Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! (2007) s05e09 Episode Script
Greene Machine
1
[ BEEP! ]
[ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
Eric: HEY, TIM.
[ GROANING ]
LISTEN, MAN, I CUT MY HANDS
REALLY BAD.
CAN I BORROW SOME OF YOUR GAUZE?
Tim: HELP YOURSELF.
Eric: THANKS.
[ GROANS ]
[ SQUIRT! ]
[ GROANS ]
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?
Tim: WELL, I'M MAKING SOME
CARAMEL POPCORN FOR MY VERY OWN
TAIRY GREENE FILM FESTIVAL.
Eric: THERE'S NO MOVIE
THEATER HERE.
WHERE'S THE PROJECTOR AND ALL
THE FILMS?
Tim: ERIC, I DON'T NEED ANY
OF THAT STUFF ANYMORE, BECAUSE
I'VE GOT THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE.
[ GRUNTS ]
HERE WE GO.
Eric: THAT THING LOOKS REALLY
COOL, TIM.
Tim: THE TAIRY GREENE MACHINE
CONTAINS EVERY MOVIE, TV SHOW,
AND PUBLIC APPEARANCE THA
TAIRY GREENE EVER MADE.
Eric: NICE.
Tim: BULL'S-EYE.
Eric: THAT THING LOOKS
EXTREMELY COMPLICATED.
I MEAN, I CAN'T EVEN OPERATE MY
VCR AT HOME IN MY "CON-DO."
Tim: ERIC, THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE IS SO EASY TO USE, EVEN
YOU CAN USE IT.
Eric: NICE.
Tim: YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE
HEAD.
Eric: ALSO LOOKS LIKE I
REQUIRES TONS OF ELECTRICITY.
Tim: THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE
COMPLETELY WRONG, ERIC.
THE TAIRY GREENE MACHINE
OPERATES WITH GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED AMERICAN TAP
WATER.
Eric: NICE.
Tim: BULL'S-EYE.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS.
Eric: RIGHT.
Tim: WHAT I'M GONNA DO IS
TAKE THIS HOSE.
AND WHY DON'T YOU GO TURN THE
WATER ON?
Eric: OKAY, IT'S ON.
Tim: JUST CONNECT THIS HOSE
RIGHT UP THERE TO THE
CINCO-APPROVED FAUCET.
Eric: DOES IT FIT ON HERE?
Tim: YEAH, THAT SHOULD --
SHOULD FIT FINE.
Eric: YOU'RE NOT -- COME ON!
LET ME TRY IT.
ALL RIGHT, WE GOT IT?
WHAT'S THE NEXT STEP?
Tim: ALL RIGHT, WELL, WE'RE
GONNA NEED TO GET THA
TEMPERATURE TO 75 DEGREES
EXACTLY, OR THIS BOY WON'T TURN
ON, SO WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A
LITTLE HEAT?
THAT'S TOO MUCH -- WAY, WAY TOO
MUCH.
Eric: IT'S ALL THE WAY ON
HOT.
Tim: LOSE THE HEAT.
IT'S AT 100 DEGREES. ADD COOL.
Eric: HOT OR COLD?!
Tim: HOT, HOT, HOT!
OKAY, TAKE IT OFF. YOU'RE GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, NO, DON'T DO NOTHING.
[ DING! ]
THAT'S IT.
BULL'S-EYE.
Eric: THERE IT IS!
Tim: BULL'S-EYE.
Eric: NICE.
Tim: WE'RE READY TO WATCH ONE
OF TAIRY'S FINESTFILMS.
Eric: ENJOY THE MOVIE.
STEP, BALL, CHANGE.
STEP, BALL, CHANGE.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION!
STEP, BALL, CHANGE.
STEP, BALL, CHANGE.
STEP, BALL, CHANGE!
DENISE! DENISE!
THANK YOU!
YOU MAKE ME WANT TO DO COCAINE
OFF A VERTICAL MIRROR!
HIS MOVES COULD IGNITE HIS
STUDENTS TO BE THE BEST THEY
COULD BE.
YOU UNDERSTAND HOW SICK WE
ARE OF YOU?!
AS YOU KNOW, I KEEP ALL MY CASH
IN GOLD, SO
[ CRYING ]
THEY SAID HE'D NEVER DANCE
AGAIN.
