The War Next-Door (2021) s01e04 Episode Script
Game On
1
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
Mm.
Hey, Mom, did you see my
- Thanks, Mom.
- Pablo.
- Is this lunch?
- No, it's for your math test.
Your teacher's favorite, green sauce.
Mom, did you iron my miniskirt for me?
This is for my math test.
It always works
to get the answers from other people.
- Oh, I'm kidding.
- You better be, dear. I have to go.
Let's go. Let's go, or we'll be late.
I don't like to run for the bus.
- Pablito.
- Okay.
Let's go, Jani. Let's go.
- No, leave it there.
- Bye, Mom.
- Can you clean that up?
- Sure, sure.
- Let's go.
- Bye, Ma.
- Will you water my orchids, please?
- Sure. Got it.
Hey, Mom.
Can you wash this? It really stinks.
Ugh!
My dear, I'm running out of yarn.
Will you buy some more for me?
Mm-hmm.
Where's your boss?
I quit working for her after the protest.
- Don't you need help around your house?
- I
I can iron the crease on trousers, and,
between you and me, I'm very discreet.
Oh
The other day Mrs. Silvia
caught Mr. Ernesto
looking at naked girls on the Internet,
and they had a huge fight,
but I won't tell.
No, thanks.
Of course, if I could afford it,
I'd hire someone
to help with this huge house, but
Let me. I can help.
I'll take care of the big house,
and you can shower
and get dressed and wear makeup.
- I already showered and put some on.
- I see.
Oh, sorry.
- Really, I don't need anybody, okay?
- I don't have any place to go.
My sisters kicked me out of the house
because I didn't vote for AMLO.
But you see, Anaya was so sexy.
I don't belong there anymore.
Well, let's see.
If you don't have anywhere to stay,
you can stay,
at least until you find a new job.
Thank you.
I won't cause you any trouble at all.
Also, I don't have that much stuff.
Oh yeah,
and can you also give me your Wi-Fi?
Because I ran out of data
during the fight
with my sisters on WhatsApp.
Can you help?
Listen! Which is my room?
And now, I'll teach you how to make
a perfect sandwich for your kids.
Let's start with the mayonnaise.
You spread it. Remember,
it has to cover every corner
Make sure
the avocado has a proper consistency.
Not too hard or it won't be ready to eat.
- I'm ordering sushi. Want some?
- No!
The neighbors are
making fun of us in the chat
because we keep getting delivery.
That's because you want them
to think that you cook, not Cata.
Cata I miss her sandwiches.
You should hire her back.
I don't miss her.
You'll see. My sandwiches are better.
If you would ever make one.
You've been watching tutorials
for a while.
They don't explain in detail.
It's just confusing!
Hey, Mom, isn't that the coat
that you basically gave to Cata?
You said it was disgusting
and smelled like the subway.
I'm cold, okay?
It's my only cold coat.
You know that's not a plate, don't you?
There aren't any clean ones.
Crista, show Diego
how to use the dishwasher, please.
We have a dishwasher?
It's George. Yola's husband.
Oh, yeah.
I don't understand
why Yola is married to that old geezer.
He said he got a Brazilian
for the interagency game this weekend!
The heck!
I thought you couldn't
bamboozle the other team.
What's a bamboozle?
Well, he said he hired him
as his new account executive.
- So we've already lost.
- No, no, no. No way. We won't lose.
You better win this year.
I won't let Yola make fun of me again
because her husband
beat you, despite the fact
that he has urinary incontinence,
so do something.
Don't you realize, Dad?
The old man wastes
his oxygen only to make fun of you.
- Exactly!
- Calm down, okay?
This year I have a secret weapon.
Right, Diego?
Mariana Fernanda,
I still remember the first time
I saw you sweeping
hair at my aunt's salon.
Wait!
Ever since I met you, my life has
taken a complete and total turn.
I want to know if
you would like to be my wife.
No way! The plastic couch covers are gone.
My ass doesn't sweat anymore.
But it'll be a problem
if they get stained, yeah.
I can always clean them.
- I've cleaned very difficult stains.
- Hmm!
Once, I was home alone,
and I spilled a bottle of wine
on Mrs. Silvia's bedspread.
I had to use Clarasol, bleach, vinegar
- Hey, Mom, will you get me more soda?
- Yes, my dear.
I will do it.
And then I will fold the clothes.
You go take a seat because
Mariana Fernanda is about to be unmasked.
- But
- Sit down.
Thank you.
In a moment,
I will bring the sandwiches you wanted.
Come on.
Sorry, Dad.
Diego, what's wrong?
I hired Rafa Márquez to train you.
But he only paid attention to Crista.
He says that I'm a jewel.
Of course you are.
You're the most accessory to this team.
You are our amulet.
Diego, I told Silvia
that we're going to win.
You know what women are like
when you break promises.
What do I do? What do I do?
Ooh, Dad! Sorry! Sorry!
If a ball travels at 62 mph,
how many yards does it travel
in 20 seconds?
Listen, Pablito. Nobody cares, ey.
If the ball doesn't go into the goal,
what's the point?
I know, but I have to study
for my make-up test for physics.
But you're right. I don't care either.
I'm just gonna flunk again anyway.
There you go.
If you want, I can get you the test
answers from an underground source.
Remember when I taught
our neighbor to drive?
Of course! No way!
You already got with her?
No, I I posted a video,
and it got a bunch of comments and likes.
Ah.
No, don't show me that.
One glance and I'll go to prison
for watching child porn or something.
These guys have such a hard time inside.
- But it's not porn.
