The War Next-Door (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

Nothing to See Here!

1
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
- [woman shouting.]
Help me!
- [snoring.]

[snoring continues.]

[woman.]
Help me!
- [snoring.]

- Hey.

Love, someone is yelling.

Probably a cat.

[yawns.]

- [woman shouting.]
We're under attack!
- [Genaro grunts.]

- [gasps.]

- Honey.

I don't think cats
in this neighborhood sound like that.

[woman.]
Help me!
- Babe, it's our neighbor.

- [groans.]

- Something's happened.

- Ernesto, come here.

Please, look at that.

They've gone too far.

It's like we're living on skid row now.

MEXICO'S DA SHI
It was you! You wrote on the wall.

- Why are you so sure?
- It's obvious.

- [sighs.]

- Only people like you can say the word
"bitch," just like that.

And you can't even spell.

It's with a P.

- Like "poor.
"
- Really? I've been spelling it wrong.

Jani does amazing in school.

- Sweetheart, how do you spell "go"?
- With a G.

You heard her,
so you should go fuck yourself with a G.

[laughing spitefully.]

It was you.
You wrote it!
You're so vulgar.
What next, López family?
Hanging sneakers from a wire?
Hey, hey, hey! That's discrimination.

You're blaming us because
we come from a poor neighborhood.

- Like Los Ángeles Azules.

- [whistles.]

Dad!
We'll report you to Human Rights
for these horrible accusations.

- [Silvia.]
No
- Biotch.

- [Tomás.]
Yeah.

- Sorry.

Listen to me carefully, yes?
I will find out who did this.

So watch your step.

We will see who turns out
to be the true perpetrator of this crime.

I won't let that pale lizard
humiliate us like that.

Understand she was very upset
and didn't think before she spoke.

Bitch spelled with a "P".

- [Leonor.]
You're worse than her.

- Janet, don't speak like that!
Of course she knew.

She did it so she could blame us.

Your mom is right, Janetita.

Rich people's favorite hobby is
blaming us poor folk for everything.

I would know
'cause I spent time in prison.

I'm gonna catch
that washed-out bimbo in the act.

[whistles.]

Oh, you smell so wonderful, Genarito!
- Like a beautiful little honey fritter.

- [Genaro.]
Yeah.

Thanks.
Today's important.

It's my first day at work.

Yes.
That's why
I made this for you, your favorite.

[Genaro.]
Mm-hmm.

[Grandma.]
Ta-da! Potato pancakes.

Ah, thank you, Mom, but I'll save them.

I wouldn't want to run to the bathroom
all day and be labeled as a "pooper.
"
- [laughing.]

- No
[Teresa.]
I don't get why people have dogs
if they're just gonna pay
other people to walk them?
I know, but they love having workers.

- First they abuse them and kick them out
- Pablo.
Pablo.

Let me give you Puky.

And please
don't let my mom know that I hired you.

No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no.

Without the owner's consent,
we don't walk any dogs.

Ah, no, that's not true.

We'll bring her back safe and sound.

Your mom won't find out.

Ah, and don't give her
any water from the tap.

She drinks Evian.

Well, good luck.

Oh, and be on time, please.

But why? Why do you do that?
[beeping.]

[whistles.]

What's up, Neto? I'm outside your crib
and ready to go to work, dude
- Oh!
- [gasps.]

You see that?
Leonor sent over
one of her clan members to watch us.

It's her husband.
He's just working out.

Uh-huh.
With a tie?
I mean,
you know how weird those people are.

Come on, Er, wake up.
Don't be a fool.

I mean, this guy is fit because, uh,
he runs from his criminal life,
from the police.

There's no way
he got fit from working out.

I bet they're planning
their next graffiti.

Calm down.

I'll tell him to work out somewhere else.

Please! Do something!
I think you're being paranoid.

I'm sure the neighbors
have more important things to do.

Doubt it.

You almost ruined it.

I told you, Silvia can't find out
we're working together.

Sorry, Neto, I forgot.
I'm just
so excited for my first day of work.

[Ernesto.]
Yes, it's fine.

Hey, I forgot to tell you.

Today, you're using your home office.

