Tofu (2014) s01e06 Episode Script

Queer as F**k

1 Sex on TV, um I think it's embarrassing, if I'm watching TV with the kids and the wife, and there's this going on.
Bring it on, I say.
But, um Nah, anything that'll piss off Middle England, that's great by me! Even with my wife, I don't really want to watch too much detail.
Sex is never sexy.
It is with me in real life, obviously! Tell you what And I love you so Yeah, I think he'll sing his answers - People ask me how - I'll just speak mine.
Sexy sex is is for life or porn, but not drama! Do you like this street? I love this street.
I do love it.
There's that bit that ends Queer As Folk 2, is it? Where he just says, "Every night on a street like this, someone finds someone, and anyone can find anyone," and it's true.
There's a lot of people who sort of say, "The Canal Street you put on screen in Queer As Folk particularly, but also maybe in Cucumber, is kind of glossy, is kind of exaggerated, is kind of beautiful, it's not like that in real life.
" You come here on a wet Wednesday night, it's not like that.
But, I always maintain, if you come here on a Saturday night when you're feeling good and you're looking good, and you have the right pair of jeans on, and you just feel slim enough and young enough, your hair's right and you're just drunk enough as well to have a really fantastic time THAT'S what we make it look like on screen, those nights where you DO get laid.
There's going to be a lot of comparisons with Queer as Folk but, for me, and I've said this from the start, it's like Tales Of The City.
For me, it's like that, kind of like It's a tale about Manchester and it's a tale about all these people who are living in different bits of Manchester coming together you know, all these mismatched characters with all the different pasts and histories and, er and Manchester's the thing they've got in common, really.
Come on, let's get off our heads! Besides, you never know your luck I can't get to sleep without a good wank! Danny! Now you've got it that's exactly Not that you have to cry at everything, but you have to get into it, and it has to move you, it has to be funny and it's like Hooray.
- Hello, darlings.
- You're now in a show called Tofu.
Hello, Tofu! The food doesn't taste nice! Don't go anywhere else.
Tofu's horrible! You know what? Gentlemen - 15-39 - Excuse me! I'm trying to talk to you! - Oh, goddamn! - (Big fella!) - Sorry! - Nice to meet you, Rich.
Thank you, Dan.
Ta-ta! That's what you've got to capture on camera you see how mad it is, like that! That's why I do like drunk nights out, cos they're random and mad and you try and capture stuff like that.
It's hard to do on paper, but you can.
So if that's what happens when you're writing nights out, then when you're writing sex, are you standing, are you sitting? Are you What, are you wanking? I can't believe you're asking me this! All writers wank, that's a fact! The sex that you see is sometimes beautiful and really sexy, it's sometimes disastrous, sometimes messy, um You know, and it sometimes doesn't happen at all and it's like the full experience.
Especially with things like sex scenes, you've got to go (HE TAKES A BREATH) "Right," then grit your teeth and do it, otherwise it won't look authentic, it'll look a bit shit.
It's the opposite of sex, because you know 100 people are going to be watching.
Eight people, ten people, 20 people around you, a microphone right there.
"Can you move back?" "Could you thrust harder? Could you get your head like that?" It's the opposite of my sex.
I didn't see a cock there, though, did I? That wasn't a cock? No.
Shamrock! - SHAMROCK! - No way! No, no! Don't! Don't! Ah! Oh Oh, f f fuck! Never had to say this in an interview before watching you come upstairs earlier, like, is there a sense that everyone in the room now knows how you come? Well, you see, that's the trick because is it mine, or is it my character's? I've kind of lost the urge a bit now, to be honest.
Dean comes like that quite frequently, and it's always like, "Fuck! Shit! Fuck!" It's always a bit sort of, um quick and takes him by surprise a little bit, so that's kind of I kind of added that to what I consider a sort of neutral come face.
I really hope my parents never watch this (HE LAUGHS) interview! Across this series, I think I have Oof, I don't know how many liaisons, as it were.
We'll call them liaisons, they've accommodated it and They've forgiven you a lot, haven't they? Yeah, you know, I mean, it's Yes.
What I like to think is it doesn't count if it's just the top three inches I always explain that to them.
- So, you know, it's fine.
- Wow.
- Wow.
- You know, I'll just slip that in.
Obviously, I'm not advocating penetrating the other actor, but, like, if you're in the moment and you're doing it with someone and you're naked with somebody else I really like you.
whether you're attracted to men or women or whatever it is, you're going to feel things because you're riding against naked flesh! RHYTHMIC THUMPING If you get a bit of a hard-on, you know, you just have to say, "So sorry, but you're doing it really well, you're beautiful," you know.
