Will and Grace s07e22 Episode Script
From Queer to Eternity
Okay, you guys, I need your help Somewhere in this store is the elusive I will also accept it in Dark Fusion or Bruise Okay, you guys, fan out And remember whoever finds it gets to borrow it once a month when I'm bloated Once a month Oh, crap it's Joanne One of the students from my old acting class What's the big deal? Go say hi I can't Things with the class didn't end well I took six months of checks from everyone and never showed up again Well, if they're stupid enough to pay you they deserve to be taken advantage of - I know, right? - Yeah Jack? Oh, Joanne, I didn't see you How are you I just booked a healthy pet commercial I'm the new face of heartworm "You mean checking Fluffy's poo could have saved her life?" That's my line Well, I am glad you remembered everything we worked on How could I forget? Last week I had a breakthrough I was playing Laura in The Glass Menagerie and I looked so good in my bikini that the gentleman caller stayed I believe when I left, we were working on "Caroline in the City.
" But hold on did you say last week? Yes, in Tuesday's master class Wendell is amazing You couldn't have named a better successor Well, I never named a successor And if I had, I wouldn't have named him Wendell Well, yeah, he's been teaching the McFarland Method ever since you left What?! This Wendell is teaching the McFarland Method? He's stealing from me! This is identity theft, the most heinous of crimes! - Here are your sweaters, Mr.
Truman - Thank you We just need a signature Oh, my God, I think I see them All the way-- All the way up on top Okay, I'll get a salesperson No.
No, no I hate salespeople What, I do all the work and they get all the credit? When they ask me at the register who helped me I always say no one Even if they did That money comes out of my pocket No, it doesn't.
Shut up, and give me a boost Come on You sure this is a good idea? Yeah, it's fine It's like the climbing wall at the gym You mean the one you've never tried because you claim the handgrips smell farty? Oh, got it! Oh, shoot It's moving.
Grace, let go of the jeans and climb down I can't, it's my size! - Let go! - Never! It looks like you found them in Bruise Àª Àª & Àª & ±× Àª & ±×·¹ Àª & ±×·¹ÀÌ Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º (´ëº»Ãâó: Rob Durfee ) Hi, Will.
I hope you didn't worry too much but I'm gonna be okay Yeah, I know you're okay You landed in a bin of cashmere sweaters And bounced gently when you hit it I think you even giggled like Snuggles the bear I'm a fall survivor If anything, you should feel guilty for not having fallen Why aren't you taking this seriously? Because you're wearing a ridiculous "I Love Lucy" neck brace All right, so I may be overreacting a little bitBut it was scary I realized that one day I might die Yeah, and one day you might get the morning gunk out of your eye before noon but I'm not holding my breath for that either Will, I'm serious I haven't made any of the major decisions I mean, who will I give my things to? What will happen to my business? Where will I be buried? Well, your business will go under Your things are my things so I'll just take them back And I always figured I'd have you stuffed and keep you by the front door to prop up umbrellas I wanna do a will Yeah, well, get in line behind all the other ladies! No You wanna do this, it's fine Drop by the office tomorrow Good God this thing itches I shouldn't have done that Now I gotta hold my head up myself "Wendell Schacter"? Pretty I wonder what his real name was before he glammed it up for Hollywood Oh, what a noble mind is here or thrown The court-- Stop.
Just stop What the hell is that? Clearly you don't understand Shakespeare Now, Ophelia may be insane and suicidal but first and foremost she's a pretty girl You're in a sea of troubles Why aren't you wearing a bikini? How can I drum this into your heads? Acting is not about emotion! It's about two things Making pleasant faces and moving to the right spot That is the very essence of the McFarland Method Acting is attracting That's my catch phrase Well, that and ma ma se, ma ma sa ma ma coo sa Honey, my catch phrase is you figure it out All right, actors let's take five That'll give you a chance to purchase my McFarland method books, DVDs, mouse pads I only have large men's t-shirts, and girls I'm afraid I'm out of the baby tee's Honey, I had baby tee's Then I put plant food on 'em and now look Excuse me, Sir could you please sign my book? Sure, what's your name? My name is Jack! McFarland I know Hello, Jack How did you get your hands on the McFarland method? I studied with you for two semesters No, you didn't I would remember that I sat in the second row between Russell and Edwin Okay, Russell, Edwin please take your shirts off You in the middle why don't you just button up? Thank you Justall the way And then one day, you didn't show up So I took over Oh, and then one day I showed up so you can leave I'm confused Who's teaching the class now? Now you see what you've done? You've broken the cardinal rule of acting You've confused the hot guy I thought the cardinal rule of acting was when I see you with your wife I act like we're not sleeping together You've used my method to have sex with women? Shame! I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave This is my class now And there's nothing you can do about it That's where you're wrong, Schacter Do you really think that Jack McFarland would be stupid enough not to trademark his McFarland Method? Because if you think that, you're right I am that stupid Karen, let's go! Let's start with the money So, who do you wanna leave it to? I suppose you wanna leave a substantial amount to charity No Of course, I'd like you to get some Thank you I'm very touched How much would you like to leave me? Gosh, I don't know How much did you leave me? I'm not really comfortable disclosing that Just leave what's in your heart You know, the heart you're apparently keeping along with all your other organs even though they could save a life I don't want some stranger peeing with my kidney Come on, Will.