7:30?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TRY TO
DANCE AGAIN?
BECAUSE IT'S NOT WHO I AM
ANYMO-O-O-O-RE!
WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
BOO-HOO-HOO!
I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I KNOW WHO
I AM ANYMORE.
[ WAILS ]
BUT SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE TO
REACH THE BOTTOM BEFORE YOU CAN
START OVER AND CLIMB BACK TO
THE TOP.
OHH!
DADDY?
UH, NO, TAIRY.
I'M THE GHOST OF LEVAR BURTON.
[ CRYING ]
AND I'M HERE TO GET YOU BACK
ON YOUR FEET AND DANCING AGAIN.
COME ON, BIG GUY.
[ CRYING ]
TAIRY GREENE IN A COMMAND
PERFORMANCE, FEATURING
LEVAR BURTON FROM
"THE STAR TREK" AS HIMSELF.
MM-HMM.
1, AND 2, AND 3.
AWESOME!
HEY, CAROL, LOOK AT ME!
CAROL! LOOK!
[ GIGGLING ]
I'M SOARING LIKE AN EAGLES!
SOMETHING WONDERFUL IS HAPPENING
TO ME.
[ CRYING ]
THE CRITICS RAVE
MAYBE THE ONLY GIFT WE HAVE
IS THE CHANCE TO START AGAIN.
[ WAILING ]
[ WAILING CONTINUES ]
[ COUGHING ]
[ WAILS ]
[ BOTH LAUGHING ]
I LIKE MOVIES, BUT WHAT I
REALLY LOVE ARE ALL THE SPECIAL
FEATURES THAT COME WITH THE DVD
OR VIDEO-CASSETTE BOX SET.
Eric: FOR INSTANCE, THE MUSIC
VIDEO FROM THE MOVIE
"TINY DANCING MAN."
Tim: HEY, GUYS, WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM ME?
YOU'RE GETTING ALL THESE AMAZING
MOVIES FOR FREE.
THE SPECIAL FEATURES -- THEY'RE
A LITTLE BIT EXTRA.
Eric: LIKE $9.99?
$29.99?
Tim: NOPE, ONLY TWO TAIRY
TOKENS.
[ CREAK! CREAK! ]
Eric: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LO
OF FUN.
CAN I TRY?
Tim: BE MY GUEST.
Eric: COME ON, GUYS.
LET'S WATCH.
[ MACHINE WHINING, BUBBLING ]
TINY, LITTLE DANCING MAN
SPREAD YOUR LEGS
AND DANCE AGAIN
THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE
TO FEAR IS FEAR IT
[ BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! ]
SELF
CAROL! LOOK!
NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO RISE AGAIN
[ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
Tim: I JUST THINK HE'S SUCH A
GOOD ACTOR.
YOU WANT SOME MORE POPCORN?
NO, THANK YOU.
Tim: ERIC?
Eric: YES, PLEASE.
Tim: YEAH.
[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU THREE
DOING IN HERE?
Both: WE'RE HAVING A
TAIRY GREENE FILM FESTIVAL.
OH, I DON'T LIKE HIS MOVIES.
I DO LIKE THE ONE MOVIE,
"LITTLE DANSON MAN."
WE JUST WATCHED THAT ONE.
NO, NOT THA
"LITTLE DANCING MAN."
I'M TALKING ABOUT THA
"LITTLE DANSON MAN."
Tim: WELL, IF IT'S GO
ANYTHING TO DO WITH TAIRY GREENE
THEN
All: IT'S GOTTA BE IN THE
MACHINE!
Eric: YOU KNOW WHAT, TIM?
LET ME LOOK IT UP IN THE
TAIRY GREENE MEDIA DIRECTORY.
OH [BLEEP] IT!
DOWN A LITTLE BIT.
Tim: ANYTHING?
Eric: UH, TIM, I FOUND IT!
"LITTLE DANSON MAN," NUMBER
9-879-358-4.
Tim: HERE WE GO.
I HOPE I ENJOY THE SHOW.
[ APPLAUSE ]
[ MACHINE WHINING ]
I DON'T HAVE ANY SANDALS!
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
WEAR TURKEYS ON MY FEET?
