Welcome to the Family (2018) s01e11 Episode Script
Episode 11
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES What are you doing, sweetie? This is no time for gardening.
They called you, didn't they? Yes.
Then go in and tell them that I am burying my husband, alright? And whoever tries to stop me I've already dug one hole and I can dig thirty more, I tell you.
Alright.
My dear, love of my life, apple of my eye What you're doing is impossible.
Why is it impossible? We have it almost taken care of, but before burying him, we have to do one more thing.
We have to kill Eduardo.
WELCOME TO THE FAMILY I kept quiet when you killed my husband with a heart attack.
I kept quiet when you stuck him in a rusty freezer.
I kept quiet when you had a party around the body.
Well, I wouldn't exactly say quiet.
Now what? You've had the will changed, right? Then let me bury him in peace, as he deserves.
Period.
You got as much out of this as we did, and you know it.
I'm going back outside.
I have nothing else to say to you.
Just one thing, have you seen my shovel? - Victòria! Listen to me, my love! - What? Listen.
If we don't kill him officially, we don't get the inheritance.
- Hasn't he been in a freezer? - Yes.
So we pull him out.
Makes no difference.
Barely any time has passed.
Sorry doctor, he just died.
That's it.
No problem! But even though he's been in the freezer, the police will be able to tell.
Victòria, believe me.
When I was studying law I saw a lot of similar cases, on TV, watching CSI.
How long ago did you get your degree? - A while ago.
- A while ago? We have to make it look like an accident, with the car or something equally obvious.
So they don't look too closely.
Yes, so they don't look into it.
They'll catch us.
Why? We did a lot of strange things.
The neighbors, the editor, they saw us.
Suddenly, Eduardo changes his will and, coincidentally, has an accident.
I'd be suspicious.
One only needs to look at the heirs to know who's guilty.
Come on.
So, what's more, everything we've done has been for nothing? A a suicide.
What? He didn't change the will on a whim.
He knew he was going to die.
That's a good idea.
And we could leave a note.
Great plan! Fran, as head of this criminal organization - What? No - Yes.
Please stand up.
- No.
- Yes, come with me.
- But I - Relax.
- Yes.
- Please, have a seat.
- What do you want me to do? - To type the suicide note.
Anybody got any ideas? No, I don't.
"My pretty and beloved Victòria" Is that "pretty" or "petty"? No.
Clearly "pretty".
"My idiotic daughter has come home", coma, "and I can't stand it any longer," colon, bold.
"I want the record to show that my wife was an exceptional person, a fragile little bird, who sometimes" Look.
Start over, dear.
What's wrong? "Dear Ãngela: you are a wonderful woman.
" Great.
Here comes her Valentine "And I can no longer stand my wife.
I'm killing myself.
" - How nasty, such a lack of - Okay, Enough! Neither of those work.
Eduardo just changed his will in our favor.
He can't kill himself because he can't stand us.
The girl is right.
Anyone else have an idea? Motives for Eduardo's suicide.
So, we've got: "Existential crisis.
" "My books are shit.
" "My books are fucking shit.
" which is the same but, you know, better.
"I have a terminal illness.
" "I've been secretly addicted to drugs.
" And "The UFOs are coming for me.
" - You didn't read mine.
- Oh yeah.
"Tomatoes no longer taste the way they used to.
" - An undeniable truth.
- It's true.
They don't have any taste.
- Plastic flavor.
- Yeah.
Well.
What do you think? This isn't working.
This "brainstrumming" is a load of bullshit.
It's called "brainstorming", and it's a very useful technique "Storming" or "strumming", doesn't matter.
It isn't working.
Not a peep out of either of you.
You're the ones who knew him, aren't you? What was he worried about? What was he afraid of? Help me out.
- I don't really - I don't know.
Well, he he didn't talk much.
What can I say? - I lived with him for eighteen years - True.
and I can't imagine what went through his mind when he was alone.
No, of course not.
Feelings weren't his thing.
Maybe that's it.
What? Go on.
Go on, Franky Corleone.
You talk and I write.
- Go.
- Go on.
That's it, my dear.
Of course.
"I shan't explain myself.
You wouldn't understand and I don't care.
You wanted my money, right? Well, enjoy it, you rats.
" "Rats"? - "Rats.
" - "Rats.
" Look.
Look, goosebumps.
I saw Eduardo.
I swear.
You got him.
It's just like his grandfather.
When you got all piss-and-vinegar just there.
You got him down to a T.
Tito Fran, MVP of the family! Dude, you're on fire.
Hey.
It's because he's got a girl.
There, that's it.
No, all we need now is the cherry on top.
- The what? - You'll see.
Ãngela, please.
Can you come with me? - Me? Sure.
Of course.
- Go on.
Just a second.
- What? - Listen.
Just one thing.
No I'm not sure that No.
I mean, to say Last night's kiss Silly, wasn't it? Let's forget about it, Okay? Yeah.
It was silly.
Yes.
You know, with all this craziness going on around us - Yeah, the pressure - It got to us.
It certainly did.
You and I together? - Imagine that.
- Yeah.
Wow.
So, we're good? - Yeah.
We're good.
- Very good.
Will you help me bring your dad up? Yes.
Actually, it's not all good.
I I really liked last night's kiss.
Me too.
- You said it was silly.
- I saw your fangs.
My father is here, it was too much for me.
That makes sense.
I would like I don't know, I'd like to find a better moment.
Yeah? Well then, I promise that before today is over, you and I will have a date.
- Yeah? - Sound good? Sounds good.
I think so too.
Come on.
- What? - Let's go.
- Come on.
- Here we go.
