The Ultimatum: Queer Love (2023) s01e06 Episode Script

The Changeover

- Hi.
- Cheers.
I'm fucking shaking.
Hello, everybody.
- How are you all?
- Hi.
You all came here talking
about getting married.
And you all accepted the ultimatum
with the same goal in mind.
Now your first vision of
marriage is coming to an end.
Tiff and Sam.
Vanessa and Rae.
Lexi and Mal.
Aussie and Mildred.
Yoly and Xander.
Tonight could be the last time that
you are together as new couples.
But we are only halfway
through this experience.
Tonight, when you leave here,
you will begin your
second trial marriage.
Then, at the end of this experience,
you will all have to decide.
Will you leave here engaged to
the person that you came here with?
Will you leave here with the person
you've spent the last three weeks with?
Or will you leave here single?
Tiff and Sam.
What has your experience been like?
I came into this experience, um,
with anger issues with
my previous partner.
And it actually reflected
very quickly onto Sam.
It was a roller coaster.
I know Sam's been working
on the ability to speak up.
That is something
you've been really good at.
I feel like together we
both just learned a lot.
Like, just every single
challenge that was thrown at us.
We had this ability of
talking through things.
And so it was about us learning
how to set our boundaries.
Now we have the tools
to hopefully bring back
to our relationships.
I don't think that I could ask for
it to have played out any other way.
Yeah. Samesies.
- Samesies?
- Samesies.
I love what you both said, and
I think you guys are amazing.
I'm really proud of you. Yeah.
Aussie and Mildred. How was
your first trial marriage?
You wanna go first?
Go ahead.
It started off really well.
And then that last week I pulled out.
- You pulled out?
- I pulled out.
There was things that she was doing
that was kind of passive-aggressive.
And she was pretty pretty intense.
It just didn't feel safe for me.
For me, the trial marriage
was very important.
And I was robbed from
part of my experience.
It might not seem to you
I was gentle with you.
I'm always going to push, and
I'm always going to want to talk,
because I want to be in a partnership.
I didn't get the opportunity
to voice to you what
I was going through.
And I'm sure that you have a lot
you want to say to me as well.
I don't think there's
any more we can say
about the situation or the versions
I have a lot to say, Aussie.
- Okay.
- You can speak for yourself.
I have never even heard or met anyone
that can't communicate like this.
Why are you saying
things that aren't true?
What What's not true?
- Oh, that I shut you out. That's not true.
- Yeah.
I was open the whole time.
It's not that, mate.
You're not seeing from my side.
I I wasn't ready to talk.
Give me time to regroup.
Then I can come to you and be
without my shield, without my armor.
That's what I wanted.
Why did you leave?
You just don't leave on
your marriage like that.
But that was the thing. I
What does that say to symbolize how
you would be in your own marriage
in the future?
That you just leave when times get hard?
It was very painful to feel
that someone refused
to communicate with me.
Even though I felt we
had a good connection.
My mother abandoned me
when I was five years old,
and you repeat that for me.
Mildred, take that time to
realize that you are important.
Don't hold those things that
happened in that relationship
in your new one moving forward.
- Don't take all the crap with you.
- Thank you, Sam.
Yes, I need to improve
my on my communication,
um, but I do feel that I
had to put myself first.
I put everything into this.
And I'm disappointed that we
didn't get to continue that.
I know I took that from you.
And I have no animosity
in my heart for you.
I do know that, as
you reflect back on it,
there will be some gems to take
from this, and I wish that for you.
So, Vanessa and Rae,
how was living together?
I would say so easy, surprisingly easy.
Rae is certainly not my typical
type of personality or physicality.
Like, she's beautiful, but Rae
is like a wild card for me.
I feel like I just blacked out here,
and I'm like, "Oh my God.
What was the past three weeks?"
I think, like, I've been
trying to be better at
maybe making decisions
for myself quicker
or not leaning on so many other people.
Like, "What should I do here?"
More like, "What do I want?"
I'm the one that has to make
the decision and live with it.
How did we end up together,
both being the same type
of person in a relationship?
What is that role?
I see, like, a selfishness in us.
And part of what Lexi and I
always talk about is compromise.
And I'm not saying I never compromise,
'cause I don't think that's true.
But, um
But I think there are a lot of ways
that we can show up better
in our relationships.
I think I have a lot of
negative self-talk sometimes,
and, like, she helps me
kind of feel valued.
She makes me laugh.
It's annoying, but
We both realized that we have been
given so much love by our partners.
I'm not just talking about you, Xander.
I'm talking about previous partners too.
People just offer me unconditional love.
And I, only through Rae,
realized that, like, I never
felt like I deserved it.
That's why I always just, like,
push away permanency or
the long-term commitment.
I understand her,
and we've really been
working on ourselves.
I'm telling you, she had
a fixation, and I was it.
I would say there was not romance.
