Weeds s04e03 Episode Script

The Whole Blah Damn Thing

Previously on "weeds" Yes, I set the house on fire.
We're going to ren mar.
- Ho, what? - We're going to see bubbie.
What's she like? She's somewhere far, far away.
It's a shame you boys never got a chance to know her.
But you can blame your mother for that.
Yeah, you're not getting out of here anytime soon.
You fuckers ratted me out.
She got busted for a pot house.
Your pot house, mom.
Fuck! Should I be nervous about all this? Of course you should.
It's the drug business.
It's dangerous.
You're gonna take a little drive for me today, blanca.
And there's big money in it if you do it real good.
Wait, you were recording me, and there's no drugs? The car was clean? Tomorrow we review the tape.
Nancy, what the hell are we doing here? We're starting a new life.
She's trying to talk! It's yiddish.
- What did she say? - It means "kill me.
" proudly presents sync:ßÇÈâÈâ Season04 Episode03 Her eyes don't move, but they follow you like when you look at a painting.
She's like a painting.
"She's alone and palely loitering.
" How is she? Alone and palely loitering.
Nice coat.
Kept me toasty on the porch last night.
Bubbie loves her pelts.
What was wrong with the couch in here? I got a little creeped out after the whole "I want to die" thing.
Plus, it's like bunking with darth vader.
The what thing? Yesterday, bubbie told us she wants to die.
Actually, she said, "kill me.
" In yiddish.
Bubbie, this bubbie, the bubbie that doesn't blink? She seized a moment.
It was very intense.
- So she's actually in there.
- Yeah.
And she wants out.
I've got many long, dark hairs in my tub! I've actually got one wrapped around my toe! I'm thinking, "disgusting!" I'm also thinking you're going bald! Do women go bald? Where did you come from? Outdoor shower.
No line.
No lenny.
Where the hell is my bathrobe? I believe this belongs to you.
And that belongs to me.
Another thief.
Good morning, shane.
You, I'm not talking to.
Is this still about me being a thief? Or have we moved on to bubbie's recent trip to clarityville? "Kill me.
" "Kill me," huh.
What do you think she meant by that? Maybe it was her sled.
I said I didn't want to talk to you.
But you don't listen.
You just keep on talking, don't you? It's a lot of hair.
You're under a lot of stress.
What do you think brings two people together, miss hodes, chance or fate? Chance? No, fate.
It's f-- it's fate.
- It's definitely fate.
- Wrong.
Please don't put me back in jail.
It's chance! And I'm gonna give you one.
A once-in-a-lifetime, never-to-be-repeated, small-window-of-opportunity chance to clear your name.
Does that interest you, miss hodes? Yes, it does.
Yes.
I want to know where nancy botwin is.
I can do that.
I want to know how she knows this man, what she's doing with him, when they met, and who introduced them.
If you can give me the "why," I'll shit sunflowers.
And then you'll drop all the charges.
- Did I say that? - No.
I did not say that.
I also did not not say that.
What you deliver to me, I give back to you.
Quality of information equals degree of leniency.
So I-I just, uh what? Knock on her door? Say, "hey, nance, got any new mexican friends?" Actually, he's puerto rican.
How he ended up running los angeles for a mexican cartel is something of a mystery to us.
Guillermo garcia-gomez.
That's who you want.
Oh, I'd love her, too.
Love it! But her time's coming, 'cause that's fate.
But this guy, he's a whale.
And I fucking love whales! I'm ahab, miss hodes.
Guillermo garcia-gomez.
You report to me weekly.
And, celia? Yes? I liked you blonde on your driver's license.
Think about going there again.
Do you have anything to say about this? Happiness is an empty bladder? What's with all the skirt flapping? I was drying my self.
Silk chiffon.
Expensive to dry-clean.
Chewie took a shit in a bread bag one time.