HE WAS THE GREATEST ACTOR
OF HIS GENERATION.
I'VE STARTED TO DIVERSIFY
MY PORTFOLIO.
[ SCREECH! THUD! ]
I'M OKAY.
I'M -- I'M ALL RIGHT.
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
BUT IN AN INSTANT, IT WAS ALL
GONE.
HOW SMALL ARE YOU, TEDDY?
GIVE IT TO ME IN INCHES.
MAYBE 6 INCHES?
WHAT?!
THAT'S PERFECT! PERFECT!!
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY WE'RE
GONNA MAKE ON MOVIES AND RECORDS
AND TV SHOWS FEATURING
TINY TED DANSON?
OH, I'M GETTING THE
CHILLY-WILLIES JUST THINKING
ABOUT IT!
[ LAUGHS ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
YEAH, IT IS PRETTY FUNNY.
HA, I GUESS.
GEEZ, LOU, I DON'T THINK I'M
GONNA BE ABLE TO GET TO MAKE
LOVE TO A WOMAN AGAIN.
WELL, I'LL SHRINK A WOMAN
DOWN FOR YOU.
HOW AM I GONNA BALANCE MY
CHECKBOOK?
GET YOU A TINY CHECKING
ACCOUNT.
WHAT IF I GET BITTEN BY A
BEE?
GET YOU SOME TINY ALLERGY
SPRAY.
HOW AM I GONNA PLAY SPORTS?
GET YOU A TINY FOOTBALL.
HOW WILL I HAVE LUNCH?
GET YOU A TINY PANINI.
WHAT IF I HAVE TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM?
HOW AM I GONNA WIPE MY BUTT?
WE'LL GET YOU SOME TINY
TOILET PAPER.
WHAT?
YEAH, DON'T WORRY.
I GOT IT ALL --
WHERE'S MY QUARTER?
WHERE'S MY QUARTER?!
FEATURING THE HIT SONG
[ INTRO TO "LITTLE DANSON MAN"
PLAYS ]
LITTLE DANSON MAN
YOU WERE SO TALL
BUT NOW YOU'RE SMALL
I GUESS.
YOU COULD BE MAKING
MILLIONS, DANSON
SINGING AND DANCING ON THE
SCREEN
I CAN'T FIND MY K--
OOH-OOH-OOH
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ MUNCHING ]
THESE ARE SOME HUGE DONUTS.
[BLEEP]
UGH!
[ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]
Tim: SO?
WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?
ME LOVE THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE.
Eric: YOU KNOW WHAT, TIM?
I'M SOLD.
ANY FAMILY THAT LOVES THE
TAIRY GREENE MOVIES WILL LOVE
THIS TAIRY GREENE MACHINE.
Tim: I'M GLAD YOU SAID IT,
NOT ME THIS TIME.
Eric: [ LAUGHS ]
THE TAIRY GREENE MACHINE'S
EVEN BIGGER THAN I AM.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE THIS
MACHINE, BUT I JUST HAVE ONE
QUESTION -- THE WATER THAT GOES
IN HERE, WHERE DOES IT ALL GO?
Tim: I'LL SHOW YOU.
[ STRAINING ]
THAT'S WHAT ALL THESE LITTLE
MOPS ARE FOR.
[ CHUCKLES ]
COME ON, YOU GUYS.
I NEED THIS FLOOR SPIC-AND-SPAN.
Eric: I'LL HELP.
Tim: YOU DON'T JUST -- DON'
JUST SWIRL IT AROUND.
Eric: I GOT UP HERE.
Tim: LET THE MOP SOAK IT UP.
YOU JUST --
IT'S GOTTA BE IN THE MACHINE.
Both: IT'S THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE.
Eric: THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE.
Tim: IT'S THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE.
Eric: [ GRUNTS ]
Tim: OKAY, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
Eric: OW.
Tim: ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
WAKE UP.
HE'S LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD.
LET'S GET SOMEBODY IN HERE.
MY FRIEND NEEDS HELP!
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
WHO AM I?
Tim: NO, HE'S DONE.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS CLEAR OUT?
LET'S GIVE HIM SOME PEACE.
[ SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! ]
YOU WERE THE BEST.