It's just this one night that
there was a fun-ness, excitement,
and there was a little
bit of physicality.
And, like, a very, like, small moment.
And I woke up the next morning.
I literally sat at the edge of
the bed and was like, "Oh fuck."
Like, "What the fuck?"
And I think we learned a little bit
about ourselves in that situation.
I think Lexi and I talked
in the beginning of this
about feeling you kinda get into
a complacent, comfortable
feeling with your partner
when it's been so long.
And I think Lexi and I have talked
a lot about me being an initiator,
and I've kind of always been
like, "Yeah, I'll do it."
And, like, I never do it.
And I think maybe we buy
lingerie for each other,
maybe we both buy lingerie for
ourself, and it's a surprise.
Why have I never done that?
Like, I've been in a
relationship for four years,
and I think, when I reached
maybe the three-year mark,
I was just like, "I'm with my
best friend, my partner, my lover."
"But more so best friend
than anything else."
And something I've wondered about
is, "How do you get that spark back?"
Is that what I need?
Like, one crazy night every
three or four years to feel like,
"Okay, that was exciting and now I
can get back into my relationship."
I'm intrigued to know, like,
why did you guys not feel like
that you were gonna do that?
I don't know.
I can speak easily to that,
'cause you and I agreed
not to do anything physical
when we came in here.
Do you have any more questions,
or, like, does that answer it?
It's just interesting. I
guess I'm not surprised, right?
I'm really sad that I didn't
get to tell you myself.
I'm sorry someone else told you.
I'm so sorry.
We never made promises to each other.
We didn't wanna leave here with regrets.
We talked about it up until the
last night before we broke up.
I was fully aware those
were possibilities.
I think my frustrations with the
situation are less about the act.
I've said it a few times.
If it was someone else, I think I'd
have different feelings towards it.
I think, for me, it does
have to do with, like who.
If it was Yoly, like, I trust,
like, the goodness in your heart.
That'd be a different thing for me.
Um, I can't say for sure that
I wouldn't be upset still,
but there would be a difference.
I made a decision. The night happened.
As long as I come out
of this relationship
with something to move forward with,
whether that's with Lex or not
Unfortunately, it took this to,
like, have me, like, re-evaluate,
like, things that I've been thinking.
But I'm on my own journey here.
I have a little thing that I wrote.
Is this an appropriate time to read it?
- You can read it if you want.
- Yeah. I'd love to.
"I came to this experience questioning
whether marriage, in general,
would be something I'd ever want."
"I believe that, by questioning
the idea of marriage,
some of you may have
felt that I was devaluing
your goals in this experience."
"Please accept this
apology and know that,
regardless of my views on marriage,
which, surprise, have
changed since I got here,
I have valued absolutely all
of your views on the subject."
"For the first time, I've
taken time to visualize
what marriage would actually look like."
"It turns out, when I see
it spelled out on a page,
I'm actually excited about
what a marriage would look like
rather than terrified, as
I was just four weeks ago."
"I value you all."
"Thank you for listening."
I think that your
apology is performative.
So I just hope that
you don't expect people
to brush it under the rug
now that you said sorry.
Do you want to hear
apologies from Vanessa?
No. Like, duh. Doesn't make sense.
But leave that little piece of
openness in your heart, everyone,
to, like, allow for there to
be growth here, in general.
Like, that's what we're all here for.
Lexi and Mal, how has
your trial marriage been?
In the physical sense, I'm not trying
to consummate another relationship.
I thought it'd confuse things.
I luckily ended up with somebody
that has the same values as me.
A lot of fun. Just aligned. Really easy.
I super trust her. I never think
that she's not telling me the truth.
If I was having a rough day,
she would text me, "How
can I best support you?"
"What do you need?"
You make a damn good teammate.
You are head coach.
I'd be your co-captain.
After I found out about Rae
and Vanessa, it did affect us.
And Mal was nothing but supportive.
She'd sage me.
We would do, like, all the things.
It was very attractive and nice
to see somebody who really owned up
to exactly who I thought they were.
Mal was the perfect, and no
offense to all of you here,
but the only choice that would've
been right for me in this experience.
It was true the day I made
the choice. It's true now.
Oh wow. What? She did
what? With When? How?
Like, I haven't seen that consistently
the three years that
we've been together.
And, if it took this experience to
bring you to that, that's beautiful.
But it is easier to be
let's just say "cute,"
with someone you've only met
and only known for three weeks.
Can you keep that consistently
with someone you've been
with for three years?
Can that transfer over? I don't know.
Xander, Yoly, how was
your first trial marriage?
It felt right.
It felt natural and
comfortable and stable.
And, like, that sounds so
boring to a lot of people.
We wake up together, we
literally immediately
We're having this conversation
about something deep,
and I'm not having to ask for it.
And I'm not having to try and make you
have the conversation or anything.
It's just very natural and easy.
And I feel like we can we
can solve problems together.
