The War Next-Door (2021) s01e06 Episode Script

The Cold War

Welcome to Paradise.

Forget luxury hotels, live with the locals
in exclusive spaces.

Have tasty Mexican food
from a Mexican chef.

Ride a donkey and explore the pleasant
and folkloric neighborhood.

Paint your face like a Mexican skull!
Enjoy spicy salsa classes
and beautiful serenades.

The Mexican Beverly Hills.

Near a large and beautiful church,
and close to the pyramids
and beautiful, wild nature.

Am I alive?
But I'm in Paradise!
Ever pay attention in Spanish class?
- Did you use Google Translate?
- Who knows better, you or Google?
Obviously, Google.

I don't like that Airbambi thing.

We're making enough money
for our bills with the tacos.

The police and gardeners order the most.

And the domestic workers,
even though they're always on a diet,
just like their bosses.

I don't know.
I agree with Pablito, yeah?
What if I get with an American woman?
That would be so cool.

Besides, they pay us in dollars.

I think Mom's right.
Airbnb gentrifies
cities and encourages poverty.

It's not as trashy as selling tacos,
especially since
we're doing it undercover.

- Where?
- See? It's like they're drugs.

Remember the agreement?
Do you want to lose our yard?
No, that's why we're whispering!
Be quiet.
No one can hear us.

Forget about ABC and the tacos, okay?
I have a job now.

I'm the creative editor
at Neto's agency.
I'm on top.

That's fine,
but fill these bags with hot peppers.

We're behind on a lot of these deliveries.

- Number Ten never fails.

- No, we have to do this!
Oh, holy shit.
Were we being too loud?
- It must be Rachel.

- Who?
Okay, okay, okay.

I did post our house on Airbnb.

That's the new tenant.

- Hmm?
- I don't know.

- Welcome, Rachel
- Rachel doesn't exist.

I made a fake profile.

And why did you do that?
Because I need a vacay urgently.

My mom is crazy.

- Which room?
- It's uh It's upstairs.

I'll I'll help you.

No! Silvia, what are you doing?
Do you wanna lose the yard!
No! I need to hit it!
I've had terrible luck
ever since I stopped playing it.

Police put a boot on my car.
 And you
You didn't answer your phone.

What the fuck?
Why is that over your mouth?
When we play tennis, we shout,
and we don't wanna lose the yard.

I don't care!
Do you know how hard it is
to pay a fine without giving a bribe?
No, you don't.

And my phone battery died!
The ATM was out of cash.

And my shoe is broken!
Even Puky is acting weird.

It's all that Uber driver's fault.

It's her fault.

There's no such thing as bad luck.

It's all in your head.

Did you know that
Buddha ignored those who were toxic?
When you're mindful, we can talk.

What's the saying?
"Better late than invited," right?
Do you always eat together?
You eat here without phones or iPads?
That's so weird.

Not all of us have phones
with big screens, you know.

- Oh, yeah, right.

- We wish though.

Don't talk with food in your mouth.

- Stop showing off in front of your friend.

- Stop it!
- Fucking show off.

- Watch that mouth.

- Okay!
- Ah!
Jani, stop playing with your food.

Let's calm down.

This lady has to tell us
why exactly she got this "hairnbee"
since she lives next door.

Okay, so, I'm looking to be independent.

I mean, Cata isn't going to make
my bed forever, you know.

I don't know how to even make a bed.

Like, there are two sheets,
one with elastic, one without.

What the F!
Yeah, um, it's very confusing
because they're both the same color.

- Exactly.

- But why stay with us?
Because everything here is super central
my gym, my yoga,
my Pilates, the driver.

You definitely chose the best option,
and here we have the best service.

What do you want for dinner?
You name it, and our authentic
Mexican cook will prepare it on the spot.

Thank you, so much, sir,
but I won't eat tonight.

I'm doing intermittent fasting.

I don't eat after seven.

- And your mom?
- She doesn't eat a bite till after 10 a.

- What?
- Huh? 10:00 a.
But I understand her completely.

At her age, it all goes to her hips.

No! No offense.

No, but I wonder
what your mom thinks about you being here.

She doesn't know.

Please, please, please! Don't tell her.

Or that I ate the enchiladas with bread.

Because this is all 500 calories.

She actually thinks I'm useless,
and that I can't survive on my own.

Obviously, I can.

I'm surviving right now.


Oh, sorry.
Did that sound strange?
Oh no, we get it.
We are what you said.