- If you knew.
- It's not porn.
- Not love either.
It's my debut in the world of influencers.
Also, I have a lot of cool followers.
One guy is really well-known.
He's big and strong and famous.
Look.
Are you kiddin' me, kid?
I'm starting to wonder
if you play for the opposite team.
It's very simple.
- Mm-hmm.
- Garbage is divided into organic.
- Uh-huh.
- Inorganic.
Ah.
- Uh-huh.
- Glass.
- Uh-huh.
- Aluminum cans. PET.
Ah. That sucks,
even trash is discriminated against.
I didn't know you were working here, Cata.
Yeah, she lives at my house.
We get along like we're two best gal pals.
Today we had laughs
for breakfast, didn't we, Cata?
Me too, I get along great
with my new maid my domestic worker.
Incredible. Yeah. I don't mean to brag,
but she came from Houston
and speaks many languages.
Cata is also bilingual.
She speaks Spanish
and probably a native language.
Right, Cata?
I'm from the city.
I only speak one language.
If your new domestic worker is so good,
why are you throwing out
the trash on your own?
Because she filled up the car
with some gas.
She helps us
with the chauffeur's duties too.
- Ah.
- Ouf!
- So, what's your new maid's name?
- Li Libo. Libo.
Liboria. We call her Libro,
affectionately. And Libo.
Oh, my phone's vibrating. It's Libo.
A message from Libo, she got my groceries
Super!
Uh-huh.
I'm gonna wait for her.
Right.
- Bye, neighbor.
- Bye.
All right. Listen to me.
I need you to get someone
who can at least kick the ball,
even if he doesn't score, Ricardo.
Um Um
Chivis, I'm talking to Peláez.
- So what? I need to harmonize my energy.
- Gimme a second.
Can you believe that
that Uber driver stole my Cat?
I thought she saved you
the other day, from being run over.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
she tripped and fell on top of me.
- Very different, right?
- Oh!
That doesn't give her
the right to steal my Cat!
Then go tell Cata to come back,
and it's that simple.
- No! She'll take advantage of that.
- Yes.
Just remember when she asked me
to be her niece's godmother
in exchange for getting my ring
out of the drain.
No way!
Yes. Obviously.
Sorry, about that, Rick.
Bam! I can't handle this.
I'll show her, I will. Ohm
I'll show her.
What the heck! Who is banging
that bell like we're in a church?
- Catch it, Janet.
- Actually, forget it, Ricardo.
I found my Cuau.
Wait up, Genaro! Hey, how are you, guys?
What size jersey do you wear?
Why? To replace the shirt you kept
after I broke that cheap trophy?
No, but I will have one made
for you with number ten on it.
I can just see you.
I want you to play for my agency.
Oh, shucks, I would love to,
but guess what? I hurt my knee recently.
Nobody can dribble
toilet paper if your knee's messed up.
You're a star. Serious! Isn't he?
Let me explain.
I have a match this weekend.
And winning is really crucial.
If I lose, my wife will kill me.
You know how they get when they're mad.
Rich wives are like that too?
It's less noticeable
because of the Botox, but, yeah.
Help me out, will you?
Pablito, when you're dancing reggaeton,
how do you move your body?
You should sway like this.
- And move your hips down here.
- Mm-hmm.
Or you move this way,
with your butt out
like this to show it off.
Show me how you dance.
Show me. Let's go.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You gotta be kidding me.
What is it? Am I really that bad?
- Hey, hey.
- No! Stop, stop, stop!
- Okay. I've seen enough.
- No wonder I'm always sitting at parties.
Turn down the music.
I can't eavesdrop on you guys.
Hey, hey, hey, this is a private matter.
That's why the door was closed.
It turns out
that Pablito plays for the other team.
No! I don't even play baseball.
No, wait. Just because Pablito
likes his mom and pisses himself
while he watches horror films
doesn't mean he's gay.
So now I'm gay because I got scared
when we watched The Ring together?
No, that's not the point.
What Tomás is doing is
completely hetero-normative.
- Yes!
- What is?
There are lots of ways to label yourself.
Let's just figure out
where you feel most comfortable.
There might be lots of labels, but
deep down we all know there are only two.
You're either a top,
or you're a bottom.
Don't tell me.
We're celebrating Halloween early?
This is my plan
to get back my Cat from the neighbor.
Speaking of the neighbor,
well, I invited her husband to play.
He's really good.
You know how people
from the hood have soccer in their veins.
Look, I don't care what you have to do,
but fucking win that match! Got it?
Ready?
Doo-doo-doo!
Oh! Oh! Look at that. Look at that.
There we go!
Ah, Libo, honey!
Go to sleep!
Libo just won't stop working.
That woman is crazy.
Do you think
they invited you to join their team
as part of a plan to steal Cata from us?
You don't think it's because
he saw how good I am at soccer?
Whatever the reason is,
I think he can help me
meet a lot of rich guys.
I might even be able to get a job.
It doesn't matter
who you are, but who you know.
Like Palazuelos
and Luis Miguel who became famous
because they are friends
with the President Miguel Alemán's son.
Where do you come up
with these things, honey?
- From here. Look.
- Oh.
- Uh-huh.
- Seriously, honey, trust me.
This will be a great opportunity for me.
I know it!
Yes. Well, maybe you're right.
Show them how good you are at soccer.
Do that for me, honey? Get lots of goals.
You look very good.
Like you're more rested.
Oh, thank you.
I don't think I've done
this much exercise since middle school.
I made you a fat-burning green juice,
but, um, it doesn't work miracles.
