Wonderland (2013) s03e05 Episode Script


You weren't? You were.
Please, please.
Keep this to yourself.
Let me fix it, please! Oh! I need you to leave.
I don't want to.
You and Miranda.
I've known her since we were kids.
She's like family.
If you've come around here to cause trouble, don't.
Oh, this is stupid! I am not like you, Mum.
I can't just pretend that nothing's happened.
It is over with Cal, can we just leave it at that? You want me to lie for you, Mum? You want me to lie? I feel guilty enough as it is, Tom.
I really think that this is the best way.
Yeah, maybe you can live like that but I don't how to deal with this other than Like this.
Ask your mum to FAT night.
She'll come if you ask.
Not tonight.
Oh, she's lonely now that Dad's gone.
Hey! These are pretty cool.
They're props for a shoot tomorrow, Siamese fighting fish.
Wouldn't they look better in one jar? Yeah, they would but if you put them together, they kill each other.
Was it about Sasha? What about Sasha? Whatever's going on between you and your mum.
Oh, no, nothing is going on, everything is fine.
Oh, Tom, come on.
I mean, everyone knows that Maggie and Sasha don't get along.
Miranda, just stop.
It's Mum's You don't need to worry about that.
Yeah, but Tom, it's not your mum I'm worried about.
It's you.
If you keep letting Sasha get between you and your parents, it's going to get toxic.
Just stay out of it, OK? Fine.
I can't.
No, I can't.
You have to! Tastes terrible.
I I tasted it, it's fine.
What would you know? You like tofu and those little cardboard biscuits.
Why are you so uptight? I just, I just don't feel well.
All day I've been cooking my grandmother's special dish and thinking about my family.
Maybe I'm homesick or something.
Maybe you're just coming down with something.
Just dish it up.
Everybody good? Yeah.
Dani is on her way.
From the job interview? Hmm, my wife managed to turn it into lunch and then drinks.
Good on her.
Here goes.
OK, I've got you fish.
Good luck, I hope you can eat it.
Certainly an invitation right there.
It smells just like your mama's kitchen.
So what's in it? I've put a lot of myself into this dish.
Are we talking actual bodily fluids? Body fluids or not, I am starving.
Pass it down, come on.
No thanks, I don't want any.
No? No.
Relax, it's edible.
It's good.
This is an insult to my grandmother's memory.
Tastes nothing like hers.
Pressure of the competition has got to him, hey? Well Here is to Carlos's first FAT night.
And here's to five years of my beautiful wife tomorrow.
Here's to the married couple.
Yeah, are you doing anything romantic? Just happy to spend the day together.
You guys should come to the restaurant for lunch.
What, mates rates? Yeah.
I have an appointment at 3pm.
So just come early.
OK, thanks.
Wow, that's a lovely anniversary Which reminds me that we should invite your mum.
present from Sasha.
Sorry, sorry I'm late! Hello.
Long lunch, big, big company.
Great news.
Ooh! Excellent! Wine? Yep.
For you.
Two dozen oysters, fresh.
You OK? Yeah, I'm just a little I didn't know you were coming.
Well, I wasn't but I decided you must be missing me.
I've been looking forward to seeing you all the way down.
What a week! Come here.
In a sec, I'll just get something to drink with these.
And then after the interview, the guys took me to lunch at the bay.
You don't even want your dessert? No, don't feel like it.
Hey! Public relations manager for the whole region.
Oh, it's not official yet.
But I am going on an on-site tour tomorrow to seal the deal.
Ooh, and They gave me this pen.
Ah, a hint they want you to sign something tomorrow.
I am so loving being wooed.
So you don't mind working for the evil corporation? They've had some bad press but that's all.
I'm sure you've done your research.
Tom, shall we open another bottle of wine? Hmm.
Actually, I think I've had enough.
Beautiful meal, Carlos.
Thank you.
It's just I'm a bit exhausted, is that OK? Sure.
Awesome, man.
Definitely a hot contender for the wooden spoon,.
See ya.
See you guys.
Bye! Where does Max get off pissing on my parade? Aw! He's weeing on your wooing! As if he's so ethical! He's obviously just bitter about something.
Yeah, and smug and superior.
Forget it, enjoy the wooing.
