Trailer Park Boys s12e06 Episode Script

1 [dog barking, baby crying afar.]
Goddamn fucking bastards! What the hell, Ricky? You were supposed to be fixing this goddamn bathroom, not these two fucking brained ass-clowns! Look at what they've done! Oh, I'm gone two hours, I come back and find it twice as bad as it was! Jesus H.
Christ! What the fuck, boys? What the fuck actually goes on in your fucking heads? When I said to tap into the kitchen sink and run the fucking new water lines to the bathroom, I assume you two fucktards would run them under the trailers! What the fuck is this? How the fuck did you think this would be okay? Carpet, dude.
Carpet? Clean this the fuck up, get the fuck under the trailer and run the lines properly.
Under? But there's cow shit down there.
I don't fucking give a fuck.
Get it done! Marguerite, I'm sorry.
Even I didn't know they were this fucking dumb.
Wow, boys! Well, you should've asked me.
I knew.
[Bubbles.]
Let's go, Ricky.
We're gonna be late for the visitation.
All right I'll be back in a bit.
We're gonna have this fucking finished by tonight, I promise.
I'll believe that when I see it, dick flap! [theme music.]
Here, Julian.
Conway Kitty was sleeping on the back of it, but I got it all cleaned and pressed.
All right.
Thanks, man.
Now, when you wear it, make sure you button it up properly.
- Okay, I'll do that.
- Judges like a nice, clean appearance.
- All right.
- We are gonna light it the fuck up tonight, man! Right after court.
You're fucking right.
[sigh.]
Boys, I've got to get the fuck out of here.
It's nothing the way it used to be in here, I'm telling you.
It's all changed.
I mean, there's barely any booze.
There's a bunch of punks running around all fucking jacked up on pills and steroids, and not to mention the new guards in here that are a bunch of dicks! - Julian - What the fuck, man? That sucks.
Still some good weed and hash though? Yeah, there's a bit, but it's fucking expensive.
But enough whining about me.
How the fuck are you guys doing? I've been fucking great, man.
I finished the contract at the park for Barb, made a little money, fucking bought a car.
It's badass.
- [Julian.]
Nice! - I'm getting Marguerite's bathroom back.
She'll stop shitting and showering in my fucking trailer.
Good for you, man, good for you.
What about you, Bubs? I'm just concentrating on the beer, Julian, laying low.
[whispering.]
The whole helicopter thing is over.
They're not looking at it anymore.
- Nice.
- And Steve Rogers is doing a lot better.
I went to the hospital, brought him flowers.
He doesn't suspect anything.
Bubs, why would you go do something stupid like that? - What the Are you kidding me? - What? That's stupid! You're just fucking begging to get fucking caught and thrown in jail.
Sorry, sorry! Yeah, give me more advice, Mr.
I'm-sitting-in-fucking-jail- for-running-a-crime-ring-at-the-mall- involving-children.
- Shh! - Yes, bestow your knowledge on me.
I said I was sorry for that, okay? I got greedy, man.
I was dumb.
[sighing.]
But I'm gonna get my shit together, okay? I promise you that.
I've just got to get the fuck out of here and get some real booze into me.
What's the news? Fuck.
- What? - We have a serious fucking problem.
What the fuck are you talking about? You said you had this all figured out.
- "Slam-dunker," you called it.
- Yeah, I did.
I had a deal with the prosecutor.
A buddy of mine, owed me a favour.
Then the stupid bastard goes and gets arrested yesterday.
- Cocaine charges.
- [Bubbles.]
Oh, my fuck! Now the new prosecutor's apparently a real hard-ass, a hungry up-and-coming bitch.
- Great.
- Yeah, oh, yeah.
The slimy dragon queen is gonna go for the maximum: Five to seven years.
What? Five to seven y - Are you fucking kidding me? - Yeah, well, I hate to say this, - but my advice to you is to plead guilty.
- Huh! I could probably get it down to two or three you know, out in a year on good behaviour.
- [Ricky.]
It's better than fucking seven.
- Are you out of your fucking mind? He's talking about years, Ricky, not months! Two to three fucking That can't happen.
That can't happen.
There's got to be another fucking way.
Okay, okay, okay.
I've got an idea, and it's a long shot.
Longer than Huey Lewis's cock.
You gotta get the mall security manager to lie in court.
