know.
I'm Kristin, the other counsellor.
I noticed that you hadn't actually seen any students.
Every time I thought about counselling a student, I just panicked.
I think it's time we told the principal what's going on.
OK, I'll go see her in my next break.
No, go and see her now.
If you feel like you need to do shorter days for a while All I want to is to put my head down and work.
I went down to Joel's.
He's definitely gone overseas.
Ow! Are you feeling frustrated? Carmody is struggling to achieve developmental milestones.
But he can read.
I didn't see any evidence of him reading.
I wish you were here.
I need you.
I wish I was there too.
I don't want to be married to you anymore.
Why? I don't love you anymore.
I hate you! Caroline.
Just tell me what I can do so you won't go.
Nothing.
Dad, would you like to help me build this? Yes, I would.
There you go.
Why didn't you return my calls today? Well, was it anything important? No.
I'm going to go out for a little while.
I'm hungry.
Ah, what's he having for dinner? Oh, you can work it out.
Well, what does he usually have? You don't know, do you? You don't know what your own child likes to eat.
I'll sort it out.
Good.
Good afternoon.
Hmm.
Is it really that late? Yep.
I should get up.
Me too.
Uh-oh, it's happening again.
Except I've got to go to work.
Resign.
Today.
Oh, yeah, does that mean you're going to start paying my rent? Or at the very least give me a set? Oh, my God, is that why you're having sex with me? Yeah, I'm having sex with you so you'll give me a set and pay me a massive 50 bucks.
Hmm, gets better.
Nah, alright.
I'll give you a set.
You can have a go this week.
Really?! Mm-hmm.
You won't regret it.
Can I have one ticket to the 5.
45 session, please? Do you have any memberships or concessions? No.
That's $19, please.
Is that you, Georgie? Yes! Just in time.
Dinner's on the table.
You said that so proudly as if you had something to do with making it.
I did have something to do with making it.
I made the call that got the pizza delivered.
Dad, can I have a Facebook page? I don't think so.
Other girls at school have them.
Yeah, I don't care.
You can't have one.
Why? Do you have a good reason? Well, yeah, because you're not 13.
Maybe when you're 13 you can have one.
Lots of girls at school got them when they were 11.
Yeah, well, not you, OK? Why did you send me to that stupid school if I'm not allowed to have what everyone else has? Isn't one of the rules of Facebook that you have to be 13 to sign up for it? I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Dad.
Georgie, lift your game.
Well, I wasn't talking to her.
Well, you can't have your own page, OK? That's it.
Conversation over.
Conversation over.
Shut up.
That's enough.
Why does rowing have to be in the middle of the night? It doesn't make any sense.
It's not the middle of the night.
It's 5am.
Oh, God.
Why can't you pick another sport, like sleeping? Everyone at school has Facebook Oh, Georgie, we've had this discussion.
You're only saying no because Bernadette wants you to.
You don't have to do everything she says.
Oh, that is ridiculous.
It's unfair.
Yeah, well, that's how I feel about getting up at five o'clock in the morning but I've still got to do it.
Don't do it.
I don't care if I don't go.
Oh, Georgie, put your seatbelt on.
Hey.
Miss, come in here! Miss! Let's take a deep breath together, OK? You're OK now.
Just keep breathing.
Go get the principal.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's alright, Helen will understand.
No, she won't! I didn't go and see her.
What? I didn't tell her.
I just thought I'd try and start counselling again.
She has to know what's been going on.
No, she doesn't! I'll lose my job! You should lose your job.
Bella, go and get the principal.
Tell her it's urgent.
Alright, up you get.
You're alright.
Just keep breathing.
That's it.
Hey, Georgie.
Hi.
Weren't you supposed to be on that bus? I suppose so.
Why didn't you get on it? I missed it.
No, you didn't.
You just sat right there.
Well, go on, get in.
I'll take you.
I don't have any friends at school.
You went with those girls to the shops.
That was different.
Why? It just was.
You'll You'll make friends.
High school can be difficult at the start but once you meet kids you get along with, you'll make lots of friends.
You will, I promise.
Can I tell you something, Dad? Yeah, of course.
Sometimes when Hi, Georgie.
Hi, Maddie.
How're you going? I'm Georgie's Dad.
Hello.
Bye, Dad.
See you, darl.
Have a good day.
I will.
Can I go to Maddie's after school? OK, where does she live? Just near the Elsternwick train station.
I can get the train home.
OK.
Make sure you're home by 5.
30, OK? OK, Dad.
Bye.
Bye, darl.
And text me her number! OK! Hi.
Helen says I have to go on sick leave so you got what you wanted.
What did I want? You wanted to get rid of me and you did it.
I didn't want that.
I wanted to understand what was happening and why you weren't seeing students.
No, you didn't.
You were trying to get me out of this department and you succeeded.
Why would I do that, Kristin? I can't see all these students on my own.
You have an answer for everything, don't you? No, YOU have an answer for everything.
You brought this on yourself by being dishonest with me and the students.
You made this happen Oh, shut up! For once, just shut up! Right.
Thanks.
Hey, why are you throwing out all your undies? They're too babyish.
No-one at school wears undies like that.
How do you know? 'Cause I've seen what the other girls wear and no-one wears stupid baby undies.
Well, you don't have to throw them out.
Just keep them for home I don't want them! Do you think Georgie likes me? Yeah, of course.
She loves you.
Yeah, but she's never going to love me like she loves her own mum, is she? Darling, she loves you.
She's just at that age.
Kids at that age are just weird.
OK.
Um, I'm moving out tomorrow.
Where are you going? Ah, I've rented an apartment.
OK.
I'm going to go and sleep with Carmody.
Penises are very musical, aren't they? I don't mean talented musically.
I've never heard of one being able to sing in pitch.
But we have a lot of musical names for them, don't we? The one-eyed piccolo, the skin flute, the hairy banjo, the pink blow bow.
What'd I miss? Well, he started off well but it just turned ugly.
Growing up, whenever I wanted to have a tug, I'd stick a kazoo in my mouth and attach cymbals to my shoulders.
Here we go.
That way if my mum busted me, I'd just tell her I was auditioning for a one-man band.
I'm out of here.
See ya.
I know people aren't perfect but I have the strangest thing.
One of my balls is bigger than the other one.
And not just a bit.
It's huge.
I thought you were going to stay.
Oh, no, same old, same old.
Dicks and balls.
I'm so sick of having them shoved down my throat the whole time.
I've made a huge mistake.
I regret what I've done and all I can do is beg your forgiveness.
I'm sorry.
The bed's wet.
What? Oh, did you do a wee? Yep.
Oh, that's OK.
I'll change your sheets.
Mum! Time to wipe my bottom! Coming! Reckon you'll join the orchestra, Georgie? No.
School orchestras are great fun.
And you get time out of class for practice.
You should definitely join.
I don't want to, OK? Georgie.
All I'm saying is I don't want to.
What's going on? I don't know.
Mum! Frances needs you! Can you wipe Frances' bottom? Oh, fantastic.
Let's sit here a moment.
Come on, up you get.
That's the man.
Now, Mummy and I have decided we're not going to live in the same house anymore because we've been fighting and we think that if we don't live together, we won't fight anymore and everyone will be happier.
Where am I going to live? You're going to stay living with me.
But you can come and visit me.
And I'll come and visit you, a lot.
And I'm going to live in a different house and some nights you can stay with me.
Is your new house gonna have stairs? It might.
We both love you very, very much and that is never, ever going to change.
Mummy's right.
We will always love you.
Can you push me on the swing? Yep.
Well, that seemed to go well.
Come on, Frances.