Tell me We tell each other everything No, a will is a very personal thing Nobody's seen it Except for my mother But that's only 'cause I asked her to proof it God, can you imagine the embarrassment of having a will with typos? I'd die! Again Your mother knows? Come on, tell me! No.
Stop Leave it alone Come on Let's get on with this I got an insane amount of work to do today Is that the sandwich cart? Egg salad! I called it, egg salad! Connie, it's Will Can you get Will's mom on the phone? Make yourself comfortable, Grace I'll be there in a minute Please don't sit down until I get there Oh, Grace, have you seen that new show "Desperate Housewives"? My friends and I play this drinking game when we watch it Yeah, one shot every five minutes Oh, look at that You don't even need a TV Yeah, and sometimes I don't even have a friend over So what brings you to this neck of the woods? I've been thinking about death Do you ever think about death? I was forced to this summer when our sweet little Biscuit died Oh, I heard he was a wonderful dog He was a character, that one He was just 25 pounds full of love Unless you weren't white, then watch out I don't know I guess I must be thinking about it 'cause I'm doing my will now Now I know why you're here You want me to proof it? Yeah, okay, I'll get my red pen and my half glasses No.
No That's not why I'm here This is a little awkward, but I would like to leave Will some money And I don't want him to be embarrassed if I leave him more than he left me So how much did he leave me? What's your game, Grace Adler? Nothing I'm just curious I would never betray my son's confidence He told me he was gay years ago I still haven't told anyone Marilyn, I understand We can still chat about other things though, can't we? I suppose - More wine? - Yeah - thank you - You're welcome honey, are you still mad about that acting class? Why do you care anyway? You're a big executive at Out TV now You got a briefcase, an office big-boy underpants I guess because it's my class And I should be the only one allowed to teach it Well, honey then go and get it If you want something that much you shouldn't let anything stand in your way Dammit, you're right! How do I get it, though? Because he won't give it up He's clinging to it like he's Kirstie Alley and the class is a shred of dignity Well, honey, you've got to give him something that he wants more than that class A balloon ride over Taye Diggs' house? No, honey something he wants I mean, the reason that people become acting teachers is that they're failed actors I mean, look at you.
ta Hagen I mean, all the teachers would give it up in a minute if they got the right part But I can't get him to be an actor again Honey, I have connections I can get him a part Fantastic! But wait If you had connections why have you never gotten me a part? Honey, I said I had connections not superpowers So I've decided on a number for the amount of money I wanna leave you Oh, great, let me just fill in the.
$1400 And if you go first it'll be the same How did you.
Wait Lavender perfume masking the scent of an afternoon spritzer The way you're standing up straight as if somebody told you to stop slouching You've been to see my mother! Will, I don't--I don't get it You're--you're rich And I don't mean in that stupid "It's a Wonderful Life" kinda way where you have a lot of friends You have money This is not about my money, Grace This is a breach of trust I can't believe that you went to my mother God, I can't even talk to you right now! This never would have happened if you had just told me in the first place All right, actors, take your seats We have a lot of work today Elaine, are you gaining weight? I'm pregnant Well, congratulations You just went from leading lady to funny friend Uh, excuse me Mr.
Dennehy I am not Brian Dennehy Oh Right, and I'm not Betty Boop Hey, what if I were to tell you that you are going to walk out of here right now and never teach this class again? I don't think so There's nothing that would make me leave my students Even if I were able to get you the acting job of your dreams? King Lear on Broadway? Close! Banging on a garbage can lid in the road company of Stomp Well, I hardly think that.
Oh, I could get used to this Goodbye, class Where's he going? Does that mean I shouldn't go to the Radisson after class? Students, I have good news Allow me to introduce the creator of the McFarland Method, Mr.
