Trailer Park Boys s08e08 Episode Script

The Super-Duper-Industrial-Bubbles-Honey-Oil-Inator

Okay kids so the most important thing to remember when you're learning body-checking you need to train yourself to forget about the puck.
You gotta concentrate on the person you're lining up to hit.
That's right, fuck the puck it's all about the shoulders, okay? Watch this while I lay Jacob out.
Jacob? I'm just looking at his shoulders and BOOM!! Ah! And if the referee's not looking finish it with a nice slash or a spear or something like that and that's a nice clean hit.
Geez Ricky that's not actually a clean hit kids.
I mean it was pretty nice but you shouldn't do that.
All right Jacob get the fuck back in here, it's all part of becoming a man, and you and Cory fix that window today too.
Fuck you.
What the fuck did you just say to me, Jacob? Nothing Ricky.
I'm not deaf, I heard you say fuck you.
He didn't say anything man, I'm standing right beside him dude.
Suck my cock, bwah, lick my nuts.
What the fuck is going on here? Lick my nuts bwah, eat my shit bwah.
Is that my weed? How can my weed be talking to me? - It sounds pissed off.
- Fuck you.
Well fuck you too weed ya whore! Ricky, is that what you actually think's happening? - Your weed came to life? - Finger my ass.
And it's talking to ya telling ya to fuck off? - Bwah, Taco likes weed.
- Ricky that's Taco.
- Taco's in the fucking walls! Bwah-fuck my dick-bwah.
No I knew that, I mean I know that's the parrot, whatever.
- Bwah, suck my balls.
- What the fuck? Taco you furry slut, you better not be in there eating all my weed getting high as fuck.
Oh my god Bubbles we got to get him out of there before he beaks all my weed to pieces! Bwah, check my hair, finger my ass.
The mouth on him! Taco, you stoned wing little prick! SPEAK! I haven't seen him yet boys but keep banging.
Get him on the run! Force him to this intake pipe, I can fish him out of here! Bwah, suck my balls! I can hear him swearin'! Fuck you, fuck you, suck my cock! Bwah! Rick listen man, we're not making money fast enough.
I'm starting to get fucking worried here.
I know, everything keeps getting fucked up, it sucks! Fuck you! - Taco, where the FUCK are you? - Bwah, lick my nuts.
I figured out a way how we can do it and your probably not going to like it but I'm not making anymore pornos.
Things are going really well with me and Lucy right now.
Suck my cock.
I'm not talking about pornos.
We could somehow take all your weed, turn it into honey oil, sell it, we'd make more than enough money to buy the park, it'd be easy.
There's three problems with your little trike dream.
ONE, I would need a full-on fucking oil refinery to turn this much weed into oil and C I don't really remember what the fuck C was.
There's only two problems I guess, but they're two fucking big ones.
I just saw him run by boys, he's going to the back of the trailer left side.
Bwah, taco likes weed bwah.
Dude What the fuck is that Cory? A cracker? Yeah dude, like Polly want a cracker, bwah! Good one Cory.
Bwah, suck on my balls! God Cory that's just a shitty line out of a pirate movie you realize that? Parrots eat tropical fruit and insects.
Bwah, suck on my balls.
Bwah, eat my shit.
This little fucking asshole, I hear him Bubbles! I hear the little cocksucker! He's right fucking here! I'll try to scare him back towards you! Fuck you, bwah! Get going you son of a fucking asshole.
I see him! Fuck! He ran right past.
Bwah, suck my tits.
Yo I think I hear him in here dude.
OH MY FUCK HE GOT MULCHED!! Oh he got mulched.
He got mulched boys! What the fuck does mulch mean? Where's Taco? That's Taco Ricky, look.
He must have got sucked through the compressor.
Oh my god what are we going to tell Coconut? That's the least of our fucking problems.
Is the compressor fucked? YES!! Oh my god! That means all the weed's going to thaw and go mouldy from the fucking moisture! I'm going to lose everything! This is FUCKED!! What am I going to do? FUCK! FUCK! [Whimpering Little Taco.
Hmm, look he got made into tacos.
At least he didn't suffer man.
No he didn't suffer.
Good news Jimmy, We got the money to buy the park.
So what do you say we all go for a drive to the bank right fucking now and finish this fucking dealio? Well you got the money? Goddamn right old man.