Make it higher! Come on.
I love seeing Georgie smile.
- Who feels like ice-cream? - Me! Alright.
But you two have to hold Georgie's hand, you understand? Yeah? Here, darlin'.
Thank you.
Come on.
Would you guys like one? Surprise us.
I know what Bernadette likes.
Hello? Yes, he is.
Soon as you get the ice-creams, straight back home, yeah? Hello? Yes.
Yes, it is.
Just wait there and I'll find the bowl.
Georgie, what is your password? What is your password? Glee.
What is that? I told you you couldn't open up a Facebook account.
I think I made I asked Mum and she said it was OK.
What, after I said no? Who took that photo? Maddie.
And where did you get those underpants? I bought them when I went to Chadstone.
You take that off now, you understand? It's not that bad.
I'm not going to have a half naked photo of my daughter on the Internet! Now get it off! What's going on? That was the school principal on the phone.
Georgie's set up a Facebook account and she's posted a picture of herself looking like a stripper.
I don't look like a stripper.
Just go to your room! I can't even look at you.
You don't know anything! I hate everything and I hate you! Go to your room! And bring me those underpants right now! 'I'm not as innocent as I look.
' Are these actually for sale? Oh, stupid little girl! Well, I'll just come back and get the rest of my stuff over the next couple of weekends.
Mm-hmm.
Hey.
Bye-bye, big fella.
See you on the weekend.
Dad! Dad! Yeah? Take Teddy with you.
He'll look after you.
OK, I will.
And tell you what I'll do, I'll keep Ted at my new house and you can come and see him on the weekend.
Can I tell you a secret? Yeah, you can.
Don't go, Dad.
I promise I'll be good.
I'll see you later.
Come on, Carmody.
Mum, do you like surprises? I don't love them.
Boo! Were you surprised, Mum? Oh, a little bit.
Mum! How are you? Be back in a sec, girls.
Oh, I'm just so disappointed in Georgie.
Is the photo off the website? Yeah, and we've deleted the account.
She's so ungrateful.
I never thought Georgie'd be a liar.
You know, it's sneaky.
We've all done things we're ashamed of.
I'm sure she feels bad about it.
But does she, or is she just pissed off that she got caught? Talk to her but give her the space to say how she feels.
Where is she now? She's in her room.
I can't deal with her right now.
Dad? Boo! Oh.
Wow, scary.
Dad likes surprises.
'Dear Ms Glaros, I hope you get better soon.
You really helped out my family heaps when my mum was sick.
Thank you for all the dinners you made us.
We really appreciated it.
Bella.
' I did have knowledge of the Facebook account.
I wasn't aware that Year Sevens weren't allowed to have one.
We did send out a notice about this on the first day of term.
Some of the notices don't get passed on to me, especially on the days that Georgie is staying at her father's.
Well, it's up to Georgie to pass them on, not me.
She's 11, Luce.
She forgets stuff.
Well, that's another issue for you two to sort out by yourselves.
But even more serious than that is the photo that was posted on the account.
Georgie didn't post that, Maddie did.
Yes, I know.
Nonetheless, I'm sure you'll agree it was inappropriate and may I say, disturbing.
The girls will be punished here at school but there's no point us punishing the girls if we aren't supported on the home front.
It seems unfair to me that Georgie's being punished for something that Maddie did.
The way we see it here is that they both did it.
My wife and I were very upset about the photo.
We've already deleted the account.
OK.
I'll talk to Georgie.
Yep, and so will I.
Thank you.
What's this about 'my wife and I are very upset about the photo'? For God's sake, you're not even married.
This is nothing to do with Bernadette.
Georgie is not Bernadette's daughter Oh, don't start.
No, don't you start.
You should have stuck up for Georgie in there.
How am I supposed to stick up for her? She posed for a piece of pornography which one of her friends put on the Internet! It's not that bad! It is that bad and you should start taking it more seriously.
And for God's sake, why would you let her get a Facebook account? Get off your high horse, Luce.
Oh! You know, even if we fill the place, we're never going to make a lot of money unless we get the bar.
We'll have to get a licence.
Yeah, I know.
It's a big commitment.
But I reckon it's something we should consider, you know, down the track.
Till then, we've just got to figure out a way to get more people through the door and/or do more nights.
Or both? You know, you could do a deal with Eloise.
After a certain number of people through the door, we get a split of the bar.
You should have a chat to her.
See what she thinks.
Yeah, she might be open to it.
She's pretty agreeable.
We've gotta push the marketing, though, you know? Some punters don't even know we exist.
If we're going to do this thing we may as well, you know, go hard.
Hmm, I love it when you talk like that.
You sound very forceful.
Thank you.
Hi! I've brought cake.
Hello.
Where's Carmody? He's not here.
Where is he? Where is he? He's at Rosa and Ray's.
Staying the night there.
Girls, go and have a play out the front.
OK! Are you OK? I'm fine.
How much have you had to drink? Oh.
A lot.
Did you go out to lunch? No.
What's going on? Um Carmody's not gifted.
Oh.
OK.
The psychologist said that there's nothing really too special about him except that his social skills aren't up to scratch.
Oh, well.
That's no big deal.
I thought if I could work at it, though, I could get him to be gifted.
You reckon that could work? I don't think you should worry about that right now.
Did you think he was smart? He seems smart, doesn't he? Well, he's not.
Do you mind if I go to bed? Come on.
Come on, girls, let's go.
Mum, aren't we staying for kids' dinner? No, I got the night wrong.
No, you didn't.
Well, we're not tonight.
Come on.
I think you know how I feel about what I saw on the computer.
Yes.
It goes without saying you're not having a Facebook account.
Till I'm 13.
Georgie, with what you did, you'll be lucky to get an account by the time you're 18.
But you said I could have one when I'm 13.
No, I didn't and you can't, OK? Another thing.
For the next two weeks, I want you to go to school and come straight home.
No parties, no Skyping, nothing like that.
You don't understand anything, Dad.
Nothing! Into your jammies, please.
Then you can watch a little bit of TV.
Well, that's the way it's going to be, OK? Hey, darl.
How was Caroline? We couldn't stay at Caroline's today because she was drunk.
Really? Mm-hmm.
How drunk? Very drunk.
So drunk, she couldn't walk straight.
Where was Carmody? He was at Ray and Rosa's.
She hadn't even been out to lunch or anything.
She was just at home alone, you know, just getting on it.
That's strange.
Yeah.
Then she told me she found out Carmody wasn't gifted.
Pfft! She's the last to know.
Yeah.
Hello.
Hey, champ, take your bag? Oh, thanks for dropping him back, Ray.
Oh, it's fine.
My pleasure.
I notice that front gate's got a bit of a problem.
Where's Matt keep his tools? I'll grab a hammer and sort it out.
Oh, no, it's OK.
Better to do it before there's an accident.
Matt'll never get around to it.
OK.
Oh, I've got a joke for you.
OK.
A Collingwood fan walks into a library and asks for a piece of flake and two potato cakes and the librarian says, 'Sir, this is a library.
' And the Collingwood fan says, 'Oh, sorry.
Can I have a piece of flake and two potato cakes?' Very good.
I was a Collingwood fan when I was a kid but then I changed when I went to Uni.
Look, I'll just go round the shed and get the tools I need.
Send Carmody out.
He can give me a hand.
Thanks, Ray.
You're very good to us.
Hello? Hi! Hi.
Um, he's had his bath but he'll probably be getting hungry.
You look gorgeous.
How're you feeling? Good.
No hangover? No, no, not at all.
Here's his bag.
I've got multivitamins in there so he can have one with his dinner.
OK.