I want to get married.
And I wanna get married
because I want the family.
Down the road, when
we have kids or, like,
if I lost my job, or if something
traumatic happened, right?
Then, like, we're gonna be able to
have the stability to figure it out.
That's what matters to me right
now, in this point in my life.
Like, it's not about
how much fun I'm having.
I think that that's a secondary
thing for me, at this point.
And I thought it was
primary, but it's not.
Vanessa and I have
the absolute most fun.
And she can just make me
laugh doing the weirdest shit.
And I love that.
But I think what it comes down
to now is, when I really do
The only thing I want
is to have my own family.
And to build upon that, and have
this, like, great foundation,
there's certain things
that I'm looking for now
that I didn't know that
I needed four weeks ago.
I think we got that from each other.
I think I prioritized fun and,
like, good times as well, but
as much as that's important,
it's like I almost need, like,
other foundational
things to be solidified
so that we can then
lay back and have fun.
I cannot just lay back and have
fun when the house is a mess
or when laundry's not done.
I don't want somebody who I'm trying
to convince to want what I want.
I've been doing that my whole
life, and I'm like, "Well, shit."
Sharing my time and my
life with you was a dream.
When I think about my future
and building on my future,
my children, specifically, and what
I want my children to come into,
Xander has shown in the three
weeks we've been together
that she can be that future.
Could that be your future?
It could be my future.
Do you have something to say about that?
Do you want me to propose to
you first? I don't understand.
No, I want
I want what I want, and I'm still
trying to figure out what I want.
It sounds like you've
had a great experience.
And it sounds like I don't
know how happy you are
to come back and try your three weeks.
It sounds like it's
gonna be trouble for you,
and I don't wanna give you that.
You sound like you were really free
with where you were, and now it's like,
"Damn, I gotta put in the
work three weeks with Mal."
That's what it sounds like.
I am looking forward
to seeing your growth
and all the things
Lexi was talking about.
Some of it is news to me,
and I would love to see it
actualized and consistent.
Are you excited to come back?
It doesn't mean I don't wanna go back.
It doesn't mean I
don't love and miss you.
But I did not hear anybody else
say that they were, like, close,
as close as me and Xander were or
as romantic as me and Xander were.
Like, we held hands. Like,
we You know, like, we were
It's different.
There's so many examples of the
way that you just, like, show up,
in ways I've never been able to
ask for help before. And, um
I just know that, if we were
to have a life together, you
would be able to support
whatever it is we want.
Thank you for those words.
I have a question.
You guys did talk about
romantically being involved.
Were you physically involved as well?
I ask because we did speak
to what we'd physically
Yeah. And that was your choice.
The emotional connection,
for me, is very important.
And I think that Yoly and
I developed that over time,
and it just, like, kept developing.
And I think that's where the physical
attraction for one another grew.
Yoly, if you were my spouse, I feel
like that you want to listen to me,
even if my stories are boring, and
They're not boring.
I think you just care. You just care
about how I feel and what I need.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I know you've wanted marriage,
so I'm happy that you've gotten
to connect with someone who
wants the same things as you.
I imagine that's very valuable.
But it's hard, obviously, to hear this.
I have to say I've grown,
and Rae can, you know
She can back me up here.
Like, I want a marriage with you now.
And I recognize that I
haven't for a long time,
but all the ways you're talking
about you're connecting with Yoly,
I feel like I'm ready for now.
And I hope you're open to
that, because I want you.
Is your heart in these next three
weeks, or, if you had the choice,
would you live with Yoly
for three more weeks?
I feel like that, honestly, is something
that you and I need to discuss alone.
That the whole table
doesn't need to hear.
I know you want to talk
privately, but I feel like a fool
if I were to enter three weeks with you
if you would prefer
it to not be with me.
Vanessa, this person you love,
that you say you wanna marry,
they're going through something.
Can you observe that without
making it about yourself?
I wasn't expecting this. Um
- We weren't either at all.
- I don't think any of us were.
Yeah, I'm sure. Um
My heart's broken.
I I've been definitely
Like, I entered this experience
and I've focused on growing to the point
where I thought I could meet you,
which was the point of marrying you.
And I'm happy to say that
I've reached that point.
So it's sad to see that you've
retreated from that point.
- Can I ask
- I just want to add, sorry,
that I'm not retreating from anything.
If anything, my And I don't
want to speak for everyone,
but I think that everyone still
loves who they came here with.
They still care about
who they came with.
If anything, we added new growth
and new feelings for other people.
And that doesn't diminish what we
came here with in the beginning.
I definitely want this
experience with you.
Rae has given me really
fucking good advice,
which is basically to
go after what I want.
And it's you.
Okay. It's time to live out
the next phase of The Ultimatum.
Over the next three weeks,
you'll have tough conversations,
the ones that you need to
have before you get married.
Then, at the end of this experience,
you'll make a choice.