The fucking deal is done.
Okay? Ten grand for your one percent.
Tha-tha-that's great but we can't finish the deal today.
Why the fuck not? You wanna hear our guns go boom boom? No no no the-the lawyer said he's gonna need ah a whole day to get the paperwork together.
Well well what do you say I set the deal up tomorrow for say ah five o'clock? Five o'clock okay for you guys? All right you piss licker, five o'clock but if you fuck around on us in any way for that one percent it's boom boom bye, bye.
We get the fucking park or you are FUCKING DEAD!!! COMPRENDE? Yeah a thousand percent.
I comprende.
How's it looking in there sweetie? Not great, a lot of it's thawing out.
It's damp.
Yeah a lot of it's starting to melt and it's starting to run through the bedrooms too.
Look at this.
Oh my fuck! Where in the cocksuck can I dry this much weed?! It's too damp in here! It starts off here in the washing machines and the Isopropyl.
Pumped over here to the filter room, then it goes on to two stages of refining right here and over to the holding tank.
I mean it can be done Julian it's just it's not ideal for me obviously.
Un-FUCKING believeable!! My crop's going to be ruined! - Ricky! There's a fence.
- Fuck! - Calm down man, Jesus relax! - I can't! Rick you said you needed a full on oil refinery, right? Check that out buddy.
Bubs is going to build it for ya.
Are you fucking kidding me? Oh I can fucking build it Ricky.
Are you sure you want to build that here in your sheds? Yeah, you cool with this? Hmm what choice do I have? What, do I want to be known as the guy that FUCKING let the park go away? No.
This is fucking amazing.
Thank you Bubbles, love you man.
Love you too Ricky.
Let's go Julian, caboose me.
I love you guys.
Ha ha! Toot Toot! Oh yeah okay oh hell this is all easy shit to get submersible.
That can be anything.
Yeah, the only fucking bitch of the bunch on this list is the Isopropyl Alcohol.
I don't know anybody that's going to fucking stock that much.
No Ricky, funeral homes do.
They use it instead of Formaldehyde.
I bet you my right nut, fucking Carter's has a ton of it.
You can probably trade some of your product to one of them for it, you know, funeral people they're all baked all the time dealing with the, you know, the "Deadies.
" Good point.
Here I'll see what I can find out for ya.
Thanks Bubs.
Julian! I need you to give me a hand with this Isopropyl Alcohol.
Cory, Jacob let's go! Get the fuck over here! You guys are going to get all the fucking pipes we need for this thing, okay? And you can't fuck this up, you know what's on the line.
You're part of my family now and my family does not fuck things up.
Okay Ricky.
For FUCK SAKES! Was that necessary Rick? I'm a little stressed here right now Julian.
Don't drive the rebar torch in quarter inch back, same thing you fucked up last time for fuck sakes! This is serious dude, we got this.
We got it.
Hands down you piss pheasants.
You can raise your hands when you come through.
Here's the list, you got bus fare? No.
FUCK!! Not a good start boys.
- Here's a couple hash coins.
- Sorry Ricky.
Jacob! Yeah? Make sure Cory doesn't fuck up! I will.
Cory, you make sure Jacob doesn't fuck up! Cool! - Let's light a grassfire.
- Oh I don't know man.
Dude, all construction workers smoke joints.
Oh, okay.
I should set the agitator cycle to twenty-five minutes, connections all look good.
I'm in charge of putting together and designing this dirty whore of an oil refinery.
I can't let anything get FUCKED up, this is my specialty I'm calling it the SUPER DUPER INDUSTRIAL BUBBLES HONEY OILINATOR.
I just didn't realize how much FUCKING weed Ricky had! I hope the thing can live up to it's name, you know? I'm under a lot of FUCKING pressure here, I'm just trembling like some kind of a FUCKING trembly thing everything'll be FUCKING ready to go as long as the boys just get back here with the supplies.
Just calm down Bubbles 'Bout three inches wide or inches long, I have no idea.
It must mean wide.
If it was length we'd need an awful lot of it, wouldn't we? Oh I can't fuck this up! You know what, I'm just going to get some of everything and there's no way it can fuck up.
Yeah good thinkin'.
Plastic or metal? Plastic is much lighter and metal's old school man.
Everything's plastic now space station's plastic, cars are plastic, everything's plastic.