I have no idea
what that means, Neto.
What?
Oh, you're gonna love it!
- It means you work in your house.

- Oh, yeah?
Yeah! Nobody will see those clothes.

I mean,
you don't have to wear these clothes,
no formal clothes like these.

You can take breaks and a nap around noon.

- Just kick off those loafers.

- The what?
Whatever shoes you're wearing.

Take off your pants, too.

What's more, I have a gift for you.

[Ernesto chuckles.]

- [sighs.]

- No way, Neto.
A tablet?
At my other job
I had to pay for my own badge.

It's 'cause I appreciate you.

And what should I work on?
Just tell me where you need my creativity.

Today we have a meeting
with the owner of a pawn shop.

Give me a pitch for his promotions,
and I'll call you so we can connect.

Oh, yeah.
I can throw a thousand pitches.

Curveball, fastball, knuckleball.
Watch
No! Not that pitch.

This pitch is an idea to
[clicks tongue.]
Never mind.

- What time should I call you?
- No.
I'll call you.

We're really going to dig
through their garbage?
Hey, if you want to get to know someone,
look through their garbage.

Is that what you did with Dad?
No, but that's how I found out
your grandmother has hemorrhoids.

So stop asking questions and help me.

- I don't want to touch that with my hands.

- Oh.
Yeah, sure.

Here we go.
Here we go.

I knew it.
Here's the evidence.

- That damn soccer mom.

- Are you sure you want to do this, Mom?
Isn't it a crime
to go through someone's garbage?
Yeah, I'm sure it is, but wait here.

It really does taste like spring water.

No-no-no-no-no!
How could you drink that water?
It was Puky's.
What if she dies of thirst?
Hey, relax.
I'll fill it with tap water.

She's a dog.
She won't even notice.

I don't think
you should've said yes to walking Puky.

Why not? It's not my fault
that family are all asshole.

Yeah, but what if something goes wrong?
That lady will destroy our reputation
and kill our business.

We don't have a reputation.

Exactly.
This is the problem.

We don't have a reputation,
and we're gonna lose it.

- Okay, go and fill up that bottle, then.

- Whoa! No!
[barking.]

- Puky!
- No!
Puky! [sighs.]

- [Puky barking.]

- What do we do?
Can you explain
what this is doing in your garbage?
You sprayed that graffiti.

And how can I know
that this wasn't in your trash can?
Huh? Obviously you're trying to frame me.

Oh, come on! It's not like I'm a cop.

Besides, I have a witness who saw it.

Wait, her?
[gasps.]
Ooh, what do I do?
Slander is a punishable crime
under the law and comes with a fine of
[gasps.]

- Shoo!
- [car engine starts.]

Get back.

That damn bitch!
[grunts.]

I have to watch Silvia.

She'll try to blame everything on us,
even her plastic surgery.

But spying like this is a crime, no?
Of course not.

It's like watching a reality show.

May I ask
where exactly you got all this equipment?
I borrowed it from the security guards
in exchange for creams.

One of them asked for a skin whitener.

They never guard anything.

Mm-hmm, Janet and I will help you, honey.

Watching neighbors
is way more entertaining
than criticizing people
at church.
[chuckles.]

I don't think it's a good idea.

- [sighs.]

- Of course it is!
No one will suspect
a weird kid or a nice sweet old woman.

Do it for your dying grandmother.

You are not dying.

You said blackmail was a sin.

At my age and in my condition,
sins are made of chocolate, dear.

If you don't want to make me happy, fine.

Tomorrow when I'm gone,
don't go cry about it.

[laughs.]

- All right, but we can't get caught.

- [laughs.]

[Silvia.]
Aha! Caught you!
What garbage
did Leonor tell you to write this time?
Hey, relax, or you'll get more wrinkles.

- No, no, no.

- I'm only fixing up your wall.

Right.
Erasing the evidence
so I can't report you.

You know what? Go away.

Or I'll call the police.
Beware.
Yeah.

Okay.

Remember that I was trying to fix it.

Ugh.

Later.
[sniffs.]

Hey, you smell really good.

- See you! [chuckles.]

- Oh, you're so vulgar.

DA SHI
[grunts.]

[grunts, sighs.]