Jack McFarland I know! Yes, it's me! And from now on this class will be run the McFarland way Gentlemen, up front Ladies, take the broken chairs Will, don't turn this around You're the one that did something hurtful to me You want more money, Grace fine, you can have more money There's 300 bucks in the back of my-- Sock drawer Now it's 20 and a frozen yogurt punch card How could you do that? How could you leave me such a measly amount of money? Is that how little I mean to you? - Of course not - Then, why? You wanna know? You really wanna know? Yes Because 15 years ago when I wrote that will, that's all the money I had Wait, you haven't updated your will in 15 years? Will, you update your Barry Manilow fan site, web thing every day I'm telling you, Grace it's called the "Manilow-down.
" And people depend on it I tried to rewrite that will so many times Every time I sit down to make a list of everything I have I just feel like I have nothing Will, you've got everything You've got your health, friends, family You just made partner And most importantly of all you still have all your hair It's just, the guy I am now is not the guy I was hoping to be when I wrote that will in law school - Oh, come on.
- No, I'm serious I never thought I'd be just another corporate lawyer with a lot of stuff I wanted to accomplish more Will, you are young Whatever it is you want to accomplish in your life there is still plenty of time to do it - You think? - I know Come on Accomplish us a couple of hot dogs You okay, honey? No, I'm not.
I thought I wanted to teach this class But now that I have it again it feels like a step backwards Maybe you're just moving on You're showing growth Oh, sorry You know, I don't miss teaching I guess I just miss people looking at me I miss being the center of attention Is that wrong? No, honey, that's just who you are And you'll find something You can't help but shine Oh, Karen But how am I gonna tell all my students I'm abandoning them again? Don't.
Just cash their checks and then never come back That's a good idea There isn't hope of any one of them ever having an actual career anyway we're still here And scene Hey In honor of us not getting hit by that bus I thought that I would treat us to lunch Wow, you are happy to be alive Just so you know I have finished both of our wills Really? Wow And I'm leaving you more than you're leaving me A lot more You know, after what happened to us I realize that I just I need to start making some changes in my life So you know what I did? I bought this bag Shouldn't have Can't afford it Came out of your inheritance But really wanted it So I've decided I'm gonna start giving myself gifts That's great Good for you, sweetie Thank you I made some changes too Oh, great I quit my job Excuse me? I quit my job I want to do something meaningful with my life So I quit Where you taking me for lunch? Will, you just dropped a bombshell on me Don't you think you should pay now? ÀÚ¸· Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Á °ÇºÎ ¹èÆ÷ / ¼öÁ¤ ±ÝÁö ¹èÆ÷½Ã ÀÚ¸· Ãâó¸¦ ²À ¹àÇô ÁÖ¼¼¿ä thanks
" But hold on did you say last week? Yes, in Tuesday's master class Wendell is amazing You couldn't have named a better successor Well, I never named a successor And if I had, I wouldn't have named him Wendell Well, yeah, he's been teaching the McFarland Method ever since you left What?! This Wendell is teaching the McFarland Method? He's stealing from me! This is identity theft, the most heinous of crimes! - Here are your sweaters, Mr.
Truman - Thank you We just need a signature Oh, my God, I think I see them All the way-- All the way up on top Okay, I'll get a salesperson No.
No, no I hate salespeople What, I do all the work and they get all the credit? When they ask me at the register who helped me I always say no one Even if they did That money comes out of my pocket No, it doesn't.
Shut up, and give me a boost Come on You sure this is a good idea? Yeah, it's fine It's like the climbing wall at the gym You mean the one you've never tried because you claim the handgrips smell farty? Oh, got it! Oh, shoot It's moving.
Grace, let go of the jeans and climb down I can't, it's my size! - Let go! - Never! It looks like you found them in Bruise Àª Àª & Àª & ±× Àª & ±×·¹ Àª & ±×·¹ÀÌ Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º (´ëº»Ãâó: Rob Durfee ) Hi, Will.
I hope you didn't worry too much but I'm gonna be okay Yeah, I know you're okay You landed in a bin of cashmere sweaters And bounced gently when you hit it I think you even giggled like Snuggles the bear I'm a fall survivor If anything, you should feel guilty for not having fallen Why aren't you taking this seriously? Because you're wearing a ridiculous "I Love Lucy" neck brace All right, so I may be overreacting a little bitBut it was scary I realized that one day I might die Yeah, and one day you might get the morning gunk out of your eye before noon but I'm not holding my breath for that either Will, I'm serious I haven't made any of the major decisions I mean, who will I give my things to? What will happen to my business? Where will I be buried? Well, your business will go under Your things are my things so I'll just take them back And I always figured I'd have you stuffed and keep you by the front door to prop up umbrellas I wanna do a will Yeah, well, get in line behind all the other ladies! No You wanna do this, it's fine Drop by the office tomorrow Good God this thing itches I shouldn't have done that Now I gotta hold my head up myself "Wendell Schacter"? Pretty I wonder what his real name was before he glammed it up for Hollywood Oh, what a noble mind is here or thrown The court-- Stop.