And where are you off to tonight? Oh, something with Matt.
Don't really know what it is but I'll be back around 8.
30 to pick him up.
He can stay the night.
Carmody, get down! Get down now! We'll we'll sort it out.
Have a night out with Matt.
OK.
That would be wonderful.
Luce can drop him back in the morning.
Oh, thank you.
OK.
Bye, Carmody! Have fun.
What broke? You know, I feel very proud of you and you look absolutely beautiful.
Thank you.
Now, Rory, this is Alice.
Rory is in player relations.
Hi.
I work for a program to encourage kids to play sport.
Ah, there's music to my ears.
All sports, not just AFL.
Oh, what do you mean? Are there other sports? Hey, Matt, while I've got you here, can you make some time tomorrow to see me? There's a couple of things we need to sort out about Lachie.
Sure.
Ah, here he is, the man of the moment.
How are you, Lachie? How're you going? Are you excited, are you? Yeah, a bit nervous.
First time I've been to Melbourne.
Hey, how's the new apartment? It's a bit luxe, actually.
It's a fantastic place.
Thanks for getting it for him.
That's great.
No worries.
Excuse me.
Yeah, sure.
Hey listen, it's going to take you a while to settle in but honestly, you could not get a better club and this bloke's a champ at helping people find their way.
And you know, I could help you find whatever else you need too.
That's a lovely colour.
Thank you.
I always eat my lipstick off.
Yeah, it's difficult not to do that.
But you can train yourself.
Ah, I must be untrainable.
Bye.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi, I'm Caroline, Matt's wife.
Hello, I'm Lachie.
Hi, I think we've met before.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Excuse us, lads.
I just want to have a quiet word.
What are you doing here? I was invited.
No, you weren't.
Yes, I was.
I'm your partner.
I found an invite in your coat pocket that said 'To Matt and partner'.
Go home.
No.
Caroline, please go home.
I'm not going.
Hello again.
We met in the toilets.
I'm Alice.
Hi, I'm Caroline, Matt's wife.
You want to give us a moment, please, Alice? Of course.
What are you trying to prove? What's being here do? I'm not trying to prove anything.
I was invited to this event and that is why I'm here.
So this is how it's going to be between us now? Playing games, trying to mess up each other's lives.
Is that it? I can't be with you, Caroline.
I was so unhappy and I was so lonely.
I can't do it anymore.
I'm not trying to hurt you.
I'm just trying to make my life better.
And it's better without me, is it? Yes, I think it is.
Please leave.
I've got nowhere to go.
Go home.
OK? Why was Caroline here? To make things difficult.
Yeah, she succeeded.
Hey, here he is.
How are you travelling? Yeah, good, eh.
There's a lot of people.
There's a lot of people who love football.
Want a drink? Yeah, sure.
Good.
You? Mm-hmm.
Do you enjoy coming to things like this? No.
Yeah, me neither.
It's a bit about me and we should talk about the news as well.
I'm sure you guys would have read this recently.
This Senator has been accused of misusing his official credit card.
Misusing? Was he? Or was he just using it really well? He bought airfares on that thing - bang! You know, he bought like jewellery for his wife on that thing - bang, bang! He even paid for high class hookers on that thing.
Don't worry, Gary, I got this one.
Bam! Misusing? How're your nerves? Yeah, not too bad.
I love doing stand-up comedy.
I'd do it every night if I could.
Just need to get that first laugh and then I'm off.
Yeah, absolutely.
So, on a night like this, how much would the bar make? About two and a half gross.
Right.
So after expenses, what, a thousand bucks? Yep.
My name's been Jed Rae.
You guys have been lovely.
Cheers! Yeah! Jed Rae! But let it not be said, ladies and gentlemen, that here, at The Wise Crack, we don't make light of parliamentary fraud, alright? We really do.
We do our best.
And, ladies and gentlemen, please put them together for a lady who has never been afraid to abuse privilege.
Ladies and gentlemen, Eloise Montague! Whoo! Thank you! So, right, I caught public transport here tonight and the train ticket cost $4, OK? $4 for one train ticket.
At those prices, it should be called private transport, not public transport.
Oh, Jesus.
Just give her a chance.
Oh, how funny are your parents? Are your parents funny? My parents are hilarious.
My mum is, like, a total cat person and my Dad is, like, a dog person and no, I don't mean that she's just like a cat and he's just like a dog, or do I? Yeah, it's bad.
It's very, very bad.
Super happy and excited to see me and Mum'd be all like, 'Oh, you're home.
That's nice.
' You've heard of kids being raised by wolves, right? Sometimes I think I was raised by a dog and a cat.
Outrageous.
I want it to end, yet in a weird way, I never want it to stop.
Which has led me to being a comedian so thanks, Mum, thanks, Dad.
Remind me to get you something nice like a fatal aggressive tumour.
No, I'm joking.
I love my parents.
Anyway, guys, that's all from me.
You guys have been great and remember, keep on smiling.
It's good for the soul.
Oh, it's good for the soul.
Whoo! Wow.
Hey! How're you feeling? Great.
Amazing.
Oh, my God, I killed it.
That's all new material? Yeah, it's all completely new.
And you know what it's like with new material.
You don't know how it's going to go down but that went down a treat! Have your parents heard the stuff you do about them? No.
No, but I reckon they'd really love it.
God, the audience were really responding, weren't they? I guess sometimes you just tap into exactly how people are feeling.
Yeah, maybe.
And you know, it'd be easy for me to expand that stuff too.
Like, I reckon I've got at least 20 minutes of gold if I only do my parents so 20 minutes.
Oh, that sounds good.
You want another drink? Drink? No, I'm OK, thanks.
Don't say anything.
The worse they are, the more delusional they get.
I mean, how could she think that went well? We're not having her on again.
I know.
I know.
I mean, she's she's bad.
I mean, she's the opposite of funny.
I actually feel depressed.
I know.
I've just gotta handle it carefully, that's all.
Just tell her we haven't got any more spots.
She'll eventually get the message.
It's a bit more complicated than that.
No, it's not.
It's business, mate.
It's not fun but sometimes it's what you Oh, don't tell me.
Well, don't ask, then.
What are you, some kind of sex addict? No.
I'm successful with the ladies.
It's very different.
Cheers! Hey! Cheers to me.
To my first set of many at the best comedy room in the city.
Good times.
Hi, what can I get you? Um, I'll have a white wine, please.
$8, please.
Hi.
Hi.
Are you a comedian? Yeah.
Well, I try to be.
Tell me your funniest joke.
Knock knock.
Who's there? Dwayne.
Dwayne who? Dwayne the bath, I'm dwowning! Hey, Caroline.
Is Matt here? No.
Um, is Luce around? I really need to talk to him.
Uh, yeah, he's just backstage.
He won't be out till the break's over.
You two have met? Yeah.
Good.
Well, enjoy yourselves.
Oh, I'm going to go.
What? Where're you going? To, um, eat.
Can I come? OK.
You know, I think I've got enough material to do two sets.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, hey, I was wondering, if we could get more punters in, would you consider giving us a percentage of the bar? Um, depends how many you can get in.
Well, you make about a thousand on our nights now, right? What if a percentage kicks in for us after you hit, say, 1,100 in profit? It'd give us incentive to get more people in and the more punters we get in, the more money you make.
Um, yeah, I'll think about it.
Yeah, take your time.
What I was thinking was that I might do some gags about us.
You know, next time.
Ah, yeah, what sort of? Well, I don't know.
It's not super clear in my head just yet but I'm thinking something vaguely around the idea of you not wanting to give me a gig, then I finally talk you into it and it turns out really great and you get jealous.
