The War Next-Door (2021) s01e02 Episode Script


There's no way.
No way!
No way! This should've been my moment!
- It was my cover moment!
- Ma'am, excuse me.

- Ma'am, what are you doing?
- Give me that!
- Give it to me!
- Ma'am, calm down!
You know how hard it was
to get on that cover?
- Give it to me now! Give
- Stop it!
Give it now.

- Ma'am, calm down.

- Give me the magazine.

- Ma'am, calm down.

- No! Get away! Get Away! It was my cover!
Ma'am, please calm down.

- Ma'am, I have to ask you to leave.

- No, no, no! That was my cover!
It was my cover moment.

Oh, my God! We went around the meter,
and the bill is still so high.

That's not necessary.

- Hello, my love.

- What's up?
- Guess what.

- No! Hold on.
Turn it off.

- Look, look.

- We need to save.

You're on the cover of a magazine.

You look great, my love,
like a real celebrity, huh?
Oh, Genaro, are you kidding.

- What's wrong?
- You spent all this money on one magazine?
You really think I'm dumb enough
to spend that much on just one?
I bought a lot.

Two for your mom,
one for each of the kids, one for Tomás.

And two for the people still living
in our old neighborhood,
so that they see we are rich now.

- I did a one-week cleanse for this?
- Ugh!
Yeah, like,
I did the keto diet, intermittent fasting.

I mean, even got a colonic.

I did everything.

Goodbye to the interview
I wanted to do with Young Entrepreneur
about my new startup.

What about me?
At least they didn't print of you
where you can see
all your flaws.
I look horrible.

They could've Photoshopped me,
but, no, they didn't.

- You really do look like crap, Mom.

- Ugh, no kidding.

This is all her fault

Listen up, family.

From now on, everybody will lift
the toilet seat manually, on your own,
and don't you dare have on
more than one light at once.

- Are these our utility bills?
- Mm-hmm.

Who else are we supporting?
- Maybe it's the neighbors' fault.

- This is what it means to be rich.

Everything's more expensive,
even utilities.

Do you mean I can't watch
Sebastián Ruli on the television?
Ah, come one, Mom? Why do you
wanna see him when you can see me?
Oh, my son,
you are very lovely, but he's blond.

- And his eyes are just so green.

- Grandma, calm down.

But Tomás is your son, Grandma.

- I should be the favorite.

- Look.
This is just electric.

Like, if we multiply it by six,
it's a fortune for each of us.

No, we can't do this.

Then, why don't we move out
if we can't afford to live here?
Because the rules
of the raffle are very clear, dear.

They say we have to live here
for at least six months before we sell it.

Hey, this is serious.
We all have to
cooperate to stay in this house.

I could take on two more Uber shifts.

I'm a registered driver.

I I could maybe sell
all of my followers.

Although I doubt anybody wants them
because I only have five,
and they're all losers.

I don't see why
we can't sell some of this furniture.

It looks expensive,
and we could make a lot of cash.

Who am I selling this to, Tomás?
None of this will fit in anyone's house.

- Oy.

- Knock it off!
I think we can all cooperate,
even just for a bit.

Good luck with that.

- What's up?
- What's up, my love? How'd it go?
Oh, dear.

I know I said we have to cooperate,
but how many of these pieces
will you have to sell
to have enough for the utility bills?
Well, let's see.

I could sell each at 200 pesos.

And I have a lot.

And look, I have the 11 starters
of the 1994 Mexican World Cup soccer team.

That's 11.
 And then I have the starters
from 1998, which makes 21.

I'll take this.

I refuse to sell Brody.

I guess that's one less.
I'll hide him.

What are you doing, Cata?
Are you taking advantage of Mrs.
Shh! Don't be nosy.

- She spends a bundle on face creams.

- if we multiply
Give me it.

Skin whiteners?
- Funny.

- Sweetheart, I have an idea.

Good morning, dear neighbor.

If you plan on using my fame
to climb socially, you can forget it.

That is the last time
we'll appear together in a photo.

Anyway, speaking of photos,
here's one you're gonna hate even more.

I love it.

I found it when I was
cleaning up after Jani's party.

He looks great.

Well, you should've gone
and thrown him out too.

What is it?
Help me with the other neighbors.

I want you to invite them to my house
for a demonstration of my beauty products.

No, I don't think
you carry the brands we all use.

No, but I have some that are much better.

Forget it.