AHH
AHH
AHH
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
[ BEEP! ]
[ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
Eric: HEY, TIM.
[ GROANING ]
LISTEN, MAN, I CUT MY HANDS
REALLY BAD.
CAN I BORROW SOME OF YOUR GAUZE?
Tim: HELP YOURSELF.
Eric: THANKS.
[ GROANS ]
[ SQUIRT! ]
[ GROANS ]
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?
Tim: WELL, I'M MAKING SOME
CARAMEL POPCORN FOR MY VERY OWN
TAIRY GREENE FILM FESTIVAL.
Eric: THERE'S NO MOVIE
THEATER HERE.
WHERE'S THE PROJECTOR AND ALL
THE FILMS?
Tim: ERIC, I DON'T NEED ANY
OF THAT STUFF ANYMORE, BECAUSE
I'VE GOT THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE.
[ GRUNTS ]
HERE WE GO.
Eric: THAT THING LOOKS REALLY
COOL, TIM.
Tim: THE TAIRY GREENE MACHINE
CONTAINS EVERY MOVIE, TV SHOW,
AND PUBLIC APPEARANCE THA
TAIRY GREENE EVER MADE.
Eric: NICE.
Tim: BULL'S-EYE.
Eric: THAT THING LOOKS
EXTREMELY COMPLICATED.
I MEAN, I CAN'T EVEN OPERATE MY
VCR AT HOME IN MY "CON-DO."
Tim: ERIC, THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE IS SO EASY TO USE, EVEN
YOU CAN USE IT.
Eric: NICE.
Tim: YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE
HEAD.
Eric: ALSO LOOKS LIKE I
REQUIRES TONS OF ELECTRICITY.
Tim: THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE
COMPLETELY WRONG, ERIC.
THE TAIRY GREENE MACHINE
OPERATES WITH GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED AMERICAN TAP
WATER.
Eric: NICE.
Tim: BULL'S-EYE.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS.
Eric: RIGHT.
Tim: WHAT I'M GONNA DO IS
TAKE THIS HOSE.
AND WHY DON'T YOU GO TURN THE
WATER ON?
Eric: OKAY, IT'S ON.
Tim: JUST CONNECT THIS HOSE
RIGHT UP THERE TO THE
CINCO-APPROVED FAUCET.
Eric: DOES IT FIT ON HERE?
Tim: YEAH, THAT SHOULD --
SHOULD FIT FINE.
Eric: YOU'RE NOT -- COME ON!
LET ME TRY IT.
ALL RIGHT, WE GOT IT?
WHAT'S THE NEXT STEP?
Tim: ALL RIGHT, WELL, WE'RE
GONNA NEED TO GET THA
TEMPERATURE TO 75 DEGREES
EXACTLY, OR THIS BOY WON'T TURN
ON, SO WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A
LITTLE HEAT?
THAT'S TOO MUCH -- WAY, WAY TOO
MUCH.
Eric: IT'S ALL THE WAY ON
HOT.
Tim: LOSE THE HEAT.
IT'S AT 100 DEGREES. ADD COOL.
Eric: HOT OR COLD?!
Tim: HOT, HOT, HOT!
OKAY, TAKE IT OFF. YOU'RE GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, NO, DON'T DO NOTHING.
[ DING! ]
THAT'S IT.
BULL'S-EYE.
Eric: THERE IT IS!
Tim: BULL'S-EYE.
Eric: NICE.
Tim: WE'RE READY TO WATCH ONE
OF TAIRY'S FINESTFILMS.
Eric: ENJOY THE MOVIE.
STEP, BALL, CHANGE.
STEP, BALL, CHANGE.
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION!
STEP, BALL, CHANGE.
STEP, BALL, CHANGE.
STEP, BALL, CHANGE!
DENISE! DENISE!
THANK YOU!
YOU MAKE ME WANT TO DO COCAINE
OFF A VERTICAL MIRROR!
HIS MOVES COULD IGNITE HIS
STUDENTS TO BE THE BEST THEY
COULD BE.
YOU UNDERSTAND HOW SICK WE
ARE OF YOU?!
AS YOU KNOW, I KEEP ALL MY CASH
IN GOLD, SO
[ CRYING ]
THEY SAID HE'D NEVER DANCE
AGAIN.