Getting this case thrown out is the only way Julian is not gonna go to jail today.
Now, if we go that angle, it's gonna be another eight no, let's say five grand for me, okay? Now, trials are not cheap.
[voice breaking.]
But, frankly don't you think it's important that we get our fellow out of here? - Would you cut that bullshit? - All right.
[Bubbles whispering.]
Nobody's buying your fucking tears.
There's gotta be some other way to So you're saying we've got to do a bunch more illegal stuff - to deal with this fucking illegal - Bubs, listen.
We've got to fucking try, don't we? - We've got to fucking try.
- Yeah.
[hard sigh.]
Yes! [Julian.]
Ricky.
Rick, go see Lahey.
See what money you can get from him, okay? Whatever you can get, man.
- He owes us big time, man.
- Yeah.
[Ricky.]
I'll do it Whatever the fuck it takes, me and Bubbles will do it.
- You're not going to fucking jail today.
- Right on.
Thanks, boys.
Right on.
- Two grand.
- Two grand? - Yes.
- For lying in court? You're asking for perjury! Three grand, and you can take him in the back room - and do whatever you want.
- What? No fucking way! - Five grand.
- Five? Yes.
Five Gs, and Bubbles has to grease the wheels on every fucking cart in the mall! Oh, yeah, just that's a $480 value! - That's the deal.
- For fuck's sakes, fine.
Done deal.
Meet you outside the courthouse before the trial.
Fuck.
[Bubbles whispering loudly.]
Fucking prick! Ricky, we can't do this.
Between him and Steinberg, now we're at 10 fucking grand.
$10,000! I know, but it's less than a million.
[sighing.]
It is, isn't it? Yes.
- Where the fuck is Lahey? - None of your frigging business, Ricky.
- Is that right? Where is he, bacon clit? - [glass shattering.]
[shouting.]
Where is he? [Lahey, slurring.]
What the hell's going on out here? Julian said that you owe him a lot of money, so let's go with the fucking money right now.
What the hell are you talking about, Rickles? It's for Julian.
We need it to get him out of jail.
Let's go.
If we don't help him, he's gonna do five to seven fucking years.
Let's go with some fucking money right now or I spray this whole deck with piss.
- Unfortunately, Ricky, you are too late.
- Really? Yeah.
Mr.
Lahey lost all of our frigging money.
- Randy! - Yeah! He went to the track while I was in the shower getting cleaned up, and he went and lost it all! Randy! - It's true, Mr.
Lahey.
- Yeah, well, whether it's true or not I don't wanna see Julian go to that shit hole for seven years.
Listen, Randy's right.
We don't have any fucking money.
I-I've maxed out my credit cards and I don't have a fucking penny to my name! - [George.]
You heard them.
- [gun clicking.]
Now get the fuck out of here.
And if you guys are smart, you'll forget all about your friend Julian.
Let him rot in jail where he belongs.
Why don't you shut your pie hole, there, penis nose? Let me promise you this: We're gonna have 10 grand by the time he gets to court.
We're gonna get him out.
When that happens, he's gonna come back here, make all your fucking lives a living, fucking hell.
I can't wait to see that, boys.
And you got a shitty beard.
[Mr.
Lahey.]
Ooh, tough.
What if they do raise the money and get him out of a jail? - Our lives could be fucked, Mr.
Lahey.
- Oh, relax, Randy.
As if those shitiots could come up with 10 grand today.
- [drunken laughter.]
- [George.]
Jim.
- What? - This has always been your downfall.
Always underestimate those guys, always end up getting fucked.
Well, I guess you better do something about it then, eh, Georgie porgy, pudding-y pie? Already on it.
[on loudspeaker.]
Attention, attention.
Everyone in Sunnyvale, we have a major fucking situation on our hands.
Julian could be going to jail for seven fucking years unless we can come up with $10,000 in the next few hours.
We need fucking donations of money or shit we can pawn for money.
Let's go, people! We've got to fucking pull together here.
We will take furniture, electronics, fucking jewellery.
Cash money's always good.
Anything we can pawn for Hold on a sec, Bubs.
Here comes some shit.
I'm not sure what the fuck it is.
Thank you very much.
- Decent.
- We will take hockey gear, fishing rods, - anything we can fucking pawn for money.
- Cash.
Attention, attention.
Cash definitely.