Well, every little bit helps, all right?
Libo, thank you!
That was the best breakfast ever.
I loved it. Thank you.
Have my green juice ready
for when I get back, please.
It doesn't have to dramatic either.
You just have to know yourself
to know your sexual identity.
Hey, I totally agree.
Yes, okay, I did some research.
I did my homework.
I found this test
in a prestigious publication, Pablito.
- Maybe this could help.
- Yes.
- What if it shows something really uncool?
- Hey, no label is uncool.
- No.
- Let's see.
"Who do you prefer,
Ricky Martin or Banda Machos?"
- Hmm, Ricky Martin.
- Ah, damn it! Me too.
- "Do you use cream on your face?"
- Only the Nivea that Grandma gave me.
Yeah, me too.
It really does make your skin
soft as a baby's bottom.
- Right, Pablito? Mm.
- Yes. Thanks!
- Okay.
- Have you been to a gay bar?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- No.
Well, I made a mistake, but inside
I got carried away by the atmosphere.
It was dark.
Plus there were these blondes
This isn't a serious publication! No way!
Let's see.
Oh, well, it's okay.
I found my label anyway.
He found it.
- What?
- NOYDB.
Yes. None of your damn business.
Enough.
Read this instead. It might help you.
"Sexual Diversity for Dummies."
SEXUAL DIVERSITY FOR DUMMIES
Caitlyn Jenner looks cuter
after transition, right?
Mm-hmm.
Here, as thanks for working for us.
Libo asked me for it,
and I remembered that you always stole
or borrowed it.
- Thank you, ma'am.
- You're welcome.
Hiya, neighbor!
- How's everything going with Libo?
- It's incredible. Yes!
But she's not like you, my Cat.
I mean, you're almost like family.
How many Christmases
did we spend together?
You mean me serving you.
Yes, but we were together.
Oh, it's vibrating! It's Libo.
She's making steak in the oven.
Oh, it's divine.
Cat.
Look, if you ever get tired
of eating beans every day,
the door
of my refrigerator is open for you,
in case you decide to come back.
Mm.
Oh, ma'am, I'm so sorry, but,
I have more clothes than you,
and designer brands.
Well, so
You can ask for anything in the house.
Take whatever you want.
Hmm.
I want your bedroom.
And your bathroom.
- There you go.
- Hold me!
- Hold me!
- What's wrong? What's wrong?
This tiny little bed is holding me back.
So now if you don't have
a king-size bed, you can't do it?
Aw, let's switch, then. Let's switch.
I hadn't thought of that, but, uh
I see you.
Oh, my darling.
I think something else is bothering you.
You can't fool me, Genaro. What is it?
Hmm?
It's the match.
I'm scared
the same thing will happen again,
and that will ruin my chance
to win over the rich dudes.
Control yourself, dear.
Concentrate, honey.
Don't let Genguarro come out
because every time he shows up,
he ruins everything for you.
Yeah, listen,
talking about ruining things,
why did you let Cata
practically take over the house?
Because I won't let that blond bitch
steal her away with stupid gifts.
It's my fault
that you're in a coma and ended up blind.
Why did I give her
those chocolate-covered strawberries?
- Hey, Cata, serve me some soda, please?
- Mm-hmm.
Don't trouble yourself, Cata. I'll do it.
Let's get moving, family.
Are you recording it for me?
- Of course, Genarito.
- Leo.
- Pablo
- Don't forget my arnica pills.
- Your arnica pills.
- Come on, let's go.
I need my warm shawl.
- Your warm shawl.
- Don't forget that strategy board.
- For the game.
- Strategy board.
And my book.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Pills, shawl, strategy board.
Wait for me. Wait for me!
- Ooh!
- Come on, Pablito!
I'm coming! Wait up!
I don't want to be late.
Come on, let's go!
Shoot!
Come on! Press! Press!
Pressure from the top!
Reynoso will get you.
Oh, Hector Reynoso?
He's my new account executive.
You'll be really sorry this time, George.
- Neto! Neto! To the hole!
- Stop him! Don't let him through.
Ah!
Oh, come on. Come on.
Next time. Next time.
Let's go, team!
Damn bamboozler!
Yeah!
Go, Dad!
Let's go!
Here.
- Mom, the sandwiches?
- Here, the sandwiches.
- One sandwich.
- There.
- My board! My board!
- Thanks, Mom.
- My board.
- Yes. There you are.
Is she seriously gonna sell tacos here?
I mean that's
- Move! Your butt isn't see-through.
- Cut it out!
- Ooh!
- Stop!
Okay, don't distract me.
Don't distract me.
Why is Mario Esparza playing?
Isn't this an office club?
He is my new account executive.
He's left-footed!
He'll go down the center!
You'd make a great manager.
Hey! Don't distract me
if you don't wanna lose, please.
Just give me a second.
Tere and my uncle
want me to choose a sexual identity
so they can understand
why I use acne cream.
- Did you choose one?
- Is that important to you?
Probably because you're a girl
and they don't let you play.
Go, Dad!
Goal! Goal!
WIN OR LOSE, SEGOVIA NEVER GIVES UP
Ah! Yeah!
Whoo! That's it!
You missed it. You guys really suck!
That's why you're on the Chivas team
and on the bench!
What! What!
Ooh, I think Genaro is turning into
Genaro from the hood.
I really hope
he doesn't grab the rivals' balls.
- Like last time he was playing soccer.
- Shut up! Oh, no.
Are you going to reply to my messages?
We're on the same team.
Your dad is on our team.
You are the enemy.