This job is perfect timing for us, financially.
Sounds like the perfect job for Dani.
She's buying into the whole corporate philanthropy thing without questioning it.
Well, that's her business.
Do you care that much about me expressing an opinion? No, no.
But you're unhappy with me.
No, I'm not, I'm not.
Uh Sasha blanked me tonight.
Why? Um She heard me talking to Tom about her and it wouldn't have sounded good.
Are you trying to cause trouble? No, of course not.
Did you want to make some trouble with me? Of course.
Oh! God, I'm so sick.
I knew that fish guy was lying.
That salmon was not caught yesterday.
I feel fine and you hardly touched your meal.
I think you should call an ambulance.
You don't think it could be something else? No, what else could poison me like this? I don't know, could be a virus.
Why didn't you wake me? You don't like walking.
I was hoping for a bit of a lie-in this morning, since the oysters didn't do their trick last night.
I didn't realise they were a bribe.
Something's up.
You're not calling me, you're cranky.
You're depressed about something.
Things aren't great between me and Tom at the moment.
Cross with Sasha? You really think my life is so empty, I've got nothing but Tom and his love life to think about.
When were you going to tell me? New runners.
How much have they set us back? One anniversary/detox breakfast special.
Oats, prunes, citrus juice, black tea, as per my lady's request.
Wait, what about you? Well, as tempting as that looks, I think you need it more than me.
Oh, so noble.
Happy anniversary.
Skydiving! Life is never dull with you, Mr Duffy.
Well, not something I would normally do with my pregnant wife but with my missus not yet 'up the Duffy', hell yeah! And I looked up 'fifth anniversary present' and its wood, which I also have for you.
Hold that thought.
Everything OK? I had a feeling that it was going to be today.
And? One line, not pregnant.
We've only just started, babe.
I know.
But I'm not taking another pregnancy test, not until I'm craving anchovy milkshakes and I've gone up at least one bra size.
Well, I guess you've got to take the good with the bad, don't you? Hey! Morning.
Did you hear about Carlos? Hmm.
Contents of stomach, all present and accounted for.
Me too.
I'm going to put more food in it.
Yum, toast.
Oh, sorry, did you want that? No, I'm good.
When are you going to tell her about your mother sleeping with her father? Never.
Why are you protecting her? Well, it's not just her, Steve only just got back on track with his old man.
There are going to find out sooner or later.
My mum looked me in the eye and she told me that it's over, so there's no point in telling anyone.
Well, it's better than her finding out from someone else.
Someone has to tell her.
Alright, thanks, Rob.
No, just thought I'd check.
OK, bye.
Ai no, my head is pounding! That's everyone.
No-one else is sick from last night.
Maybe I'm the first.
I don't think it's food poisoning.
I think it's a virus.
You're run down, you're worried about your family, you're worried about the postcard.
You get a virus, it's From not having sex.
It's from stress.
What do you normally do when you're stressed? I have sex.
You're not serious? And if your theory about stress is correct, then having sex will make me feel better.
You don't get sick from not having sex.
You're a woman, you don't get it.
You get this build-up and it causes the sperm headache if you don't have enough sex.
It's a fact.
One proven by the internet? "A common cause of sperm retention headache "is attributed to an overdue release of male sexual energy "that can cause acute headaches "along with moodiness and irritability.
" And does it say there that 15,000 people actually die every year.
Told you.
That's quoted by MagicSexHealth.
com! Oh, come on, this is a bullshit post put up by some guy who wants to use it as proof.
It's science.
Hey! Hi.
Can we talk about yesterday? I thought you made yourself pretty clear.
Well, I didn't mean what I said.
So you didn't mean anything by calling me toxic? No, I didn't mean that.
Then I won't be offended.
I'm not .
blaming you for the issues that Tom has with his mum.
I really don't, not at all.
I just I don't think Tom should let anything fester.
Fester? Not let any .
bad blood No, sorry.
Not let .
the issues that you and Tom and his parents have in the past get in the way now.
You have no idea what the issue really is.
What is it? Got to go to work.
Oh, my God! Hey! Hmm? This just arrived for you.
You should ask for a lot of money.
"To help you get a better feel for the company.
" Hmm! God.
It seems like that site tour today was just a formality.