Of course.

She's a spy.
Independent my ass.

We all know
that rich kids live off their parents.


They inherit their businesses
and marry each other.

Leo, my love,
don't start with your conspiracy theories.

Remember when you said
that the chupacabra was invented on TV?
And then my aunt saw one
eat her goat in one sitting.

I don't care
if you don't believe me, family.

We are at war.

If we don't wise up, they're gonna win.

Like the Cold War
between Russia and the US.

They did everything secretly
so they wouldn't get caught.

Those tacos will be cold
if you don't pack them up.

I bet you anything Silvia sent her
to see if we're breaking the agreement
so she can take our yard.

We're breaking it by selling these tacos.

- But they don't know about it, my dear.

- Ah.

And like Jani said,
it's not about not breaking the rules,
it's about not getting caught.

- Hey, I agree with you, ey.

- Not me.

- What?
- So, if they sent us a spy, hmm?
Who will spy on them?
Uh Eh
- Tacos don't make themselves.

- I have a Cold War test.

- I have meetings with Ernesto.

- I have to go check on Rachel.

- Have to supervise Pablito with the "brb.
- Yes.

Okay, this looks good.


Hey, Puky, get off my bed.

Everything is light,
organic, gluten-free, and all that.

Oh, thanks a bunch.

- Is this all you brought here?
- Yes.
No, nothing.
I thought
you never ever wore the same outfit twice.

I don't! That'd be awful.

- I can go get you whatever you want.

- Seriously?

My white Guccis, my black Gucci trainers.

My white Gucci boots.

Um, and Oh! My Lululemon
athletic pants and jacket.

Mm, that dress, the red one.

But not the, um,
vermilion dress or the scarlet one
I want the red one.

I only wore it last Christmas.

That one.


Repeat after me.

Baruj hashem.
Fine, and you?
Up yours, dude.

No, no.
That means,
"Give thanks to God, fine.
And you?"
- Nah.

- I'm serious.
I'm serious.

Repeat after me.
Baruj hashem.

Baruj ajan.

No, no.

Like there's phlegm stuck in your throat.

- Rrrr.

- Rrrr.

Baruj hashem.

- Baruj ajan.

- Baruj hashem.

- Baruj ajan.

- No, "em.
" You want a job, yeah?
You have to keep repeating that
until you say it really well.

This account depends on it.

Hmm? Baruj hashem.

- Baruj ajan.

- Baruj hashem.

All right.

Yeah, sort of.
So now
Moisés Sucri?
Your new identity.

Here's everything
you have to learn about Moisés.

You are going to live,
and eat,
and shit,
as if you were Moisés.

Genaro no longer exists.

Now you are Moisés.

This client only does business with Jews.

Who are you?
- Sucri! Moisés Sucri.

- Good.
Very good.

Baruj ajan.
Baruj ajan.

Here's your hat, Moisés.

You can't remove this
to take a shower, dude.

Baruj hashem.

Goodbye, bad luck!
We must rid ourselves of the bad energy.

Yes, I'm releasing all my bad energy.


What the hell!
Diego, come here.
Don't interrupt him.

What is this?
Why are there herbs everywhere?
Because we need an urgent cleansing.

We can't continue like this.
No, no, no.

Martha Debayle recommended this shaman
on her website, and Martha is never wrong.

Oh, yes.

That's, eh chinchumalin
Eh, Cat, show him out
Thank you.

Tomorrow I'm gonna rub an egg
all over my body.

If it comes out clean,
my aura will be restored.

Do you have all you need?
Can I get you something else?
Take Puky away.
I'm done.

Get off, Puky.
Stop it.

Go! Go! Tss! Shoo!
Why does it always smell like tacos?
It makes me hungry.

D D Don't know.

But I have something
I can offer you.

Burn off what you eat with Tomás.

My uncle is the best instructor.

You can eat whatever and not feel guilty.

I want that.

But that smell.
What is it?
Oh, I'm gonna get caught!
Answer your phone before I get caught.

- Hurry!
- You? Where's my sister?
Eh Crista's living at our place.

She's independent now.

How cool!
I'm setting up a mega office in her room.

Pff! G Good for you.
Will you help me?
She asked me for her red dress.

Oof! That's hard.

She has a shitload of those.

The red one
that she wore on Christmas last year.

Those the right red?
Ah, do they teach you
all the hues of red at private school?
Hmm, no,
we learn that stuff by reading Vogue.