Shit. What a hater!
Hater, classist, rich boy.
You love labeling everything.
You should work at a clothing store.
Goal!
Goal!
That's how you kick the ball, losers!
That's why you never qualified
in spite of having Ramoncito!
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
- That's how you play!
I'm number ten! Genaro López is my name.
Ow! Referee, this is a foul!
No!
Referee! Ref!
Ah! Referee!
- What foul? Which foul?
- Hey, ref!
Oh, what! Ref!
Oh! Didn't you see the foul?
- No way.
- Listen. Listen
- Stop milking this.
- But Johnny attacked me, referee.
- Shut up!
- What, you have to be blind to be a ref?
Shut up! Shut up!
- Ten!
- What? What now?
- Get him out!
- Yeah, get him out of here!
- You suck!
- Get him out of here!
No! Not again!
No! No, no! No, no!
Go home!
- Go home!
- Come on, López!
Goal!
"SWEAT YOUR SHIRT FOR HISTORY"
SECOND HALF
If your team loses,
who will hand you your tissues
now that Cata's gone?
Libo, my new maid.
It's not maid, it's domestic worker.
Yes, even if it's longer to say.
If Libo is as fabulous
as you claim, where is she?
Who knows? She must be
at her house with her boyfriend.
Because my domestic worker
doesn't work on Sundays, like others.
Goal!
- No, no! Let's go, guys!
- We're tied now! Ha! Ha!
Listen, girl. Look.
Tell your dad to make this play.
Look, we have to go down this side.
- They always leave it wide open.
- Wait!
They already know all this.
- Really?
- Dad, only one minute!
Now we have to give it our all!
- Hmm.
- Don't we?
Listen, Dad! Switch out!
Yes? Yes?
Okay. Okay.
Lupercio, come out!
Diego.
- Diego, go!
- Okay, I am.
That's it! With my Dieguito on the field
we're sure to win, you'll see.
Whoo!
- Diego!
- What do I do?
Stand in front of the goalkeeper!
Block him.
Come on. Come on.
Goal!
Goal!
SECOND HALF
- We won! We won! We won! We won!
- We won!
We won!
I told you Diego is the best. I told you.
Please. You won thanks to that riffraff.
- Crista.
- Come on.
I'm glad you told me to stand there.
I don't see why Dad doesn't let you play.
You are a champion!
And you're sexist,
and it's not even funny.
Cris is right, Dad.
She told me to block the goalkeeper.
She really knows more
about soccer than we do.
- Typical Hollywood ending.
- Yeah, yeah.
In the end, the "good guys" won
thanks to the best-looking man
- who is the worst player.
- Did you use this?
- No, we won thanks to Dad.
- Yeah.
Listen, Pablito.
I've been thinking and the truth is
that the questionnaire we did wasn't cool.
Your problem isn't
that you play for the other team.
- It's not?
- But I think she does, dude.
Picking up a lesbian
is impossible, you know?
This plus this plus this. Mm
What? She is not the problem. Or him.
- The problem is you, Uncle.
- Nah.
You think if a girl is good at soccer,
she's a lesbian?
But it's the truth.
Pablo, you can be whatever
you want, except an asshole.
Leonor, don't take this the wrong way,
but I can't work for you anymore.
Why not? You hardly do anything anyway.
Understand, it's not you, it's me.
All right. Cata, hang on one second.
Come here, my dear.
God bless you.
I know you don't understand it.
What if you get hit
by the ball in your pretty face,
and then you're deformed?
You'd never forgive me if that happened.
Come on. I'm really sorry, sweetheart.
But if you're interested,
I still need a badass female manager.
How about Libo's sandwiches?
No, these are probably
from the city market.
Sil hasn't learned how to make one.
She misses you so much.
No, no, no, no, we don't know.
Di-yay
- Hmm.
- So you were the secret weapon, huh?
So secret I didn't even know it.
I finally made
that diaper-changing Yola shut up.
That's good.
Oh, yeah. Do you have any
of those sandwiches from city market?
What? I made them.
No way! They are delicious, Sil.
- Oh, ah.
- You are a total master chef.
Mrs. Silvia.
- Mm-hmm.
- I want to say
I want to come back to work.
Finally! I mean, why?
The truth is that I miss you so much.
But if you're happy with Libo
Oh, no, actually,
as a matter of fact, Libo, um,
just got her Green Card
and returned to Houston.
She's gone. Yeah.
So if you want to come back
But from here on out, the sandwiches
I thought to say goodbye.
are mine.
- Where is Cata, Mom?
- I'm glad you asked that, Pablo,
because thanks to Cata,
I've come to realize something,
that you all abuse
the fact that I love you.
You are a bunch of lazy bums.
Of course, it is my fault
for not putting myself first, and so
Starting today, I want time to myself,
to go and get a manicure,
or exercise
and be really hot if I feel like it.
Yeah, go ahead.
Give this. I'll carry this.
- Yes, go on.
- Help me with this.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Hold on. Give me this.
I said it!
That was perfect.
You finally did it.
I thought I would die
before seeing you win.
Is this man your new employee, Ernie?
Or was he here to bamboozle us?
No way, George. I'm Genaro López.
You saw me being creative on the field.
I'm also creative at the agency.
That's very good.
If you ever resign
from this loser's company,
don't hesitate to look me up, hmm?
That wealthy geezer.
So, listen up, Ernie.
You hire me
for the creative team at your agency
or I'll work for the geezer, hmm?
Yeah, fine. See you tomorrow.
Just don't tell my wife, all right?