What do you mean, "She's missing.
"
You swore to me
you'd bring Puky back safe and sound.

- She darted away from us.

- [sighs.]

My mom's gonna kill me.

For my mom, Puky is her favorite daughter.

No, when your mom finds out,
she's gonna pluck out
all of my hair for losing Puky.

Here's the solution to our problem.

Don't be scared.
Tell me, Cat.

Is it true
they all share the soap in the shower?
And they have magnets on the fridge
from places they've never gone to?
And they drink coffee
out of promotional mugs?
What does that have to do
with the Lópezes writing the graffiti?
I'm carrying out an investigation, Diego.

Cat, wait, wait, wait!
Cat, I'm not finished yet.

Like, how do those people live?
Do you recall anything odd?
Well, the only one
who acted extra strange was Mr.
Tomás.

I knew it.
I knew Tomás was to blame
I just ran into him painting
over the writing on the wall.

[scoffs.]
He said he was fixing it.

Please! A lie!
But maybe, maybe,
he was just trying to be a cool neighbor.

Diego, please, don't make excuses.

Don't be so naive.

Right.
What do you mean he acted strange?
Well, the door was open
when he took a shower.

And if he dropped the soap,
not once, not once, did he pick it up.

- Just like my friend's cousin.

- [Silvia gasps.]

And he had been in prison.

- [gasps.]

- I think you were spying.

Hey, I did not.

It was a coincidence I walked by
when he was in the shower.

I knew it.

Of course, Tomás is an ex-convict.

Because he doesn't pick up the soap?
- [Silvia.]
Exactly.

- Maybe he has problems with his back.

Hmm.
With that body,
he can't have a bad back or bad legs
or a bad chest
or a bad jaw or a bad pelvis.

- [chuckles.]

- Mm, what a pelvis!
Cat, all right, focus, focus, focus.

We have to figure out a way to catch him.

[sighs.]
Ideas.
Brainstorm.
Come on.

THINK BIG
- Would you like some more coffee, Fer?
- Oh, no, thanks.
Let's get started.

- Your favorite creative guy is here.

- He said you wanted him to connect.

Let me introduce Genaro López,
the agency's new creative editor.

Creative on the field
and creative at work, huh?
I got my pitches.

First, let me begin with the concept.

[clicks tongue.]
"At Pawn House, we pawn
to solve your problem.
" This means
No, no, no.
I've got a better pitch.
Yeah.

I'm a better pitcher than
Octavio Becerra from the Dodgers,
and I don't serve tacos.
[chuckles.]

Yes, yes.

We'll hear your ideas in a minute.

- Let me finish.

- [Silvia.]
She'll be speechless.

Let's see if her criminal brother
can resist stealing this.

Should you use 500 bills?
Diego, we can't tempt him
with something he's never seen.

For him, 500 bills are a myth.

Where should I put this?
There! Are you sure
he's gonna come back soon?
Yes, yes, yes.

I saw him leave, so he'll be right back.

[Silvia.]
Perfect.

Let's go hide, please.
 And stop texting!
- Get over here.

- [Diego.]
Okay!
Go! Go tell your mom.

- Okay, now zoom in.

- Yes.

- [Silvia.]
There he is.

- [Diego.]
I see him.

I knew it.
Did you see him?
Look at all this.

[whistles.]

I knew it,
once a thief, you're a thief forever.

Uh
- [Tomás clears throat.]

- [phone chimes.]

Cata: Look what I got!
[Leonor.]
She's gonna get it this time!
It's always better
if you just talk things out, Mom.

Yeah.

First, I'll tell her what I think of her
and then I'll punch her in the face.

Mom! Mom!
Come on! My mom will never believe
that this is Puky.
No way!
After some grooming, I'm sure
she won't even see the difference.

Okay, you're gonna have to give me
the same groom job
so that Silvia doesn't recognize me.

- [Teresa grunts.]

- [Crista sighs.]

It seems I caught you.
Get up,
so I can slap the Botox off your face.

Ah, look at this.

You and your brother
are like two peas in a pod.

Or pigs.

No way I'm putting up with this.

Hey.
Relax, relax,
before you start acting like a savage.