I'd help you,
but I need to see it to remember.

I've got a visual memory.

I won't remember unless I see it.

A curse and a blessing, you know.

This one?
Yes, I think that's the one, but, uh
Crista did a a little dance in it.

If you do that, I'll tell you.

- You pervert!
- Ooh.

She was trying to get you to tell her
about our taco business, of course.

Why don't we just give her one?
If we don't, she might die of hunger.

Get with it, my son.

That girl is also the enemy.

If she knows anything,
I'll make her talk while I coach her.

What's that?
- And You
- No way!
No, no, no! Don't you dare!
- What?
- I'll explain.

The important thing is
that Silvia lost it.

She's sure that she has bad luck
because she can't play her gong.

So she did a cleansing with an egg
to purify her aura.

I can't believe
those people are so gullible.

Eggs only work against the evil eye.

- I bet she has an amulet.

- That's true.

Like in the Cold War,
the Russians and the US
wanted different things,
that's why they were always clashing.

Well said, Jani.
We have to act fast,
before Blondie Junior
discovers our taco business.

- Do you have eggs?
- I have ovaries.
They're the same thing.

You betcha! That's my girl.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Great! We won this war.

Tere: Egg mission accomplished.

Do we have condoms?
If God wants us
to get pregnant, it's His decision.

- Hey, what's up with you?
- Hmm?
Why do you sound like you're choking?
Ah, Ernesto told me
there's a client who only deals with Jews.

So, I'm not Genaro.
Now I'm Moisés Sucri.

Shabbat rrrr shalom.

I don't think that's right, babe.

But I think
Ernesto is setting you up to fail,
to have an excuse to fire you,
so his crazy wife
doesn't find out he hired you.

That's not true, sweetheart.
He's my bud.

You think so?
Ernesto's the enemy too.

Who sends his buddy to make more kids
when he can't support the ones he has?
Besides, I've driven Jews in my Uber.

They've done business with me.

I'm just nervous he's pulling your leg.

I mean, your locks.

Your locks! That was good.

It was good.
Laugh at my joke.

Come on, honey.

Are you gonna use
the whole carton of eggs, ma'am?
Should I buy some more?
Take your bad vibes somewhere else, Cat.



- Let's see.

- Yeah.

No! My good luck!
- They stole all my good luck!
- No, ma'am!
You'll lose your yard!
The donkey will eat all your flowers!
No! I need that agreement to be over.

This is because of her!
Thanks to Leonor,
I realized you're not my friend.

Wait a minute.

You like Love Without Masks?
It's my favorite soap opera.

- Yeah?
- Yes.

- You're serious.

- Yes!
Tell me, who the hell
does Sebastián Romero think he is?
I don't know.
How could he switch
Mariana Fernanda for Memo?
I think he's just using him, right?
Wow! It's great that you're a true fan.

Finally, I can comment
on my soap opera without being judged.

I told you there's no other woman.

Why aren't I enough for you,
Sebastián Romero?
Why aren't I enough for you,
Ernesto Espinoza de los Montero?
- What?
- What?
How can you say that?
How can you say that, Genaro López?
- You're trying to change me.

- You're trying to change me.

- Why can't you accept me
- Why can't you accept me as I am?
- I am not Moisés.

- I am Mariana Fernanda
I am Genaro,
and that should be enough for you.

- That's not the way things are.
It's not.

- The problem is the world
The problem is the client.

Sometimes people can't see
beyond their own noses.

That's why we have to wear masks
for them to like us, like Moisés.

No more masks
We have to be prepared
when opportunity knocks at the door.



Sorry about yesterday.

- You caught me off guard.

- Hmm.

But Crista sent me to get her lingerie
but I don't which one.

Will you help me with it?
Give me more.
Harder! Machine gun.

Oh no!
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Oh, what is this? I wanna see more energy.

Move faster.
Move faster.
You can do it.

Well, that's what I'm talking about.

- You want to eat a taco?
- Yes!
- Very bad! Just because of that
- start again!
I will not eat that taco.

But I only want one taco.

But it's not worth it.

- Why not?
- My body's a temple.

- I can't hear you!
- My body is a temple.

- Exactly.
- Oh God.

That's it!
- Are you okay?
- Very nice.


Oof! Oof! Oof.

- Dude, that was too far.

- What?
Girls like Crista go to the gym
for two reasons,
to take selfies or flirt.