- Don't think about it.
- I can't - Grab the feet.
- Okay.
- Legs! - Legs! Damn it.
I can't.
Is that a pea? Take a breath.
- One.
- Two.
Three.
Fuck! Nothing up my sleeve How pretty! A little farther.
What's that? The chair What are you doing? - The cherry.
You'll see.
- Ugh, gross.
Looks like we're done.
Eduardo's fingerprints on the typewriter and the note.
Excellent.
I have a question.
Wouldn't it have been easier to bring the note and the typewriter to the body? "Na-na-na".
You're all so smart.
Hindsight is 20-20, remember.
Now we'll take the body and stick it in the car No.
No! I draw the line here.
My husband's corpse will remain in this house and we shall bury him.
End of story.
Victòria, that cannot be.
Now we have to suicide him.
You see? What did you think we'd do? I don't know, use a dummy or say he threw himself into the sea.
- I don't know.
- My dear, if there is no body, then he's missing, and we don't get the inheritance for many, many years.
And we can't wait many, many years.
There's no other option.
- Right.
- Really, Victòria.
Consider it to be basically the same as cremating him, okay? - Yeah.
- We put him in a car.
- Yeah.
- Roll him off a cliff.
- Oh God - and boom Do you think I'm stupid, or what? You think it's okay to do that to your father, your grandfather? Does that seem human? It seems like it is the only thing we can do.
If you want to fake his death, we'll have to find another body.
Yeah.
That's really easy.
Listen, up until now we've done everything your way.
The one thing she asked for.
You owe it to her.
Please.
Please, I'm asking you.
Promise you won't blow him up! Please.
I promise.
I promise.
- What? - Your finger.
Why are you making promises? Where will we find another body? Don't you have another family member you can scare to death? Don't give me ideas.
Listen, beautiful.
I know you.
- I know what you're thinking.
- Hold on! Bro, doesn't your girlfriend work with cadavers? And I'm not just talking about the experience of fucking Fran! Shut up.
Is that true, Fran? Yes.
Paula is a professor of thanatopraxy.
Of what? She puts makeup on dead people, but that doesn't mean She's a teacher.
She has the keys.
True.
- Perhaps.
- Then it's taken care of.
- No? That's it.
- Wait, let's see.
Let's look for other options.
I don't think this girl is the solution.
Yes.
"Thanatopraxichy" is the solution.
Case closed.
Right? So this is where you work? Yes.
Don't you have classes now? No.
No.
There's nobody here.
I'm surprised you asked me to come.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I thought it might freak you out, I don't know.
What, me freak out? Why? You know.
There are a lot of people for whom these things - Yeah.
- It affects them.
Will you kiss me? Are those all dead people? No.
Now it's time for their siesta.
- Choose one and let's go.
- Fuck.
Damn.
Come on.
I'll show you around.
No need.
You said it didn't freak you out? Or were you being tough? No Fran, there's no problem.
You'll wig out.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I'm not one to wig out.
We're almost there.
I've got dead people up to here! Fran, what's wrong? - No wait.
- What? Don't worry.
- I'm not sure.
- We're already here.
- You'll be okay.
I promise.
- No Trust me.
It'll be alright.
Look at them, how still they are.
Sometimes I talk to them.
- Really? - They're better listeners than my mother.
Sorry.
You have him out in the open.
We have to embalm and dress these in today's class, and tomorrow, the makeup and all that.
We do everything here.
Really, everything? Oh, alright.
That's why you wanted to see the school this late, huh? Fran, I think I see where you're going.
Where I'm going? Well, here's where we do everything.
- Everything you want too.
- Yeah.
Wouldn't it be disrespectful of - the dead? - That's what you like the most, isn't it? Fran, you're full of surprises.
After what we did the other day - This is really hot.
- Yeah? What's wrong? Are you alright? - Just that - What? - It's not - Not what? You aren't happy.
Oh yeah.
It's not that.
It's - Condoms? - Yes.
There's a pharmacy next door.
- Really? - Yeah.
Can you go, please? I'm a bit embarrassed.
- You're so cute.
- Really? - Fran.
- Yes? Don't run away.
No.
I'll wait right here.
Where is Ãlex? She split, man.
Let's get one of these and go.
Three, two, one.
That's a lady.
No.
Three, two, one.
- Fuck.
- So - Okay.
- I don't know.
Eduardo was younger, no? It's all the same.
Come on.
This one.
Okay.
You take that side.
Let's go.
Alright - Hi.
What you doing down here? - What are you doing here? You said you'd bury him.
Yes.
We said that, but not with all his teeth.
Why do you want his teeth? So the police will find them.
Why? When the cops find a burned body without fingerprints or whatnot, they go by dental records.
Can I see? - No.
- Why not? Because you're too little.
Alright I'm going to talk to Victòria.
Okay.
You can stay.
It was to save you from going to the shrink but It's too late anyway.
Yes.
I suppose so.
Here we go.
Fuck, that's tough.
Let's see this one.
I can't get it.
I can't.
Sareta, wanna You wanna try? Weren't you worried for my upbringing? Look, if you do it I promise I won't say anything to mom.
Yes.
You're not getting out of it, it's your job.
I'm too small.
What about David? He's a bit more devil-may-care, isn't he? Would he do it? You'll do it.
Run.
Eduardito Did you hear that? - Yeah right! It was you.
- I swear it wasn't, man.
Come on, David.
That's not funny, David.
- Okay.
I think it's clear.
- You think? There's no one here.
Doesn't this turkey smell like herbs? What are you saying? Come on.
- I swear.
Maybe he's been stuffed.
- Open the door and help me get him in.