Oh! Genaro López,
on the creative team at the agency!
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
Mm.
Hey, Mom, did you see my
- Thanks, Mom.
- Pablo.
- Is this lunch?
- No, it's for your math test.
Your teacher's favorite, green sauce.
Mom, did you iron my miniskirt for me?
This is for my math test.
It always works
to get the answers from other people.
- Oh, I'm kidding.
- You better be, dear. I have to go.
Let's go. Let's go, or we'll be late.
I don't like to run for the bus.
- Pablito.
- Okay.
Let's go, Jani. Let's go.
- No, leave it there.
- Bye, Mom.
- Can you clean that up?
- Sure, sure.
- Let's go.
- Bye, Ma.
- Will you water my orchids, please?
- Sure. Got it.
Hey, Mom.
Can you wash this? It really stinks.
Ugh!
My dear, I'm running out of yarn.
Will you buy some more for me?
Mm-hmm.
Where's your boss?
I quit working for her after the protest.
- Don't you need help around your house?
- I
I can iron the crease on trousers, and,
between you and me, I'm very discreet.
Oh
The other day Mrs. Silvia
caught Mr. Ernesto
looking at naked girls on the Internet,
and they had a huge fight,
but I won't tell.
No, thanks.
Of course, if I could afford it,
I'd hire someone
to help with this huge house, but
Let me. I can help.
I'll take care of the big house,
and you can shower
and get dressed and wear makeup.
- I already showered and put some on.
- I see.
Oh, sorry.
- Really, I don't need anybody, okay?
- I don't have any place to go.
My sisters kicked me out of the house
because I didn't vote for AMLO.
But you see, Anaya was so sexy.
I don't belong there anymore.
Well, let's see.
If you don't have anywhere to stay,
you can stay,
at least until you find a new job.
Thank you.
I won't cause you any trouble at all.
Also, I don't have that much stuff.
Oh yeah,
and can you also give me your Wi-Fi?
Because I ran out of data
during the fight
with my sisters on WhatsApp.
Can you help?
Listen! Which is my room?
And now, I'll teach you how to make
a perfect sandwich for your kids.
Let's start with the mayonnaise.
You spread it. Remember,
it has to cover every corner
Make sure
the avocado has a proper consistency.
Not too hard or it won't be ready to eat.
- I'm ordering sushi. Want some?
- No!
The neighbors are
making fun of us in the chat
because we keep getting delivery.
That's because you want them
to think that you cook, not Cata.
Cata I miss her sandwiches.
You should hire her back.
I don't miss her.
You'll see. My sandwiches are better.
If you would ever make one.
You've been watching tutorials
for a while.
They don't explain in detail.
It's just confusing!
Hey, Mom, isn't that the coat
that you basically gave to Cata?
You said it was disgusting
and smelled like the subway.
I'm cold, okay?
It's my only cold coat.
You know that's not a plate, don't you?
There aren't any clean ones.
Crista, show Diego
how to use the dishwasher, please.
We have a dishwasher?
It's George. Yola's husband.
Oh, yeah.
I don't understand
why Yola is married to that old geezer.
He said he got a Brazilian
for the interagency game this weekend!
The heck!
I thought you couldn't
bamboozle the other team.
What's a bamboozle?
Well, he said he hired him
as his new account executive.
- So we've already lost.
- No, no, no. No way. We won't lose.
You better win this year.
I won't let Yola make fun of me again
because her husband
beat you, despite the fact
that he has urinary incontinence,
so do something.
Don't you realize, Dad?
The old man wastes
his oxygen only to make fun of you.
- Exactly!
- Calm down, okay?
This year I have a secret weapon.
Right, Diego?
Mariana Fernanda,
I still remember the first time
I saw you sweeping
hair at my aunt's salon.
Wait!
Ever since I met you, my life has
taken a complete and total turn.
I want to know if
you would like to be my wife.
No way! The plastic couch covers are gone.
My ass doesn't sweat anymore.
But it'll be a problem
if they get stained, yeah.
I can always clean them.
- I've cleaned very difficult stains.
- Hmm!
Once, I was home alone,
and I spilled a bottle of wine
on Mrs. Silvia's bedspread.
I had to use Clarasol, bleach, vinegar
- Hey, Mom, will you get me more soda?
- Yes, my dear.
I will do it.
And then I will fold the clothes.
You go take a seat because
Mariana Fernanda is about to be unmasked.
- But
- Sit down.
Thank you.
In a moment,
I will bring the sandwiches you wanted.
Come on.
Sorry, Dad.
Diego, what's wrong?
I hired Rafa Márquez to train you.
But he only paid attention to Crista.
He says that I'm a jewel.
Of course you are.
You're the most accessory to this team.
You are our amulet.
Diego, I told Silvia
that we're going to win.
You know what women are like
when you break promises.
What do I do? What do I do?
Ooh, Dad! Sorry! Sorry!
If a ball travels at 62 mph,
how many yards does it travel
in 20 seconds?
Listen, Pablito. Nobody cares, ey.
If the ball doesn't go into the goal,
what's the point?
I know, but I have to study
for my make-up test for physics.
But you're right. I don't care either.
I'm just gonna flunk again anyway.
There you go.
If you want, I can get you the test
answers from an underground source.
Remember when I taught
our neighbor to drive?
Of course! No way!
You already got with her?
No, I I posted a video,
and it got a bunch of comments and likes.
Ah.
No, don't show me that.
One glance and I'll go to prison
for watching child porn or something.
These guys have such a hard time inside.
- But it's not porn.
- If you knew.
- It's not porn.