Okay, and remember,
I, too, have a video of you stealing
my purse and raffle ticket.

That house is mine.

Your boyfriend Rober
- Rob, Robers, is that his name?
- Quiet.

Well, Rober has told me
he was willing to talk to your husband
to tell him
how deeply smitten he is with you.

That boy really loves you.

So, if you don't help me
with the neighbors,
I'll tell everyone about him.
Got it?
Are we going to help her
or should we just leave her here?
Yeah, she always gets drunk, girl.

I think we should just leave her here.


Don't forget what a bitch Crista's mom is.

She got upset that one time
because we sunbathed
topless in her garden.

- Girl, what if she gets hit?
- Girl, that's not gonna happen.

- Just move her over.

- Mm, no, that's gonna take forever.

I really wanna go.

That guy I'm gonna bang is waiting for me.

Get out of the middle of the street.

Don't talk to me that way, asshole.

You have no fucking clue who I am.

You're a fuckin' rude little brat
and I can kick your ass any day, yeah.

Are you for real?
You were gonna just leave her lying there?
The fuck!
Where's your sense of sisterhood? Crista!
- Girl, I think it's the "Me Too" thing.

- Oh, come on.
Get out of here.

- I said get out of here!
- "Get out of here.
Crista, are you okay?
All right, come on.

Help me.

- Have fun, bitch!
- Fuck you!
How can you say that to me?
And you came in without knocking?
You're not respecting my privacy.

Cut it out.
 In Santa Martha
you shared a cell with 20 criminals.

Yes, yes, yes, I get it,
but I'm not going back to prison
for stealing some rich lady's cell phone.

No, I mean, I've spent
enough time in jail because of you.

- Hey!
- Yes?
I didn't ask you to steal a car.

And how else was I supposed
to get Mom to the hospital?
- You took the taxi without asking.

- Let it go.
I need that cell phone.

Well, then,
sell some furniture and buy one.

- You can buy several.

- No.
I need that one.

Explain why you need that one.

Well, so so so I can go
into the group chat with the neighbors
and sell them my creams
because blond bitch
over there won't help me.

No, even though Leonor is, like,
new money, she's super lovely.

She's related to some celebrities.

That's why she was in Caras.

Oh, well, that's unexpected.

This is big news.

- Hey, you think she knows Yali Aparicio?
- I I Well, who knows?
Can you imagine if she shows up
in the middle of the demonstration?
I'd die.
I'm a super fan.

Wow, me too, like, I'd also die.

Oh, hey, hold on.

I have to tell you
something that's got me really worried.

I just got a group message on WhatsApp
about a gang of criminals
that rent houses
in really posh gated communities,
and then rob residents wearing AMLO masks.

- I'll forward you the message.

- Oh, no.
Yes, show it to me.

All right.

All right.

I need you to take the López men
out of their house
during the demonstration.

Can you do that?
Invite them
to watch a soccer match, or whatever.

Because the neighbors
won't feel safe if they're in the house.

I agree, okay?
Yola asked me to go with her.

And why do we have to do this?
What if they mug us, or something?
Well, just call security.

What's the problem?
The Champions League isn't on
and América isn't playing,
only the sub-champ, Cruz Azul.


I don't want them in that house.

Puky, come here.
Let's fix our hair.

Oh, yes, she's all messy.

Come here.

Who's your mommy, huh?
No! Fuck you!
Help me! I'm being kidnapped! No!
I'm not kidnapping you.

Your asshole friends left you here.

What if an organ trafficker found you
and left you in a hotel with no kidneys?
Women have to support
and protect each other
from the patriarchal system
that represses us, okay?
Holy shit.

Get out of my car.
That's gross.

- No! No, no!
- Get out now!
Don't leave me
in this awful place full of bad people.

- Bad people? No one's here.

- That dude is giving us a dirty look.

Come on, Crista,
he's the guard of your gated community.


Oy, no.
My God.

Shh! Shh!
Fucking hell!
No! We're at my house.

- Yes.

- Shh! Shut up!
If my mom sees me,
I'll be murdered.

Do you know how many calories
are in a rum and Coke?
Too many for an anorexic girl?
It's very different.

Hey, come here for a sec.

Thank you, dude.

Although I won't remember tomorrow,
it's very important to be appreciative.

Like, even with poor people, dude.

You know what?
You can have it.

- No, stop it.

- You can have it, to prove I'm cool.

- Take it.