Just stop What the hell is that? Clearly you don't understand Shakespeare Now, Ophelia may be insane and suicidal but first and foremost she's a pretty girl You're in a sea of troubles Why aren't you wearing a bikini? How can I drum this into your heads? Acting is not about emotion! It's about two things Making pleasant faces and moving to the right spot That is the very essence of the McFarland Method Acting is attracting That's my catch phrase Well, that and ma ma se, ma ma sa ma ma coo sa Honey, my catch phrase is you figure it out All right, actors let's take five That'll give you a chance to purchase my McFarland method books, DVDs, mouse pads I only have large men's t-shirts, and girls I'm afraid I'm out of the baby tee's Honey, I had baby tee's Then I put plant food on 'em and now look Excuse me, Sir could you please sign my book? Sure, what's your name? My name is Jack! McFarland I know Hello, Jack How did you get your hands on the McFarland method? I studied with you for two semesters No, you didn't I would remember that I sat in the second row between Russell and Edwin Okay, Russell, Edwin please take your shirts off You in the middle why don't you just button up? Thank you Justall the way And then one day, you didn't show up So I took over Oh, and then one day I showed up so you can leave I'm confused Who's teaching the class now? Now you see what you've done? You've broken the cardinal rule of acting You've confused the hot guy I thought the cardinal rule of acting was when I see you with your wife I act like we're not sleeping together You've used my method to have sex with women? Shame! I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave This is my class now And there's nothing you can do about it That's where you're wrong, Schacter Do you really think that Jack McFarland would be stupid enough not to trademark his McFarland Method? Because if you think that, you're right I am that stupid Karen, let's go! Let's start with the money So, who do you wanna leave it to? I suppose you wanna leave a substantial amount to charity No Of course, I'd like you to get some Thank you I'm very touched How much would you like to leave me? Gosh, I don't know How much did you leave me? I'm not really comfortable disclosing that Just leave what's in your heart You know, the heart you're apparently keeping along with all your other organs even though they could save a life I don't want some stranger peeing with my kidney Come on, Will.
Tell me We tell each other everything No, a will is a very personal thing Nobody's seen it Except for my mother But that's only 'cause I asked her to proof it God, can you imagine the embarrassment of having a will with typos? I'd die! Again Your mother knows? Come on, tell me! No.
Stop Leave it alone Come on Let's get on with this I got an insane amount of work to do today Is that the sandwich cart? Egg salad! I called it, egg salad! Connie, it's Will Can you get Will's mom on the phone? Make yourself comfortable, Grace I'll be there in a minute Please don't sit down until I get there Oh, Grace, have you seen that new show "Desperate Housewives"? My friends and I play this drinking game when we watch it Yeah, one shot every five minutes Oh, look at that You don't even need a TV Yeah, and sometimes I don't even have a friend over So what brings you to this neck of the woods? I've been thinking about death Do you ever think about death? I was forced to this summer when our sweet little Biscuit died Oh, I heard he was a wonderful dog He was a character, that one He was just 25 pounds full of love Unless you weren't white, then watch out I don't know I guess I must be thinking about it 'cause I'm doing my will now Now I know why you're here You want me to proof it? Yeah, okay, I'll get my red pen and my half glasses No.
No That's not why I'm here This is a little awkward, but I would like to leave Will some money And I don't want him to be embarrassed if I leave him more than he left me So how much did he leave me? What's your game, Grace Adler? Nothing I'm just curious I would never betray my son's confidence He told me he was gay years ago I still haven't told anyone Marilyn, I understand We can still chat about other things though, can't we? I suppose - More wine? - Yeah - thank you - You're welcome honey, are you still mad about that acting class? Why do you care anyway? You're a big executive at Out TV now You got a briefcase, an office big-boy underpants I guess because it's my class And I should be the only one allowed to teach it Well, honey then go and get it If you want something that much you shouldn't let anything stand in your way Dammit, you're right! How do I get it, though? Because he won't give it up He's clinging to it like he's Kirstie Alley and the class is a shred of dignity Well, honey, you've got to give him something that he wants more than that class A balloon ride over Taye Diggs' house? No, honey something he wants I mean, the reason that people become acting teachers is that they're failed actors I mean, look at you.
ta Hagen I mean, all the teachers would give it up in a minute if they got the right part But I can't get him to be an actor again Honey, I have connections I can get him a part Fantastic! But wait If you had connections why have you never gotten me a part? Honey, I said I had connections not superpowers So I've decided on a number for the amount of money I wanna leave you Oh, great, let me just fill in the.
