Trailer Park Boys s04e04 Episode Script

The Green Bastard

- What the hell is that idiot up to now? - Mr.
Lahey, can I ask you something? Why are you making me wear this shirt? Are you embarrassed about the way I look? - Of course not, Randy.
You're beautiful.
When we win Trailer Park Supervisor of the Year, boy, we gotta look professional .
- There's no way Barb's going to go for this, Mr.
Lahey.
Bottle kids! [bottles smashing] Are you alright, Mr.
Lahey - Alright, Randy? I've never been better.
I can feel it.
Today's the day, Randy.
Today is the day I receive the highest, most prestigiou s award there is, and you know what else? I don't know how, but Ricky is going down today.
And we're going to polish of f a quart of rye - each.
[music] - Being Trailer Park Superviso r has been a fulfillment kind of reward.
I can fuck around, do whatever shit I want.
It's been great.
And when Julian was in jail, it stressed Bubbles out a bit, so I figure it's time to give back to him, to the community at the same time So today, I'm having Community Day.
It's gonna fucking kick-ass too.
We got front-end-loader rides, A paint-ball-target range.
And then we're gonna have wrestling.
You know, it's a good chance to make a bit of money for the down payment for the park, which will keep Julian fucking happy and pay off my debt, which, I mean, that wasn't my fault.
But that's neither there nor here nor anywhere.
Right now, I'm just gonna smok e a big six-paper joint and get fucking wrecked and party all fucking day.
- Ricky, what are you doing? Come on, man, we got lots of work to do here - Where the fuck are Corey and Trevor? You seen them? - They're back there, moving Bubbles' shed.
Got a big enough joint there , Rick? - I need Corey and Trevor to work for me today.
I got weed, I'll fucking pay them.
It's Community Day, Julian - Listen, why don't you tr focusing on the weed a bit more, instead of being Trailer Park Supervisor.
You're fucking up, man.
- Sounds like someone's jealou s about me being Supervisor.
- No, no! Those plants are getting huge, Rick, okay It's starting to scare me a bit.
- Julian, it's one fucking day .
We'll get drunk and stoned We're going to have Community Day here.
Bubbles is gonna get to wrestle.
He's gonna shit himself.
- Heads up - Barb.
- Oh, my goodness, Randy.
You look magnificent.
Jim this is, um, interesting .
"Mr.
James Lahey, you have been selected as Trailer Park Supervisor of the Year by the International Association of Trailer Parks, Trailer Park Supervisors and Assistant Trailer Park Supervisors.
" The letterhead is incredible and it's so well written.
You know, boys, I really, I really don't have time for this nonsense.
- Barb? That's the real thing.
I was nominated four times and this year, I won.
- Jim, we've been all through this.
You are not the Trailer Park Supervisor, Ricky is.
- Yeah, Babs, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
They think that I'm still Supervisor of the park.
Look, what I'm asking is this: Make me Supervisor for one day, I'll accept the award, and Sunnyvale can become part of the international union.
Just think what that will do to the value of the park, Barb - Jim, I'm not an idiot.
What's in this for you? - Well, the award.
Barb, I don't know if you noticed or not, but I've kind of hit the botto m of the barrel lately.
This award is exactly what I need to get me back on my feet again, Barb.
Ricky doesn't even need to know.
He's doing his Community Day thing.
We'll just stay clear of him Barb, they're going to be here in 45 minutes.
Please? [sighing] - Ricky, you're not mad, are ya, that I moved my shed up here to Julian's? - No.
- I've always lived by him I just don't want you to think I don't like ya.
- That's cool, buddy.
Listen, Corey, Trevor, put the tools down.
I need to talk to you guys .
You're working for me today.
Now, I'm not proud of you guys , so don't get the wrong idea.
You still fuck up a lot.
But take this.
It's an advance, okay? Now, blindfold Bubbles.
- Nice.
- Blindfold me? - Yeah, for all the bullshit we went through while Julian was in jail, alright? - Oh, a surprise? - Yeah, big time.
- I fucking love surprises .
- You're gonna freak, Bubbles.