- Not love either.
It's my debut in the world of influencers.
Also, I have a lot of cool followers.
One guy is really well-known.
He's big and strong and famous.
Look.
Are you kiddin' me, kid?
I'm starting to wonder
if you play for the opposite team.
It's very simple.
- Mm-hmm.
- Garbage is divided into organic.
- Uh-huh.
- Inorganic.
Ah.
- Uh-huh.
- Glass.
- Uh-huh.
- Aluminum cans. PET.
Ah. That sucks,
even trash is discriminated against.
I didn't know you were working here, Cata.
Yeah, she lives at my house.
We get along like we're two best gal pals.
Today we had laughs
for breakfast, didn't we, Cata?
Me too, I get along great
with my new maid my domestic worker.
Incredible. Yeah. I don't mean to brag,
but she came from Houston
and speaks many languages.
Cata is also bilingual.
She speaks Spanish
and probably a native language.
Right, Cata?
I'm from the city.
I only speak one language.
If your new domestic worker is so good,
why are you throwing out
the trash on your own?
Because she filled up the car
with some gas.
She helps us
with the chauffeur's duties too.
- Ah.
- Ouf!
- So, what's your new maid's name?
- Li Libo. Libo.
Liboria. We call her Libro,
affectionately. And Libo.
Oh, my phone's vibrating. It's Libo.
A message from Libo, she got my groceries
Super!
Uh-huh.
I'm gonna wait for her.
Right.
- Bye, neighbor.
- Bye.
All right. Listen to me.
I need you to get someone
who can at least kick the ball,
even if he doesn't score, Ricardo.
Um Um
Chivis, I'm talking to Peláez.
- So what? I need to harmonize my energy.
- Gimme a second.
Can you believe that
that Uber driver stole my Cat?
I thought she saved you
the other day, from being run over.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
she tripped and fell on top of me.
- Very different, right?
- Oh!
That doesn't give her
the right to steal my Cat!
Then go tell Cata to come back,
and it's that simple.
- No! She'll take advantage of that.
- Yes.
Just remember when she asked me
to be her niece's godmother
in exchange for getting my ring
out of the drain.
No way!
Yes. Obviously.
Sorry, about that, Rick.
Bam! I can't handle this.
I'll show her, I will. Ohm
I'll show her.
What the heck! Who is banging
that bell like we're in a church?
- Catch it, Janet.
- Actually, forget it, Ricardo.
I found my Cuau.
Wait up, Genaro! Hey, how are you, guys?
What size jersey do you wear?
Why? To replace the shirt you kept
after I broke that cheap trophy?
No, but I will have one made
for you with number ten on it.
I can just see you.
I want you to play for my agency.
Oh, shucks, I would love to,
but guess what? I hurt my knee recently.
Nobody can dribble
toilet paper if your knee's messed up.
You're a star. Serious! Isn't he?
Let me explain.
I have a match this weekend.
And winning is really crucial.
If I lose, my wife will kill me.
You know how they get when they're mad.
Rich wives are like that too?
It's less noticeable
because of the Botox, but, yeah.
Help me out, will you?
Pablito, when you're dancing reggaeton,
how do you move your body?
You should sway like this.
- And move your hips down here.
- Mm-hmm.
Or you move this way,
with your butt out
like this to show it off.
Show me how you dance.
Show me. Let's go.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You gotta be kidding me.
What is it? Am I really that bad?
- Hey, hey.
- No! Stop, stop, stop!
- Okay. I've seen enough.
- No wonder I'm always sitting at parties.
Turn down the music.
I can't eavesdrop on you guys.
Hey, hey, hey, this is a private matter.
That's why the door was closed.
It turns out
that Pablito plays for the other team.
No! I don't even play baseball.
No, wait. Just because Pablito
likes his mom and pisses himself
while he watches horror films
doesn't mean he's gay.
So now I'm gay because I got scared
when we watched The Ring together?
No, that's not the point.
What Tomás is doing is
completely hetero-normative.
- Yes!
- What is?
There are lots of ways to label yourself.
Let's just figure out
where you feel most comfortable.
There might be lots of labels, but
deep down we all know there are only two.
You're either a top,
or you're a bottom.
Don't tell me.
We're celebrating Halloween early?
This is my plan
to get back my Cat from the neighbor.
Speaking of the neighbor,
well, I invited her husband to play.
He's really good.
You know how people
from the hood have soccer in their veins.
Look, I don't care what you have to do,
but fucking win that match! Got it?
Ready?
Doo-doo-doo!
Oh! Oh! Look at that. Look at that.
There we go!
Ah, Libo, honey!
Go to sleep!
Libo just won't stop working.
That woman is crazy.
Do you think
they invited you to join their team
as part of a plan to steal Cata from us?
You don't think it's because
he saw how good I am at soccer?
Whatever the reason is,
I think he can help me
meet a lot of rich guys.
I might even be able to get a job.
It doesn't matter
who you are, but who you know.
Like Palazuelos
and Luis Miguel who became famous
because they are friends
with the President Miguel Alemán's son.
Where do you come up
with these things, honey?
- From here. Look.
- Oh.
- Uh-huh.
- Seriously, honey, trust me.
This will be a great opportunity for me.
I know it!
Yes. Well, maybe you're right.
Show them how good you are at soccer.
Do that for me, honey? Get lots of goals.
You look very good.
Like you're more rested.
Oh, thank you.
I don't think I've done
this much exercise since middle school.
I made you a fat-burning green juice,
but, um, it doesn't work miracles.
Well, every little bit helps, all right?