Will you leave here engaged to
the person you've been living with?
The person you came here with?
Or will you walk out of here alone?
All right, we're gonna do this.
- Yeah.
- Let's do it.
Now it's time to say your goodbyes
and to walk into a new vision
of your possible future.
Cheers to getting the
answers that you need.
- Cheers.
- Cheers, everyone.
Bye, Mal.
God damn it.
She better take care of you.
I missed you.
Missed you.
I expect some texts.
I was given the
ultimatum four weeks ago.
And tonight I'm back with
the person I came here with.
I'm a little scared. I'm a little
excited. I'm a little nervous.
Lexi and I have had
three years together.
I know this version of this person,
but I also know where I'm at now.
I've learned things, and I don't
know if we can fit back together,
if we do fit back together,
if we wanna fit back together.
I love you so much.
Don't forget about me.
Even though Xander and I
are in love with each other,
I came into this experience wanting
to figure things out with Mal
so I can figure out if marriage
with who I came here with
is a viable option.
I I can't walk away from
Mal without seeing that through.
And that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm feeling really uncomfortable.
A couple weeks ago, I
was ready to marry her,
but now it doesn't even feel
like we're on the same wavelength.
It doesn't feel like the same
person I gave an ultimatum to.
It was a lot to see you
guys interact tonight.
I don't care for her.
I don't respect her.
- I felt like you were making jokes.
- I'm uncomfortable. You know me.
I don't trust you.
I'm trying to find a way to be
comfortable getting into bed tonight.
It's fine. I sleep better
on the fucking couch anyways.
I love you.
Um, I'm gonna Can I have some water?
I didn't realize how much I
had lost you in this process.
I came in here and I found the
perfect trial marriage partner for me
that helped me grow.
And what I was trying to
do was grow to the point of
wanting to marry you.
And I have.
It was just surprising for me
hearing that you open up so
much about certain things.
And, like, yes, you wanted
kids, but it was never with me.
Well, I know, babe, but I I want to.
I want this now, and I'm sorry
that I didn't have it in me before.
But since you didn't
try to delve into it,
I didn't want to delve into it.
But I did. How did I not
try and delve into it?
Like, I feel like year after
year, I would, like, bring it up.
To hear now that you,
like, want this is like
I don't know what to
do with the information.
The words that I'm finally hearing,
that I've wanted to hear for so long,
they sit lower than I
thought they were going to.
And I think that we
have a lot to work on
and a lot to uncover the next few weeks.
What physical level
did you reach with Yoly?
I mean, we we did have sex.
Like, with mouths?
- I mean
- I do want
I'm sorry. I do want specifics.
I don't want to
I don't want to do that,
if that's okay with you.
It's not okay with me.
This is part of something
that I need to face now.
And I feel like I deserve to know.
I get that you want to
know this information,
but, like, it also is a
little conflicting for me,
like, that that's what you
want to know and talk about.
How is that not a normal
thing to want to know?
- And more than once?
- Yeah.
At some point I was like, "Fuck it."
Like, "I might as well just
let go and just do this thing."
And I did, and it felt good.
It felt good to be real with myself
and to really figure out what I wanted.
I'm gonna sit in your lap, okay?
Because I know this hurts
both of us, but I love you.
Do you love Yoly?
I don't know.
I missed you.
I missed you too.
I love you, Margaux.
I love you. I love you.
Why you crying?
Are you sad?
Um I think it's just like a
I'm not sad. It's just, like, weird.
- Okay.
- It's really fucking weird.
- Um
- What's weird about it?
I had a whole-ass
relationship with somebody else.
- Mm-hmm.
- And, um
I don't know. I guess, I
Like, "Oh shit."
"I'm used to coming home
to a different person
who does different things and
is a different way." And
Are you mourning that?
That's okay.
I fell in love with Xander.
I didn't think it would happen.
I've never been with someone who
wanted what I wanted, I realized.
It was just so simple and easy, and
I don't know if you
assume this already or not,
but we did have sex.
And I really found someone
who connects in that way
in so many levels.
And then I have you.
You are in love with Xander?
I'm really conflicted
with the reality of, like,
loving more than one person.
I love you.
You issued the ultimatum.
I wanted to marry you.
Like whether you believe it or not.
It's not that I don't
believe you. I'm
But your head shaking
is not fair to me, right?
What do you want me to do with that?
I still love you.
Look at me.
I'm not going against Xander.
I think Xander's great.
I think that she had a lot to teach you.
I think you deserved to be
loved by her for this time.
I hear that you're in love
with this person. Cool.
I knew you lifetimes before this shit.
I'm telling you, I still
want my family with you.
I still want to marry you.
I get the reminders at work about
insurance time is
coming up, re-enrollment.
I'm like, "Fuck yeah, I'mma add Yoly."
It's good. We're Gucci. It's good.
I'mma holla at Lexi's dad about rings.