- The head! Kick it in.
- Kick? It's a person.
Man, are you a wimp or what? Man.
Oh, shit.
Paula.
Hey.
Uh I had to go.
My mother called.
My grandpa fell down the stairs.
He's alright, but I'm going over anyway.
Yes.
Okay.
Goodbye.
What an expert liar! Ãlex left because she was super-jealous.
- Jealous of who? - Of Paula.
Nothing escapes my sixth sense.
She is really hot for you.
What? Why'd you stop? No.
Ãlex isn't into me at all.
Fran.
You should have seen her face while you two were making out.
I was jealous too, but for very different reasons.
I don't get it either.
Why tell me now? I thought you'd be interested.
No, really You had to tell me this, now? Fran.
Relax, man.
It's good news.
You don't have to do anything.
I won't.
I don't want to.
I have a girl who loves me.
Let's finish this cadaver bullshit and then leave me alone.
Alright.
Fuck! Fuck! Damn, guys! Where the fuck am I? Are you cops? - Yes! - No! Are you? I hadn't slept in forty hours, then I smoked a bong and Bad combo.
You know.
Pisto.
I My name's Da Dabrec.
- Dabrec? - Yeah.
It's Russian.
- We're Russians.
- Yep.
Damn, dude.
Aren't you Fran, Paula's boy? Uh - Paula's boy - No.
No.
Paula's boy is a different guy.
Yes, I saw pictures of you.
She talks about you all day long.
- Ah! Paula? - Yes.
No.
Paula.
How did I end up in here? All you.
You were just lying here.
Really? What a hit.
That's the last time.
I swear.
Hey.
Don't say anything to Paula about me being stoned.
- No.
- I was supposed to have cleaned all the materials for tomorrow.
Don't worry, dude.
Don't say anything to Paula either.
You can't tell her we were here.
It's a surprise.
I won't say a word.
And I'm sorry I punched you.
Don't worry.
It woke me up a bit.
- Well.
We have to - We gotta go.
To go do regular stuff.
- Yeah.
Buy bread.
- And milk.
Actually, so do I.
- Goodbye, Fran.
- Yeah.
See you.
Dabrec Nice to meet you.
Spasiva.
- What? - Excuse me? "Thanks" in Russian, right? Yes.
Whatever you say, Pisto.
Alright.
Off you go.
Right.
I was thinking, as a widow, I should say something at the burial.
Yes.
But since I am so young, I haven't been to many burials yet.
I don't know how it works.
Sure.
Was Eduardo religious? Well, I don't know.
He did curse a lot.
Does that mean he was or wasn't? Means he was, doesn't it? Otherwise, what sense is there in cursing? - That's true.
- You see? Let's give it a religious tone, then.
- No? - That could be nice, sure.
Religious I like it.
- It's close to my heart.
- Sure.
Eduardo, who art in heaven.
Hallowed be thy name Wait.
Don't you think it should be more heartfelt, more personal? More than that? More personal? I don't know.
I have no idea.
Okay.
I think I got it.
Wait.
Today before these witnesses and beneath these palm trees, to respect you in sickness and Wait.
Weren't those your marriage vows? Or am I mistaken? Well, yes.
How'd you know, smartypants? Did you get married and not tell me about it.
No.
Oh my.
No.
I'm not married.
I'm waiting for the right person.
How did they end? I'd like to hear.
You want to hear? I remember them all.
- Well then.
- Go on.
Give me your hands.
No fear.
Okay.
Go on.
Take my hands as a symbol of eternal unity, and I promise: the sheets will always be clean and the sex will always be dirty.
Victòria not even death could separate me from you.
- Isn't it sweet? - Very.
Yeah? Then, we'll just say that.
No.
I don't think it's appropriate.
I wouldn't say so.
Oh, you don't like anything.
- Me? - Don't be so negative.
Listen.
How should I know? Hello.
Hello.
You've been working, haven't you? Fuck.
I'm exhausted.
Naturally.
Do we have the teeth? Almost.
Don't worry.
It's all taken care of.
- Okay? - Okay.
Come here.
- Come on.
- I'm a mess right now.
- No.
You look like a mole.
- No! Mom? - The hole is dug.
- Yep.
And now we can get out.
Ole! We dug the hole and now we can get out.
Did you tell them? No.
Uh About what? The cadaver Is it in the car? - We have no cadaver.
- How come? We grabbed one, but he was alive.
- What? - What good is a live one to us? Yeah, but he really looked dead.
- I don't believe it.
- Wait a moment, guys.
What We're gambling it all on this.
What is it you don't get? David? You know what happened, Nando? Sometimes things look one way and end up being different.
Yes.
It's going to be fine.
Go back and keep Paula occupied No.
Use my body before Really.
I'm not going back.
I'll kill myself right now.
- David, don't laugh.
- Alright.
I'll go.
But Mom - What? - Paula isn't the only one there.
There's a guy there too.
They'll call the police and we'll get caught and they'll kill us all.
We're all set.
Tell us when.
What do we do? I don't know, but I'm out.
Fran.
I'm sorry I split on you.
Dead bodies make me nervous Sure.
No Perfect.
No problem.
Thank you anyway.
It is important for my mother to be able to bury him.
Okay.
Well? You gonna explain? Well, you see Nando and I are We are trying something out together? We're trying something out.
I can see that.
I'm all about details.
- When was it? - Very recently.
We didn't want to hide anything from you.
Next week we'll sit down together and we'll explain everything, alright? No.
I wouldn't do that.
- Why? Sara won't like it, will she? - Sara? Sara will be thrilled.
So? Fran's going mad with all this business.