So, that's why I got stopped? Because I peed? Yeah, 'cause you peed, 'cause you went through right after shift change when border guards are fresh and eager, 'cause you wore that ridiculous, check-my-shit-out, technicolor slut suit in the middle of the afternoon on a tuesday.
Why you calling attention to yourself? You're supposed to be the all-american mom.
Get yourself some J.
Crew.
Blend, seÑora.
- Blend? - Yeah.
Look.
Look at your hands.
They don't stop moving.
Banging on the steering wheel, tapping on the dash, fanning your coochie.
I had a lot of coffee.
So, next time, you have less.
Take some beta blockers, okay? Just calm your shit down.
What do you need with all that? The guy didn't have any change.
Oh, and he was the only one out there? Look what message you sent.
A lady goes to T.
J.
Dressed like a guera peacock, and she comes back with nothing but the mierda she buys in line at the crossing.
I told them I was looking for fade cream.
All right, well, why didn't you have and empty container to show the guys in the store, huh? What's the brand name? Ah, you're right.
I was vague.
You must always be thinking ahead, okay? Know what's around you.
Stay relaxed.
You've been thinking east-west your whole life.
You need to start thinking north-south.
I want to make another run.
- Right now.
- Nah.
A real one.
You ain't ready for that.
You gave me a test.
I failed.
Fine.
But I get it now.
North-south.
J.
Crew.
Small bills.
Beta blockers.
So school's out, hmm? You learned all you need? I learned all I'm gonna learn sitting in a warehouse.
Ah, eager beaver.
Okay, you want to make a real run? All right.
This time you're gonna take my ride.
Andy: Uh, there -- there's really -- there's really no easy way to say this.
You want to kill bubbie.
No.
Well, yes, but no.
I mean yes.
And also no.
Mostly yes.
Like an incredibly humane, merciful, dignified "yes," up here in the foreground with this deeply felt, sorrowful, tinged-with-regret-and-guilt- about-the-big-fat-"yes" "no" back there a ways.
I think it's the right thing to do.
Of course you do.
You talk to dead people.
It's what bubbie wants.
What's your problem? We don't have a whole lot of family.
Do we really want to kill one off? That in there, that's as good as it gets for bubbie.
There's no recovery.
There's just pain and more pain and wanting that pain to end.
So let's just kill her? Let's help her find peace.
By killing her.
I wish you wouldn't make "killing her" sound so much like "killing her.
" Show some balls.
That's the spirit! Yeah.
Sure.
Death is no big deal because life is just blah blah blah.
Look, silas, life is just blah blah blah.
You hope for blah.
And sometimes you find it.
But, mostly, it's blah and waiting for blah.
And hoping you were right about the blahs you made.
And then, just when you think you've got the whole blah damn thing figured out and you're surrounded by the ones you blah, death shows up.
And blah blah blah.
All right, let's do this.
That was good.
I have my moments.
So, the plan -- unified front, three-man approach.
We send shane in to convince the old man.
- Silas and I hide out here.
- What? He likes you.
Fine.
Pussies.
Fucking hotel key.
Shit.
Fucker.
Maybe they gave you the wrong key for your room that you have with your husband, Dean Hodes, the lovable gimp.
Yes.
Look at this thing.
Do you want to hold it? No, I don't want to hold it.
But what are we looking at, exactly? What is this? Well, when the fires hit Agrestic Oh, God, look.
You said a "sneak"? Yep, that's the term, kind of like Oh, I love Huell Howser.
Don't you just love him, Celia? He's so enthusiastic.
And his hair is so neat.
Pam, get your head out of huell's ass and go out into the hall.
I need a lookout.
I wasn't looking at it from the right angle.
Now, she kind of had a premonition.
"Mail, messages "Shane.
"Gr8 grandma dying.
Weird house.
" Yeah, yeah, yeah.
"Ren Mar is full of beach nazis.
" Ren Mar.
Ren Mar.
Bebe? Regrese como una hora o dos horas.
No, um Sorry, no comprende.
- Farmacia.
- Oh, no.