You gave her a prison workout.

Okay, relax!
I'm gonna get Crista nice and curvy.

Trust me.
You'll see.

Imagination is the greatest aphrodisiac.

This is what I like.

Men dressed as women
and women dressed as men.

Is that wrong of me?
No, no, no.
Of course not,
but is the makeup necessary?

I like it like that.

and you're going to love it.

You'll see.

Which one do you want me
to try on first, this one or this one?

I'll try this for you,
and you do this for me.

You've been pestering her nonstop.

Offering accommodations
and offering exercise and food.

That's the least she deserves.

Hey, I took her away from her bubble,
and because of me, she realizes
that Silvia loves Puky more than her.

- Oh, yes
- She's probably suicidal.

- She said that to you?
- Uh, no.

But a lot of famous people commit suicide
in hotels instead of their houses.

That's right.

All right, Pablito,
I'm gonna tell you a story.

When I was in jail,
I had this buddy, Mike.

One day I treated him
to pork tostadas, and he got so sick.

That night Mike had an appointment
that was very important with the boss.

But obviously, he couldn't go
because of his poor condition.

So I had to go in his place.

Well, I went to the meeting.

Once you're there,
you go with the flow, yeah.

One thing leads to another,
and another, and another
And And what
what I meant to say, Pablito
You gotta solve things on your own.

- Yes.

- Yes? Yes.

And many of those things
are only up here, in your head.

It's boiling in here.

Hi Abraham, my brother.

How are you? May I present Moisés Sucri.

Shalom, Moisés.
How are you?
Baruj hashem.
How are you?
Baruj hashem.

Thanks for coming here on a Sunday.

This is the only place
where one can do business
with no pretensions and be natural
no masks.

I'm ready.

- Ready?
- Yes, yes, yes.

- This is for Rich Kids Twitter profile.

- What? Wait! Please! What are you doing?
You don't look much like Crista,
but don't worry,
you look just like your mom.

I don't look like Silvia!
Mini Silvia.

Say, "This is all because of Leonor.
What? Silvia isn't my mom.

I am truly surprised.

Thirty years selling uniforms
and I'd never considered comfort.

I think what goyim workers
want most is comfort.

- Yeah.

- To feel pasha all day.

Not to get shpilkes in their tuchus.

The account is yours.

Don't worry, friend.

I'll get that for you.

Oy vey.

You aren't Jewish.

Diego, open up.

I wasn't going to post it.

It was just a joke.

I didn't know that Silvia isn't your mom.

My mom died
during my baptism.
I never met her.

The tree in our yard is named Beatriz.

Her ashes are there.

That's why
Dad doesn't want to lose the yard.

- I'm sorry, Diego.
I swear I had no idea.

- Just go away.

Don't be so dramatic, donkey.

- Huh? Come here.
Come here.
Come here.

- I'm not sure this will work, ma'am.

Cat, do what I said.

Right there.

Nom, nom.
Yummy, yummy.

More, Cata.
That's it.

Got it, ma'am.

Okay, right.
Now you're gonna hide.

As soon as
this wild animal crosses to our side,
take a photo for everyone to see
that it came here to shit in our yard.

That Uber driver will lose
and then I can ring my gong
once again.

Hold on.

That's impossible.

Are you sure you counted right?
- One, two, three, four, five, six, seven
- Like, 15 times.

I know exactly where it went.

- Yes?
- Diego!
- What's going on?
- The Lópezes kidnapped Crista.

- No, Sil, they didn't.
They wouldn't.

- Please, let's rescue her.

- What's on your face? Makeup?
- No! What?
No! No way, Sil.
What's wrong with you?
- No way.

- Okay.
Get dressed.

Get dressed.
We have to rescue her!
- We don't have much time.

- Okay.

I like you better here as Shaggy.

You're more obedient.

- Yeah.

- Where did you get that basket?
There's a room full of them.

I can't believe you caught us.

This is the best surprise ever.

I can't believe you bought
all these tacos just for my stay here.

Also, like, even though you guys are poor,
you're way better than my family.

You're nice than my mom.

I'm not important to her.


Excuse me, Shaggy.

Darling, even I make mistakes.

Your mom isn't a witch, not all the time.

You might think that she's a monster,
you're not important, she's the worst,
but this is because we have to
teach our kids, even if they hate us.

That's why
we're constantly nagging you guys.

I don't care what you say.