They make shampoo and bath oil and Oh, they've got me chocolate! That's probably them right now.
Bay of Secrets by Max Saliba.
And they didn't sue you for libel? No.
They offered me a job.
You're just always looking for an angle.
Well, instead of .
blacklisting journalists who ask the hard questions, they employ them.
I need a job, OK? Not everyone has the luxury of a riding around on their ideological high horse.
Personally, I don't see it as a luxury.
What? Says the man with three phones and rolls of cash all over the apartment? And visitors who break down my kitchen door? OK, alright.
Let's Let's imagine we're at a press conference you've called about the opening of a nice new park paid for by the corporation.
Independent reports show your company's emissions cause extremely high concentrations of carcinogenic chemicals in breast milk.
What do you plan to do about that? Well? What's your answer, PR manager? Yeah, I don't know what happened.
I only got them yesterday.
Can fish die of fright? No, OK.
Two of the same? Great.
Thanks so much, bye.
So easily replaced.
That is just cold-blooded.
Hey, if you're going to the workshop, can you take those jars for me? I need to get new fish on the way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yes, Master.
Hey, did Sasha say anything to you about me? About what? Well, she heard me talking to you about the Maggie, She didn't mention it? No.
You didn't notice how weird she was with the toast this morning? The toast? Oh, come on, Tom, don't treat me like an idiot.
Wait, is this going to be a thing? No, she's annoyed with me and she said I didn't know what the real issue is.
Yeah, that sounds like a thing.
Fine, I'm not talking about it.
Do you want to know what the real issue is? Sasha .
will never trust a fighting fish killer.
Shut up! According to him, celibacy is making him ill.
Is it? It's probably post-traumatic stress.
And marrying Grace.
Oh, ha ha! Don't you have some evil corporation tour to attend? Oh, don't you start.
Wait, so I don't understand.
If sex is the cure, why doesn't Carlos just have sex? There are rules, Colette! Oh! Stop it! We made an arrangement not to have sex with anyone until the visa comes through.
And thank you very much, I actually feel closer to Carlos now as a result.
How does that work? Well I'm not worried about where he is or what he's doing.
It's better.
Maybe it feels better for you because you don't feel jealous.
It's simpler.
Besides, it's not like he's going to get lucky sick in bed.
Sick in bed is not as fun as other things in bed.
Not having sex with someone like Carlos is kind of cruel.
It's like keeping a wild animal locked in a cage.
Please, you're not buying into the whole 'men need sex' myth? They don't need it any more than we do! That's why you're still single.
And married.
And the worst thing is Grace doesn't take it seriously.
She thinks you have man flu.
Which has the side-effect of turning women's hearts into stone.
Man, it's hell, not having sex for weeks! Welcome to married life.
Can't you just sort yourself out? No, no, no.
That's for guys who can't get real sex.
Dude, 90% of blokes do it.
The other 10% are liars.
What, so you never? No, no.
Only when I'm desperate.
I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to do that in the last year.
All you need is one hand.
Thanks for the lovely visit.
You guys are no help at all.
I'm going back to bed.
Sort yourselves out.
Ready for a break? Oh, sorry.
Pretty busy, Dad.
Very busy, actually.
You sure? I wanted to have a chat with you about your mother.
Definitely busy.
Look, it's your life, mate.
But whatever it is going on between you and your mother, it's making her unhappy.
She's taking it out on Yours Truly.
What do you think's going on? Well, this business with Sasha.
Old wounds.
Hey! Oh.
What? The The fumes will kill them.
Oh, sorry, I wasn't even thinking.
I need more resin anyway.
Sorry, Dad, it's a fish welfare situation.
I'll be back in 20.
It's got to stop, Mum.
Miranda thinks we're fighting over Sasha, Dad thinks we're fighting over Sasha too.
I know.
Well, hiding behind Sasha like this isn't fair.
He is the one making the assumptions, Tom.
I'm not feeding them.
Yeah, well, I can't even look him in the eye.
Telling your father can only cause damage for no good reason.
And And what? Oh, no.
Don't tell me you're in love.
You said it was finished? It is, it is.
I'm no good at lying.
And he's here and there's no way I can look him in the eye and not tell him.
So you'd better do it.
Happy anniversary, guys.
Thank you.