If you tell Fran now, his head will explode.
He'll have to go with grandma.
No.
Not with grandma.
So, keep our secret.
For a while.
- Can you do that? - David I'll try.
The lovely couple.
- Just quit it.
- Please.
Well What do we do with that? It's like we planned it all backwards.
You take care of the accident.
But we have no body.
That's the problem.
We do.
We do have one.
No.
Won't work.
What are you saying? The suit looks great.
The problem is not the suit.
Kids! Hey.
How's it going, Mom? What? What's going on? Fran? Fuck! You didn't cover him with a sheet? Fran should have done that, right? He's the smart one.
- Victòria is coming! - Oh Shit! Help me cover him up.
Eduardo.
My dear, I am here.
Excuse me.
I just got chills.
I remembered that the sand in Costa Brava really used to bother him.
- Sure.
- And now, to see him like this Life is such a bitch.
Damn it! It is.
Today, all this horror comes to an end.
Thank you for standing by me.
I don't know what I'd do without you two.
Alright.
Well, may he rest in peace.
Hey.
Come back.
Pay attention! We should start the ceremony.
- Yes.
That's true.
- Of course.
Forgive me.
I was so overwhelmed I Come here.
- Come here.
- What? Today we need to be together, got it? It's no day to fight.
I know deep down you are very sad, even though you didn't get on, today you're burying your father.
Come on.
Well, Eduardo.
Remember you're going with all your teeth which is more than you could have expected this morning.
Father, husband, and excellent lover.
Eduardo Navarro Gil.
I hope Angel Gra Grabiel's arms Grabriel? - Gabriel.
- Grabriel welcome you to heaven.
Or God himself, which is what you really deserve.
And that they know in heaven what I didn't on Earth.
In il nomini del patris, matris - Matrix - spiritus sancti.
Amen.
If anyone else has anything to say, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace.
Rest in peace, Papa.
Bye.
What's wrong? We're throwing my father off a cliff, that's what's wrong.
You can take that off now if you want.
- The veil.
- Yes.
- I didn't remember I had it on.
- There you go.
That's it.
Victòria Maybe you'll think that I'm crazy, but Wait a second.
Nothing here, nothing there.
- Blow.
- Blow? - Yeah.
- I don't want to.
Go on, a little.
Good.
Now form a magic circle, and pay attention because - Let's see.
- Like that.
It's "Good for one ring.
" Yes.
I couldn't wait any longer.
Victòria, I know we just met, but these days have been intense.
And so, in a few hours, you'll officially be a widow, I thought there was no way I could let a catch like you be on the market for a second more, because they'd snatch you up.
- Raül.
- Yes.
Do you think now's the time? Really, is it necessary? No.
Sorry.
I screwed up.
Sorry.
No.
It was a mistake.
I'm sorry.
I've over.
Forgive me.
- Now you're angry, right? - I'm not angry.
No.
I'm fine.
You're good.
What? That's the only fight you'll put up for the woman of your life? - Nice job.
- No.
I'll fight.
Really.
I'll fight to the end.
Then fight, my son.
What can I say? Raül, I'll give you some advice and I really mean it.
"Fighting without discipline is useless.
" - That's - That's it.
It's just that Really That's all we needed.
It's What? You're not saying anything? I don't know what you want! Then I'll tell you, alright? I want a man who, when he wants something, asks me directly.
Alright? Victòria Argenter, will you marry me? Raül Dorado, yes! It is true, even with all these tricks and whatnot.
My dear.
My love.
Thank you, my love.
- I love you.
- Thank you.
Shit.
- Hey.
- How'd it go? Why'd you take so long? Well a small logistic error.
I didn't take a taxi, so as not to leave a trail.
But it all went well? Yes.
It went well.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
What about here? Okay? Well Look.
What's that? You have a date.
But the gas station wouldn't sell me alcohol, so is this alright? - Perfect.
- Okay.
- No need to overdo it on the first date.
- No.
Certainly not.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Mama! - Damn.
- For fuck sake.
What do you want? There's some guy at the door.
- I'll be right back.
- Please.
- Don't drink it all.
- No.
- Don't move.
- No.
It was about fucking time Marcos? Ãngela? What are you doing here? Where is Dad? He left this afternoon.
I don't know.
Haven't seen him since.
- Wait you're living here? - Yes.
Who is that? It's David.
Your nephew.
What's up, uncle? Where is Victòria? Victòria! - Dad? - You have a visitor! What have you done here? What have we done? Dad! - Dad! - Look I don't know what you want, but Dad isn't here.
If you want to stay in your room, it's free.
But we'd like to go to bed.
What's this? I don't know.
Something from the new novel, I suppose.
What's wrong? What's wrong Marcos? Nobody noticed we're at a funeral? It's not time for the guests to arrive.
But I'm already part of the family.
What's wrong? Why did you say that? Get out of my room! What's going on? I don't want to look at you or even think of you ever again, imbecile! - What a crock of shit.
- What is it? - Leo is over there.
- If he does Eduardo, I'll kill him.
Hello! Don't you get that the notary couldn't see you? I need to get in touch with Ãlex.
Wait a minute.
You saw my father two days ago? - What did you discuss? - The inheritance, of course.
Don't get nervous, but we have a visitor.
- What's that? - Nothing.
Victòria Argenter.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
We are here today to bid farewell to Eduardo Giménez.
If anyone else would like to speak - His wife? - I can't.
I do.
Can we talk about it? No, because I may be crazy but I'm not a fucking liar like you.
After the will is read, you can all get going.