- Omigod.
- Hey, hi.
Uh, there's your lunch, Richard.
Oh, Bubbles, that looks good , that's great.
It works there It's it's good there.
- What's wrong with you? - What? Nothing.
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Listen, can we, uh, have a quick word? - Pepperoni and tuna, right on - Listen, you have been workin g so hard lately, I want to give you a little reward, alright? Okay, take the day off.
The whole day.
Get drunk, get stoned, you know, muck around with Corey and Trevor.
- That's awesome, Barb.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
Good.
- Are you gonna stop by Community Day and get drunk with us? - Uh, we'll see.
Maybe later .
But keep it kinda low-key, huh - You ready, buddy? - I'm ready.
What is it? I can't wait.
- Let's get that fucking blindfold off, Trevor.
- Holy fuck! A wrestling ring! [bell rings] - Oh, this is awesome, Ricky .
Did you build this? Look at this thing! Real turnbuckles Oh, you made banners out of old liquor-store bags Grrrr! I'm going to get my Green Bastard suit on! - The Green Bastard is Bubbles' wrestling name He fucking loves wrestling .
He takes it really serious He's got this old Would you shut the fuck up for a second! He's got this old green tarp he puts on and everything and he's got some really good moves.
He's been bugging us for a while to get a ring together and have some backyard wrestling match going, I'm just glad now I can make that happen - I can't wait to start fuckin g hammering people.
Rrrr! - Barbara Lahey, I'd like you to meet Mr.
Bernie Sandford, International Association of Trailer Park Supervisors.
The IATTPPSATPS, , that's the International Association of Trailer Parks Trailer Park Supervisors and Assistant Trailer Park Supervisors.
- Jim Lahey, I've heard a lot about you - Thank you.
And this is the Assistant Internationa I Trailer Park Supervisor, Carl.
- Jason, actually.
We met at that conference in Moncton? - Right.
- We were drinking.
Don't worry about it, Jim.
Good to see ya.
- Thanks.
Randy must've gotten my records mixed up - Mr.
Lahey? - Randy.
Uh, every trailer park, as you know, r has it's share of troublemakers.
Our particular troublemake is a drunken recidivist idio t called Ricky.
Been in jail eighteen times.
He's, uh, cuckoo.
For some reason, he thinks he's Supervisor of the park.
Right, Barb? - Yes, that's right.
He does think that.
- Hmm.
Jason, gin-and-toni c with some hickory sticks.
- Right away, sir.
- Jim, do you mean to tell m e you can't deal with this man - Bernie, no one can.
It's better just to avoid him.
Trust me on this.
[yelling] Calm down?! You fucking calm down! Who's running this fucking trailer park? - Uh, it's um, Community Day here at Sunnyvale.
- Right.
I didn't want to tell you, 'cause I thought you might think I was putting on a show for the award and all.
- Ahh! - Ow! - Ow! - Stop it! - Ricky, make them back off! - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing? What are you doing? Give me the gun.
That's 12 shots.
That was $24, I hope you know that.
Let's go, come on.
- Green Bastard, parts unknown .
- Nice.
- Corey, Trevor, get the fuck in the ring.
- You look good, buddy.
- Green Bastard! - Rick, Rick, Rick.
- Who in the hell are these guys? - Jefferson, the paint! - I dunno.
- What's Lahey doing with them - Community Day.
Hmm.
Nice crowd you got gathered here.
I didn't know you were into wrestling, Jim - What the fuck is going on here? - Listen, Ricky.
You boys just better cool it You don't know what you're dealing with here today - Lahey, fuck off, okay? Thanks for fucking off for a change.
That is a no-fucking-parking zone, okay? I want those fucking cars out of here right now.
Get them the fuck out of here.
- You must be Ricky.
- That's correct, Slick.
I am Ricky.
I'm the fucking Trailer Park Supervisor.
Who the fuck are you suit dummies? - I'm Bernie Sandford, , President of the International Association of Trailer Parks Trailer Park Supervisors and Assistant Trailer Park Supervisors.
- Move the fucking cars, okay? I got wrestling fans showing up here.