I don't know.
It's not fully formed just yet.
But I'm thinking that I might do a set earlier in the night and then later, do like a riskier set.
I've just got some new material I'd love to try out.
Yeah, um So when are you thinking of putting me on again? Um I don't think I've actually got any slots coming up in the next couple of weeks.
How about we just see where things sit after that? And where do things sit after that? Well, you don't want me to get the diary now, do you? Well, why not? It'd give me something to work towards.
Uh, can we hold off on booking you in? Why? I just don't think your material's strong enough yet.
The crowd loved it.
Yeah, yeah, see, I don't think you were as well received as you think you were.
Right.
Well, either way, you're the one who decides who performs in your room so Did you like my stuff? I would like you to hone it a bit.
So you're not giving me another set? Not at this stage, no.
Somehow I've managed to sleep my way out of a gig.
See, that's funny.
Put that in.
I don't find it funny.
Oh, and I've thought about giving you a percentage of the bar.
Oh, yeah? The answer's no.
Yep.
We took 636 bucks at the door.
Oh, fantastic.
Had to pay the performers 200 bucks, which leaves us with about, oh, 436 bucks.
Yes! And I reckon we need to put half of that aside for posters and printing, which leaves us with about 100 bucks each.
Oh.
Oh, well, fair enough.
What do you think our chances are of getting a percentage of the bar? Uh, if I had to put a precise figure on it? Yeah.
I'd say zero.
Bonus.
How old are you? Do you have many friends? Well, yeah.
I've got a few close ones.
I don't have any friends.
How come? I don't think people like me.
Yeah, right.
I guess that's why you don't have any friends, then.
Hey, can I have your phone? 'My only friend.
' Excuse me for a moment.
Sure.
Can I pay? - Thanks.
- Thank you.
Georgie, you OK? Yes.
Tell me what's wrong? It's nothing.
Do you want a cuddle? OK.
Mum! Go to sleep, Frances.
OK.
No, no, no.
Hey, little buddy, don't do that.
Do you want to know how to play? Want me to show you? You have to do this.
Hang on, I'll show you.
That's a nice sound, isn't it? Just do the next one.
Got to be gentle.
Go on.
Hey? That's an A.
Can I do another one? Yeah, course you can.
Do this one.
That's D.
If you fight with someone, they don't want to live with you anymore.
What do you mean? My dad said because he fights with my mum, he doesn't want to live with us.
Oh.
Does that mean if I fight with my mum, she won't want to live with me? No, buddy.
Both your parents will always want to live with you.
OK, mate, OK, gentle with that.
We should get you ready to go home.
Come on, up you come, buddy.
His bag's at the front door.
OK, darl, see ya.
Bye, Carmody.
Bye.
Say bye.
Bye-bye.
You OK, bud? I'm about to go to work.
Your lunch is on the kitchen bench.
What's wrong, sweetheart? Nothing.
Is it the Facebook thing? No, it's private.
Luce is just worried about you.
It's not about that and don't tell Dad I was crying.
Everyone always talks about me all the time and I'm sick of it.
OK.
Do you want a lift, Georgie? No, I'll get the bus.
OK.
Carmody, come on, mate.
Hello! Caroline? You there? Hey.
Carmody's playing out the front.
Oh, OK.
Thanks.
You're not seeing me at my best.
No.
What's been going on? Carmody told me Matt's moving out.
Hmm.
Yeah, I thought I thought everything was going along fine but Matt wants to leave.
Oh.
Maybe he just needs to spend a bit of time alone, you know? No, no, he means it.
In his head, he's already gone.
Did he talk to you about this? No.
I am just racking my brains, just searching for the moment where I The fork in the road where I took the wrong path.
I just want to go back and make different choices.
Just go left instead of right and right instead of left, just anywhere that just doesn't lead me to where I am right now.
I had a whole future laid out in front of me and Matt was right beside me and now I'm all alone.
Oh, Caroline.
Do you know why he's doing this? No.
Have you told Bernadette? No.
Don't tell her.
Not yet.
Do you think he doesn't love me anymore? I don't know.
I just want If he could just tell me what was wrong, then I know that I could fix it.
Hi.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Just thought I'd come and say hello.
Oh, yeah.
I spoke to Caroline.
Yep.
She told me you've left her.
What's going on? Want to go have a beer and talk about it? Luce, I appreciate the concern, I do.
But I'm just trying to get through each day.
If I can give any advice, it's just to keep talking to each other, you know.
Communicate.
Don't do that.
Don't you give me advice.
I haven't made the decision lightly.
It's just the decision I had to make.
You know Caroline's devastated.
I know.
Oh, wow.
Which one do you want to try first? This one.
Chin-chin.
Mmm.
Georgie, come on! Coming, Mum.
I just can't find my school bag.
It's here.
Georgie, you're supposed to put your lunchbox on top of the sink.
Here.
What's this? 'Ten reasons we hate Georgina.
' Nothing.
Maryanne, do you just want to come here for a sec? Hey.
You got everything? Read that.
Who wrote this? Maddie.
Who are all these signatures? Everyone in my class.
Why would they do that? Because Maddie says it's all my fault that the school found out about the Facebook pictures and I had nothing to do with it.
We need to speak to the school.
Yeah, OK.
No, please don't.
No, darling, your mum's right.
We should talk to the school.
I'll call the school now.
Please, Dad, listen to me.
It'll only make things worse.
Let's sit down for a minute.
Tell us what's going on.
Maddie said if I wanted to be her friend, I have to go on Facebook.
So we went to her house and did it.
And then she started going on about my daggy undies like she always does and then we just started mucking around.
She took a photo of me and I didn't know she was going to put it online.
And when I saw it there, I felt really scared.
And I knew you were going to be angry with me, and you were.
Well, why didn't you tell us what was going on? 'Cause I just wanted them to like me.
Alright.
Well, we're listening now so what do you want to do? Do you want to change schools? No, I just want to fit in.
Oh, sweetheart.
Alright.
Well, we'll figure it out, OK? We'll work something out.
Can Mum stay for dinner? Yeah, 'course.
Yep.
If you ever get into trouble again, about anything, even something you think I might get mad about, I want you to talk to me.
That's what dads are for.
I'm here to look after you.
That's my job.
OK? OK? OK.
Come here.
I reckon we should pull her out of that school as soon as we can.
Get her away from those nasty pieces of work.
Georgie, can you tell the twins to go and wash their hands? Thanks.
I feel terrible Georgie was going through all this on her own.
What do you think should happen? I know it's horrible for her at the moment, but I don't think our first reaction should be to pull her out.
I think we should try and find out some ways to work through this.
I agree with you.
Can you talk to Luce? He won't listen to me.
Don't worry, he doesn't listen to me either.
But I will say something.
Hello! Hi! Oh, I've caught you at dinner.
Oh, we won't stay.
No, stay.
Stay for dinner, especially if you've brought some wine.
OK, thanks.
Should we give Matt a call? No.
What should I do? Oh, you can help me serve up these plates.
Come on, everyone at the table.
It's dinner time.
Kids, hurry up! Come on, girls! Carmody, come on.
Oh, yum.
I'm starving.
Slap your meat smackers together for the one and only Mr Gareth Graham! He's drunk.
Is that Smug bastard.
Where the hell were you? This is nothing to do with you, Luce.
You're having dinner with him?! Until you tell me that you don't love me anymore, I'm still going to believe in us.
Just one long continuous breath until I tell you to stop.
Turn off your engine, sir, and step out of the car for me.
If you don't buy booze, she can't buy shoes.
Can I go to Chadstone on Thursday night? All the girls are going.