No, I'm gonna stay here and watch and listen.
See? Hello, welcome to podcast number six, "Shopping.
" Hola, bienvenidos a podcast número seis, "comprar.
" Now that you have purchased new shoes, let's go next door to the pet store la tienda de mascotas.
Do you have video for cats? Tiene videos para gatos? I would like a talking bird.
Quiero un pájaro que hable.
What does the big lizard eat? Que come la lagartija? - This cat has no claws.
What is that? Dónde is that? Que? What the fuck is that? This is Lento.
He's going to see his mother.
She's getting a gastric bypass in Limón grove.
I'm not smuggling any illegals.
I just do mota.
Mota, see? No illegals.
Oh, do not worry, miss.
I am not illegal.
I got a green card.
- You got a green card.
- I got a green card.
So, why don't you just walk across the border? I also got a prison record.
For what? For what? Why did he go to jail? Jaywalking.
Vaya con dios.
I need to talk to you about Bubbie.
Well, unfortunately for you, I do not share that need.
But would you like a parting gift? She's in a lot of pain.
Well, that's an amazing diagnosis considering you and your family just got here like little rays of sunshine and euthanasia and you really aren't as familiar with her medical condition as, say, someone like I don't know.
Who am I thinking of? You know.
Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue.
Me.
But you nailed it.
What tipped you off? Was it the morphine drip? She said she wanted to die.
You know what? I've changed my mind.
Let's rap.
Here, have a seat right by my mother.
Now, what do you want to talk about? I think that Bubbie has that you have the right to choose your death.
Well, you got to respect a man who speaks his mind, huh, ma? I do it myself all the time to varying effect.
But, still, respect must be paid.
Pulling the plug on her? Is that what you have in mind? Pretty much.
So, tell me, would you want to kill your mom? I mean, let's just say that was her laying in that bed, shedding hair all over the pillow.
If she said "kill me," I would.
Well, as luck would have it, it's not your mom.
That happens to be the woman that spent the wonder years kicking my ass.
Calling me a loser, a liar, bad investment, force-feeding me liver and applesauce, hanging my dog twice accidentally, or so she said.
But how do they get up there in that tree? I think you're having problems letting go.
Of course.
I am.
I'm having problems letting go.
You know why? 'Cause it's my fucking mother.
All eyeballs and elbows and ready to play god.
Okay, big guy.
Here we go.
See the ventilator? It starts here, and it ends there.
So, all you got to do is reach down and yank it out.
Just give it a tug -- pop! And she's gone.
Easy, right? I can't.
How do you say "I fucking did it" in spanish? - "Lo hice, chingado.
" - Lo hice, chingado! - Ichinga tu madre! - What? What does that mean? That means you hit a fucking pothole.
I'm sorry.
We're almost there.
Are you lost, miss? We keep turning right.
Well, these streets all look the same.
Have you been to Guillermo's drug warehouse before? Do you know if it's by an ez storage? Maybe if you stop and ask.
Yeah, not the kind of thing you can ask someone else.
It's -- it's this way.
You drive for shit.
Sorry.
Wait, this looks familiar.
Oh, this is it.
This is it.
Ilo hice, chingado! Lo hice, chingado.
Hola? Guillermo? Chewie? Shit.
Is here? No.
Is not here.
Well, is here, but here isn't here anymore, apparently.
Uh, you will please let me out now? No.
I want to.
But you're a criminal of some sort, and we're alone.
I'm sorry.
'Cause I'm sure you're quite possibly a very nice mexican man who loves his mother, but you might also want to make a hat out of my kidneys.
So we'll get you out soon.
Soonish.
What the fuck do you want? I'll give you a beer.
Will you go away? Can I drink my beer first? Only if you swear, by whatever god you consider significant, that you absolutely will not speak.
Yeah, okay.
You're -- you're gonna talk.
Give me the pabst back.
Get the fuck out of here.
I'm not talking.
I'm drinking.
Just start talking.