I'm baked out of my mind, I don't got time for this shit Lahey, I want those fucking cars out of here now.
- Boys, boys.
Uh, just one minute.
Julian, could I have a quick word, please? I have the chance for Sunnyval e to be part of the biggest trailer-park union in the world.
- So what does that mean? - Julian, this is huge.
Listen , the bank took my house today Just let Jim be Trailer Park Supervisor for the day, okay And keep Ricky out of the way.
But don't tell him.
I don't want him to get hurt .
That's not what this is about.
- You don't want to move the cars? Fine, boys.
Well, I'm just gonna start pissing in this direction and if these cars are illegally parked, they might accidentally get pissed on! - Richard, don't.
- Anybody wanna see pissing? - Don't, Richard.
RICHARD! - My car! - I fucking warned them thre times, and they wouldn't listen! They don't even believe I'm the Trailer Park Supervisor! - I am so very sorry about this.
- You're right, Bernie, he's the epitome of refractory .
- Tell him, Barb.
Tell him, Julian! I'm the fucking Supervisor here! You guys won't believe me! It's bullshit! - I'm sorry.
- Jim, let me take this one.
Ricky, you and me, come on .
- What the fuck do you want to talk about? - You'll find out.
What you've just done, pissing on my car, you have crossed a line with me.
I've had guys throw barbeque s at me, they've broke the windows out of my car, they've cursed and sworn at me But the bottom line is, I ain't shook, 'cause if the right hook comes out, crazy motherfuckers like you get knocked out.
Don't be looking me in the eyes, boy.
I ain't got no candy for you .
No candy.
Except for the right hook.
- Uh, Mr.
President, it's lunchtime.
How about some takeaway? - You want some candy? - Did I ask for candy? , Want to tell the fucking right hook, Barb that I'm the Supervisor, not Lahey, 'cause I'm a little sick of this shit.
Fucking lunatic.
- Two buckets of chicken, uh, gravy, uh, mashed potatoes, fries , hot buns, macaroni salad, - Cole slaw.
- Cole slaw, and, uh, swing by A&W and pick up fou r double-cheeseburgers, loaded Yeah, deliver it to Jim Lahey, Trailer Park Supervisor of the Year, Sunnyvale Trailer Park.
- Listen up.
Just let him pretend to be Supervisor today That's it.
You don't have time anyway - Bullshit.
I cleaned this fucking park up.
- Ricky, did you forget abou t the 4,000 plants we got growing? - I'm not cool with this.
Barb's fucking cool with Jim being Supervisor for the day That's bullshit.
Fucking union stuff and candy and right hook - Listen, listen.
I don't care about that shit We gotta come up with some money for that down payment now.
Like today.
And sign a fucking contract.
We can't panic.
We gotta think here.
- Boys, check it out.
We can have people pay to fight us.
We can make a lot of fucking money.
- See, that's what I'm talking about right there, Ricky.
Perfect, Bubbles.
- You want to wrastle some people? - I'll fucking wrestle.
- Corey, Trevor.
Get over here - You two dicks are gonna go door to door and promote the shit out of this, alright? Thirty-five bucks a person to watch me and Bubbles wrestle somebody, okay? - I want to deal with that little prick right now, before we make the presentation, I mean right now! - You're right, Bernie.
Let's forget about the food.
- Can we at least wait for the cheeseburgers? - Is that all that's on your mind, is a hamburger? - Let's deal with it right now .
- Come on! [music] - Ladies and gentlemen! Mo-fuckers of all ages! The Green Bastard is here by popular demand! Are you ready to tumble? [bell rings] - Horatio! You're supposed to fucking stop when I stop.
Okay, everybody.
Before we get on to the main event, we are going to see the long-bodied alien match.
In this corner, in the shitty old corduroy pants with the translucent skin stretched over an alien frame, it's Trevor, the elongated skeleton! [cheers] - Get your fucking shirt off , Trevor.
Get your shirt off s And in this corner, wearin g the fucking same old work pant he has on every time I see him , it's Jacob the twiggy alien man.