Listen, for fuck sake, he's more of a dick than your father! I, Eduardo Navarro Gil, hereby bequeath my worldly possessions and property to
They called you, didn't they? Yes.
Then go in and tell them that I am burying my husband, alright? And whoever tries to stop me I've already dug one hole and I can dig thirty more, I tell you.
Alright.
My dear, love of my life, apple of my eye What you're doing is impossible.
Why is it impossible? We have it almost taken care of, but before burying him, we have to do one more thing.
We have to kill Eduardo.
WELCOME TO THE FAMILY I kept quiet when you killed my husband with a heart attack.
I kept quiet when you stuck him in a rusty freezer.
I kept quiet when you had a party around the body.
Well, I wouldn't exactly say quiet.
Now what? You've had the will changed, right? Then let me bury him in peace, as he deserves.
Period.
You got as much out of this as we did, and you know it.
I'm going back outside.
I have nothing else to say to you.
Just one thing, have you seen my shovel? - Victòria! Listen to me, my love! - What? Listen.
If we don't kill him officially, we don't get the inheritance.
- Hasn't he been in a freezer? - Yes.
So we pull him out.
Makes no difference.
Barely any time has passed.
Sorry doctor, he just died.
That's it.
No problem! But even though he's been in the freezer, the police will be able to tell.
Victòria, believe me.
When I was studying law I saw a lot of similar cases, on TV, watching CSI.
How long ago did you get your degree? - A while ago.
- A while ago? We have to make it look like an accident, with the car or something equally obvious.
So they don't look too closely.
Yes, so they don't look into it.
They'll catch us.
Why? We did a lot of strange things.
The neighbors, the editor, they saw us.
Suddenly, Eduardo changes his will and, coincidentally, has an accident.
I'd be suspicious.
One only needs to look at the heirs to know who's guilty.
Come on.
So, what's more, everything we've done has been for nothing? A a suicide.
What? He didn't change the will on a whim.
He knew he was going to die.
That's a good idea.
And we could leave a note.
Great plan! Fran, as head of this criminal organization - What? No - Yes.
Please stand up.
- No.
- Yes, come with me.
- But I - Relax.
- Yes.
- Please, have a seat.
- What do you want me to do? - To type the suicide note.
Anybody got any ideas? No, I don't.
"My pretty and beloved Victòria" Is that "pretty" or "petty"? No.
Clearly "pretty".
"My idiotic daughter has come home", coma, "and I can't stand it any longer," colon, bold.
"I want the record to show that my wife was an exceptional person, a fragile little bird, who sometimes" Look.
Start over, dear.
What's wrong? "Dear Ãngela: you are a wonderful woman.
" Great.
Here comes her Valentine "And I can no longer stand my wife.
I'm killing myself.
" - How nasty, such a lack of - Okay, Enough! Neither of those work.
Eduardo just changed his will in our favor.
He can't kill himself because he can't stand us.
The girl is right.
Anyone else have an idea? Motives for Eduardo's suicide.
So, we've got: "Existential crisis.
" "My books are shit.
" "My books are fucking shit.
" which is the same but, you know, better.
"I have a terminal illness.
" "I've been secretly addicted to drugs.
" And "The UFOs are coming for me.
" - You didn't read mine.
- Oh yeah.
"Tomatoes no longer taste the way they used to.
" - An undeniable truth.
- It's true.
They don't have any taste.
- Plastic flavor.
- Yeah.
Well.
What do you think? This isn't working.
This "brainstrumming" is a load of bullshit.
It's called "brainstorming", and it's a very useful technique "Storming" or "strumming", doesn't matter.
It isn't working.
Not a peep out of either of you.
You're the ones who knew him, aren't you? What was he worried about? What was he afraid of? Help me out.
- I don't really - I don't know.
Well, he he didn't talk much.
What can I say? - I lived with him for eighteen years - True.
and I can't imagine what went through his mind when he was alone.
No, of course not.
Feelings weren't his thing.
Maybe that's it.
What? Go on.
Go on, Franky Corleone.
You talk and I write.
- Go.
- Go on.
That's it, my dear.
Of course.
"I shan't explain myself.
You wouldn't understand and I don't care.
You wanted my money, right? Well, enjoy it, you rats.
" "Rats"? - "Rats.
" - "Rats.
" Look.
Look, goosebumps.
I saw Eduardo.
I swear.
You got him.
It's just like his grandfather.
When you got all piss-and-vinegar just there.
You got him down to a T.
Tito Fran, MVP of the family! Dude, you're on fire.
Hey.
It's because he's got a girl.
There, that's it.
No, all we need now is the cherry on top.
- The what? - You'll see.
Ãngela, please.
Can you come with me? - Me? Sure.
Of course.
- Go on.
Just a second.
- What? - Listen.
Just one thing.
No I'm not sure that No.
I mean, to say Last night's kiss Silly, wasn't it? Let's forget about it, Okay? Yeah.
It was silly.
Yes.
You know, with all this craziness going on around us - Yeah, the pressure - It got to us.
It certainly did.
You and I together? - Imagine that.
- Yeah.
Wow.
So, we're good? - Yeah.
We're good.
- Very good.
Will you help me bring your dad up? Yes.
Actually, it's not all good.
I I really liked last night's kiss.
Me too.
- You said it was silly.
- I saw your fangs.
My father is here, it was too much for me.
That makes sense.
I would like I don't know, I'd like to find a better moment.
Yeah? Well then, I promise that before today is over, you and I will have a date.
- Yeah? - Sound good? Sounds good.
I think so too.
Come on.
- What? - Let's go.
- Come on.
- Here we go.
- Don't think about it.
- I can't - Grab the feet.
- Okay.