What for? Just to hang out.
Yeah, very unlikely.
Georgie, where are your undies? I don't know.
I'm Kristin, the other counsellor.
I noticed that you hadn't actually seen any students.
Every time I thought about counselling a student, I just panicked.
I think it's time we told the principal what's going on.
OK, I'll go see her in my next break.
No, go and see her now.
If you feel like you need to do shorter days for a while All I want to is to put my head down and work.
I went down to Joel's.
He's definitely gone overseas.
Ow! Are you feeling frustrated? Carmody is struggling to achieve developmental milestones.
But he can read.
I didn't see any evidence of him reading.
I wish you were here.
I need you.
I wish I was there too.
I don't want to be married to you anymore.
Why? I don't love you anymore.
I hate you! Caroline.
Just tell me what I can do so you won't go.
Nothing.
Dad, would you like to help me build this? Yes, I would.
There you go.
Why didn't you return my calls today? Well, was it anything important? No.
I'm going to go out for a little while.
I'm hungry.
Ah, what's he having for dinner? Oh, you can work it out.
Well, what does he usually have? You don't know, do you? You don't know what your own child likes to eat.
I'll sort it out.
Good.
Good afternoon.
Hmm.
Is it really that late? Yep.
I should get up.
Me too.
Uh-oh, it's happening again.
Except I've got to go to work.
Resign.
Today.
Oh, yeah, does that mean you're going to start paying my rent? Or at the very least give me a set? Oh, my God, is that why you're having sex with me? Yeah, I'm having sex with you so you'll give me a set and pay me a massive 50 bucks.
Hmm, gets better.
Nah, alright.
I'll give you a set.
You can have a go this week.
Really?! Mm-hmm.
You won't regret it.
Can I have one ticket to the 5.
45 session, please? Do you have any memberships or concessions? No.
That's $19, please.
Is that you, Georgie? Yes! Just in time.
Dinner's on the table.
You said that so proudly as if you had something to do with making it.
I did have something to do with making it.
I made the call that got the pizza delivered.
Dad, can I have a Facebook page? I don't think so.
Other girls at school have them.
Yeah, I don't care.
You can't have one.
Why? Do you have a good reason? Well, yeah, because you're not 13.
Maybe when you're 13 you can have one.
Lots of girls at school got them when they were 11.
Yeah, well, not you, OK? Why did you send me to that stupid school if I'm not allowed to have what everyone else has? Isn't one of the rules of Facebook that you have to be 13 to sign up for it? I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Dad.
Georgie, lift your game.
Well, I wasn't talking to her.
Well, you can't have your own page, OK? That's it.
Conversation over.
Conversation over.
Shut up.
That's enough.
Why does rowing have to be in the middle of the night? It doesn't make any sense.
It's not the middle of the night.
It's 5am.
Oh, God.
Why can't you pick another sport, like sleeping? Everyone at school has Facebook Oh, Georgie, we've had this discussion.
You're only saying no because Bernadette wants you to.
You don't have to do everything she says.
Oh, that is ridiculous.
It's unfair.
Yeah, well, that's how I feel about getting up at five o'clock in the morning but I've still got to do it.
Don't do it.
I don't care if I don't go.
Oh, Georgie, put your seatbelt on.
Hey.
Miss, come in here! Miss! Let's take a deep breath together, OK? You're OK now.
Just keep breathing.
Go get the principal.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's alright, Helen will understand.
No, she won't! I didn't go and see her.
What? I didn't tell her.
I just thought I'd try and start counselling again.
She has to know what's been going on.
No, she doesn't! I'll lose my job! You should lose your job.
Bella, go and get the principal.
Tell her it's urgent.
Alright, up you get.
You're alright.
Just keep breathing.
That's it.
Hey, Georgie.
Hi.
Weren't you supposed to be on that bus? I suppose so.
Why didn't you get on it? I missed it.
No, you didn't.
You just sat right there.
Well, go on, get in.
I'll take you.
I don't have any friends at school.
You went with those girls to the shops.
That was different.
Why? It just was.
You'll You'll make friends.
High school can be difficult at the start but once you meet kids you get along with, you'll make lots of friends.
You will, I promise.
Can I tell you something, Dad? Yeah, of course.
Sometimes when Hi, Georgie.
Hi, Maddie.
How're you going? I'm Georgie's Dad.
Hello.
Bye, Dad.
See you, darl.
Have a good day.
I will.
Can I go to Maddie's after school? OK, where does she live? Just near the Elsternwick train station.
I can get the train home.
OK.
Make sure you're home by 5.
30, OK? OK, Dad.
Bye.
Bye, darl.
And text me her number! OK! Hi.
Helen says I have to go on sick leave so you got what you wanted.
What did I want? You wanted to get rid of me and you did it.
I didn't want that.
I wanted to understand what was happening and why you weren't seeing students.
No, you didn't.
You were trying to get me out of this department and you succeeded.
Why would I do that, Kristin? I can't see all these students on my own.
You have an answer for everything, don't you? No, YOU have an answer for everything.
You brought this on yourself by being dishonest with me and the students.
You made this happen Oh, shut up! For once, just shut up! Right.
Thanks.
Hey, why are you throwing out all your undies? They're too babyish.
No-one at school wears undies like that.
How do you know? 'Cause I've seen what the other girls wear and no-one wears stupid baby undies.
Well, you don't have to throw them out.
Just keep them for home I don't want them! Do you think Georgie likes me? Yeah, of course.
She loves you.
Yeah, but she's never going to love me like she loves her own mum, is she? Darling, she loves you.
She's just at that age.
Kids at that age are just weird.
OK.
Um, I'm moving out tomorrow.
Where are you going? Ah, I've rented an apartment.
OK.
I'm going to go and sleep with Carmody.
Penises are very musical, aren't they? I don't mean talented musically.
I've never heard of one being able to sing in pitch.
But we have a lot of musical names for them, don't we? The one-eyed piccolo, the skin flute, the hairy banjo, the pink blow bow.
What'd I miss? Well, he started off well but it just turned ugly.
Growing up, whenever I wanted to have a tug, I'd stick a kazoo in my mouth and attach cymbals to my shoulders.
Here we go.
That way if my mum busted me, I'd just tell her I was auditioning for a one-man band.
I'm out of here.
See ya.
I know people aren't perfect but I have the strangest thing.
One of my balls is bigger than the other one.
And not just a bit.
It's huge.
I thought you were going to stay.
Oh, no, same old, same old.
Dicks and balls.
I'm so sick of having them shoved down my throat the whole time.
I've made a huge mistake.
I regret what I've done and all I can do is beg your forgiveness.
I'm sorry.
The bed's wet.
What? Oh, did you do a wee? Yep.
Oh, that's OK.
I'll change your sheets.
Mum! Time to wipe my bottom! Coming! Reckon you'll join the orchestra, Georgie? No.
School orchestras are great fun.
And you get time out of class for practice.
You should definitely join.
I don't want to, OK? Georgie.
All I'm saying is I don't want to.
What's going on? I don't know.
Mum! Frances needs you! Can you wipe Frances' bottom? Oh, fantastic.
Let's sit here a moment.
Come on, up you get.
That's the man.
Now, Mummy and I have decided we're not going to live in the same house anymore because we've been fighting and we think that if we don't live together, we won't fight anymore and everyone will be happier.
Where am I going to live? You're going to stay living with me.
But you can come and visit me.
And I'll come and visit you, a lot.
And I'm going to live in a different house and some nights you can stay with me.
Is your new house gonna have stairs? It might.
We both love you very, very much and that is never, ever going to change.
Mummy's right.