I'll show you something that's very nice.

Yeah, see here?
Watch.

He's climbing over Yola's gate.

They sent it to Cata
in the maid chat Right, Cat?
- Yes, ma'am.

- [Silvia.]
Where's the thief?
Right there.

I can't believe it.
 She looks better
than the original Puky ever did.

Yeah, we're pulling it off.

- [clicks tongue.]
We'll get away with it.

- Ah.

- [laughs.]

- [dog growls.]

- [gasps.]

- Ow!
My perfect skin!
This is gonna ruin my life.

Oh, wait, let me see.

I won't let her, or you, see me deformed.

- I need to go look.
Wait.

- [inhales sharply.]

"We will help you get back on your feet,
and to do that,
we'll pawn off your items.
"
Frankly, I don't love it.

But I suppose you have other ideas.

Of course, we have more ideas.

[Ernesto.]
Shorty, where's that drawing
of the emerald
that doesn't look like an emerald?
You'll love this.

We're giving your company
a whole new look because remember
- the situation is
- Neto.

[Ernesto.]
Fer.
Buddy.

We know each other.

This is super superficial, bro.

- [cell phone ringing.]

- The next idea will keep people,
you know, interested and captivated.

- It is It is
- Damn.

- He hung up?
- It is on of our best ideas.

- You know we are always innovating.

- That son of a bitch hung up?
Our communication is our line
You're gonna hear my pitch
if you want to or not.

I hope this works.
I figured it out.

If I walk 700 dogs over ten years,
I might be able to pay her back later.

No.
Forget it.

My mom can't find out
that it's not her Puky, period.

So, what are you gonna tell her
about that burn?
[dog growls softly.]

She won't notice.

[dog whines.]

Or, well,
maybe she will, since it's my face.

I mean, for her, appearance is everything
and faces are fundamental.

Ah, stop saying that.

First, I lost her special dog,
then burned her daughter.

When she finds out,
she'll rip out my eyes.

- [chuckles.]

- [dog whimpers.]

Do you want to see her reaction?
- [sighs.]

- Yes.
Watch.
Hide there.

And then you can decide
if you should leave the country.

- Do you have a passport?
- [clicks tongue.]

Well, I could go out of state.

[whispers.]
Good luck.

Mom.

Oh, I'm so glad you're home.
[gasps.]

What's wrong? Are you all right?
Did you notice?
Of course I can tell.

Where are your ribbons? Where?
Where are they? Where?
Come here, darling.
Let's comb your hair.

Mm.
[kisses.]

- Mm.
[kisses.]

- [dog growling softly.]

[exhales.]

You're breaking my heart, Tomás.

You're a traitor.

[sighs.]
It's not such a big deal.

Of course it's a big deal, Tomás.

I defended you from Silvia,
and then you do this.

I swear I wasn't doing anything that bad.

- You have to report it.

- Tomás isn't a thief.

But he's a criminal.

I want an explanation right fucking now.

- Leo, sorry.
I can't tell you anything.

- Oh, yeah?
- If you don't tell me, I'll call Yola.

- [keys clicking.]

Once a thief, always a thief, huh?
It's like like herpes.

Herpes, I got from my husband,
and I don't judge him for it, Sil.

Tomás may be an ex-convict
but that only makes him more a man.

I mean, more human.

Why are you defending that weirdo?
Tell me what he did?
Ladies have no memory.

Gentlemen have no memory.

- [alarm wailing.]

- [gasps.]

Somebody's stealing a car.

What?
- Somebody's stealing a car!
- [Tomás.]
Okay, okay.

- [alarm wailing.]

- What?
I have a pitch.

It doesn't matter.
We lost the account.

Of course, it matters.

You made me work from home
because you have no confidence in me.

Genaro,
I'm not in the mood, not right now.

No, no, no, no.
We're talking right now.

I'm not like those stupid rich kids
that work for you.
I have great abilities.

- Yeah, you're a great soccer player.

- And I have pitches for pawn shops.

Because I know
what it's like to pawn something.

Maybe you don't understand,
or how it feels, but I've said goodbye
to very valuable objects
in exchange for a few bucks.