People of Sunnyvale, our beloved Julian, sexiest man in Sunnyvale, is fucking gonna go to jail for seven fucking years unless we come up with $10,000 in the next few hours.
We need your fucking donations.
Thanks for all your fucking help, all you cheap motherfuckers! You couldn't give a shit? Remember this next time you fucking need our help! - Ricky - [muttering.]
Fuck! Ridiculous! [Tyrone.]
Man, most of this stuff is garbage.
- It ain't worth shit.
- I know it's not.
Except somebody donated a bunch of sex toys.
Maybe it was Marguerite.
It was Marguerite, but it's not worth anything.
Man, there's no way we're gonna be able to make enough.
There's, like, $100 worth of shit here if we're lucky.
Well, you know what? There's only one other choice.
Trin, go in the trailer, get all my masks, four or five guns.
We're gonna have to fucking rob a bank or somewhere with a lot of money.
Dad, what the fuck? You are not robbing a fucking bank.
What other choice do we have right now, Trin? Ricky.
Ricky, please, please.
The last thing I fucking need is my other best friend in jail.
Please, we're not robbing a bank.
There's got to be something.
Seriously, man.
Think about what you're saying, Rick.
Come on, man.
All right.
What the hell are we gonna do then, huh? Because this shit right here [shouting.]
This shit ain't gonna fucking cut it, is it? - [Bubbles.]
Ricky! - We're fucked! We fucking blew it.
[Bubbles.]
Ricky, just calm down.
Don't smash the stuff we do have! - [whimpering.]
- [Sarah.]
Shit, you guys.
- Check it out.
- Hang on, boys.
Hey Come on, everybody! [Alvena.]
This is all we could get together, guys, but thank you so much for what you're doing for Julian.
- [Ricky.]
Thanks - [Bubbles.]
Pile it up there, everybody.
- Thank you.
- I notice you don't have anything.
I just came to see what you got.
- Yeah, we're gonna need that.
- Oh, for Jesus' sake! Take it.
[Donnie screaming.]
Will you take this fucking thing before I change my fucking mind? Calm down.
You don't have to give it away.
[Donnie.]
Lost the fucking remote anyway! Well, thanks.
Fucking lunatic.
Holy fuck, Ricky.
We're not dead yet! I've got to say I'm pretty blown away.
You know, everybody back at the park rallying together for me It kind of brings a tear to my eyes.
Holy fuck.
I've got to get the fuck out of here.
This place is full of guys like this.
They're all a bunch of idiots.
Like, what do you want? What the f? Which is a shame, it used to be so cool in here.
Now it's just full of a bunch of dicks.
Like Are you fucking kidding me, Jimmy? Animals! We hate dealing with the pawn shop owner.
He is a fucking son of a whore, but it's the only game in town, unfortunately, so we've got no fucking choice.
[engine turns off.]
[Bubbles.]
Ricky.
Ricky.
What are you doing getting out the passenger door? [Ricky laughing.]
You know what? Force of habitat - [truck horn blaring.]
- [Bubbles.]
Ricky! Ricky! - [crash.]
- Jesus Christ! - Are you fucking kidding me? - [Bubbles.]
Oh, my Jesus Murphy! Ricky! Oh, my Jesus Murphy! [man shouting indistinctly.]
What the fuck happened out here? Sorry about this.
This was an accident.
It wasn't supposed to happen.
Look, we've got a big load of merchandise here, coming in, giving you the fucking dibs on it.
Look, we got all this, everything in the vehicles here.
- We wanted to show it to you.
- You wanna sell or you wanna pawn? No, we are looking to sell everything at once.
- One big sale.
- All right, all right.
Hey, let me see what my pet orca thinks.
Shamu! Give me a number.
There's a lot of nice merchandise here.
About 15 and a bucket of chicken? 15? Exactly what I was thinking.
Hey, who knew whales could add, right? [Shamu.]
Hey! I heard that.
Listen, you Don Corleone motherfucker! I've had just about enough of your bullying! Bullying? I fucking complimented you! I said you were good in arithmetic.
Excuse me, that better not be a fucking real kitty you're holding there.
Hey.
Don't worry, it's not a real kitty.
If I gave him a real kitty, - he'd fucking eat it.
- Okay, whoa, whoa 15 what? 15 grand for the whole shooting match, like he fucking just said.
- [laughing.]
- [Bubbles.]