We will always love you.
Can you push me on the swing? Yep.
Well, that seemed to go well.
Come on, Frances.
Make it higher! Come on.
I love seeing Georgie smile.
- Who feels like ice-cream? - Me! Alright.
But you two have to hold Georgie's hand, you understand? Yeah? Here, darlin'.
Thank you.
Come on.
Would you guys like one? Surprise us.
I know what Bernadette likes.
Hello? Yes, he is.
Soon as you get the ice-creams, straight back home, yeah? Hello? Yes.
Yes, it is.
Just wait there and I'll find the bowl.
Georgie, what is your password? What is your password? Glee.
What is that? I told you you couldn't open up a Facebook account.
I think I made I asked Mum and she said it was OK.
What, after I said no? Who took that photo? Maddie.
And where did you get those underpants? I bought them when I went to Chadstone.
You take that off now, you understand? It's not that bad.
I'm not going to have a half naked photo of my daughter on the Internet! Now get it off! What's going on? That was the school principal on the phone.
Georgie's set up a Facebook account and she's posted a picture of herself looking like a stripper.
I don't look like a stripper.
Just go to your room! I can't even look at you.
You don't know anything! I hate everything and I hate you! Go to your room! And bring me those underpants right now! 'I'm not as innocent as I look.
' Are these actually for sale? Oh, stupid little girl! Well, I'll just come back and get the rest of my stuff over the next couple of weekends.
Mm-hmm.
Hey.
Bye-bye, big fella.
See you on the weekend.
Dad! Dad! Yeah? Take Teddy with you.
He'll look after you.
OK, I will.
And tell you what I'll do, I'll keep Ted at my new house and you can come and see him on the weekend.
Can I tell you a secret? Yeah, you can.
Don't go, Dad.
I promise I'll be good.
I'll see you later.
Come on, Carmody.
Mum, do you like surprises? I don't love them.
Boo! Were you surprised, Mum? Oh, a little bit.
Mum! How are you? Be back in a sec, girls.
Oh, I'm just so disappointed in Georgie.
Is the photo off the website? Yeah, and we've deleted the account.
She's so ungrateful.
I never thought Georgie'd be a liar.
You know, it's sneaky.
We've all done things we're ashamed of.
I'm sure she feels bad about it.
But does she, or is she just pissed off that she got caught? Talk to her but give her the space to say how she feels.
Where is she now? She's in her room.
I can't deal with her right now.
Dad? Boo! Oh.
Wow, scary.
Dad likes surprises.
'Dear Ms Glaros, I hope you get better soon.
You really helped out my family heaps when my mum was sick.
Thank you for all the dinners you made us.
We really appreciated it.
Bella.
' I did have knowledge of the Facebook account.
I wasn't aware that Year Sevens weren't allowed to have one.
We did send out a notice about this on the first day of term.
Some of the notices don't get passed on to me, especially on the days that Georgie is staying at her father's.
Well, it's up to Georgie to pass them on, not me.
She's 11, Luce.
She forgets stuff.
Well, that's another issue for you two to sort out by yourselves.
But even more serious than that is the photo that was posted on the account.
Georgie didn't post that, Maddie did.
Yes, I know.
Nonetheless, I'm sure you'll agree it was inappropriate and may I say, disturbing.
The girls will be punished here at school but there's no point us punishing the girls if we aren't supported on the home front.
It seems unfair to me that Georgie's being punished for something that Maddie did.
The way we see it here is that they both did it.
My wife and I were very upset about the photo.
We've already deleted the account.
OK.
I'll talk to Georgie.
Yep, and so will I.
Thank you.
What's this about 'my wife and I are very upset about the photo'? For God's sake, you're not even married.
This is nothing to do with Bernadette.
Georgie is not Bernadette's daughter Oh, don't start.
No, don't you start.
You should have stuck up for Georgie in there.
How am I supposed to stick up for her? She posed for a piece of pornography which one of her friends put on the Internet! It's not that bad! It is that bad and you should start taking it more seriously.
And for God's sake, why would you let her get a Facebook account? Get off your high horse, Luce.
Oh! You know, even if we fill the place, we're never going to make a lot of money unless we get the bar.
We'll have to get a licence.
Yeah, I know.
It's a big commitment.
But I reckon it's something we should consider, you know, down the track.
Till then, we've just got to figure out a way to get more people through the door and/or do more nights.
Or both? You know, you could do a deal with Eloise.
After a certain number of people through the door, we get a split of the bar.
You should have a chat to her.
See what she thinks.
Yeah, she might be open to it.
She's pretty agreeable.
We've gotta push the marketing, though, you know? Some punters don't even know we exist.
If we're going to do this thing we may as well, you know, go hard.
Hmm, I love it when you talk like that.
You sound very forceful.
Thank you.
Hi! I've brought cake.
Hello.
Where's Carmody? He's not here.
Where is he? Where is he? He's at Rosa and Ray's.
Staying the night there.
Girls, go and have a play out the front.
OK! Are you OK? I'm fine.
How much have you had to drink? Oh.
A lot.
Did you go out to lunch? No.
What's going on? Um Carmody's not gifted.
Oh.
OK.
The psychologist said that there's nothing really too special about him except that his social skills aren't up to scratch.
Oh, well.
That's no big deal.
I thought if I could work at it, though, I could get him to be gifted.
You reckon that could work? I don't think you should worry about that right now.
Did you think he was smart? He seems smart, doesn't he? Well, he's not.
Do you mind if I go to bed? Come on.
Come on, girls, let's go.
Mum, aren't we staying for kids' dinner? No, I got the night wrong.
No, you didn't.
Well, we're not tonight.
Come on.
I think you know how I feel about what I saw on the computer.
Yes.
It goes without saying you're not having a Facebook account.
Till I'm 13.
Georgie, with what you did, you'll be lucky to get an account by the time you're 18.
But you said I could have one when I'm 13.
No, I didn't and you can't, OK? Another thing.
For the next two weeks, I want you to go to school and come straight home.
No parties, no Skyping, nothing like that.
You don't understand anything, Dad.
Nothing! Into your jammies, please.
Then you can watch a little bit of TV.
Well, that's the way it's going to be, OK? Hey, darl.
How was Caroline? We couldn't stay at Caroline's today because she was drunk.
Really? Mm-hmm.
How drunk? Very drunk.
So drunk, she couldn't walk straight.
Where was Carmody? He was at Ray and Rosa's.
She hadn't even been out to lunch or anything.
She was just at home alone, you know, just getting on it.
That's strange.
Yeah.
Then she told me she found out Carmody wasn't gifted.
Pfft! She's the last to know.
Yeah.
Hello.
Hey, champ, take your bag? Oh, thanks for dropping him back, Ray.
Oh, it's fine.
My pleasure.
I notice that front gate's got a bit of a problem.
Where's Matt keep his tools? I'll grab a hammer and sort it out.
Oh, no, it's OK.
Better to do it before there's an accident.
Matt'll never get around to it.
OK.
Oh, I've got a joke for you.
OK.
A Collingwood fan walks into a library and asks for a piece of flake and two potato cakes and the librarian says, 'Sir, this is a library.
' And the Collingwood fan says, 'Oh, sorry.
Can I have a piece of flake and two potato cakes?' Very good.
I was a Collingwood fan when I was a kid but then I changed when I went to Uni.
Look, I'll just go round the shed and get the tools I need.
Send Carmody out.
He can give me a hand.
Thanks, Ray.
You're very good to us.
Hello? Hi! Hi.
Um, he's had his bath but he'll probably be getting hungry.
You look gorgeous.
How're you feeling? Good.