$1400 And if you go first it'll be the same How did you.
Wait Lavender perfume masking the scent of an afternoon spritzer The way you're standing up straight as if somebody told you to stop slouching You've been to see my mother! Will, I don't--I don't get it You're--you're rich And I don't mean in that stupid "It's a Wonderful Life" kinda way where you have a lot of friends You have money This is not about my money, Grace This is a breach of trust I can't believe that you went to my mother God, I can't even talk to you right now! This never would have happened if you had just told me in the first place All right, actors, take your seats We have a lot of work today Elaine, are you gaining weight? I'm pregnant Well, congratulations You just went from leading lady to funny friend Uh, excuse me Mr.
Dennehy I am not Brian Dennehy Oh Right, and I'm not Betty Boop Hey, what if I were to tell you that you are going to walk out of here right now and never teach this class again? I don't think so There's nothing that would make me leave my students Even if I were able to get you the acting job of your dreams? King Lear on Broadway? Close! Banging on a garbage can lid in the road company of Stomp Well, I hardly think that.
Oh, I could get used to this Goodbye, class Where's he going? Does that mean I shouldn't go to the Radisson after class? Students, I have good news Allow me to introduce the creator of the McFarland Method, Mr.
Jack McFarland I know! Yes, it's me! And from now on this class will be run the McFarland way Gentlemen, up front Ladies, take the broken chairs Will, don't turn this around You're the one that did something hurtful to me You want more money, Grace fine, you can have more money There's 300 bucks in the back of my-- Sock drawer Now it's 20 and a frozen yogurt punch card How could you do that? How could you leave me such a measly amount of money? Is that how little I mean to you? - Of course not - Then, why? You wanna know? You really wanna know? Yes Because 15 years ago when I wrote that will, that's all the money I had Wait, you haven't updated your will in 15 years? Will, you update your Barry Manilow fan site, web thing every day I'm telling you, Grace it's called the "Manilow-down.
" And people depend on it I tried to rewrite that will so many times Every time I sit down to make a list of everything I have I just feel like I have nothing Will, you've got everything You've got your health, friends, family You just made partner And most importantly of all you still have all your hair It's just, the guy I am now is not the guy I was hoping to be when I wrote that will in law school - Oh, come on.
- No, I'm serious I never thought I'd be just another corporate lawyer with a lot of stuff I wanted to accomplish more Will, you are young Whatever it is you want to accomplish in your life there is still plenty of time to do it - You think? - I know Come on Accomplish us a couple of hot dogs You okay, honey? No, I'm not.
I thought I wanted to teach this class But now that I have it again it feels like a step backwards Maybe you're just moving on You're showing growth Oh, sorry You know, I don't miss teaching I guess I just miss people looking at me I miss being the center of attention Is that wrong? No, honey, that's just who you are And you'll find something You can't help but shine Oh, Karen But how am I gonna tell all my students I'm abandoning them again? Don't.
Just cash their checks and then never come back That's a good idea There isn't hope of any one of them ever having an actual career anyway we're still here And scene Hey In honor of us not getting hit by that bus I thought that I would treat us to lunch Wow, you are happy to be alive Just so you know I have finished both of our wills Really? Wow And I'm leaving you more than you're leaving me A lot more You know, after what happened to us I realize that I just I need to start making some changes in my life So you know what I did? I bought this bag Shouldn't have Can't afford it Came out of your inheritance But really wanted it So I've decided I'm gonna start giving myself gifts That's great Good for you, sweetie Thank you I made some changes too Oh, great I quit my job Excuse me? I quit my job I want to do something meaningful with my life So I quit Where you taking me for lunch? Will, you just dropped a bombshell on me Don't you think you should pay now? ÀÚ¸· Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Á °ÇºÎ ¹èÆ÷ / ¼öÁ¤ ±ÝÁö ¹èÆ÷½Ã ÀÚ¸· Ãâó¸¦ ²À ¹àÇô ÁÖ¼¼¿ä thanks