- No, you're wasted.

No, I'll be offended if you don't take it.

Dude, whatever.

I'll just buy another one tomorrow.

Thank you.


- What did you eat today?
- Nothing.

Listen up, you two.

We made it big time!
Guess who invited us
to watch soccer tomorrow?
- Gaby from the dairy shop?
- You wish.
No, not her.

- Damn.
She's pretty.

- Um, Charito, from HR?
- Ernesto, the millionaire neighbor.

- The neighbor?
- What for?
- He must have seen my stand-up miniatures.

He saw my potential
and probably wants to start a business.

- So why would he invite us over too, then?
- Exactly.

Those types of people like to mislead.

First, they don't show any interest,
so you pull down your underwear
and agree
to give them a higher percentage.

Finally, I'll be able
to give Leo the life she deserves.

Oh, damn it!
My Cruz Azul jersey has a lot of holes.

- Why not wear another?
- Never!
Always blue, Pablito.
Always blue.

Well, this is the López's new mansion.

Now I'm gonna show you around.

Help me!
You're fine, Pablito.

You're in the shallow end, okay?
I don't get why you go near the pool
when you apparently can't swim.

Well, because I need to get more followers
to help my mom with the house expenses.

I could be a rich influencer.

Mm, that won't matter
if you drown to death.

- Be careful.

- Okay, but what if my death went viral?
- We'd get more money.

- Oh, Pablito.

Tell me, who else dies
with a donkey in their backyard?
Ah, come on now! That donkey is a moocher.

He's adopted.

What I meant to say
is that there are faster
and easier ways of getting money.

Without having to die?
Hey, come on, my nephew, listen up.

Your mom asked me
to help her with serving drinks
to her guests at the demonstration.

Ah, and we'll charge them.

No! Why are you so useless, Pablito!
No, of course not.

Those are on the house.

That means those are free.

But there's another thing we can sell.

Have you ever heard of marrying up?
This is your chance
to prove who you are, Rober.

And if you do as I say,
I'll rehire you
as Crista's private instructor.

Don't lie to me.

You fired me because you can't stand me
being around and unattainable.

Well, no.

I fired you because of what happened
in the Uber the other day, okay?
It turns out that the Uber driver
is my neighbor,
and has a video of you kissing me,
and I have to delete it, no matter what.

- So you want to see me.

- Well, no.

But if you want to see me,
you can't sneak in like the other day.

You can't go telling that Uber driver
that you want to talk to my husband.

Sorry, okay?
Love makes me do strange things.

What do you want me to do,
my Lady of the Four Decades?
Okay, first of all,
don't say such weird things.

That was just bad.

Anyway, do you have an AMLO mask?
Of course.
I voted for him.

Gross, Rober!
Gross, Puky.

You must let it dry completely in order
for your underarms to absorb it better.

The Axi-NacaR mother of pearl extract
will leave your underarms white as pearls.

If you use it frequently enough,
in two to three weeks,
you'll begin to see the difference.

It burns.
Is that normal?
For example,
the sting means her underarm was dirty.

It'll improve using this.

Ah, with the sting,
we know the product is permeating.

No way.

Explain to me again
why we can't give the guests
these delicious chorizo buns.

We are going to,
but in small, tiny pieces.

These ladies think
that smaller things are nice.

So, we cut them up.
All done
And we have to give them
a name that's elegant.

Something like rind morsels
on a bed of guajillo pepper, organic.

And remember,
rich women feel alone and fat,
so if you make them feel skinny, goal!
So, we're going for the win.

Like I taught you,
have no fear, and you'll succeed.

Hey, how's my cologne?
- It's all gone.

- Come on!
- She needs to take better care of her.

- The more sparkles, the better the color.

Hello, mami.
How are you?
I prepared your favorite drink,
but without the calories.

I, uh I I didn't ask for that.

Look, I know exactly what you need,
so you don't have to ask for it.

Please try it.

Uh, shoo! Um, please, go away.

Shoo! Shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo!
Come on.
Look how smooth this look is.

Look, Pablito, as you've noticed,
there's a very common illness
among rich women, okay?
It's called frigidity.

Oh, and also chain mail in WhatsApp.


I used to play golf with Dr.

Once I saved him
from being beat up by some bodyguards.

I read in Telenovelas
that they call him the doctor
because he has a PhD in divorces.

Of course he's divorced,
if he's beating up all of his wives.