[booing] - Go fuck yourself, Jacob! - Get your shirt off too, Jacob.
My god, look at them.
They're both fucking aliens.
Okay, boys, I want a clean fight.
I don't want any bullshit and no foreign objects.
Here we go.
Let's get it on! [cheering] [shouting] Come on, Jacob! Use your twiggy arms! - Hey, boys.
Would one of you guys be Jim Lahey? - I dunno.
What the fuck's going on? - I got some chicken and burgers for the Trailer Park Supervisor.
- Is it paid for? - Yes, it is.
- Well, I'm Jim Lahey, Trailer Park Supervisor.
How you doing? Right fucking on, I'm starving We're fucking pigging out! - No, we're not, Ricky.
We're setting up a booth and selling this now.
Here - Just be cool and follow my lead.
Hey, Ricky.
You remember the right hook? We can do this the easy wa y or the hard way, where this group of fine supervisors forcefully remove you or you get your ass knocked out.
- Ass knocked out? - Are you guys fucked in the head? This is my fucking park.
I'm the Trailer Park Supervisor.
So why don't you dicks fuck of f and let me raise money for the community here.
For Sunnyvale.
[cheers] - Hey, maybe you could learn t o spell for the community, Ricky - Oh, yeah, Lahey? You notice any spelling mistakes on that sign? Huh? - Yeah, Bubbles.
The "R" in "Supervisor" is missing - Huh? Aw, for fuck's sakes.
- Ricky, didn't you and Bubble s already pay your 35 bucks to wrestle the Trailer Park Supervisors - Yeah.
Yeah, we did.
We paid 35 bucks.
I've been waiting to fight you all day.
Me and Ricky tag team against you and Randy.
- That is what the sign says , isn't it, Jim? Wrestle the supervisor for 35 bucks and apparently you're the supervisor.
- I'm not going to wrestle anybody.
- Mr.
Lahey, come here.
- What are you, afraid? - Excuse me for a second, boys - Oh, fraidy cat! Fraidy cat ! Lahey's a fraidy cat.
- Mr.
Lahey, you said that you didn't know how, but today's the day that Ricky's going down.
This is how.
- Fuck! - Mr.
Lahey, have some faith in me.
We can do this.
We can win for the park.
- Randy, if we wrestle them, we have to win.
- They stole my fucking cheeseburgers.
- Trade ya a bite of my chicke n for a bite of your burger.
- Ricky, Barb.
- What the fuck do you want now? , - Okay, here's the deal.
Randy and I will wrestle you but when we win, you resig n and I become Trailer Park Supervisor.
- Barb, why are we getting fucked around with this shit - Will you trust me on this? I'll explain it all later, okay? - Fine, Lahey, we'll fight ya.
- YES! - But when we win, and we will, you have to tell all these people, and especially those supervisor dicks, who the real Supervisor of Sunnyvale is, alright? - And who the real Assistant Supervisor is, too And when we win, we're gonna be Supervisors of the Year - That's right.
- Come on now, boys, what's it gonna be? Am I gonna referee a fight , or what? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you cool with this shit or what? - I haven't got any choice .
Alright, you guys, I want a fair, clean fight - Deal? - Rrrr! - Deal.
- Alright, tag-team wrestling match! Me and Randy against Ricky and- - Green Bastard, from parts unknown.
[grunting] [bell rings] [cheering] - My god, Randy looks like the hulk! - Go, Randy! Go, get him! Yeah! Randy! [shouting] - He knocked out the referee [shouting] [cheering] Give it to him! [booing] [Lahey]: Yeah, Randy! Take him down, Randy! - Foreign object! [Lahey cheering] - Foreign object! - Two on one, two on one! Ricky, Green Bastard, you are both dis-fucking-qualified! [cheering] - What are you talking about ? This is bullshit! [screaming and cursing] - Congratulations, Jim.
Well done! - Thanks.
- Jason, picture.
We've got the cover for this month's newsletter.
- Thank you.
Barb, put thi s somewhere safe, will ya? - My fucking head is killing me.
Is it bleeding, Bubbles? - Let me have a look.