It's good. I'm good.
I'm going to propose to this girl.
You're it for me, and
I'm telling you that.
This is a fear that I had coming
in, and I've said that, like
"I know my lover, and I know she
falls hard, and she falls quick."
"I just want to make sure I'm
different than everybody else."
I'm so sorry,
because I did not think that
would be the case at all.
As I started falling for Xander,
it didn't make me love you any less.
You are so pivotal to me,
and you're such a piece of me.
And I don't see myself without you.
You're having a human experience.
I don't hate you because of that.
My ego is fucking shattered.
My ego hurts.
But, like I don't un-love you.
You can fall in love with somebody,
and I can still be your person.
Those two things can exist.
I don't know what that looks like.
We can figure that
out as the days go on.
I don't know. I just hurt for you.
It sucks to watch you be so sad.
Can we go to sleep?
I love you.
We'll figure this out.
- Cookies?
- I love cookies.
Now you can eat your feelings.
- I know.
- Just kidding.
How did you know? Was it
showing all over my face tonight?
I mean, you kinda got chewed
out tonight, just saying.
I felt like both of you kept
trying to prove yourself.
I know.
Can you at least be open to the fact
that maybe there were things
you could've done differently?
- Of course.
- Yeah.
- I'm not like that.
- I know.
I'm just I'm just
verbally saying that
because I know how to say things now.
Damn. Are you a mini-Mildred
now? I don't know
- Did Tiff, like, mini-Mildred on me?
- No. Not at all.
I'd love to get out of these clothes.
Me too.
We have three weeks in this trial.
I have to make a decision at the end.
You know, am I going home
single, or are we getting engaged?
I see a huge change in Sam.
And, at this point, I'm not sure
if that change is, uh, compatible.
You got some tone-age there?
Do I?
But, at least for tonight,
the goal is to reconnect,
to be on the same page
about where we're at,
and to, you know,
have physical intimacy.
I haven't had sex in,
like, I don't know.
I've already forgotten
how to cuddle you.
- You don't know how to anymore?
- Damn.
I thought that was, like,
what you have a gold medal in.
I do.
World champion.
I turned on this candle
for you so it smells good.
- You're so good.
- Do you like it?
I like it.
I just want it to be
nice for you, but
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
I don't know what the fuck you
just said, but, um, sure, yeah.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Lay down.
It's been, like, a whole month.
Just get into bed.
Just gonna ruin my Docs. It's fine.
You knew we were going on a beach date.
We're gonna eat tacos on the beach.
We might as well talk to
each other, at this point.
So what is it?
You know how hard it was
for me to say yes to do this.
I've fucking been doing it.
I don't understand what
you thought was gonna happen
when we move back in together.
I don't know what I thought.
- You didn't think about it.
- It was selfish of me.
But you wanted this, right?
You wanted me to self-discover.
You wanted me to figure out
what I wanted, and I did that.
I wanted you to find out if that was me.
'Cause I couldn't be in
a relationship anymore
where I wasn't being chosen.
I couldn't be with somebody any
longer who didn't want to put me first.
This process has been
really fucking hard,
but, like, you don't have to validate
any of my feelings, and that's fine.
- You don't normally.
- I don't What does that mean?
You don't listen to me.
Regardless of what I say,
if it doesn't match what
you want, it's not enough.
You say that you don't feel
heard. Well, I haven't felt heard.
I have spent the last three
years fighting your timeline
to give you what you wanted
and to feel like a
fucking guest in your home.
To always feel like I have
one foot out the door with you
because I have to protect myself.
I never have a space in your home.
I never have more than, like,
a drawer and some hangers.
You didn't give me
commitment. You gave me a key.
You know, my dad always said to
me, "I love the way you treat Rae,
but I don't love the
way she treats you."
"I don't love the way
you're never put first."
And he's right.
I've never been put first
in this relationship.
What would you have done if
you weren't in a trial marriage,
to have done this?
What would you have done? Would
you just have cheated on me?
I don't think I would've done
it. When has this come up?
- That's bullshit.
- It's not. Sometimes
- I fucking suggested
- Can you listen to me?
I'm not not taking any
accountability for my decisions.
I made decisions here.
I'm sorry that I hurt you.
- I did not anticipate any of this.
- I thought she was your best friend.
She's not your best friend?
I feel like the last three years
of our life was a fucking joke.
I feel like an asshole
for wanting to marry you.
It's so fucking hard for me.
I'm not saying you haven't
had a hard time too.
But you know how I
am, how reserved I am.
You know how, like emotions
are so fucking hard for me,
to think about how I'm feeling.
"What do I feel? Is this what I feel?"
"Or are people putting things in my
head, and I'm believing it?" Like
"What the fuck is going
on here? What do I want?"
"Who am I?"
"Do I love myself?"
"Do I even deserve to be loved?"
Like, I'm fucking drowning.
It was supposed to end with me and you.