Come on, could you get us a better table? This is amazing, Sasha.
Yeah, thanks.
It's a pleasure, enjoy it.
I'll get the waiter to bring over the menu.
Thank you.
It's perfect.
It's not what you know, it's who you know, babe.
Here you go.
Happy anniversary.
Well, thank you.
It's wood.
Seriously? You got me a Mal? It's second-hand.
You mean vintage? Tom said it would be ready by this afternoon.
It's awesome, I love it.
I love you.
I love you too.
How's life in the flat these days? Good.
Suppose things have changed a bit with Sasha on the scene.
I don't think we really gel but it's probably my fault.
No, not necessarily.
Sasha didn't gel with the girls up our way either.
How are you feeling? I don't know yet.
Oh, it's much better.
I got you an electrolyte drink.
You've been fast asleep for hours.
Thank you for looking after me.
It's OK.
I got caught up with these anyway.
My textbooks.
I'm so behind on my study.
And it's so boring.
You should try reading real books.
Did you know that an inertial frame of reference is one in which an object is observed to have no acceleration when no forces act on it? So, that's kind of like me lying on this bed.
I'm inert, not 'ert'.
Why did you stop? I thought you said it was boring.
Yeah, but you make it sound sexy.
Furthermore, the principles of Galilean relativity state that when another body exerts force Thanks, mate.
A new case so I had to open a bottle.
Quality control.
It's in the right hands.
I do really love champagne.
Yeah, when you're preggers, you won't be able to drink for nine months.
Well, neither will you.
What do you mean? In support.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's hope they don't have a case of merlot that needs testing.
To us.
This is incredibly nice of Sasha.
I think we've all been a bit too harsh on her.
Did I put you off your site tour? No.
No, no, I'm just waiting for a taxi.
A very late taxi.
Choccy? Oh, careful you're not corrupted by the spoils of an evil corporation.
Where are your morals now? When it comes to chocolate, I have none.
Look, you're wasting your talents making rich companies richer.
That's all I was trying to say.
You should back yourself.
Where is that taxi? Well, I've got a spare helmet and I've got some time.
If you dare.
That's the spirit.
God! What kind of hero delivers the girl into the arms of a villain? - Hold tight.
- Yeah! Maybe we should just pay and go? No, we needed her to OK the staff discount.
Yeah, she's not in here and I can't be late for my naturopath appointment.
It was a great lunch, I don't mind paying.
That's not the point, babe.
There she is.
Oh, nice car! Should we wait? Maybe she's just giving directions.
Yeah, I don't think that guy's lost.
Oh, come on.
Let's just pay and go.
Hey! You guys going? Yeah, we're gonna I will sort out the bill.
I'll get it.
Hello? G'day, Cal.
Yeah, lobbed in last night.
Oh, really? OK, yeah.
No worries, I'll let her know.
He reckons he's left some CDs here.
Oh, right.
Wait, what? I just thought he was round here somewhere.
You didn't tell me he's actually gone back home.
Didn't I? No, you didn't mention it.
Oh, I suppose I thought it wouldn't be that interesting to you.
Are you kidding? If I'd have found out that he's finally out of here, I would have come down earlier.
Must be nice to have your place to yourself again.
Want a hand? No, I'm fine.
We should take Tom and Sasha out for a meal.
Kind of a peace offering.
I don't think either of them are interested in having dinner with us.
Hey, you don't have to change the sheets for my sake.
Come on, let's take that drive.
Why now? What do you mean? Why do you? Do you want to go for a walk? Help me with the sheets? Take me for a drive? What is wrong with you? There's nothing wrong with me.
I'm just trying to be nice.
This isn't about Sasha.
No, it's not about Sasha or Tom.
Then what? Huh? Are you sick or something? Tell me what's the matter.
I slept with Cal.
Hey, your dad waited for you.
Oh, yeah.
I got sidetracked.
Do you know what busted up your Dad's second marriage? Did he meet someone else? Was he always looking for new fish in the sea? No.
Actually, him and Karen went to counselling but he wasn't meeting her needs or something.
So, he didn't cheat on her? Doubt it.
So, did he try and work it out or did he just walk away? What's with all the questions about my dad? Oh.
My folks having troubles again, I don't know if they're going to work it out this time.