No hangover? No, no, not at all.
Here's his bag.
I've got multivitamins in there so he can have one with his dinner.
OK.
And where are you off to tonight? Oh, something with Matt.
Don't really know what it is but I'll be back around 8.
30 to pick him up.
He can stay the night.
Carmody, get down! Get down now! We'll we'll sort it out.
Have a night out with Matt.
OK.
That would be wonderful.
Luce can drop him back in the morning.
Oh, thank you.
OK.
Bye, Carmody! Have fun.
What broke? You know, I feel very proud of you and you look absolutely beautiful.
Thank you.
Now, Rory, this is Alice.
Rory is in player relations.
Hi.
I work for a program to encourage kids to play sport.
Ah, there's music to my ears.
All sports, not just AFL.
Oh, what do you mean? Are there other sports? Hey, Matt, while I've got you here, can you make some time tomorrow to see me? There's a couple of things we need to sort out about Lachie.
Sure.
Ah, here he is, the man of the moment.
How are you, Lachie? How're you going? Are you excited, are you? Yeah, a bit nervous.
First time I've been to Melbourne.
Hey, how's the new apartment? It's a bit luxe, actually.
It's a fantastic place.
Thanks for getting it for him.
That's great.
No worries.
Excuse me.
Yeah, sure.
Hey listen, it's going to take you a while to settle in but honestly, you could not get a better club and this bloke's a champ at helping people find their way.
And you know, I could help you find whatever else you need too.
That's a lovely colour.
Thank you.
I always eat my lipstick off.
Yeah, it's difficult not to do that.
But you can train yourself.
Ah, I must be untrainable.
Bye.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi, I'm Caroline, Matt's wife.
Hello, I'm Lachie.
Hi, I think we've met before.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Excuse us, lads.
I just want to have a quiet word.
What are you doing here? I was invited.
No, you weren't.
Yes, I was.
I'm your partner.
I found an invite in your coat pocket that said 'To Matt and partner'.
Go home.
No.
Caroline, please go home.
I'm not going.
Hello again.
We met in the toilets.
I'm Alice.
Hi, I'm Caroline, Matt's wife.
You want to give us a moment, please, Alice? Of course.
What are you trying to prove? What's being here do? I'm not trying to prove anything.
I was invited to this event and that is why I'm here.
So this is how it's going to be between us now? Playing games, trying to mess up each other's lives.
Is that it? I can't be with you, Caroline.
I was so unhappy and I was so lonely.
I can't do it anymore.
I'm not trying to hurt you.
I'm just trying to make my life better.
And it's better without me, is it? Yes, I think it is.
Please leave.
I've got nowhere to go.
Go home.
OK? Why was Caroline here? To make things difficult.
Yeah, she succeeded.
Hey, here he is.
How are you travelling? Yeah, good, eh.
There's a lot of people.
There's a lot of people who love football.
Want a drink? Yeah, sure.
Good.
You? Mm-hmm.
Do you enjoy coming to things like this? No.
Yeah, me neither.
It's a bit about me and we should talk about the news as well.
I'm sure you guys would have read this recently.
This Senator has been accused of misusing his official credit card.
Misusing? Was he? Or was he just using it really well? He bought airfares on that thing - bang! You know, he bought like jewellery for his wife on that thing - bang, bang! He even paid for high class hookers on that thing.
Don't worry, Gary, I got this one.
Bam! Misusing? How're your nerves? Yeah, not too bad.
I love doing stand-up comedy.
I'd do it every night if I could.
Just need to get that first laugh and then I'm off.
Yeah, absolutely.
So, on a night like this, how much would the bar make? About two and a half gross.
Right.
So after expenses, what, a thousand bucks? Yep.
My name's been Jed Rae.
You guys have been lovely.
Cheers! Yeah! Jed Rae! But let it not be said, ladies and gentlemen, that here, at The Wise Crack, we don't make light of parliamentary fraud, alright? We really do.
We do our best.
And, ladies and gentlemen, please put them together for a lady who has never been afraid to abuse privilege.
Ladies and gentlemen, Eloise Montague! Whoo! Thank you! So, right, I caught public transport here tonight and the train ticket cost $4, OK? $4 for one train ticket.
At those prices, it should be called private transport, not public transport.
Oh, Jesus.
Just give her a chance.
Oh, how funny are your parents? Are your parents funny? My parents are hilarious.
My mum is, like, a total cat person and my Dad is, like, a dog person and no, I don't mean that she's just like a cat and he's just like a dog, or do I? Yeah, it's bad.
It's very, very bad.
Super happy and excited to see me and Mum'd be all like, 'Oh, you're home.
That's nice.
' You've heard of kids being raised by wolves, right? Sometimes I think I was raised by a dog and a cat.
Outrageous.
I want it to end, yet in a weird way, I never want it to stop.
Which has led me to being a comedian so thanks, Mum, thanks, Dad.
Remind me to get you something nice like a fatal aggressive tumour.
No, I'm joking.
I love my parents.
Anyway, guys, that's all from me.
You guys have been great and remember, keep on smiling.
It's good for the soul.
Oh, it's good for the soul.
Whoo! Wow.
Hey! How're you feeling? Great.
Amazing.
Oh, my God, I killed it.
That's all new material? Yeah, it's all completely new.
And you know what it's like with new material.
You don't know how it's going to go down but that went down a treat! Have your parents heard the stuff you do about them? No.
No, but I reckon they'd really love it.
God, the audience were really responding, weren't they? I guess sometimes you just tap into exactly how people are feeling.
Yeah, maybe.
And you know, it'd be easy for me to expand that stuff too.
Like, I reckon I've got at least 20 minutes of gold if I only do my parents so 20 minutes.
Oh, that sounds good.
You want another drink? Drink? No, I'm OK, thanks.
Don't say anything.
The worse they are, the more delusional they get.
I mean, how could she think that went well? We're not having her on again.
I know.
I know.
I mean, she's she's bad.
I mean, she's the opposite of funny.
I actually feel depressed.
I know.
I've just gotta handle it carefully, that's all.
Just tell her we haven't got any more spots.
She'll eventually get the message.
It's a bit more complicated than that.
No, it's not.
It's business, mate.
It's not fun but sometimes it's what you Oh, don't tell me.
Well, don't ask, then.
What are you, some kind of sex addict? No.
I'm successful with the ladies.
It's very different.
Cheers! Hey! Cheers to me.
To my first set of many at the best comedy room in the city.
Good times.
Hi, what can I get you? Um, I'll have a white wine, please.
$8, please.
Hi.
Hi.
Are you a comedian? Yeah.
Well, I try to be.
Tell me your funniest joke.
Knock knock.
Who's there? Dwayne.
Dwayne who? Dwayne the bath, I'm dwowning! Hey, Caroline.
Is Matt here? No.
Um, is Luce around? I really need to talk to him.
Uh, yeah, he's just backstage.
He won't be out till the break's over.
You two have met? Yeah.
Good.
Well, enjoy yourselves.
Oh, I'm going to go.
What? Where're you going? To, um, eat.
Can I come? OK.
You know, I think I've got enough material to do two sets.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, hey, I was wondering, if we could get more punters in, would you consider giving us a percentage of the bar? Um, depends how many you can get in.
Well, you make about a thousand on our nights now, right? What if a percentage kicks in for us after you hit, say, 1,100 in profit? It'd give us incentive to get more people in and the more punters we get in, the more money you make.
Um, yeah, I'll think about it.
Yeah, take your time.
What I was thinking was that I might do some gags about us.
You know, next time.
Ah, yeah, what sort of? Well, I don't know.