He's a fucking misogynist.

Hold on, Catita,
what do you know about soccer?
Well, I know that América
is going through a crisis
because they don't respect
the system, you know, 4-3-3.

"Piojo" Herrera is a great motivator,
but he lacks strategy.

You want proof?
Aquino sub in the World Cup.

That's why we lost to Holland.

All right, all right.

Mm, okay, why don't you turn around
and go back to the kitchen
and get us some more beers.



Come on, man, kick it! Kick it!
- One time
- Idiot!
I saved Jorge Campos, you know, Brody.

He was about to get mugged on a bus.

This man got on and said,
"You know what to do.
And I said, "What do you mean,
'You know what to do?' Hell no!"
So I confronted one of them,
"What the heck!" and
Punched him once.
When the other guy came,
I twisted his balls,
and then they ran away like injured dogs.

- Well What Come on, this guy? Brody?
- Yes.

- He even gave me an autographed T-shirt.

- No!
It said, "From your Brody to my Brody.

Thank you.
You saved my life.
There's no way.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- How much? How much for it?
- It's not for sale.

I'll give you ten thousand pesos.

Yeah, done.

The signature is crystal clear.

Twenty thousand,
that's as high as I'll go for it.

It's the jersey
he wore at the 94 World Cup.

- Let's go to my house to get it.

- Yeah! Wait!
It doesn't stink, right?
Dude, what's going on?
- No! It's horrible! It's horrible!
- What's wrong? What?
No! You're kidding.

Oh, my God.
You're pregnant.

Someone stole my iPhone at the party.

- Who cares? I've had three stolen.

- It's not a competition, idiot.

Dad said he wouldn't buy me
another one if I lost this one.

Use Find my iPhone to find it.

Then we can go pick it up.

- I don't know.
I don't know.

- Relax!
You'll see your underarm clear up
with the express stain remover.

They will be as beautiful
as the necklace you have around your neck.

Any more questions?
I do.

- Yes?
- Do you know Yalitza?
Oh, Yali Aparicio.

To be honest, I'm a huge fan.

And I'm just dying to know
how she managed to save the children
This is a holdup! Put your hands up!
It's the AMLO gang!
Careful, honey.

Put your hands up!
Okay, put them down.

Leave them up!
Do as I say, and put your jewels
and wallets in the bag.

Why are you here? I told you not to come.

Did you not get my texts?
- How did you save Brody that one time?
- The same way that you saved Dr.

Did you hear me?
I said, keep your hands up!
I'll do it
if you don't give me all your valuables.

It's a fake gun!
It's a fake gun!
Come on, get him! Get him!
Call Security!
Someone call Security!
Follow him, Tomás! Follow him, Tomás!
- He ran away as soon as he saw us.

- Ah.

- Calm down.

- Yeah.

- We're here.

- Ah.
I'm so scared.

Put that down.
I know
what we're going to feed the guests.

Wheat custard with dough filling
baked over a wood fire.

It's excellent for scared women.

No fucking way.

- What?
- It's at the neighbor's.

No way.
 We have to get it!
Come on.
Come on!
As I was saying, Pablito,
we were chasing him through the complex
until the bastard jumped off the cliff.

We couldn't do anything.

It was complicated.

- Why didn't you jump after him?
- I couldn't.

Listen up.
Your attention, please.

Thank you, dear.

Let's give a round of applause
to Tomás.

- Oh, why me?
- You tricked us with that waiter look.

But the fact is you're a superhero.

Let's hear it for him, please.

- Thank you.

- Bravo.

Thanks a lot.

Well, thank you.

Listen, Pablito,
the lesson for today is very important.

Every time
you're about to beat somebody's ass,
take off your shirt.

As long as you don't look like a pig.

That's the lesson today, okay?
She kidnapped me!
And she said she was taking my kidneys
and leaving me in a hotel.

- What?
- Worst of all, she stole my cell phone.

That's like cutting off someone's arm.

- That's not true.
She gifted me the phone.

- Ha!
Okay, who the fuck
gives their cell phone away?
- It has all my selfies and contacts, duh.

- Someone who's wasted would do it.

Hold on.

Yes, she gave it to me,
'cause I picked up her sorry ass
since her friends wouldn't do anything.

Ugh! Of course not, okay?
- You're just a criminal.

- Crista, isn't that vomit?

All right, all right, all right.

It's very upsetting
to see two young ladies fight like this.