Always supposed to be me and you.
You know, with puzzles I never know.
Does that fit?
- Looks like it.
- No, look.
It's not the right fit.
It seemed like it snapped together.
Quick too.
I'm just saying, the puzzle piece
went in easily. That's all I'm saying.
But I don't think it's the right fit.
This puzzle analogy is gonna kill me.
I'm glad that we're able to laugh,
compared to where we were last night.
The place I always come back
to that's not confusing for me
is that I love you.
I've always wanted marriage. It's
always just been me dragging my feet.
Why do you want marriage?
It's It's family to me.
I've always wanted my own team.
We talk about teammates a
lot, and I struggle with that,
because I haven't felt like
you've been a teammate for a while.
You show up sometimes,
sure, but not consistently.
Yoly, I get that I'm not the
easiest person to be with.
- I don't think you're not.
- I think I'm a good partner.
You're great.
So, if you tell me how to play the game,
I will do it. I'll do it.
If I want to bring a child into this,
I also need security and support.
It's like I do need you
to pick up around yourself.
I need you to get
errands done in the house
so they don't all fall on me.
How shitty would it be for
a kid to go to the bathroom
and there's no toilet paper?
"Let's use backups." I
don't want to get to a point
where I'm using the backup.
One-ply, God forbid. That's not cool.
That doesn't make me feel secure.
- Get off from the couch and go.
- Yeah.
If you're thinking of
our household and me,
then you're thinking of the kids.
Like, prioritize us.
I want you to know that I care
about our kids and our family
just as much as you do.
I'm gonna sit next to you.
- Only if you want.
- Yeah.
Can you see your home with Lexi?
Not the way that I think you
can see your home with Xander.
You are home to me, but I can
see my home with someone else.
What's your favorite part of a
playground? Mine's the swings.
- It's a beautiful day out.
- Yeah.
So I want to talk to you about
things and how they are right now.
Before this experience, you and I,
free rein on each other's phones.
And yesterday, you had
Instagram up on your phone,
and it had Yoly as, like, the
first person to send a message to.
And I was gonna kinda let it go,
but then I just thought,
"Xander doesn't lie to me."
And so I looked at
your Instagram and saw
that you had been messaging Yoly.
And this is all during
our trial marriage.
You didn't talk to me
during your trial marriage,
but you'll talk to Yoly
during our trial marriage.
I don't get it.
I feel like I'm not
being given a fair chance.
I came into this trial
marriage with you,
and I want to give you that presence,
but it was distracting
for me to feel like
that I did have feelings for her.
I don't know what to do with that.
I also saw she asked you for a selfie,
and you sent her pictures and
there's, like, hot emojis and stuff.
Winky faces.
It just feels like you're
stabbing me over and over.
You talk about having a hard
time putting away your feelings
you developed for three weeks with
Yoly, but you didn't have a problem
putting away the feelings you
developed for me for four years.
I don't know what you want
from our relationship right now.
Can you tell me?
I feel like
I want you in my life, and I
don't know what that means for us,
for the future, for, like,
if we would be married or not.
Having feelings for someone else,
am I someone you want to continue
having a relationship with?
It's embarrassing to keep saying
it, but I still want to be with you.
I still see us getting
married and having a future.
I don't know. I can't feel it.
I'm giving it to you. I don't
think you're open to feeling it.
I love you.
Say it back.
Fucking say it back, Xander.
Me too.
Where do I even start?
How did it end with Sam?
She's a good person.
When we were talking, Sam,
her heart, like, was with you.
That's how I saw it, right?
- But not
- They cut it short.
For me, like, I'm a jealous
person. Like, I don't, you know
You? Jealous?
The little crazy Latina's
in there somewhere.
- I got questions for you.
- Okay, let's do it.
I gotta know what's up.
How was your experience
living with somebody else?
Living with somebody else
It was not a good experience for
me, but I learned so much from it.
I learned communication.
Like I told Tiff,
"Hey, if you see that I'm tired,
if you see that I'm stressed out,
help me out, you know."
- We had
- But
Sorry. Really passionate about it.
- The way I see it, it's
- Hold on.
I feel there was a blockage.
- Can I say what I was gonna
- Go.
Damn, you never let me
finish sentences. I swear.
Would you say that's
your biggest problem?
Can I ask you a question?
Tiff told me once that
you're very on and off.
How many times would you say you
guys break up and get back together?
Tiff knows.
I figured it happens like once a
week, and there's 52 weeks in a year.
- At two years
- Once a week?!
Not once a week.
Once every two weeks,
at least 50 breakups.
You think that, like, you're
not gonna break up once a week.
If you leave engaged, you think
that it will make you stronger.
I know I want to be with
Tiff. Tiff is the one.
Why not go to therapy? Why
not try couples therapy?
- Natasha
- Why "let's date other women"?
- We went to couples therapy and
- How was it?