Oh, look, it's shaped just like a door winder.
- Come on, boys, show some sportsmanship and shake Jim's hand.
- I'm not shaking his fucking hand.
- You're both nothing but born losers.
- Go fuck yourself.
He cheated .
- Ricky, come here.
Fuck the Trailer Park Supervisor job.
This is for the best anyway.
- Julian! - Trust me.
This is a good thing, Ricky.
, - Look, I know right now I'm supposed to swallow my prize but I'm fucking pissed off, man.
They cheated.
That's bullshit.
- They did cheat, but all they really got was that fucking stupid-looking trophy.
Fuck the Trailer Park Supervisor thing, Ricky.
Now we can concentrate on growing the dope.
- Yeah, man.
- I'm not fucking happy, boys.
- I'm not either.
I don't like getting beat by cheaters.
Cheaty, cheater-tons.
- Congratulations, Jim.
You are our Trailer Park Supervisor of the Year.
- Thanks, Bernie.
- Fuck! k - And I would like to say that Sunnyvale Trailer Par is strongly being considered for membership in our union.
And when that happens, I will be working side by side with Jim.
Would you mind if we got a picture of you in front of your, um new car? - New car?! - Well, it's a 1991 Caddie , but she runs like a dream.
- That's it, I've fucking had it! Are you fucking kidding me , a new car? - Calm down, Ricky.
- Hey, alchie! Get Raveen under control.
- What the fuck did you just call me? - And me? o - Ricky, I give you permission to do whatever you want to d to get these dicks out of the park.
- Thanks, Julian.
You fucking idiots , think a union is coming in this fucking trailer park just remember I'm gonna always be here.
I'm never leaving Sunnyvale.
Now that I'm not Supervisor, I don't give a fuck about anything.
- Jesus H.
Christ! I have to work back shift tonight! - Oh, shit! - My car! - I am so sorry! I apologize This has not happened since [cheering] - Oh, I think Jim has a bit of work to do here before your park can be considered applicable for membership in our union.
Why don't you give us a call when you get things back in order.
Jason, cab! - Walter, move it.
- Ha-ha-ha! Whoo! - Fuck, Ricky, that was awesome! That was fucking awesome! - What you think of that, Lahey? - Wipe the smirk off your face , Rick, 'cause you're a loser.
- No, I'm not.
- Yeah, you are.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
- Fuck off.
- Boys! - Ha-ha.
- Come on, Randy.
- Where you going? - To my trailer.
The Supervisor's trailer, Ricky.
- Jim! - Fuck! - Home sweet home, Randy.
- Jim, sit down.
I need to speak to you.
- Barb, what are you doing here? - Look, I'm sorry.
I know you're all excited about being Trailer Park Supervisor again, but this trailer is not part of the deal.
I'm moving in here.
- What?! - I've got to live somewhere .
Sunnyvale is in so much debt that the bank is repossessing Randy, move back, please.
- Randy, stay where you are.
- Randy, move back! The bank has repossessed the house.
And until I sell the park, I've got nowhere to live, so I'm moving in here.
Now, don't worry.
I won't leave you and your little friend out in the cold.
I've taken the tent traile r and put it down on your lot.
You can live down there.
And in the meantime, there's lots to do.
There must be You guys can get busy and go out and collect those Supervise your little hearts out.
- Did you guys see that fucking car? It was beautiful.
It should've been mine.
I would've lived in that car for the rest of my life.
- Oh, it was nice.
- Yeah, that sucks, man.
But just think, Lahey's goin g to be busy all the time now.
- I just can't wait to buy this trailer park and fire those two fucking idiots.
- The old tent trailer.
Barb sure was generous, Randy.
We're moving up in the world, boy.
- Congratulations, Mr.
Lahey .
You did it.
- We did it, Randy.
Let's head to the LC, bud.
We earned it! - Corey Brighthead! He gets him set up for the clothesline! - Oh - Omigod, fucking devastating! You alright, Corey? I don't give a fuck, actually.
Get in here, Trevor.
Come on .
- No, Bubbles, I'm going home.
- Ah, come on, boys.
Boys!