Aren't women supposed to be united
together, like two sisters?
You, Tere, you should've covered up
for this brat and her drinking.

Hmm? And you, Cristal.

- Crista.

- Crista.

You should've kept quiet
about the cell phone and stolen it back.

Then it's all fixed.

- Uh, what?
- All right, my love.

Let's give her the cell phone back.

- Thank you.

- Mm.

What, are you serious? Did she steal?
Maybe I did give it to her.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

We're leaving this house of th thieves.

Like, it's terrible.

- Did you steal the cell phone?
- Hey!
I thought we agreed
that you would knock now.

I'll knock later.
Give me that cell phone.

Don't worry.

I added you to the neighbors' chat.

- But I had to return the phone, okay?
- No!
I'm no longer a thief, and you know it.

I only steal hearts now.

You're so corny.

Look, look, check this.

Check this beauty out, yeah?
Yolis gave this to me as a gift.

- Oh, my little brother!
- To thank me.

You are popular with the married women.

I know.

Thank you for helping us with the robber.

- It was really cool.

- It's nothing.

I suffered a lot
the whole time you were in prison.

It must've been pretty rough, right?
Now that I think about it,
I could've taken Mom
in the taxi to the doctor.

But, to be honest, I wanted to know
what it was like to drive a Ferrari
top speed.

My brother,
you are as dumb as you are cute.

Hey, that's not true.

You are.
You're in the neighbors' chat group.

You're so funny.
You look like a tourist.

Hey, look at me.

Hey, check it out!
The video
of our shirtless uncle went viral.

There's even a gif
published by user RichYola.

- And now I have a lot more followers.

- Fifteen?
Yeah, I only had five before.

Our uncle is a genius.

The video went viral because he's a hero,
not because he's shirtless.

When have you seen a fat superhero?

Besides, everyone knows
that muscles always sell.


I brought this for your hangover.

- Thanks.

- Cris.


It may seem like I don't care
what you do with your life,
and your calories.

I do care, I swear I do.

Drinking until you pass out is bad.

It's dangerous.

What if someone posts
a video of you on the Internet?
What will we do?
It's hard for me to say this,
but we were fortunate that
that girl
helped you.

At least all she wanted
was your cell phone, and not your kidneys.


Do you think I could find kidneys
from a rich girl to replace yours?
- No.

- Of course not.


Thank you, Mom.

You're the best mom in the world.

Oh, and no more driving lessons.

- Why?
- I called Rober to cancel.

Because I said.

You're kidding.

Argh! You're the worst mom in the world!
You had the right intention, dear.

But whatever we do,
there'll always be people who judge us
and criticize us
because of the way we are.

- 'Cause we're poor?
- And brown, honey.

Then why did we even
move to this neighborhood?
Because I won this house,
and we all have the right to want
what's best for our family, don't we?
Although I'm not sure
this is the best for you children.

What I do know, my love,
is I want more for you
than just an expensive cell phone.

First, I want you kids happy.

Then, I want you
to reach the moon, if you want.

Or to be the first
female Mexican president.

That would be so badass, you know?
That's how you start, dear.
Dreaming big.

You can do whatever you want to.

Don't you ever forget that.

You were my hero today.

Like my Iron Man, but a woman instead.

You are the Iron Woman.

Two, four, five, seven.
Ah, yes, yes, yes!
- What's this?
- For the platinum saleswoman.

I kept it hidden
in case I had to apologize one day.

- Listen, Leo, I gotta admit
- This is so sweet.

I didn't sell any of my miniatures,
and I can't help pay
for the house expenses.

- I'm the worst papa in the world.

- Listen to me, Genaro.

Hey, don't say that, my love.

You gave Tere a lovely lesson today.

To cover up for that girl's drinking?
Real good advice.

No, not that.
You said, um,
that women should always take care
of each other like sisters.

That was very nice.

That's why this little kitty
is crazy in love with her cat.

Pet me, honey.

Ooh, all right, yes.

But the lion has to wait because
Don't tickle me.

I have to finish the numbers.


What? I got a text.

- I got one the other day.

- Uh-huh.

And it said that WhatsApp
interferes in couples' sex life, Leo.

- Honey!
- What?
I know who organized the holdup.

- Look.

- Who?
Oh, no way! Tomás? What the heck?
That's not Tomás, Genaro?
Take a good look.

That's Rober.

It was the blond bitch of a woman.

What the fuck!
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