- Legs! - Legs! Damn it.
I can't.
Is that a pea? Take a breath.
- One.
- Two.
Three.
Fuck! Nothing up my sleeve How pretty! A little farther.
What's that? The chair What are you doing? - The cherry.
You'll see.
- Ugh, gross.
Looks like we're done.
Eduardo's fingerprints on the typewriter and the note.
Excellent.
I have a question.
Wouldn't it have been easier to bring the note and the typewriter to the body? "Na-na-na".
You're all so smart.
Hindsight is 20-20, remember.
Now we'll take the body and stick it in the car No.
No! I draw the line here.
My husband's corpse will remain in this house and we shall bury him.
End of story.
Victòria, that cannot be.
Now we have to suicide him.
You see? What did you think we'd do? I don't know, use a dummy or say he threw himself into the sea.
- I don't know.
- My dear, if there is no body, then he's missing, and we don't get the inheritance for many, many years.
And we can't wait many, many years.
There's no other option.
- Right.
- Really, Victòria.
Consider it to be basically the same as cremating him, okay? - Yeah.
- We put him in a car.
- Yeah.
- Roll him off a cliff.
- Oh God - and boom Do you think I'm stupid, or what? You think it's okay to do that to your father, your grandfather? Does that seem human? It seems like it is the only thing we can do.
If you want to fake his death, we'll have to find another body.
Yeah.
That's really easy.
Listen, up until now we've done everything your way.
The one thing she asked for.
You owe it to her.
Please.
Please, I'm asking you.
Promise you won't blow him up! Please.
I promise.
I promise.
- What? - Your finger.
Why are you making promises? Where will we find another body? Don't you have another family member you can scare to death? Don't give me ideas.
Listen, beautiful.
I know you.
- I know what you're thinking.
- Hold on! Bro, doesn't your girlfriend work with cadavers? And I'm not just talking about the experience of fucking Fran! Shut up.
Is that true, Fran? Yes.
Paula is a professor of thanatopraxy.
Of what? She puts makeup on dead people, but that doesn't mean She's a teacher.
She has the keys.
True.
- Perhaps.
- Then it's taken care of.
- No? That's it.
- Wait, let's see.
Let's look for other options.
I don't think this girl is the solution.
Yes.
"Thanatopraxichy" is the solution.
Case closed.
Right? So this is where you work? Yes.
Don't you have classes now? No.
No.
There's nobody here.
I'm surprised you asked me to come.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I thought it might freak you out, I don't know.
What, me freak out? Why? You know.
There are a lot of people for whom these things - Yeah.
- It affects them.
Will you kiss me? Are those all dead people? No.
Now it's time for their siesta.
- Choose one and let's go.
- Fuck.
Damn.
Come on.
I'll show you around.
No need.
You said it didn't freak you out? Or were you being tough? No Fran, there's no problem.
You'll wig out.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I'm not one to wig out.
We're almost there.
I've got dead people up to here! Fran, what's wrong? - No wait.
- What? Don't worry.
- I'm not sure.
- We're already here.
- You'll be okay.
I promise.
- No Trust me.
It'll be alright.
Look at them, how still they are.
Sometimes I talk to them.
- Really? - They're better listeners than my mother.
Sorry.
You have him out in the open.
We have to embalm and dress these in today's class, and tomorrow, the makeup and all that.
We do everything here.
Really, everything? Oh, alright.
That's why you wanted to see the school this late, huh? Fran, I think I see where you're going.
Where I'm going? Well, here's where we do everything.
- Everything you want too.
- Yeah.
Wouldn't it be disrespectful of - the dead? - That's what you like the most, isn't it? Fran, you're full of surprises.
After what we did the other day - This is really hot.
- Yeah? What's wrong? Are you alright? - Just that - What? - It's not - Not what? You aren't happy.
Oh yeah.
It's not that.
It's - Condoms? - Yes.
There's a pharmacy next door.
- Really? - Yeah.
Can you go, please? I'm a bit embarrassed.
- You're so cute.
- Really? - Fran.
- Yes? Don't run away.
No.
I'll wait right here.
Where is Ãlex? She split, man.
Let's get one of these and go.
Three, two, one.
That's a lady.
No.
Three, two, one.
- Fuck.
- So - Okay.
- I don't know.
Eduardo was younger, no? It's all the same.
Come on.
This one.
Okay.
You take that side.
Let's go.
Alright - Hi.
What you doing down here? - What are you doing here? You said you'd bury him.
Yes.
We said that, but not with all his teeth.
Why do you want his teeth? So the police will find them.
Why? When the cops find a burned body without fingerprints or whatnot, they go by dental records.
Can I see? - No.
- Why not? Because you're too little.
Alright I'm going to talk to Victòria.
Okay.
You can stay.
It was to save you from going to the shrink but It's too late anyway.
Yes.
I suppose so.
Here we go.
Fuck, that's tough.
Let's see this one.
I can't get it.
I can't.
Sareta, wanna You wanna try? Weren't you worried for my upbringing? Look, if you do it I promise I won't say anything to mom.
Yes.
You're not getting out of it, it's your job.
I'm too small.
What about David? He's a bit more devil-may-care, isn't he? Would he do it? You'll do it.
Run.
Eduardito Did you hear that? - Yeah right! It was you.
- I swear it wasn't, man.
Come on, David.
That's not funny, David.
- Okay.
I think it's clear.
- You think? There's no one here.
Doesn't this turkey smell like herbs? What are you saying? Come on.
- I swear.
Maybe he's been stuffed.
- Open the door and help me get him in.
- The head! Kick it in.
- Kick? It's a person.