All right let's do this.
All right.
Dude! Oh hey man we're just carrying old pipe away, replacing faulty ones with new ones.
Yeah, I don't give a fuck.
So smooth.
Just tuck you away there big fella.
There we go.
Two bales of it just right through there.
- Just don't hurt me! - Let's go.
PUT THE HAIRDRYER DOWN! PUT THE FUCKING HAIRDRYER DOWN! RIGHT NOW!! I will fucking shoot you! Put it down, put it down.
Oh yeah! Uh huh! Let's move! Let's move! POW! FUCK!!! YOU FUCKING GOT ME IN THE HEAD WITH A FUCKING.
HAIRDRYER YOU WEIRD LITTLE FUCK!!!! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! FUCK! Fuck! He dented the bone that holds my eye in! POW! Who's next? I'll rip ya a new one! YOU FUCK OFF WITH THE HAIRDRYER!!! DON'T YOU DENT MY CAR!! FUCK!!! All right my arms are really tired man.
Yeah, yeah just keep going.
I'm really tired.
It's okay, keep going.
What? Hold up.
Oh dude, a bus! STOP DUDE! STOP! Watch out dudes! Yo man, you guys wanna get on first or something man.
Come on.
Let's go.
Thank you.
Watch watch out.
Hi everybody! Ah yep oh watch my neck.
Hi Mister bus driver.
Hey look, here's two hash coins Thank you very much.
Hey can you hold this? Yeah Dude, we did it! Yeah What's up dude? Oh my fuck! That's not the right number! Are you fucking up here Bubbles? This doesn't make any sense.
Oh my fuck I can't take this! Dung dung dugga dung dung! Bobby, don't fucking start! Oh I'm just worried Bubbles I don't know if you know this but honey oil is considered a processed drug just like Heroin.
Bobby I'm trying to fucking concentrate, okay? Leave me alone.
Well I'm just worried Bubbles that you're going to go back to jail because of Ricky and Julian.
I have no choice.
They're my friends, I need to trust them.
Well you do whatever you want.
But just remember I'm here for ya if you need me.
Quit fuckin' talk to me like Dexter's Father does HMMM Honk!!! Honk!!! Honk!!! Honk!!!! Jullian, why didn't you stop ah I was fucking beeping and beeping bud! I'm busy Jim! Julian we got trouble.
Cyrus and Sam have the money, they're ready to go.
I managed to stall 'em until five o'clock tomorrow.
WHAT?? Well I had not choice.
They pulled their fucking guns on me.
I was scared shitless! I-I had to promise I'd give 'em one percent of the park.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT??? Well I don't know! Jesus Christ! Bubs is this even possible? Yeah it's possible if I had the right FUCKING materials I mean we'd be cuttin' close but it's doable.
Oh my FUCK! Woowoo! Check it out dudes, all aboard the pipe train! For the love of King Henry's nutsack, that's plastic pipe!! You don't think that's gonna melt under extreme heat? Not to mention it's not even the right size! I needed three inch.
That's not three inch! You coulda told that by putting your birds together.
Boys, this is fucked I can't use that, we're fucked.
you guys better get the fuck away from me right now.
You just cost us the FUCKING trailer park.
I think I got some three inch metal pipe in the supply shed, I'll go get it.
Cory and Jacob get the fuck here and give me a hand.
Go! Go with him right now! FUCK!! Get the fuck in.
Get the fuck in here! What the fuck is that? Keep cool Ricky.
Friends, Romans, FUCKHEADS! Lend me your dumb stupid ears! It's time to play a little game called, WHO WINS AND WHO FUCKING LOSES!!! 'Cuz this is game seven overtime.
Cyrus has a puck he passes it to Sam.
Sam shoots.
He scores! And Cyrus and Sam win the park! And everybody else CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF! Fuck you cave dwelling man whore and you can suck it dickrus.
Oh the agony of defeat, how's it feel Julian? It feels pretty shitty Sam.
It feels like I let everybody down.
You guys win.
You can go home now.
Oh the big tough Julian admits defeat.
Well that's really all we wanted to hear.
We won fair and square so let's end this like men.
I'm not shaking your hand.
That's all right, 'cuz we're levelling this fucking place.
Cory! Oh this just keeps getting better and better.
Gotcha Jimbo! I got you.