7:30?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TRY TO
DANCE AGAIN?
BECAUSE IT'S NOT WHO I AM
ANYMO-O-O-O-RE!
WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
BOO-HOO-HOO!
I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I KNOW WHO
I AM ANYMORE.
[ WAILS ]
BUT SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE TO
REACH THE BOTTOM BEFORE YOU CAN
START OVER AND CLIMB BACK TO
THE TOP.
OHH!
DADDY?
UH, NO, TAIRY.
I'M THE GHOST OF LEVAR BURTON.
[ CRYING ]
AND I'M HERE TO GET YOU BACK
ON YOUR FEET AND DANCING AGAIN.
COME ON, BIG GUY.
[ CRYING ]
TAIRY GREENE IN A COMMAND
PERFORMANCE, FEATURING
LEVAR BURTON FROM
"THE STAR TREK" AS HIMSELF.
MM-HMM.
1, AND 2, AND 3.
AWESOME!
HEY, CAROL, LOOK AT ME!
CAROL! LOOK!
[ GIGGLING ]
I'M SOARING LIKE AN EAGLES!
SOMETHING WONDERFUL IS HAPPENING
TO ME.
[ CRYING ]
THE CRITICS RAVE
MAYBE THE ONLY GIFT WE HAVE
IS THE CHANCE TO START AGAIN.
[ WAILING ]
[ WAILING CONTINUES ]
[ COUGHING ]
[ WAILS ]
[ BOTH LAUGHING ]
I LIKE MOVIES, BUT WHAT I
REALLY LOVE ARE ALL THE SPECIAL
FEATURES THAT COME WITH THE DVD
OR VIDEO-CASSETTE BOX SET.
Eric: FOR INSTANCE, THE MUSIC
VIDEO FROM THE MOVIE
"TINY DANCING MAN."
Tim: HEY, GUYS, WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM ME?
YOU'RE GETTING ALL THESE AMAZING
MOVIES FOR FREE.
THE SPECIAL FEATURES -- THEY'RE
A LITTLE BIT EXTRA.
Eric: LIKE $9.99?
$29.99?
Tim: NOPE, ONLY TWO TAIRY
TOKENS.
[ CREAK! CREAK! ]
Eric: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LO
OF FUN.
CAN I TRY?
Tim: BE MY GUEST.
Eric: COME ON, GUYS.
LET'S WATCH.
[ MACHINE WHINING, BUBBLING ]
TINY, LITTLE DANCING MAN
SPREAD YOUR LEGS
AND DANCE AGAIN
THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE
TO FEAR IS FEAR IT
[ BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! ]
SELF
CAROL! LOOK!
NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO RISE AGAIN
[ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
Tim: I JUST THINK HE'S SUCH A
GOOD ACTOR.
YOU WANT SOME MORE POPCORN?
NO, THANK YOU.
Tim: ERIC?
Eric: YES, PLEASE.
Tim: YEAH.
[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU THREE
DOING IN HERE?
Both: WE'RE HAVING A
TAIRY GREENE FILM FESTIVAL.
OH, I DON'T LIKE HIS MOVIES.
I DO LIKE THE ONE MOVIE,
"LITTLE DANSON MAN."
WE JUST WATCHED THAT ONE.
NO, NOT THA
"LITTLE DANCING MAN."
I'M TALKING ABOUT THA
"LITTLE DANSON MAN."
Tim: WELL, IF IT'S GO
ANYTHING TO DO WITH TAIRY GREENE
THEN
All: IT'S GOTTA BE IN THE
MACHINE!
Eric: YOU KNOW WHAT, TIM?
LET ME LOOK IT UP IN THE
TAIRY GREENE MEDIA DIRECTORY.
OH [BLEEP] IT!
DOWN A LITTLE BIT.
Tim: ANYTHING?
Eric: UH, TIM, I FOUND IT!
"LITTLE DANSON MAN," NUMBER
9-879-358-4.
Tim: HERE WE GO.
I HOPE I ENJOY THE SHOW.
[ APPLAUSE ]
[ MACHINE WHINING ]
I DON'T HAVE ANY SANDALS!
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
WEAR TURKEYS ON MY FEET?