15 grand! Oh, my God, Ricky! - We did it, Bubs! - We did it! - [giggling.]
- Yeah, well, hang on.
Listen, I've got to run numbers on all these vehicles, all right? If they clear - 15 Gs, cash.
- What? Run num No, no, wait a second.
- No, the vehicles aren't part of the deal.
- No.
Just the merchandise in the vehicles.
- This swill? - Yeah.
Can we still do 15? I was gonna pay you to fuckin' take it.
A G note for all of it.
That's it.
A grand? For all this? Are you kidding me? That stuff's worth way more than a grand! Well, then fucking keep it then.
The vehicles or fuck off.
Most of these fucking people, they drive me fucking crazy, okay.
They come in with shit, they think it's worth three times more than it is because it's got sentimental value.
Like, "Oooh, that belonged to my grandmother!" Well, you know what? Fuck you and fuck Grandma.
Dig her up and fuck her too.
[Frankie.]
Guys.
I can't do the 15 Gs.
- Fuck! - Okay? The Caddy came back as stolen from Quebec.
- What? - Okay? And this piece of shit: Who wants a three-door sedan? - All right? - It's fucking still nice.
Okay The other three, I'll go nine grand.
That's it.
We can't take nine grand, we have to get at least to 10 grand.
That's I mean that Fiero alone, that thing was a fucking official pace car at the Riverside Speedway in Antigonish.
It's got the upgraded suspension and Richard Petty's cousin signed the dash.
I forgot to mention that.
- [whimpering.]
- All right! All right! Stop your crying, will you? You're gonna fog up those candy dishes in your fucking head.
Jesus! You're telling me that that was a real pace car? That was a pace car at Riverside, I promise you.
- Please.
- All right.
You're lucky I'm in a good fucking mood.
And it better be a fucking pace car.
It is.
The paperwork's in the glove compartment.
10 Gs it is.
Shamu, get everything logged in and tagged.
All right? Or I'll tape your blow hole shut, so help me.
Okay.
Ricky, can you go finalize everything? I need to say goodbye to Guy Fierio and my LGBT.
Your what? My Little Green Bastard Truck.
Sorry, buddy.
Julian better fucking appreciate this.
[whimpering.]
I guess this is it, little buddy.
[whimpers.]
I know it sucks, buddy, but they're just cars.
It's a good thing we're doing here.
I know, Ricky, but my dream car! My dream car, gone.
My perfect little truck gone.
Fucking Julian better appreciate this.
He will, buddy.
I mean We'll get your cars back.
If we don't, we'll get you something just as nice.
No, Ricky, it's just like - What the Jesus! - Are you fucked in the head? Watch where you're going, you blind bastard! Fuck! Fuck, Ricky, he's got a mask.
- Give me your fucking money - Ahhh! - Not a fucking chance! - I'll blow your fucking heads off! - [gunshot.]
- Fuck! Jesus Christ! - You think I'm fucking around? - No, Bubbles, no! - Money! Now-w-w! - Ricky! - Here, here! - Fuck! - Money! - Fuck! Are you shot, Ricky? Oh, my fuck! - Candy? - [laughing.]
Wow.
Hey.
Julian.
Nice suit.
Thank you.
You look fantastic.
- Thank you.
- What are you doing here? Uh, I'm the Crown prosecutor.
Hmm Wow, good for you! - [chuckling.]
Thanks, thanks.
- Good going.
See things haven't changed much for you, huh? It's not what it sounds like.
I'm taking the fall for some kids.
You get a record when you're a kid, your life's ruined, you know? I know that.
Got it.
So you're just innocent and you're covering for the kids who have all signed written statements to the contrary.
- Yeah, I told them to do it.
- Oh.
They're a great bunch of kids.
They just need some guidance.
Okay.
Look not that I need it, but do you think you could go a little easier on me now that you know the deal? - You know, five to seven is fucked.
- Seriously? [scoffing.]
Wow.
You know what, Julian, you should have made some choices and grown up, like I did.
You know, I worked my ass off to get where I am today, so I take my job really seriously.
- Okay.
- Good luck in there.
- Thank you.
- You'll need it.
There goes the dragon queen, but don't worry about it.
Are you ready to do this, big boy? Hmm? Everything in place with Gary? I hope so.
I haven't heard anything different, man.
Got it.