Well, well, well what do we have here? Are you helping these guys? You fucking us around? It's not what you think, Cyrus.
I'm just trading some pipe.
Oh I think it's exactly what I think! I think you're looking - for some lead in the head! - Fuck off! Oh, big tough Julian gonna take a bullet for this fruitloop? I'd take a bullet for anyone from this park.
Oh that's good because my brain's telling my finger to pull the trigger right about now.
Well you and your brain can FUCK off, we've been down this road before Cyrus.
You're not shooting anybody.
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?! Oh no, Whale Blubber Boy's going take his pants off again! Put the friggen gun away, Cyrus, before I call the cops.
I'm sick of turning my back on criminal - activity here Mister Lahey.
- Randy! Pull up your pants, I got this.
Why don't you put the gun down and fight me like a man? Sam take care of this muscle bound bitch for me.
I've been looking for a chance to fight you and your dumb muscles.
Muscles slow you down stoop Hold that for me.
Oh the gun's out again, wow what a surprise! We know you're not going to use it 'cuz your a FUCKING PUSSY! Oh yeah? OW!! Jesus! Oh my god Randy! Choke him out Julian! Don't you ever come back to this park unless you own the place, you got it? YOU GOT IT? I got it! I got it! AH FUCK YOU CYRUS, YOU PUSSY!!! Your a friggen jerk Cyrus! Fucking dickweeds! Randy you are now an official trailer park supervisor bud! That was very impressive big man.
You don't have to go to the hospital for that he just glazed ya.
So is that pipe gonna work or what? Yes the pipe can work.
All right let's get this going we're runnin' out of time guys.
What a fuckin' horn shower-offer.
Come on bead up for me you dirty little bitch! There she is.
Beads for Bubbles.
How's it going buddy? That should be pretty much it right there.
AH FUCK SLUT!!! How'd you make out with the connections up there? It was the last one.
Pretty impressive Bubs.
Yeah I guess so.
What's wrong? Well it's just, you know, Julian I just wanted to have a nice little simple business to run, now I have a full on FUCKING honey oil refinery on my property.
It's all going to be worth it man, I promise.
And look at this fucking thing.
Yeah it's pretty FUCKING decent.
How's it feeling Rand? It friggen hurts.
This woulda never happened if I could have called the cops when I wanted to.
I'm sorry Randy.
I can't explain it but there's bigger things at play here, you're just gonna have to trust me.
I'm scared Mister Lahey.
Things are out of control.
How am I supposed to trust you? Trust is the only thing we have left Randy.
Look there's going to be a bodyguard here in about an hour.
Safest place for you to be is right here with me.
A body guard like the movies? Yeah, something like that.
Listen why don't we get you in your bed I can make you feel more comfortable.
I'm not ready for that Mister Lahey.
I'm really confused about my feelings right now.
I'm just going to sleep on the couch.
Okay, suit yourself.
What a fucking day! Ahh Bubbles you built the greatest honey oil factory in the history of the world man, I can't fucking WAIT to cook tomorrow! Hey Coconut, how ya feeling bud? Hey mon, I have one question to ask.
Did me bird suffer? Definitely didn't suffer I mean that thing spins at about nine hundred rip ems and it probably got sucked into it head first and he just got shredded instantly into these little tiny Ricky you! My god.
No Coconut I guarantee ya he didn't suffer, I know that for a fact.
Now I don't know if you realize this but Taco's a hero! A hero? Come on man how can de bird be a hero man? He's just a bird.
Oh no, I mean if he didn't have this tragedy befall upon him and he didn't get SUCKED into that air conditioner and completely pulverized the insides of it with his poor little bird body we wouldn't be in this position to to save Sunnyvale from the clutches of evil.
Yeah mon.
You know we owe that all to Taco, boys.
Oh I'm gonna miss him.
So am I.
Sorry Coconut.
Yeah mon.
Look I don't know how we're going to do it yet but I promise you, I promise you we're going to honour that brave little son of a whore and the sacrifice that he made.
Yeah mon.
To Taco, boys! To Taco! Here little buddy, do a shooter for Taco.
Ricky Well boys I'd love to sit around and get wasted with you guys but unfortunately I've got to go be a bodyguard for drunkie for the rest of the night.
That's that's on me man.
All right.
Julian? What? Git yer arse on a swivel bud.