Do you know how I felt
when I pawned off my father's watch?
No, but
- I felt like I had to bury him again.

- I know.

That's why, if a pawn shop told me
that it would take care of my things
as if they were theirs,
they would take care of them properly,
like their own family treasures,
then I would have confidence in them, hmm?
"We aren't a pawn shop.

We're your family.
"
Please, stop.

[clapping.]

This is exactly what I wanted.

- Hmm.

- Sorry, forgot my coat.

Looks like you, uh [chuckles.]

forgot your pants at home.

Oh!
Excuse me.

These creative people are laid back, Fer.

Very good.

Very good.
 Very good.
Yes!
[Leonor.]
If you don't take those masks
off right now, I will
I'll snap the thumbs
off your accomplices, Tomás!
Please, not my thumbs!
Diego?
[Silvia gasps.]

- [chuckles.]

- Hey.

- What the fuck.

- Well, look.

How do you like that one.

You were quick to blame my brother,
while your son and his buddies did it.

Sorry, I can't take
all the credit here alone.

I have to share it with the mastermind,
my man, Tommy the bad homie.

- [Tomás chuckles.]

- Oh, I called it.

He's turning you into a robber.

Nobody's stealing.

We're creating experiences, right, Tommy?
Experiences on how to be idiots
and somehow not die in the process?
The thing is Dieguito
and I partnered up to open a business.

We offer experiences to our clients
so they can feel the thrill
of what it's like to be a criminal.

We call it Vandal Experience!
- [Tomás.]
Exactly.

- The adrenaline rush is super awesome!
- No way.

- And you know, it's all fake, obviously.

Besides, we never steal anything.

We erase all the graffiti.

Except yours
because Silvia wouldn't let me.

- You were acting suspicious.

- It's true.
You didn't let me.

The fact is rich people love
to feel the adrenaline rush
without the consequences.

Hey, that's why you watch
all those drug dealer shows, right?
- Tommy, that slogan is perfect.

- Yeah.

Adrenaline rush, zero consequences.

- It's awesome
- Oh, no.

- For real!
- Adrenaline rush, zero consequences.

Hey, that's great, mastermind.

What, Mom?
Psst, Crista!
Psst!
- [gasps.]
No!
- [dog whimpers.]

Are you stupid? What's wrong with you?
No, Mom is sure
that the dog from the shelter is her Puky.

We can't give her with another Puky.

But this is the real Puky.

I found her under a car.

- We have to give her back to your mom.

- No, no, no, no, no.

[Puky growls.]

[gasps.]
I know! I have an idea.

What?
- No, thanks.
I'm on a diet.

- [sighs.]

I thought it was strange
you wanted to work with someone like me.

Hey, stop.
I said sorry.

I didn't think you'd be
as savvy as the rest of us.

But now I need you.

I need you on this account.

Don't butter me up.

I felt completely ashamed.

- I thought we were a team.

- Mm!
And we will be.
I'm serious.

[smacks lips.]

If you still want the job, it's yours.

Hmm.
On one condition.

I want a 20% raise, a car, a secretary,
and vouchers for food,
and from a quality store, though, Neto.

Ten percent.

And forget the rest of it.

- Can I work from home when I want to?
- That sounds perfect.

[chuckles.]

Just remember, Silvia mustn't know.

Can I have some?
- [knocking at door.]

- [Diego.]
Yes?
- What is it, Sil?
- Oh, shoot!
I really need to talk to you
'cause I don't understand
how you could do that.

You were working with th that riffraff
while helping me find him.
Why?
I wasn't helping you, actually.

I was helping Tommy.

Vandal Experience is 360.

We teach them how to steal
and also how to not get caught.

Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

Can you explain
what this was doing in your trash can?
Ha! [laughs.]
Caught you!
Record him.
Record him.

- [whistles.]

- But he's an ex-convict!
Mm-hm.
Like my four godfathers Javi, Kike,
Emilio, Chente, Charlie Boy and your dad.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Come on, Sil, you don't have to lie.

Dad already told me
that your dad went to prison for fraud,
and you were so poor
that you had to work at a call center.

Shh! Don't you ever bring that up again.