You got my money? I'm assuming so, man, but I don't know where the fuck those guys are.
All right.
Well, look, I'll wait for them.
You should head on in.
It's better for me to be late than you.
- All right.
- Oh, uh, ba-ba-ba-ba! You look great.
Piece of cake! - Gonna win! - All right.
All right, get in there.
You fellas need an attorney? [engine roaring.]
[brakes screeching.]
- Ahh, fuck - Ricky Ricky, you're gonna get a parking ticket, parking like that.
Ah, fuck! Just wait, just wait, Ricky, just wait.
- Come on, Bubs, we've gotta go! - Don't think I can do it.
- What? - Julian's fucked, Ricky! I can't go in there and just watch him go to jail forever.
- Fuck - I just can't do it.
I'm too nervous.
Fucking wait here then.
We've got to get in there.
Goddamn it! [whimpering.]
Just go.
[clattering.]
Ah, fuck! Jesus Hubert Christ! What the hell happened to you, buddy? We had the fucking 10 grand and this cock-sucking crack whore's bastard child fucking robbed us at gunpoint, took the money, and made me shoot myself in the leg.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba You don't have my money? No.
We're fucking good for it.
Gonna take us more time to come up with it.
Yeah, but you did pay Gary though, right? Couldn't.
But we'll fucking pay him.
It's all good.
Yeah, great.
Well, that's the end of it.
People who commit perjury don't take IOUs.
And given the updated situation, neither do I.
- What the fuck are you talking about? - Look, Julian is fucked, which means I don't get paid, which means I'm the hell outta here.
Look, if you - What? - If you need something in the next five to seven years, give me a jangle.
Fuck that! Where the fuck do I even go? In the courtroom, ass-hat! Ah, fuck.
Hey, what the fuck's up? [whispering.]
Thank fuck.
What the hell happened? [whispering.]
I got fucking shot.
Some dick-less, shit-blooded cock bandit fucking robbed us, took all the money.
You're fucked, man, I'm sorry.
Oh, Jesus Christ! Where the hell's Steinberg? He's got to get get them to fucking delay this trial.
Yeah, about that.
Don't think it's gonna happen.
He just fucking quit because we didn't have his fucking money.
- Is that Candy over there? - Yes.
- She smart? - Very.
- We're fucked.
- All rise.
The Honourable Judge Ticklebury presiding.
[Ricky giggling.]
Be seated.
Will the defendant and his counsel please rise? Uh, Your Honour, sir, uh my lawyer just quit on me for some unknown reason.
[Ticklebury.]
So you have no representation? - Well, I did, but now he's - But now you don't.
So you have no representation, correct? [Julian.]
Uh, correct, but can I motion that thingy forth to maybe delay this until I get another lawyer, please? Your Honour, this is a ploy to delay the trial because it's an open and shut case.
You know, the evidence against the defendant is overwhelming and it's a complete waste of the court's time.
- [Ticklebury.]
Duly noted, counsel.
- Thank you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Waste of time? Hmmph! That lying sack of fucking human dog shit right there is the only evidence they have, and he is fucked! Look at him, he can't Order! You watch your mouth in my courtroom, sir.
- [Ricky.]
Yeah, okay.
What the fuck ever.
- Excuse me? And who exactly are you? And what are you doing in this courtroom? And why are you seated next to the defendant? Actually, as of right now, I'm representing my friend Julian here, okay? My name is Ricky LaFleur and I've been around courtrooms enough to know - what the fuck is what.
- Better watch your language, son.
I won't tolerate it.
And what is that stuck to your leg? Are you bleeding? Actually I am.
Pretty fucking badly.
I'm in a lot of pain.
I got shot less than 10 minutes ago by someone that that fucking asshole hired right there 'cause he knew I was gonna talk at the trial and fuck everything up.
I'm sorry, what what are you insinuating? [Ricky.]
Oh, my God, please.
Fuck off with the big fancy judgey type words.
I don't understand them.
Nobody does.
So you can stop showing off with your mastering of the Eng-a-lish language.
Nobody's impressed.
Final warning.
I'll find you in contempt.
You do know what the word contempt means? Yeah, I certainly do.
I've been fined for fucking contempt many times, I'm not afraid to get fined for it again.
I'm just trying to save a fucking completely innocent man here from going to jail.
He was fucking framed! Objection, Your Honour This is insane.