- We went to couples therapy
- Therapist gave up on us.
She fired you? You know that, right?
As advice, from a divorcee,
don't rush anything.
- You've been divorced? I've also been.
- Yeah. Thanks for reminding me.
Oh yeah, you have.
Being married previously, it goes
back to why I have a timeline.
What I most have learned is being
okay that this person leaves.
I gave the ultimatum.
I ought to be okay that Tiff
might walk out without me.
And I might walk out of here alone.
That has to be okay with me.
Look, I like you, but
the communication part
Like, that's not In 21
days, it's not gonna be fixed.
I don't want my friend to get hurt.
The old Mildred would've been like,
"You know what, Tiff, let's
go, because your friend Natasha
is being, like,
indifferent with our hopes."
- My opinion doesn't matter.
- No, it doesn't.
Mildred. I think she
knows what she wants,
and there's nothing wrong with that,
but I don't know if Tiff's getting
pressured a little too much.
You shouldn't feel pressured
into getting married.
She's saying that, in three weeks,
if you don't propose, she's gone.
You ready for marriage today?
You can start eating, babe.
No, I'll wait. This is
our first meal together.
- Okay.
- Our first microwave meal together.
I guess, like
How do I say this?
Right now, do you feel like you're
on the track to get engaged yet?
- I feel like I am.
- Yeah?
It would be a complete waste for
me to go through all this growth
and then at the end of it still
settle for what I don't want.
I know. I know what's on the line.
- Yeah.
- So
I'm feeling raw.
But I feel, like, confident in us
that we are taking the right steps,
and that we are moving
in the right direction.
I think it's so refreshing
to have you actually
sit here and not walk away.
You laugh, but, like, I think
that's where Mildred was frustrated.
- That doesn't help
- We don't have to open that can of worms.
- I'm just saying that I see
- Please That's not true.
- That's something she asked about.
- Mm-hm.
And I'm just expressing that
that same situation came out
I'm trying to breathe
through this. Can we stop?
- Sit for a minute?
- Yeah.
Thank you.
I need to eat anyways.
Thank you. Take a break.
I'm getting hot. My face is getting hot.
Would you like me to turn the air on?
Yes, please.
I would be grateful.
Can we not bring Mildred
into this, please?
Believe me, I just
- I don't understand the extent of it.
- That
- It ticked me off just now.
- Yeah. I just I don't
- Hey.
- Just give me a break.
- I need a moment.
- Okay
Prior to coming here, I feel like
I would just kinda let things slide,
and I think I was a little bit
too forgiving of certain behaviors.
But now I'm realizing
my value and my worth,
and I don't want to waste my time
and feel drained all the time.
I just can't settle for that anymore.
And I think I'm just
not willing to do that.
At the end of this, you
know, are you okay to say,
"You know what? This is
the decision I've made."
And, you know, you and Lexi
are gonna go separate ways.
Like, are you okay with that?
There's still two weeks here,
and we are still, like, dating,
try trying to talk and
have these conversations,
So I can't really answer that.
But there will be a decision made.
Do you feel the same way?
I mean, I
I came here very sure.
We've been together for three years.
We have lived together.
If Rae told me at the beginning of this
that she was ready to leave with me
and wanted to be with
me and get engaged,
we would have left.
You weren't ready for that.
Or you didn't know if
you were ready for that.
Why would you want
to even do this, then?
I've told you
You don't need to be here. You
could've left at any point in time.
- The whole thing is confusing me
- It is confusing.
I didn't know if the person I've
been in love with for three years
would ever say yes to me
if I got down on one knee.
- It's as simple as that.
- Okay.
There had never been a time where
I had asked you if I was the one,
and you would ever have been
like, "I'm Yes, you're it."
It was always, "I don't know.
I think so, but I don't know."
- But she was your "it."
- She's been my "it."
This isn't easy.
It's goddamn impossible
to go through this.
And to also be grappling
with the whole relationship,
like, the whole-ass
relationship that I had before,
the whole-ass three
years that I just had
with somebody that I was ready to marry.
The whole-ass three weeks that she did,
and all the decisions she
made that didn't involve me.
And the whole-ass three
weeks that I'm in now,
trying to figure out if we fit
in each other's lives again.
I'm trying every day, but
It just seems like you're having
a really rough time doing that.
Well, I would like to
ask you, what would you do
in an experience with the person
that you know just betrayed your trust
and was intimate with someone else?
Hold on.
I made decisions. I
have to live with them.
There's no nice way for me to say it
I know that.
but I have to because otherwise
I'll fucking beat myself up for it.
- I know that.
- I have those days, like, I've had
Doesn't matter.
What I'm trying to say is,
I made decisions here, and I've
told you how I felt about them.
They were selfish.
- Do you regret the decisions
- Yeah, because
because they hurt me or because
you actually think they were mistakes?
I feel like a fucking shit
human. I tell you that every day.
