The Venture Bros (2003) s02e13 Episode Script

Showdown At Cremation Creek (Part 2)

Previously on The Venture Brothers or I will destroy your ridiculous cocoon and all inside.
Wait, wait, wait! Are we married yet? Get the hell back here! I wish you both very much luck in your new life together.
What's left of it.
Stay back, sir.
We got you covered.
Hank! - Hank! - I'm cool! OK! Try not to die! Go find your brother.
We're leaving.
- Should we fire on them, sir? - No.
Let the rats desert the ship.
It's the big fish rats we're after.
- Monarch! What say you? - I say, what kind of loser can't get the hint that he's been dumped? So, it's OK for you to kidnap her, but when I do it, I'm a loser? This is, like, between you guys, right? I mean, we can go? You don't need us? Hamilton G.
Fantomas! You are embarrassing yourself! Take your little armada of cronies and go home! Sweet girl, you're being irrational.
And such is the curse of your sex.
I forgive you.
- You forgive me?! - Are you blind?! Dude, she totally hates you! She even told me you have bad breath.
Honey, that's not the point here.
Yes, it is! I've had it with this dick! Then you leave me no choice! Klaus! Iggy! Now! Kill him! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Honey? Do something.
You traitorous bastards! I should have known.
I order you to stop! Thirty years of taking orders from you, man.
Thirty years of playing the idiot! Now you're gonna be my dog! - And pop! - No way.
Ding dong, the queen bitch is dead! Well, I got nothing to live for.
All right.
I get the one dressed like Taco! Brock, you get Spicoli! You might want to make your move, 'cause mine's gonna be ugly.
Come on! Come on! So, you want that up your ass? - What is this, plastic armor? - All but the bow tie! - Did we win? - Kinda.
Get the girl.
A bonus.
Free smokes, man.
Don't bother stamping your feet.
We don't do encores.
Come in, Brock.
It's Dean.
Dean Venture.
I think I'm in trouble.
Pop? Come in, pop.
Daddy?! Hank? Come in, Hank.
I'm in a spot.
No, seriously.
Hank? Henry Allen Venture! Pick up! Behold, the Ring of Power! Eons have we waited for he who could wear the magic ring and not melt or burst into flames or something.
Giant Boy Detective! You're real! - Are we going to solve a mystery? - No, young'n.
We are going to save the Kingdom and restore Princess Tingle Pants to the throne.
Then peace shall reign for eternity! OK.
And solve a super cool mystery? You're a short giant.
Aren't you, like, 30 feet tall in the books? If you think I'm a disappointment, you should see Clifford.
He's like those little dogs rich ladies drag around.
Plus he's more pink than red.
Anyway the magic flashlight shall lead the way! Stupid f enchanted batteries.
Follow me! After we save the Venture family, I say we take this thing to Aruba! And you all laughed at my speedos.
I'm not sure how to fly this.
Put the coordinates from your magic crystals into the jet's flight computer! I can't do that! I can't even find the other end of this seat belt! I can't help you not save the Ventures from back here in the kiddie seat.
Why is creepo get to be the co-pilot? I wasn't the one who materialized him from a trading card.
Point of order, I wanted to kill him because I bet he's an abomination or something.
And isn't there some code about that? Unless he's made from dead people, it is still considered murder.
Nice try.
Got it! It was all crammed into the cushion.
What if he gets hit by a car and he's half-dead? I had this dog once that never I hope he knows where we are going.
I hope he couldn't understand what I said about him.
We have to get her back! We have to rescue her! Daddy's coming, baby! What are you, crazy? Scratch that.
You're a lunatic.
There's an armada of Guild WASPs out there waiting to spank our ass! - Now, this thing flies, right? - She is the pride of the poison skies.
Then fire her up and show me what this cocoon can do.
You! You got weapons in this place? Yeah.
Armory's fully stocked.
We just came back from south of the border.
I got an assload of M-80s.
Great! Organize a strike team, take 'em down there, and get 'em ready.
We're goin' after Dr.
Henchmen! Listen up Hold up there! Who's running this cocoon?! Fine, then you give the order.
Minions! They like that better than "Henchmen.
" Battle stations! Magenta? That's your battle mode color? Eat a d! And thanks.
Minions! Prepare to launch! That's my seat, jackass! And what is this? What is this?! That's for the reception! Sorry.
Get off of me! You creepy jerk.
What are you, anyway?! What are you supposed to be from the future? And you, would you put a shirt on, for God's sakes? Where do you get off siccing your two stooges on me? I wasn't in The Stooges.
Just saving you from a life of regret, my dear.
Not to mention a fiery grave at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
Now, what say you slip out of that tacky little white lie put on your Queen Etherea costume and take your rightful place by my side? Is everybody delusional today? What do you think the Sovereign will do to you when he finds out you borrowed his entire army to fight your lovers' quarrel? You'll throw away your whole career just to get back at The Monarch? Over me? If you'd shown half as much passion, during the What the f do those creeps keep laughing at? Well, I suspect the Sovereign will be quite all right with it.