It was only for one month
because of my perfect English, okay?
So, please, I'm asking you,
nobody can know about it, Diego, okay?
Or about you business, either,
but please, Diego, don't you ever
say that out loud to me again.

Silvia, I'm busy.

[hesitates.]
You won't say anything, right?
[sighs.]

- Are you sure?
- Yeah, just throw it as far as you can.

[sighs.]

[Crista chuckles.]

[barking.]

You can't share my bed now, dumb bitch!
Whoo! [giggles.]

- [car door closes.]

- [barking.]

[engine starts.]

[Crista.]
Come on, let's go!
[groans.]
No, no, no.
 Stop it, Leo, stop!
- You said you wouldn't do anything wrong.

- Come on, I didn't.

I didn't do anything.

Nobody hires an ex-convict,
unless he's rich or a politician.

And Diego gave me
the opportunity to work with him.

And if you'd been caught,
it would've been you who went to jail.

Perhaps, but thanks to that gig,
I was able to make
some money to help you guys out.

So it was worth it to me.

Here.

- Yeah, but I don't want to lose you again.

- [sighs.]

Nobody can find out about that nonsense.

No.
It's called Vandal Experience.

Vandal Experience!
And I haven't forgotten.

What were you doing at Yola's?
- Hmm?
- [groans.]

[doorbell rings.]

- What's up?
- I brought you a gift.

Yeah, um, I don't think
I need to whiten under my armpits.

Um, no, it's for the, uh, face burn.

It fixes all types of blemishes.

And your mom might not see you,
but I do.

[chuckles.]

[sighs.]

Thanks a lot.

This is for Tommy.

It's his work equipment.

Tow, lock pick, cans of paint.

I'll get it to him.

How could you come up
with such bullshit, huh?
It was purposeful.

You know, I understand why you lied
about your fake grandmother,
so I could learn poor people suffer.

Hmm, actually,
it was to teach you empathy.

And I'm learning.

Thanks to Vandal Experience,
I now give 15% tips.

[chuckles.]

- [chuckles.]

- I shouldn't have lied.

[phone blips.]

[phone chimes.]

- Meeting in the yard.

- Meeting next door.

There's a meeting?
I never thought it would come to this,
but we have to talk.

Nobody can know what happened.

- [sighs.]
I agree with you.

- [dog whimpers.]

I spoke to Diego's friends,
and they won't say anything.

Thank God.

I deleted all the videos
from the security cameras.

Mm-hmm.

Do you realize that you two
are a lot more alike than you think?
You want to protect your family,
but you have to learn
the part that's most important.

- "Respect for others brings peace.
"
- Oh, my gosh.

You shouldn't meddle
in the affairs of us grownups, Janet?
- One more thing.

- [sighs.]

- Mm-hmm.

- I'm tired of fighting with you, Silvia.

I am too.

- That's good.

- Right?
- Yeah.

- [Puky growls.]

It would be best if you moved.

- What?
- What?
It'd be best to butt out of our business.

How can I butt out of your business when
- Hey?
- you're just so eccentric?
Someone said,
"Good fences make for good friends".

- We're not friends!
- We are not friends!
Okay,
rule number one,
get that donkey out of your yard.

Who keeps a donkey?
They're on the brink of extinction.

We're taking it to Donkeyland.

- That's real?
- It's done.

Stop shouting when you play tennis.

It sounds like you're killing a cat.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.
That is what it sounds like.

Stop playing cumbias on full blast.

Oh yeah? Stop ringing that church bell
at five o'clock in the morning.

- It's not a bell.
 It's a gong.

- That's true.

And if that's the case,
stop setting up
gaudy stalls in the street.

[Jani.]
What?
What is she supposed to do?
Want more?
It's done.

The first family to break one of the rules
gives up
their backyard to the other.
Okay?
- [gasps.]

- [chuckles nervously.]

[inhales sharply.]

Wait Oh, my God!
[barking.]

What a gross dog.
Whose is it?
Um, come here! Come, Shaggy!
Let's go home.
Come on! Come on, Shaggy!
Let's go, Shaggy.

Come on, Shaggy.
Come on, Shaggy.

["El Dinero No Es La Vida" by Rubén Blades
and Ximena Sariñana playing.]

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