THEY GRUNT AND GROAN Fuck! Ah! Those sex scenes maybe it was the way they were directed, very sensitively were very sexy to do.
I think another actor would be a bit offended if they didn't feel at least a LITTLE something! (HE LAUGHS) You know? I was very, very nervous about it.
I mean REALLY anxious about it 'and I knew I had no place to be, actually, because, you know, considering what half the cast had been doing up until that point ' - There.
- Thank you.
I was just relieved it was bad sex, I was just really relieved that, you know, I didn't have to go all the way with it, just a bit of fumbling around.
(Is that all right?) I was like, "Yeah, you know, it's fine.
" You know, "Show Show a 40-odd-year-old's SLIGHTLY gone-to-seed body.
" I thought, "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" But they were very keen for me not to show very much at all, hilariously! They would've had me in a burqa if they could have done.
I was like Oh, that's nice(!) Look, it's not personal, don't be like that.
Banana was the first time I'd actually had a sex scene.
- Oh, fan tastic! - Yeah.
In terms of etiquette, fresh breath is always good.
The truth is, I don't ever write sex without there being a story.
It's like Dean having premature ejaculation with Andrew Hayden-Smith.
Ah, wait, wait! Ah! Ah! Ah! A-ah! That was nice.
I have to imagine what premature ejaculation is like I've no idea, obviously! But it's the drama you're imagining someone being embarrassed and foolish and young.
Happens to all of us.
Not to me.
It's not generally about the sex it's about the relationships and it's about the difficulties in those relationships, and, um, that's the real trick.
I'm always fascinated by There's a point of choice, there's a moment where you turn left or you turn right I've done a whole Dr Who episode about that.
It fascinates me with death especially, like how near death is and you're just lucky.
I think this is very true of every dangerous night you'll ever have go home with him or don't go home with him.
When I'm writing gay stories, I'm often realising that I'm writing AIDS stories as well, because of my age and what we all went through in the '80s and '90s.
Actually, that's my next drama in 2016 finally, I'm going to write about AIDS in the '80s, finally.
So Queer As Folk, there was a night out that ended in a death.
In this, there's a night out that ends in a death.
It's like It's kind of me approaching HIV in that way, slowly.
Did you watch Russell's Queer As Folk back in the day? Yeah.
I love Queer As Folk.
I mean, it was a huge part in dealing with my sexuality.
I was one of the first generations that had TVs in their room, so I would watch Queer As Folk late at night, Channel 4, I think it was on at ten o'clock, and I remember being just waiting for it and being nervous.
Like, it was a real event.
So what do you like doing? You'd hover over the remote control just in case your parents came in! I like watching telly.
What do you like doing in BED? Cos it was pretty raunchy for the time, as well.
Still is.
At the time, I hadn't seen any gay sex, I hadn't seen it, and I remember getting off on it and masturbating to it.
Jesus Christ! Do you have to?! And, as much as I loved the characters, when there was sex in it, it was just exciting and it was something "This is gay sex! This is for me! This has been made for me!" Just to see Stuart and the other characters being comfortable in themselves, it was quite empowering.
And the first episode that aired, there was so much press and Russell did loads of stuff, he was everywhere.
It was a really pivotal part in my development, it really was.
And I know a lot of people thank him and stuff all the time but TEARFULLY: it did make a difference to me, it DID make a difference to me cos I did feel alone.
I felt really alone, so seeing other gay people on TV made a difference made a difference to me and it was almost like I could feel accepted and I wasn't an outcast any more and like, how do you thank someone for doing that? This "stupid little street" it's the middle of the world, son.
Cos on a street like this, every single night, anyone can meet anyone.
And, every single night, someone meets someone.
It's all yours now.
All of them all the poofs and all the dykes and all the people in between.
And this lot, they'll shag you, they'll rob you, some of them might even love you, and they'll all forget you in the end.
Just stick with your friends, you'll be fine.
You fuck it up and I'll come back.
Queer As Folk was very much about people do have people ARE gay and people ARE sexy and who are young and having sex and are gay.
You know, it's a punch in the face.
Whereas this is more about, you know, "Welcome in.
" Do you know I mean? It is like a like a like a collective.
TYRES SQUEAL Oh my God! I'm proud to be gay now.
I am proud to be gay.
And I'm happier now than I have ever been, with myself and the community around me.
If that's what you want to be, that's who you are, that's so fine and it's so good and it's the way the world is going, so Boof! Yeah! I was just a shag, I knew that.