Man, are you a wimp or what? Man.
Oh, shit.
Paula.
Hey.
Uh I had to go.
My mother called.
My grandpa fell down the stairs.
He's alright, but I'm going over anyway.
Yes.
Okay.
Goodbye.
What an expert liar! Ãlex left because she was super-jealous.
- Jealous of who? - Of Paula.
Nothing escapes my sixth sense.
She is really hot for you.
What? Why'd you stop? No.
Ãlex isn't into me at all.
Fran.
You should have seen her face while you two were making out.
I was jealous too, but for very different reasons.
I don't get it either.
Why tell me now? I thought you'd be interested.
No, really You had to tell me this, now? Fran.
Relax, man.
It's good news.
You don't have to do anything.
I won't.
I don't want to.
I have a girl who loves me.
Let's finish this cadaver bullshit and then leave me alone.
Alright.
Fuck! Fuck! Damn, guys! Where the fuck am I? Are you cops? - Yes! - No! Are you? I hadn't slept in forty hours, then I smoked a bong and Bad combo.
You know.
Pisto.
I My name's Da Dabrec.
- Dabrec? - Yeah.
It's Russian.
- We're Russians.
- Yep.
Damn, dude.
Aren't you Fran, Paula's boy? Uh - Paula's boy - No.
No.
Paula's boy is a different guy.
Yes, I saw pictures of you.
She talks about you all day long.
- Ah! Paula? - Yes.
No.
Paula.
How did I end up in here? All you.
You were just lying here.
Really? What a hit.
That's the last time.
I swear.
Hey.
Don't say anything to Paula about me being stoned.
- No.
- I was supposed to have cleaned all the materials for tomorrow.
Don't worry, dude.
Don't say anything to Paula either.
You can't tell her we were here.
It's a surprise.
I won't say a word.
And I'm sorry I punched you.
Don't worry.
It woke me up a bit.
- Well.
We have to - We gotta go.
To go do regular stuff.
- Yeah.
Buy bread.
- And milk.
Actually, so do I.
- Goodbye, Fran.
- Yeah.
See you.
Dabrec Nice to meet you.
Spasiva.
- What? - Excuse me? "Thanks" in Russian, right? Yes.
Whatever you say, Pisto.
Alright.
Off you go.
Right.
I was thinking, as a widow, I should say something at the burial.
Yes.
But since I am so young, I haven't been to many burials yet.
I don't know how it works.
Sure.
Was Eduardo religious? Well, I don't know.
He did curse a lot.
Does that mean he was or wasn't? Means he was, doesn't it? Otherwise, what sense is there in cursing? - That's true.
- You see? Let's give it a religious tone, then.
- No? - That could be nice, sure.
Religious I like it.
- It's close to my heart.
- Sure.
Eduardo, who art in heaven.
Hallowed be thy name Wait.
Don't you think it should be more heartfelt, more personal? More than that? More personal? I don't know.
I have no idea.
Okay.
I think I got it.
Wait.
Today before these witnesses and beneath these palm trees, to respect you in sickness and Wait.
Weren't those your marriage vows? Or am I mistaken? Well, yes.
How'd you know, smartypants? Did you get married and not tell me about it.
No.
Oh my.
No.
I'm not married.
I'm waiting for the right person.
How did they end? I'd like to hear.
You want to hear? I remember them all.
- Well then.
- Go on.
Give me your hands.
No fear.
Okay.
Go on.
Take my hands as a symbol of eternal unity, and I promise: the sheets will always be clean and the sex will always be dirty.
Victòria not even death could separate me from you.
- Isn't it sweet? - Very.
Yeah? Then, we'll just say that.
No.
I don't think it's appropriate.
I wouldn't say so.
Oh, you don't like anything.
- Me? - Don't be so negative.
Listen.
How should I know? Hello.
Hello.
You've been working, haven't you? Fuck.
I'm exhausted.
Naturally.
Do we have the teeth? Almost.
Don't worry.
It's all taken care of.
- Okay? - Okay.
Come here.
- Come on.
- I'm a mess right now.
- No.
You look like a mole.
- No! Mom? - The hole is dug.
- Yep.
And now we can get out.
Ole! We dug the hole and now we can get out.
Did you tell them? No.
Uh About what? The cadaver Is it in the car? - We have no cadaver.
- How come? We grabbed one, but he was alive.
- What? - What good is a live one to us? Yeah, but he really looked dead.
- I don't believe it.
- Wait a moment, guys.
What We're gambling it all on this.
What is it you don't get? David? You know what happened, Nando? Sometimes things look one way and end up being different.
Yes.
It's going to be fine.
Go back and keep Paula occupied No.
Use my body before Really.
I'm not going back.
I'll kill myself right now.
- David, don't laugh.
- Alright.
I'll go.
But Mom - What? - Paula isn't the only one there.
There's a guy there too.
They'll call the police and we'll get caught and they'll kill us all.
We're all set.
Tell us when.
What do we do? I don't know, but I'm out.
Fran.
I'm sorry I split on you.
Dead bodies make me nervous Sure.
No Perfect.
No problem.
Thank you anyway.
It is important for my mother to be able to bury him.
Okay.
Well? You gonna explain? Well, you see Nando and I are We are trying something out together? We're trying something out.
I can see that.
I'm all about details.
- When was it? - Very recently.
We didn't want to hide anything from you.
Next week we'll sit down together and we'll explain everything, alright? No.
I wouldn't do that.
- Why? Sara won't like it, will she? - Sara? Sara will be thrilled.
So? Fran's going mad with all this business.
If you tell Fran now, his head will explode.