It's not super clear in my head just yet but I'm thinking something vaguely around the idea of you not wanting to give me a gig, then I finally talk you into it and it turns out really great and you get jealous.
I don't know.
It's not fully formed just yet.
But I'm thinking that I might do a set earlier in the night and then later, do like a riskier set.
I've just got some new material I'd love to try out.
Yeah, um So when are you thinking of putting me on again? Um I don't think I've actually got any slots coming up in the next couple of weeks.
How about we just see where things sit after that? And where do things sit after that? Well, you don't want me to get the diary now, do you? Well, why not? It'd give me something to work towards.
Uh, can we hold off on booking you in? Why? I just don't think your material's strong enough yet.
The crowd loved it.
Yeah, yeah, see, I don't think you were as well received as you think you were.
Right.
Well, either way, you're the one who decides who performs in your room so Did you like my stuff? I would like you to hone it a bit.
So you're not giving me another set? Not at this stage, no.
Somehow I've managed to sleep my way out of a gig.
See, that's funny.
Put that in.
I don't find it funny.
Oh, and I've thought about giving you a percentage of the bar.
Oh, yeah? The answer's no.
Yep.
We took 636 bucks at the door.
Oh, fantastic.
Had to pay the performers 200 bucks, which leaves us with about, oh, 436 bucks.
Yes! And I reckon we need to put half of that aside for posters and printing, which leaves us with about 100 bucks each.
Oh.
Oh, well, fair enough.
What do you think our chances are of getting a percentage of the bar? Uh, if I had to put a precise figure on it? Yeah.
I'd say zero.
Bonus.
How old are you? Do you have many friends? Well, yeah.
I've got a few close ones.
I don't have any friends.
How come? I don't think people like me.
Yeah, right.
I guess that's why you don't have any friends, then.
Hey, can I have your phone? 'My only friend.
' Excuse me for a moment.
Sure.
Can I pay? - Thanks.
- Thank you.
Georgie, you OK? Yes.
Tell me what's wrong? It's nothing.
Do you want a cuddle? OK.
Mum! Go to sleep, Frances.
OK.
No, no, no.
Hey, little buddy, don't do that.
Do you want to know how to play? Want me to show you? You have to do this.
Hang on, I'll show you.
That's a nice sound, isn't it? Just do the next one.
Got to be gentle.
Go on.
Hey? That's an A.
Can I do another one? Yeah, course you can.
Do this one.
That's D.
If you fight with someone, they don't want to live with you anymore.
What do you mean? My dad said because he fights with my mum, he doesn't want to live with us.
Oh.
Does that mean if I fight with my mum, she won't want to live with me? No, buddy.
Both your parents will always want to live with you.
OK, mate, OK, gentle with that.
We should get you ready to go home.
Come on, up you come, buddy.
His bag's at the front door.
OK, darl, see ya.
Bye, Carmody.
Bye.
Say bye.
Bye-bye.
You OK, bud? I'm about to go to work.
Your lunch is on the kitchen bench.
What's wrong, sweetheart? Nothing.
Is it the Facebook thing? No, it's private.
Luce is just worried about you.
It's not about that and don't tell Dad I was crying.
Everyone always talks about me all the time and I'm sick of it.
OK.
Do you want a lift, Georgie? No, I'll get the bus.
OK.
Carmody, come on, mate.
Hello! Caroline? You there? Hey.
Carmody's playing out the front.
Oh, OK.
Thanks.
You're not seeing me at my best.
No.
What's been going on? Carmody told me Matt's moving out.
Hmm.
Yeah, I thought I thought everything was going along fine but Matt wants to leave.
Oh.
Maybe he just needs to spend a bit of time alone, you know? No, no, he means it.
In his head, he's already gone.
Did he talk to you about this? No.
I am just racking my brains, just searching for the moment where I The fork in the road where I took the wrong path.
I just want to go back and make different choices.
Just go left instead of right and right instead of left, just anywhere that just doesn't lead me to where I am right now.
I had a whole future laid out in front of me and Matt was right beside me and now I'm all alone.
Oh, Caroline.
Do you know why he's doing this? No.
Have you told Bernadette? No.
Don't tell her.
Not yet.
Do you think he doesn't love me anymore? I don't know.
I just want If he could just tell me what was wrong, then I know that I could fix it.
Hi.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Just thought I'd come and say hello.
Oh, yeah.
I spoke to Caroline.
Yep.
She told me you've left her.
What's going on? Want to go have a beer and talk about it? Luce, I appreciate the concern, I do.
But I'm just trying to get through each day.
If I can give any advice, it's just to keep talking to each other, you know.
Communicate.
Don't do that.
Don't you give me advice.
I haven't made the decision lightly.
It's just the decision I had to make.
You know Caroline's devastated.
I know.
Oh, wow.
Which one do you want to try first? This one.
Chin-chin.
Mmm.
Georgie, come on! Coming, Mum.
I just can't find my school bag.
It's here.
Georgie, you're supposed to put your lunchbox on top of the sink.
Here.
What's this? 'Ten reasons we hate Georgina.
' Nothing.
Maryanne, do you just want to come here for a sec? Hey.
You got everything? Read that.
Who wrote this? Maddie.
Who are all these signatures? Everyone in my class.
Why would they do that? Because Maddie says it's all my fault that the school found out about the Facebook pictures and I had nothing to do with it.
We need to speak to the school.
Yeah, OK.
No, please don't.
No, darling, your mum's right.
We should talk to the school.
I'll call the school now.
Please, Dad, listen to me.
It'll only make things worse.
Let's sit down for a minute.
Tell us what's going on.
Maddie said if I wanted to be her friend, I have to go on Facebook.
So we went to her house and did it.
And then she started going on about my daggy undies like she always does and then we just started mucking around.
She took a photo of me and I didn't know she was going to put it online.
And when I saw it there, I felt really scared.
And I knew you were going to be angry with me, and you were.
Well, why didn't you tell us what was going on? 'Cause I just wanted them to like me.
Alright.
Well, we're listening now so what do you want to do? Do you want to change schools? No, I just want to fit in.
Oh, sweetheart.
Alright.
Well, we'll figure it out, OK? We'll work something out.
Can Mum stay for dinner? Yeah, 'course.
Yep.
If you ever get into trouble again, about anything, even something you think I might get mad about, I want you to talk to me.
That's what dads are for.
I'm here to look after you.
That's my job.
OK? OK? OK.
Come here.
I reckon we should pull her out of that school as soon as we can.
Get her away from those nasty pieces of work.
Georgie, can you tell the twins to go and wash their hands? Thanks.
I feel terrible Georgie was going through all this on her own.
What do you think should happen? I know it's horrible for her at the moment, but I don't think our first reaction should be to pull her out.
I think we should try and find out some ways to work through this.
I agree with you.
Can you talk to Luce? He won't listen to me.
Don't worry, he doesn't listen to me either.
But I will say something.
Hello! Hi! Oh, I've caught you at dinner.
Oh, we won't stay.
No, stay.
Stay for dinner, especially if you've brought some wine.
OK, thanks.
Should we give Matt a call? No.
What should I do? Oh, you can help me serve up these plates.
Come on, everyone at the table.
It's dinner time.
Kids, hurry up! Come on, girls! Carmody, come on.
Oh, yum.
I'm starving.
Slap your meat smackers together for the one and only Mr Gareth Graham! He's drunk.
Is that Smug bastard.
Where the hell were you? This is nothing to do with you, Luce.
You're having dinner with him?! Until you tell me that you don't love me anymore, I'm still going to believe in us.
Just one long continuous breath until I tell you to stop.
Turn off your engine, sir, and step out of the car for me.