You see you're looking at him.
Strangers! Attack! - Engines online! - Book! So, it's a cocoon that flies.
- Obviously.
- I just realized that makes no sense.
Duh! Monarch? Butterfly? Butterfly, cocoon? - It's a theme thing.
- Yeah.
I get it, but why didn't you just make it shaped like a butterfly? Because that's gay? All right.
With a show of hands, how many of you are suicidal? OK, now, how many of you love change? - Here he comes, boys! - Oh, thank God! Now, I want you to give our new commander all the respect you were supposed to give 24.
Listen up! I know that I have beat on most of you in the past - I forgive you, Brock Samson! - I was asking for it! I love you, Brock Samson! but we have to put all that aside, and focus on getting Dr.
Girlfriend back.
Now, God knows, a child could take you guys one on one We do the best we can.
We try.
but as a swarm, even you guys can be dangerous! Welcome to Big Boy Town! As of this moment, you are no longer butterflies! Today, you are murderflies! In one decisive blow, we go for the head cut it off, and watch the body die! We all fly for Phantom Limb's command ship! - What? - We don't have anything to fly in.
We just have a Monarch Mobile and a Nissan Stanza.
You all have wings.
Yeah, these are for showin', not for blowin'.
No way! They work! What? Total gyp! Why didn't anybody tell us these things worked?! - This changes everything.
- I wanna come with! I wanna help! Not this time, Hank.
It's too dangerous.
Come on, let me at 'em, Brock! I probably know judo! How many of those guys can make the same boast? No.
Why must you be the screen door on my submarine, Brock? The answer's no, Hank! Now go find your brother and hide under something heavy.
And there came a savior to our world.
And he was known as Dean.
Dean the brave.
Though only a child himself, it has been prophesied that he will free the enslaved orphans of Insectia.
Giant Boy Detective, show me this mighty warrior you speak of.
But don't be judgmental.
- You must keep an open mind.
- I always do.
- You're kidding, right? - You're the one who's always judgmental.
Are you insane?! You're always like "Hey, fella "you might wanna roll up the windows in this neighborhood.
" - Am I doing it now? - No, but Then show me the friggin' warrior already! - Behind the little kid? - See? You always do this.
What?! I'm not being judgmental! I'm making a judgment! - There is a huge difference - This is just stupid! You bother the Great White Oracle for this? That shivering child? Clearly he is incompetent and I bet he's a sissy.
Yeah! Or a cry baby.
Is this true? Is baby gonna cry? - Like a whittle baby cry? - I'm not a cry baby! Don't kid yourself there.
You're a bit of a pussy.
- No offense.
- I can do this! I am the chosen one! I have the Ring of Power! - Your princess is completely screwed.
- There's a princess? Sure, and she is a looker! Please! She dresses like a whore.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Hold up, soldier.
We launch in waves.
So, where you from, son? I am exchange henchman from Russian Supervillain.
Ya picked a helluva time to come over.
OK, you're up.
See you on the other side, comrade! Stick close and follow my lead.
You'll make it through this, soldier.
- Oh, thanks, Brock.
- Hank?! Damn it, Hank! What did I? We'll talk about this later! Henchmen! Like we planned.
Use the canyon for cover! Maintain battle formations.
And use those safety catches! No clumping up like a JV soccer team! Keep an erratic flight path! Don't let them put a bead on ya! It's fire then fall back! Fire then fall back! Dozens of them! Everywhere! Coming at us! All sides! Stay on The Monarch! B-Squad! Fall back and regroup.
Let the flies come to the spider's web.
Come on, man, let me get 'em! I'm a streetwalkin' cheetah with a heart fulla napalm! Gimme danger! Calm yourself! I need you here to protect my queen.
- Yes, Sovereign.
- This is insane.
There's no way you can be the Sovereign! I've seen him chew you out over that TV whatever thing.
The screen thing.
- Telescreen.
- You stay out of this! God, you two skeeve me! Didn't you get the memo? The old Sovereign is dead.
I've given myself a promotion.
You killed him.
You killed him, didn't you? Not me personally, but it was my invisible hand which guided the Well, I don't have to tell you that.
- You were there.
- Bowie?! Quite a bean in that pretty little head.
Give the lady a prize! So this thing with The Monarch.
Then this was all a - A front?! - Oh, dear.
You didn't really think all of this was just about you, did you? No, thanks.
I have to save mein voice.
The smoking? Outside! Dude, what are you doing over here? I'm not good at turning yet.
I'm just flying all over the place.
Squad E is down and my squad is mostly on fire.
I need you! Was it you guys that got caught in that engine? - No, that's an urban myth.
- What does that even mean?! How can you start an urban myth with flying guys in the Grand Canyon? Knock off all that chatter! We're comin' up on the target! Man, this is ridiculous.
God, it's friggin' cold, man.
I'm David Bowie.
- What the? - Make way for the homo superior! But you're still chasing him? Why? You got what you came for.