And I've never once
thought of myself that way.
I'm trying to be okay with,
like, the things I've done.
Like, they were decisions I
made, I learned things from them,
and that's how I will leave this,
regardless of whatever the fuck happens.
I have to live after this.
I can't keep beating myself up.
She doesn't regret You
don't regret what you did.
And that's fine, and
I'm not asking you to.
- But I don't have to be okay with them.
- No.
- And if they're not regrets for her
- Well, that's for you
No, but if they're not regrets for her,
I'm trying to figure
out if I can let it go.
I'll say that in the
three years we did date,
I don't think I ever gave reason
to think that. I was given
We're in a fucking
experience where I did things.
Do I think of myself like
that outside of this? No.
You guys were on a "break."
You're right. We didn't
come in here with any truces
or promises or preconceived beliefs.
But we came here trusting each
other, and she she was the one
Like, I didn't ask you to promise me
you weren't gonna sleep with Vanessa.
And then you promised me that.
She came up to me and told me,
"You need to trust me. You need
to trust me. Why don't you?"
"I'm not sleeping with Vanessa.
I'm not gonna do that to you."
You looked me in the
eyes and you broke that.
Like, what is a
relationship without trust?
Like, genuinely, what is a
relationship without trust?
You have to make a decision.
If you're ready to lose Rae,
or you want to believe she
would never do it again.
That's for you to decide.
How are you feeling?
I mean, I don't I feel, actually,
like there's still a
lot of pain and hurt.
And, like, it's just
really hard to, like,
not have that constantly in my head.
I've always seen myself as
a very independent person,
but I am now realizing,
through this feeling of, like,
potentially losing this person,
that I am so much more
intertwined with this human
than I ever realized until this moment.
I just want to shake her
and be like, "Oh my God."
"I just realized I love you more
than I did before. This is insane."
"This is amazing. And I don't
want to be without you ever."
And it's almost scary because it's like,
am I too late?
Um, close your eyes.
- There's a lot of people.
- Baby, close your eyes, you bad bitch.
- There are so many people here.
- Are they closed?
- What is going on?
- Oh my God. I am so excited.
Oh no!
Oh my God, I'm gonna come get you. Okay?
Oh, Jesus.
- And I cannot wait. I'm so excited.
- My stomach is dropping.
Okay, give me your hands.
Come on, step out.
Keep your eyes closed.
- Okay, you ready?
- No.
I'm too fucking scared.
- Oh my God, are you serious?
- Are you so excited?
I've literally always wanted to do this.
Oh, you made that look super easy.
We good for takeoff?
We're good. All right.
- I'm freaking out a little bit.
- No, breathe.
This is amazing.
Oh my God.
- We're in a balloon.
- Whoa
- We are up.
- Okay.
- It feels good? Question mark
- Oh yeah.
Yeah, we are good.
- Look at our shadow. See the balloon?
- You look so cool.
Oh my God.
It is so unbelievably beautiful.
Through this whole process, my
mind has been focused on you.
And I wrote a little something
because I knew I would
jumble my words.
"Fate brought us together at a
taco truck on October 14th, 2017."
"A mystical outside force saw
two parts of the same star "
" begging to be
brought back together."
"Our relationship hasn't been easy."
"There have been low
points, insecurities,
betrayals, periods of distance,
feelings of disconnection, sexual
lulls, and moments of heartbreak."
"Despite all these, we
keep choosing each other."
"Deep in our souls,
without explanation needed,
we know that we belong together."
"I look at you and I feel at home."
"I am so sorry that it took me
this long to give you my all."
"But I had to
I had to find out
exactly what I could offer
before I could offer it to you,
and I'm proud to say
that I can do that now."
"The love I feel for you is so strong
that it makes me terrified to lose it."
"And I've spent these last four
years bracing myself for a breakup
so that the potential
heartbreak wouldn't hit so hard."
"This was selfish and foolish
and prevented us from reaching
the kind of love you were seeking."
"And I realize now that
I was seeking that beautiful,
everlasting love too,
but I wasn't able to admit it."
"I'm ready to let go of fear and commit
to growing this beautiful life of ours."
And it takes a lot for
me to say that to you,
knowing where your head is at now.
But, like, I'm here now.
I know you are.
And I'm asking you please
to give me this chance.
Stay open with me. Stay honest.
And don't close yourself
off from any possibility,
because weeks ago you
wanted to marry me.
And there's something to that.
I realize how hard it is for you
to have written that in the first place,
and also how vulnerable it
is for you to share that with me,
especially after some
of the talks we've had.
I really appreciate you doing
that, and I also feel like
that I have not been
in the right headspace.
I do feel like that's something
I still need to get over,
but I do want to give this
everything that we have,
because that's what we
both intended to do before.
Let's do it right. Yeah? Committed?
- Right
- To me? Alone? No talking to anyone else?
- Promise.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, I'd appreciate that.
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