Libo, thank you!
That was the best breakfast ever.
I loved it. Thank you.
Have my green juice ready
for when I get back, please.
It doesn't have to dramatic either.
You just have to know yourself
to know your sexual identity.
Hey, I totally agree.
Yes, okay, I did some research.
I did my homework.
I found this test
in a prestigious publication, Pablito.
- Maybe this could help.
- Yes.
- What if it shows something really uncool?
- Hey, no label is uncool.
- No.
- Let's see.
"Who do you prefer,
Ricky Martin or Banda Machos?"
- Hmm, Ricky Martin.
- Ah, damn it! Me too.
- "Do you use cream on your face?"
- Only the Nivea that Grandma gave me.
Yeah, me too.
It really does make your skin
soft as a baby's bottom.
- Right, Pablito? Mm.
- Yes. Thanks!
- Okay.
- Have you been to a gay bar?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- No.
Well, I made a mistake, but inside
I got carried away by the atmosphere.
It was dark.
Plus there were these blondes
This isn't a serious publication! No way!
Let's see.
Oh, well, it's okay.
I found my label anyway.
He found it.
- What?
- NOYDB.
Yes. None of your damn business.
Enough.
Read this instead. It might help you.
"Sexual Diversity for Dummies."
SEXUAL DIVERSITY FOR DUMMIES
Caitlyn Jenner looks cuter
after transition, right?
Mm-hmm.
Here, as thanks for working for us.
Libo asked me for it,
and I remembered that you always stole
or borrowed it.
- Thank you, ma'am.
- You're welcome.
Hiya, neighbor!
- How's everything going with Libo?
- It's incredible. Yes!
But she's not like you, my Cat.
I mean, you're almost like family.
How many Christmases
did we spend together?
You mean me serving you.
Yes, but we were together.
Oh, it's vibrating! It's Libo.
She's making steak in the oven.
Oh, it's divine.
Cat.
Look, if you ever get tired
of eating beans every day,
the door
of my refrigerator is open for you,
in case you decide to come back.
Mm.
Oh, ma'am, I'm so sorry, but,
I have more clothes than you,
and designer brands.
Well, so
You can ask for anything in the house.
Take whatever you want.
Hmm.
I want your bedroom.
And your bathroom.
- There you go.
- Hold me!
- Hold me!
- What's wrong? What's wrong?
This tiny little bed is holding me back.
So now if you don't have
a king-size bed, you can't do it?
Aw, let's switch, then. Let's switch.
I hadn't thought of that, but, uh
I see you.
Oh, my darling.
I think something else is bothering you.
You can't fool me, Genaro. What is it?
Hmm?
It's the match.
I'm scared
the same thing will happen again,
and that will ruin my chance
to win over the rich dudes.
Control yourself, dear.
Concentrate, honey.
Don't let Genguarro come out
because every time he shows up,
he ruins everything for you.
Yeah, listen,
talking about ruining things,
why did you let Cata
practically take over the house?
Because I won't let that blond bitch
steal her away with stupid gifts.
It's my fault
that you're in a coma and ended up blind.
Why did I give her
those chocolate-covered strawberries?
- Hey, Cata, serve me some soda, please?
- Mm-hmm.
Don't trouble yourself, Cata. I'll do it.
Let's get moving, family.
Are you recording it for me?
- Of course, Genarito.
- Leo.
- Pablo
- Don't forget my arnica pills.
- Your arnica pills.
- Come on, let's go.
I need my warm shawl.
- Your warm shawl.
- Don't forget that strategy board.
- For the game.
- Strategy board.
And my book.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Pills, shawl, strategy board.
Wait for me. Wait for me!
- Ooh!
- Come on, Pablito!
I'm coming! Wait up!
I don't want to be late.
Come on, let's go!
Shoot!
Come on! Press! Press!
Pressure from the top!
Reynoso will get you.
Oh, Hector Reynoso?
He's my new account executive.
You'll be really sorry this time, George.
- Neto! Neto! To the hole!
- Stop him! Don't let him through.
Ah!
Oh, come on. Come on.
Next time. Next time.
Let's go, team!
Damn bamboozler!
Yeah!
Go, Dad!
Let's go!
Here.
- Mom, the sandwiches?
- Here, the sandwiches.
- One sandwich.
- There.
- My board! My board!
- Thanks, Mom.
- My board.
- Yes. There you are.
Is she seriously gonna sell tacos here?
I mean that's
- Move! Your butt isn't see-through.
- Cut it out!
- Ooh!
- Stop!
Okay, don't distract me.
Don't distract me.
Why is Mario Esparza playing?
Isn't this an office club?
He is my new account executive.
He's left-footed!
He'll go down the center!
You'd make a great manager.
Hey! Don't distract me
if you don't wanna lose, please.
Just give me a second.
Tere and my uncle
want me to choose a sexual identity
so they can understand
why I use acne cream.
- Did you choose one?
- Is that important to you?
Probably because you're a girl
and they don't let you play.
Go, Dad!
Goal! Goal!
WIN OR LOSE, SEGOVIA NEVER GIVES UP
Ah! Yeah!
Whoo! That's it!
You missed it. You guys really suck!
That's why you're on the Chivas team
and on the bench!
What! What!
Ooh, I think Genaro is turning into
Genaro from the hood.
I really hope
he doesn't grab the rivals' balls.
- Like last time he was playing soccer.
- Shut up! Oh, no.
Are you going to reply to my messages?
We're on the same team.
Your dad is on our team.
You are the enemy.
Shit. What a hater!