Because, my dear, I've finally learned how to mix business with pleasure! Your champagne's getting warm.
It's wicked bad out there, sir.
I didn't mean to let you down.
These five minutes under your command have been the proudest of my career.
What are you waiting for, soldier? Bogeys on your ten and two.
Take 'em out! Great shot, kid! That was one in a million! Henchmen! We're all clear.
Move in on the command ship! Turn, tiny engines! Let your agony be the power that turns the engine of my black heart! Turn, my orphans! Turn me on! Dean the Brave! Your reign of extra badness is over, Insect King! I shall destroy you as easily as I destroyed your father.
He didn't have the ring of power! No, not the ring of power! It's the only thing that can steal my black heart! Eat it! That ing hurts! Right down to the thorax! Dick! But it missed my black heart! Die! Dude, stop already! You're not even aiming for my black heart! I vanquish you! Come on, those are reproductive organs! Will you take the f ing hint and stab me in the heart already?! I got it! Your evil black heart is where your power comes from! Oh, no! You have learned my terrible secret! Now we must destroy his evil machinery! Run, orphans, be free! And have your own room and maybe not have to live in fear of costumed guys trying to kill you all the time! And with no yaddies freaking out on you, or, like, putting you on a rocket ship.
Run to a place where your father will make you get in a fight with a Venus Flytrap and wands and with a gun! What's going on? I got no go here! Here's something.
We just lost power, like, all of it.
- Where'd it go? - Well, I don't know.
Somewhere? - Not in the engine.
- What?! Someone go to the engine room and find out what happened! No.
No way.
That place is spooky.
Do you pay these people? Wanna see my escape cocoon? - Bowie.
- That's "Sovereign" to you.
What say? Check it! It's like Dracula versus Yoda in there! The bolt cutters! You were in charge of the bolt cutters! Cut me some slack! I wasn't getting any altitude.
I had to drop ballast.
- That's why my shoes aren't even on.
- Panicked.
The man panicked.
You didn't see me throwing Certs out of my pocket, anything.
This is useless.
What the deuce was that?! I don't care! We're gonna crash into that flying vase-thing! Can't you put a magic protective bubble around us? Join hands.
Our powers are stronger as a team! No, they're not.
I'm a blackula hunter, I don't have powers.
I got a magic powder that turns mosquitoes into bats! But if you want to join hands Come on! Come on, I wanna go with you guys! F off! It only seats two.
Two! Or would you prefer an escape butterfly? Because you are the chosen one, you have saved Insectia.
I can once again take my rightful place as the beautiful and approachable princess of everything.
That sounds nifty! But I think we should make-out.
I love you! That little guy we made? All over the windshield.
Watch your feet.
I think its head is out there.
Byron Orpheus, magic guy.
Never flown an experimental jet before.
A dog dragon! Wait here with the orphans! I must free Giant Boy Detective from the Spider Queen! That's the scrawny Venture kid.
And he's crazier than usual.
To the castle in the clouds! Fly! He's snapped, lost touch with this world and created another! We must spirit him to safety! He's creepy.
I am so not gonna touch him.
No way! Dude.
Nobody tells me anything! Did anybody else know this? Again! Again! Again! Pookums! I'm so glad you're Hi, David Bowie.
Have you seen I'm over here! Sweetness! There you a Oh, crap! Are you OK? Tell me you're not paralyzed, because that would be so unfair to both of us.
I'm fine, I just There.
I was pinned under I think it's Phantom Limb's leg.
Give it here! I want to kick his smug limey face in with it! He's gone.
No doubt a secret escape hatch or some such nonsense.
God, how cliché can one man get? Great! Now I have a new arch-enemy.
I wouldn't concern yourself.
There won't be a corner of the globe he'll be safe in once I sic the Diamond Dogs on his scent.
Well, gotta run, love.
Vicious coup to squash, strangers to execute, you know how it is.
Congratulations, both of you! Ta! - Doc, you OK? - I swallowed a gold filling in the crash so we have to hook up the metal detector to the toilet again.
What'd we miss? The guy from Labyrinth turned into a bird! OK.
So the Sovereign recorded Station To Station? And Changes One? Love that album! Could you be a bigger poser? Changes is a Best of/ Don't panic! Dean is safe! Safe in the magic hands of the Order of the - Hey, pop.
- Dean was missing? Nice job, Brock.
Peoples, somebody here lose an invisible I'm keeping this.
It's even more beautiful than I imagined! - He gonna be OK up there? - Yeah, he does this all the time.
He'll pass out in a couple of minutes and we'll go up and get him.
You're insatiable, woman! That's one myth about married life we can scratch off the list.
- You know, I never actually said "I do.
" - You never said you don't.
Well, there's something else I haven't said.
It It might change things.
Is it "Let's go again?" Because I'm gonna need a few No.
OK, deep breath.
Sheila, you've been rehearsing this.
Monarch, I'm What?! Qu'ils mangent de la soupe.

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