HE WAS THE GREATEST ACTOR
OF HIS GENERATION.
I'VE STARTED TO DIVERSIFY
MY PORTFOLIO.
[ SCREECH! THUD! ]
I'M OKAY.
I'M -- I'M ALL RIGHT.
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
BUT IN AN INSTANT, IT WAS ALL
GONE.
HOW SMALL ARE YOU, TEDDY?
GIVE IT TO ME IN INCHES.
MAYBE 6 INCHES?
WHAT?!
THAT'S PERFECT! PERFECT!!
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY WE'RE
GONNA MAKE ON MOVIES AND RECORDS
AND TV SHOWS FEATURING
TINY TED DANSON?
OH, I'M GETTING THE
CHILLY-WILLIES JUST THINKING
ABOUT IT!
[ LAUGHS ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
YEAH, IT IS PRETTY FUNNY.
HA, I GUESS.
GEEZ, LOU, I DON'T THINK I'M
GONNA BE ABLE TO GET TO MAKE
LOVE TO A WOMAN AGAIN.
WELL, I'LL SHRINK A WOMAN
DOWN FOR YOU.
HOW AM I GONNA BALANCE MY
CHECKBOOK?
GET YOU A TINY CHECKING
ACCOUNT.
WHAT IF I GET BITTEN BY A
BEE?
GET YOU SOME TINY ALLERGY
SPRAY.
HOW AM I GONNA PLAY SPORTS?
GET YOU A TINY FOOTBALL.
HOW WILL I HAVE LUNCH?
GET YOU A TINY PANINI.
WHAT IF I HAVE TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM?
HOW AM I GONNA WIPE MY BUTT?
WE'LL GET YOU SOME TINY
TOILET PAPER.
WHAT?
YEAH, DON'T WORRY.
I GOT IT ALL --
WHERE'S MY QUARTER?
WHERE'S MY QUARTER?!
FEATURING THE HIT SONG
[ INTRO TO "LITTLE DANSON MAN"
PLAYS ]
LITTLE DANSON MAN
YOU WERE SO TALL
BUT NOW YOU'RE SMALL
I GUESS.
YOU COULD BE MAKING
MILLIONS, DANSON
SINGING AND DANCING ON THE
SCREEN
I CAN'T FIND MY K--
OOH-OOH-OOH
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ MUNCHING ]
THESE ARE SOME HUGE DONUTS.
[BLEEP]
UGH!
[ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]
Tim: SO?
WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?
ME LOVE THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE.
Eric: YOU KNOW WHAT, TIM?
I'M SOLD.
ANY FAMILY THAT LOVES THE
TAIRY GREENE MOVIES WILL LOVE
THIS TAIRY GREENE MACHINE.
Tim: I'M GLAD YOU SAID IT,
NOT ME THIS TIME.
Eric: [ LAUGHS ]
THE TAIRY GREENE MACHINE'S
EVEN BIGGER THAN I AM.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE THIS
MACHINE, BUT I JUST HAVE ONE
QUESTION -- THE WATER THAT GOES
IN HERE, WHERE DOES IT ALL GO?
Tim: I'LL SHOW YOU.
[ STRAINING ]
THAT'S WHAT ALL THESE LITTLE
MOPS ARE FOR.
[ CHUCKLES ]
COME ON, YOU GUYS.
I NEED THIS FLOOR SPIC-AND-SPAN.
Eric: I'LL HELP.
Tim: YOU DON'T JUST -- DON'
JUST SWIRL IT AROUND.
Eric: I GOT UP HERE.
Tim: LET THE MOP SOAK IT UP.
YOU JUST --
IT'S GOTTA BE IN THE MACHINE.
Both: IT'S THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE.
Eric: THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE.
Tim: IT'S THE TAIRY GREENE
MACHINE.
Eric: [ GRUNTS ]
Tim: OKAY, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
Eric: OW.
Tim: ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
WAKE UP.
HE'S LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD.
LET'S GET SOMEBODY IN HERE.
MY FRIEND NEEDS HELP!
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
WHO AM I?
Tim: NO, HE'S DONE.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS CLEAR OUT?
LET'S GIVE HIM SOME PEACE.
[ SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! ]
YOU WERE THE BEST.
AHH
AHH
AHH
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?