We both know you're gonna talk, so go ahead and talk.
You're trying to put me on tilt aren't you? Fuck! Say it! You want me to kill my mother! - That really hurt! - Say it! Goddamn it, yes! Yes, I want you to pull the plug! I want you to cash in her chips.
I want you to enter her in the dirt derby.
You're the one who told us what she said You.
It was yiddish.
You could have said anything, any lie you wanted.
But you told us.
You can't listen to that.
She doesn't know what's coming out.
It's just talk.
- How often does she talk? - I don't know.
How many times does she say, "I want to die"? - I don't know.
- Yes, you do.
Once, twice, several times, a bunch, often, never.
What do you want me to say, that I want to kill my mother? That I want her dead? I wish this would all go away? - Yeah.
- Fine.
I wish she were dead and this would all go away.
So, do you want to be the one who like this is some fucking honor? - You do it.
- No way.
She likes me.
Nancy.
Bubbie did say bringing not-Francie into the family would kill her.
Psychic, my mother.
Is here Limón grove? No.
No limón grove.
Will you please shut up about Limón grove every time I hit the brake? I've got to pick up my mama.
She gets discharged at 5:00, and they're just gonna leave her in the hallway.
Listen, listen.
Lento, I'm sorry.
It's just I'm dealing with some seriously thwarted expectations of my own right now.
I'm gonna go inside.
If Guillermo doesn't call me back in 20 minutes, I'll bring some tools and get you out.
I have to pee.
You go right ahead, sweetie.
Hi, guys.
We're just, uh, saying our good-byes.
- Oh, my god.
Did Bubbie - No.
We decided it would be best to pull the plug, though, and let her rest in peace.
Tonight.
Actually, we decided, uh, you should do the honors.
I'm One sec.
Um, hola.
Hey, you got my pot, my truck, and my cousin Lento? Where the hell are you? Outside.
I'll be back in a sec.
It's okay, Nance.
Go outside.
Uh, gather your thoughts.
When you're ready, we'll be here.
Where were you guys? Security breach.
Change of venue.
And how do you know where I live? It's in your GPS.
Under "home.
" That's nice.
I-I need to go kill my dead husband's grandmother now.
Been there.
Dinero.
Oh, shit! - Mucho dinero.
- Si.
Balls! Fuck! Think Andy gets residuals for this? That foot is kind of hot.
Does that make me gay? Crap.
This is my favorite part.
Need like 10 more minutes, Izzy.
- Carilli.
- Wilson.
I want answers.
We researched the insurance policies on the municipal buildings.
There are several discrepancies that oh, Jesus cock, you got a Christ-on.
Sorry about that.
Must be upsetting.
Unless you own a horse.
I'll grab some pants, be right back.
Doug, say goodbye to Izzy for me.
And tell her I'm sorry that we never got to watch porn together.
Wait, no, don't tell her that.
Tell her, "Herbie the love bug.
" - What's going on, man? - Nothing.
Where's my Armageddon bag? Oh, no.
Come on, stay, Doug.
We'll fight them together.
Adiós, buddy.
Oh, and that foot thing makes you totally gay.
I love you, man.
Gay! Gay! Bubbie, to be honest, I don't really know a whole lot about you.
I don't even know your real name.
I mean, I do.
If I thought about it.
Probably.
Helen? I'm -- I'm sure I'll -- I'll read it in the paper -- or on your grave.
Anyway I know Judah loved you.
And I know you loved Judah, and that's good to know.
I know you aren't hanging on for things you haven't done because you did what you needed to do.
You were here.
And you touched all these lives.
And you were loved.
And you collected many excellent treasures which we will now have to figure out what to do with.
Um, I pray that you will rest easy, that you will not fear, that you will have peace, and you will thank god it has come at last.
And please don't be mad at me.
- Was that it? - No.
- That one? - That's the kitchen.
I can't - How about now? - Getting warmer.
That's it.
She's still breathing.
Shane, get mommy a pillow.