They drugged her or something like that.

Ew! No, no, no.
This is another level.

They're addicted to lactose.

And they put ice cream in the fridge.

Why? Hold on.

Potatoes and sausage, rice.

Beans, hot sauce.
I'm gonna puke.

What do they use containers for?
You mean, Pablo, Tere,
and the other one, all hate you?
Well, it's not like
they truly really hate me.

Although Jani did hate me because she
didn't want to have her First Communion.

And Pablito, because we circumcised him
when he was ten.

And Tere? No  Tere Oh gosh
She was mad I worked
with your brother on his app.

Abraham didn't care that I wasn't Jewish,
but that we lied to him.

It was my fault.

Listen, I'm sorry about the towel,
but it's not right to pretend
to be something we're not.

You're great how you are, Neto.

You hired me
despite the battle between our wives,
and that's was awesome.

Thank you, "Genie.
- Ah!
- Shh!
I told you!
They obviously haven't been to Vegas.

Oh, no!
This is terrible.

- No way! It looks like Puky.

- Ew!
Yeah, except disgusting.

Shoo! Shoo, shoo, shoo!
- Shh!
- I swear we're in hell.

We mothers want what's best for our kids
even if we make some mistakes.

We're not perfect.

Your mom surely has her virtues.

You just have to look for them very hard.

But you'll find it.

She's skinny just like you.

With her blond hair, no split ends.

She cares for herself.

She takes care of you.

- She counts your calories.

- Mm-hmm.

A good mother is concerned
about her children's health.

What I know for sure
is that she'd risk
everything for you, my love.


No, but I'm serious.
You're right.

Nothing and nobody is worth our dignity,
not even a 20-million campaign.
I mean
- Twenty million?
- Mm-hmm.

For that kind of money,
I'd get circumcised.

With some scissors.

This is hilarious.
 It's little Tere.
Did you see this?
Oh, no, wait.
But I
- Shh!
- We have to get Crista!
- What are you doing here?
- Mom? You're here!
You breached our agreement.

Set my daughter free,
or I'll have to call the police.

- Crista wasn't kidnapped.

- Hey, who screamed?
Because they kidnapped Crista, Ernesto.

- She said so herself.
We didn't.

- I was kidnapped by no one!
By the way, I've been here two days.

- And you didn't notice.

- Of course I did.

I was just designing
a strategy to rescue you.

I didn't need rescuing.

I chose to be here.

I like it.

- It's Stockholm syndrome.

- What is that? Is it contagious?
- No.
- Guys, shut up.

Listen, the Lópezes
are awesome.

They actually care.

Oh, my love, no, you don't know
what you're saying, I promise.

These people are, uh
Just come home and talk, okay?
These people will beat your ass.

These people
- Wait.

- treat me well.

They even bought me
a basket full of tacos.

To make your face break out,
darling, and to kill you socially!
That's not why.
Because she was sad.

Don't you know
a full belly equals a full heart?
I'm sick of you not seeing me.

You're always saying Dieguito comes first.

Hey, it's not his fault,
he doesn't have a mom.
He's suffering.

- What? Huh?
- That's not his mom?
Is this a soap opera or what?
He suffers and he's white
so he can get away with anything,
like Diego Luna?
Well, this Diego
has two moms,
one dead and one alive.

I don't even have one, not at all.

Um, mm-hmm
Well, López family,
the Espinozas came in uninvited,
that means we won the yard.

- Yes!
- Let's go.

- Yes.

- Mm-hmm.

But this conversation is getting good.

Let's stay and see the rest.

Yes, let's go, family, please.
Let's go.

- Sure
- Aw.
All right, Mom.
Let's get going.

Let's go, Diego.

Let's go, Diego.

My love.

I had no idea you felt that way.

Of course, I don't care more
about Diego than about you.

It's just that
he's a lot weaker, you know?
But you're the most important
thing to me.
It's the truth.

When I saw you here with that donkey,
I broke the agreement.

I came to rescue you.

You are the most important.

For you, I'm capable of risking it all.

My yard, my manicure.

Even my American Express.


I love you so much.


- Rachel wrote us a review.

- Huh?
The López Family Airbnb
is more than a place to stay.

I mean, it's therapeutic,
with baskets full of tacos.

The best part? The administrator.

- Pablo López.

- Ay!
- He's a great guy.

- Hey!
- Ah!
- What did I tell you?
Sometimes things are only in your head.

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