Hater, classist, rich boy.
You love labeling everything.
You should work at a clothing store.
Goal!
Goal!
That's how you kick the ball, losers!
That's why you never qualified
in spite of having Ramoncito!
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
- That's how you play!
I'm number ten! Genaro López is my name.
Ow! Referee, this is a foul!
No!
Referee! Ref!
Ah! Referee!
- What foul? Which foul?
- Hey, ref!
Oh, what! Ref!
Oh! Didn't you see the foul?
- No way.
- Listen. Listen
- Stop milking this.
- But Johnny attacked me, referee.
- Shut up!
- What, you have to be blind to be a ref?
Shut up! Shut up!
- Ten!
- What? What now?
- Get him out!
- Yeah, get him out of here!
- You suck!
- Get him out of here!
No! Not again!
No! No, no! No, no!
Go home!
- Go home!
- Come on, López!
Goal!
"SWEAT YOUR SHIRT FOR HISTORY"
SECOND HALF
If your team loses,
who will hand you your tissues
now that Cata's gone?
Libo, my new maid.
It's not maid, it's domestic worker.
Yes, even if it's longer to say.
If Libo is as fabulous
as you claim, where is she?
Who knows? She must be
at her house with her boyfriend.
Because my domestic worker
doesn't work on Sundays, like others.
Goal!
- No, no! Let's go, guys!
- We're tied now! Ha! Ha!
Listen, girl. Look.
Tell your dad to make this play.
Look, we have to go down this side.
- They always leave it wide open.
- Wait!
They already know all this.
- Really?
- Dad, only one minute!
Now we have to give it our all!
- Hmm.
- Don't we?
Listen, Dad! Switch out!
Yes? Yes?
Okay. Okay.
Lupercio, come out!
Diego.
- Diego, go!
- Okay, I am.
That's it! With my Dieguito on the field
we're sure to win, you'll see.
Whoo!
- Diego!
- What do I do?
Stand in front of the goalkeeper!
Block him.
Come on. Come on.
Goal!
Goal!
SECOND HALF
- We won! We won! We won! We won!
- We won!
We won!
I told you Diego is the best. I told you.
Please. You won thanks to that riffraff.
- Crista.
- Come on.
I'm glad you told me to stand there.
I don't see why Dad doesn't let you play.
You are a champion!
And you're sexist,
and it's not even funny.
Cris is right, Dad.
She told me to block the goalkeeper.
She really knows more
about soccer than we do.
- Typical Hollywood ending.
- Yeah, yeah.
In the end, the "good guys" won
thanks to the best-looking man
- who is the worst player.
- Did you use this?
- No, we won thanks to Dad.
- Yeah.
Listen, Pablito.
I've been thinking and the truth is
that the questionnaire we did wasn't cool.
Your problem isn't
that you play for the other team.
- It's not?
- But I think she does, dude.
Picking up a lesbian
is impossible, you know?
This plus this plus this. Mm
What? She is not the problem. Or him.
- The problem is you, Uncle.
- Nah.
You think if a girl is good at soccer,
she's a lesbian?
But it's the truth.
Pablo, you can be whatever
you want, except an asshole.
Leonor, don't take this the wrong way,
but I can't work for you anymore.
Why not? You hardly do anything anyway.
Understand, it's not you, it's me.
All right. Cata, hang on one second.
Come here, my dear.
God bless you.
I know you don't understand it.
What if you get hit
by the ball in your pretty face,
and then you're deformed?
You'd never forgive me if that happened.
Come on. I'm really sorry, sweetheart.
But if you're interested,
I still need a badass female manager.
How about Libo's sandwiches?
No, these are probably
from the city market.
Sil hasn't learned how to make one.
She misses you so much.
No, no, no, no, we don't know.
Di-yay
- Hmm.
- So you were the secret weapon, huh?
So secret I didn't even know it.
I finally made
that diaper-changing Yola shut up.
That's good.
Oh, yeah. Do you have any
of those sandwiches from city market?
What? I made them.
No way! They are delicious, Sil.
- Oh, ah.
- You are a total master chef.
Mrs. Silvia.
- Mm-hmm.
- I want to say
I want to come back to work.
Finally! I mean, why?
The truth is that I miss you so much.
But if you're happy with Libo
Oh, no, actually,
as a matter of fact, Libo, um,
just got her Green Card
and returned to Houston.
She's gone. Yeah.
So if you want to come back
But from here on out, the sandwiches
I thought to say goodbye.
are mine.
- Where is Cata, Mom?
- I'm glad you asked that, Pablo,
because thanks to Cata,
I've come to realize something,
that you all abuse
the fact that I love you.
You are a bunch of lazy bums.
Of course, it is my fault
for not putting myself first, and so
Starting today, I want time to myself,
to go and get a manicure,
or exercise
and be really hot if I feel like it.
Yeah, go ahead.
Give this. I'll carry this.
- Yes, go on.
- Help me with this.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Hold on. Give me this.
I said it!
That was perfect.
You finally did it.
I thought I would die
before seeing you win.
Is this man your new employee, Ernie?
Or was he here to bamboozle us?
No way, George. I'm Genaro López.
You saw me being creative on the field.
I'm also creative at the agency.
That's very good.
If you ever resign
from this loser's company,
don't hesitate to look me up, hmm?
That wealthy geezer.
So, listen up, Ernie.
You hire me
for the creative team at your agency
or I'll work for the geezer, hmm?
Yeah, fine. See you tomorrow.
Just don't tell my wife, all right?
Oh! Genaro López,
on the creative team at the agency!