You can't let this mockery of our justice system continue, sir.
It's not a fucking mocklery, so fuck off with that shit You know what? I'm sorry.
Listen, it's really, really fucking hard for me to talk without swearing.
That's the way most normal people talk.
They swear.
I'm sure you swear when you're not wearing that weird little robe, but anyway My friend Julian here was working at the mall doing security, okay, when dick flapper over here decides to go on some trip to get fucking learnt on something, supposedly, and while he's gone, Julian has this great idea.
He sets up this undercover sting operation to catch shoplifters.
And when sour-cream-glazed dick nuts here returned, he was so fucking jealous 'cause Julian kicked ass and did such a good job, he was actually really scared.
He was afraid that he was gonna lose his fucking job and get replaced by Julian.
So, in his mind, his only option is to fucking frame Julian for shoplifting.
The only way he could save his career, his living-hood.
So that's what he fucking did.
You are a terrible person, Gary.
Shame on you, sir! Bullshit! Bull-fucking-shit! - [Ricky.]
Oh, yeah? - You fucking liar! - Really? - I've got it on tape, for fuck's sake! - Okay.
- What is wrong with you people? Are you all atheists? This is a provincial fucking courtroom, for f! See? It's not that easy, is it? Our apologies, your lordship, on our end.
The only reason you have Julian on tape, pretending to fucking steal, is 'cause he was deep, deep undercover.
You stupidy-stupid, dumb dummy! If you'd just bothered to fucking ask him before you called the cops, you would have known that! But you know what, Gary? Right now I wanna talk about another fact.
I wanna talk about the fact that you tried to blackmail us into paying you five fucking thousand dollars, and this is a nice one he tried to make us have a naked, candlelit, lemony-scented bubble bath with him just so he would come clean and tell the fucking truth in court! That is fucked.
What do you think about that there, Caesar-salad cock? You want to fucking talk about those - [Ticklebury.]
Order! Enough! Enough! What in the name of Jesus Christ's earlobes is going on here? - Good question.
- Counsel, approach the bench now, please.
- Sure.
- Not you! - You and your potty mouth can stay put.
- Fine.
I'm just trying to figure out how something like this could happen in such a perfect country.
Where the fuck are we right now, the West Koreas? This is fucked! [Ticklebury.]
Stop talking! Now I'm serious.
- All right.
No problem.
- Sit down! - Right now? - Yes! Okay, I'm sitting, fuck.
Now, counsellor, can you please shed some light on all of this? Are any of the accusations true against your only witness? You know, blackmail, naked bubble baths? What in the name of Moses' baby girl is going on here? My apologies, Your Honour.
I received this case only yesterday after the other Crown counsel was arrested, as I'm sure you've heard.
Yeah, I heard.
It was a shame.
Yeah.
I had a coke problem in my 50s.
It's a tough thing to shake.
Oh, yeah.
Indeed.
Speaking of cocaine You guys were just talking about cocaine there, I think.
Well, Gary here has a massive fucking cocaine problem.
Maybe you should talk about how you were stealing from the mall to support your fucking habit, Gary.
Let's talk about that right now.
More fucking lies! I-I was at an ashram.
- Hmm a coke ashram.
- I'll fucking kill you! Okay, seriously? Death threats? Seven days contempt of court! [gavel banging.]
- Fuck you, Gary.
- Anyone else want some? [Ricky.]
I'm good.
So continue.
Right.
So, Your Honour, I had literally five hours to prepare for this case, so this is the first that I'm hearing about naked bubble baths and - and blackmail.
- [Ricky.]
And cocaine.
There's the cocaine as well.
But your entire case revolves around the testimony of this witness, does it not? [Candy.]
Yes, Your Honour.
So what do you have to say? I guess I'm fucked on this one too, sir.
Yeah, I think you are.
I'm gonna walk over to my gavel and make a decision.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Thank you.
Clearly the Crown is not prepared to proceed, so I have no other option but to declare the case dismissed.
[gavel banging.]
[laughing.]
You are a good fucking man there, Judge Ticklebury! [Ricky.]
Yeah-h-h-h! Fuck you, court! [Bubbles.]
What happened? What happened? Why did Steinberg leave? - He took off, man.
He defended me.
- Ah! Fuck - He was amazing.
He put on a clin He's the smartest man I know right there.
I've been saying that my whole fucking life.