He'll have to go with grandma.
No.
Not with grandma.
So, keep our secret.
For a while.
- Can you do that? - David I'll try.
The lovely couple.
- Just quit it.
- Please.
Well What do we do with that? It's like we planned it all backwards.
You take care of the accident.
But we have no body.
That's the problem.
We do.
We do have one.
No.
Won't work.
What are you saying? The suit looks great.
The problem is not the suit.
Kids! Hey.
How's it going, Mom? What? What's going on? Fran? Fuck! You didn't cover him with a sheet? Fran should have done that, right? He's the smart one.
- Victòria is coming! - Oh Shit! Help me cover him up.
Eduardo.
My dear, I am here.
Excuse me.
I just got chills.
I remembered that the sand in Costa Brava really used to bother him.
- Sure.
- And now, to see him like this Life is such a bitch.
Damn it! It is.
Today, all this horror comes to an end.
Thank you for standing by me.
I don't know what I'd do without you two.
Alright.
Well, may he rest in peace.
Hey.
Come back.
Pay attention! We should start the ceremony.
- Yes.
That's true.
- Of course.
Forgive me.
I was so overwhelmed I Come here.
- Come here.
- What? Today we need to be together, got it? It's no day to fight.
I know deep down you are very sad, even though you didn't get on, today you're burying your father.
Come on.
Well, Eduardo.
Remember you're going with all your teeth which is more than you could have expected this morning.
Father, husband, and excellent lover.
Eduardo Navarro Gil.
I hope Angel Gra Grabiel's arms Grabriel? - Gabriel.
- Grabriel welcome you to heaven.
Or God himself, which is what you really deserve.
And that they know in heaven what I didn't on Earth.
In il nomini del patris, matris - Matrix - spiritus sancti.
Amen.
If anyone else has anything to say, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace.
Rest in peace, Papa.
Bye.
What's wrong? We're throwing my father off a cliff, that's what's wrong.
You can take that off now if you want.
- The veil.
- Yes.
- I didn't remember I had it on.
- There you go.
That's it.
Victòria Maybe you'll think that I'm crazy, but Wait a second.
Nothing here, nothing there.
- Blow.
- Blow? - Yeah.
- I don't want to.
Go on, a little.
Good.
Now form a magic circle, and pay attention because - Let's see.
- Like that.
It's "Good for one ring.
" Yes.
I couldn't wait any longer.
Victòria, I know we just met, but these days have been intense.
And so, in a few hours, you'll officially be a widow, I thought there was no way I could let a catch like you be on the market for a second more, because they'd snatch you up.
- Raül.
- Yes.
Do you think now's the time? Really, is it necessary? No.
Sorry.
I screwed up.
Sorry.
No.
It was a mistake.
I'm sorry.
I've over.
Forgive me.
- Now you're angry, right? - I'm not angry.
No.
I'm fine.
You're good.
What? That's the only fight you'll put up for the woman of your life? - Nice job.
- No.
I'll fight.
Really.
I'll fight to the end.
Then fight, my son.
What can I say? Raül, I'll give you some advice and I really mean it.
"Fighting without discipline is useless.
" - That's - That's it.
It's just that Really That's all we needed.
It's What? You're not saying anything? I don't know what you want! Then I'll tell you, alright? I want a man who, when he wants something, asks me directly.
Alright? Victòria Argenter, will you marry me? Raül Dorado, yes! It is true, even with all these tricks and whatnot.
My dear.
My love.
Thank you, my love.
- I love you.
- Thank you.
Shit.
- Hey.
- How'd it go? Why'd you take so long? Well a small logistic error.
I didn't take a taxi, so as not to leave a trail.
But it all went well? Yes.
It went well.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
What about here? Okay? Well Look.
What's that? You have a date.
But the gas station wouldn't sell me alcohol, so is this alright? - Perfect.
- Okay.
- No need to overdo it on the first date.
- No.
Certainly not.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Mama! - Damn.
- For fuck sake.
What do you want? There's some guy at the door.
- I'll be right back.
- Please.
- Don't drink it all.
- No.
- Don't move.
- No.
It was about fucking time Marcos? Ãngela? What are you doing here? Where is Dad? He left this afternoon.
I don't know.
Haven't seen him since.
- Wait you're living here? - Yes.
Who is that? It's David.
Your nephew.
What's up, uncle? Where is Victòria? Victòria! - Dad? - You have a visitor! What have you done here? What have we done? Dad! - Dad! - Look I don't know what you want, but Dad isn't here.
If you want to stay in your room, it's free.
But we'd like to go to bed.
What's this? I don't know.
Something from the new novel, I suppose.
What's wrong? What's wrong Marcos? Nobody noticed we're at a funeral? It's not time for the guests to arrive.
But I'm already part of the family.
What's wrong? Why did you say that? Get out of my room! What's going on? I don't want to look at you or even think of you ever again, imbecile! - What a crock of shit.
- What is it? - Leo is over there.
- If he does Eduardo, I'll kill him.
Hello! Don't you get that the notary couldn't see you? I need to get in touch with Ãlex.
Wait a minute.
You saw my father two days ago? - What did you discuss? - The inheritance, of course.
Don't get nervous, but we have a visitor.
- What's that? - Nothing.
Victòria Argenter.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
We are here today to bid farewell to Eduardo Giménez.
If anyone else would like to speak - His wife? - I can't.
I do.
Can we talk about it? No, because I may be crazy but I'm not a fucking liar like you.
After the will is read, you can all get going.
Listen, for fuck sake, he's more of a dick than your father! I, Eduardo Navarro Gil, hereby bequeath my worldly possessions and property to