Rick, I'll never forget this, buddy, thank you.
That was way too close, man.
I love you, buddy.
Love you too.
That was way too close.
There's no fucking way I was letting you go away for that long.
Fuck that! Here, get over here, man.
Thank you, Bubs.
I love you too, buddy.
I love you too, Julian.
But now I hope you understand what the fuck I've been saying.
[voice breaking.]
I thought you were gonna do hard time, Julian! And I thought I was fucked for good that time, and I've never felt that way before in my life.
That was scary.
Yeah, well, the crime and the bullshit, boys, it's fucking done! That's it! Final word.
That goes for you too, Ricky.
I'm never breaking the law again.
I'm good.
[Candy.]
Hey, Julian.
- Guys.
- [Ricky.]
Hi.
Wow it is really freaky seeing you again.
- [Julian.]
Big time.
- Yeah.
I'm really sorry that asshole tried to blackmail you.
- It's all right.
- Son of a bitch.
Drug addicts, you know? - The worst.
- They're the worst.
- Yep.
- Yeah.
Hey, here's my card.
You know, just in case.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Good to see you.
- Yeah, good to see you too.
- Bye.
- Good game.
That was fun.
- Ricky - Bubs, stop staring at her ass.
- I wasn't staring.
- You were staring right at her.
- I looked at it and it's nice.
- It is nice.
- Very nice.
How can you sit there so composed and calm, Mr.
Lahey? We're seriously frigged.
'Cause I'm not worried about it, Randy.
Well, you should be.
They raised the money, he's getting out.
Our lives are gonna be a complete living hell, I'm telling you.
Yeah, well, either way, it is what it is.
There's nothing we can do about it.
Randy, it's all predetermined.
Que sera, sera, sera Look, when it happens, we'll deal with it.
We always do.
But how, sir? Julian's gonna run all over us.
We're frigged! [George.]
No need to get your panties in a bunch, Randy.
Julian isn't going anywhere.
Not without this.
Holy sweet shit bags, Randers! Nice work, George.
See Randy? Fickle finger of fate's on our side, bud.
George I've got a sneaking suspicion.
Why would you not take off with the money? Randy and I wouldn't have been any of the wiser.
Well, I thought about it, Jim.
But where would that leave me once it was gone? Dirty ex-cop that no one would hire, no friends, no place to live, getting arrested the way I did and leaving the department in utter disgrace Well, I've now walked in your shoes, Jim.
And I can honestly say I'm amazed you're still standing and that you've managed to keep it together as much as you have.
Yeah, well.
It it was tough, George.
I have to admit it.
Ah, you always said I was the stupidest cop on the force.
The dumbest.
Well, you know what? You were right, Jim.
I wish I could argue with you, George, but I can't.
Uh-huh.
[Marguerite.]
For God's sake, get the fuck off my property - I'm so sorry - Piss off, pervert! - [wheezing.]
- Ricky, for God's sake, will you get these hopped-up fuckheads the hell out of here? Not only do I find them sleeping under my trailer, but now they're behaving like they're from some other fucking planet! I'm going down to your trailer to have one Olympian shit.
- You know why? - Why? I still do not have a fucking bathroom! - What? - No.
What the fuck is wrong with you ass-roosters? Why the fuck do you not have the bathroom done yet? [indistinct singing.]
How fucking high are you? Where did you get the weed, boys? It's not weed, dudio! Follow this through here.
Ugh! What the fuck? Marguerite is growing mushrooms, dude! - It's so fucking rad! - [Cory roaring.]
It's not fucking Marguerite, you cock-dusters, it's the fucking cow manure.
[Jacob.]
What? Oh, my fuck.
[Cory.]
Follow Ricky to the trailer [scatting.]
Follow Ricky to the trailer Follow Ricky to the [clattering.]
[Ricky.]
Oh-h-h-h My fucking sweet glorious blizzard nipples! Not a fucking word of this to anybody.
Not even Trin, Jacob, you got it? Yeah.
Sometimes you are pretty fucking awesome.
Like Ron Cruise said, "Flow me the money! Flow me the money!" Yes! - Oh, my God.
- [dog barking.]
[theme music.]
[seagulls squawking.]
[fish.]
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck! Fuck off! Jesus Christ! [whisper.]
Fuck.
- [light clicks off.]
- Fuck off.
Hope you enjoyed the episode