Well, plenty of people go through huge issues.
I mean, look at Rob and Colette.
Not that long ago, no-one would have thought they'd be seeing another anniversary.
Maybe your dad should talk to my dad about the counselling.
I mean, it could help.
Are you in love with him? I don't know.
"I don't know"? Jesus, Maggie.
Do you want to kick me a bit harder? I don't want to lie about it.
That mean you don't love me anymore? Of course I love you.
One mistake doesn't wipe out 30 years.
Was it going on the whole time he lobbed in here? No.
It was It was just twice.
Once when Before I came up to see you that weekend and once when I got back.
And that's when I asked him to leave.
And you're saying .
this was the first time? It was just so long ago, I had no idea it was still there.
If it's any consolation, I did ask him to leave because I didn't want us to be hurt by it.
So why are you telling me now? Because this bloody hurts! Because Because Tom knows.
Maybe don't pop the cork just yet.
Not quite the reception I was expecting.
They didn't offer you the job? We didn't get that far.
I asked a few hard questions.
Hmm, you didn't like the answers.
No, there were no answers.
They sidestepped, they just tried to distract me.
Asking questions shows you're interested.
It doesn't mean they won't offer you the job.
They won't.
How about a swim? Hmm? Um, I might give Grace a call.
I kind of want to workshop this with her.
I think she's downstairs in the nunnery, driving Carlos insane.
No, she is loving the whole 'poor sick me' Carlos thing.
Yeah? Well, he's hating it.
Really? Hmm.
Grace? Hmm.
Grace, amor.
Wake up.
You were snoring very sweetly.
Ah, sleep feels good.
What are you doing? This.
Um, no.
No, no, no, no.
We're not doing this.
Why can't we just have sex? Because we're married.
That doesn't make any sense.
Uh no.
It was messy when we were together and now that we are married, it's messier.
So much for my healthy detox.
You weren't to know, babe.
It all seems so obvious now that high acid diet was just acting like a spermicide.
Should have spoken to her first.
Poor little taddies swimming straight into the deathtrap.
Never stood a chance.
It's not funny! She said it was an easy fix and everything else is fine.
So, don't worry, there's no rush, babe.
Hey! How was your tour to the dark side? It was enlightening.
When do you start? Um Dad? Dad? Don't you Dad me.
You knew, you knew about him and your mother and you didn't have the guts to tell me.
Dad, wait.
How about taking my side for once in your life? Who was he talking about? Who do you think? I should have seen it coming.
Making us think he's staying here with us when the whole time, he's just been getting it on with Maggie.
And don't you start defending him, if that's what you're thinking.
No, I was thinking about Tom.
You're right, he should have told us.
No, not about that.
Just that the whole time, I thought he was fighting with Maggie over Sasha but it was about this.
Can you believe that Carlos tried it on with me this afternoon? I mean, after everything that we've talked about and how clear we've been about the rules of this marriage.
What? Oh, no.
What now? Steve's Dad is having an affair with Tom's mum.
Oh! Get out! I know.
Oh, my God.
Now what? The The evil corporation, they've offered me the job.
Oh, congratulations, that's fantastic.
No, it's terrible.
How long have I been asleep? Why isn't he answering his phone? Because he's probably not far away.
Yeah, but he said it would be ready.
Don't worry, we'll get it later.
Do you reckon we should tell Tom about Sasha and that bloke? No.
I think we keep the lid on it.
I don't like things going on on our anniversary.
Hey, lunch was perfect.
Yeah, but then the test results and now I can't give you your present.
Don't bad things come in three? Look, we know where Tom lives, we now know how to fix the detox.
It's no biggie.
Come on.
You are not going to believe what's happened.
OK, now what? I want to apologise for before.
Oh, look, it's fine.
No, I know that you have your rules.
But there are rules for me too, OK? So, no more feeling my forehead or getting me drinks with a straw or making that funny little snoring sound you make.
No more making me think that you care for me more than you do.
You know what? Go and have sex, Carlos.
Knock yourself out.
So, it's the perfect job.
No celebration, no happy Dani.
What am I missing? I know this job is exactly what we need right now.
I called them the evil corporation myself today.
It's just Max's take.
What about all the projects you said they run for the community? I don't want to work for a company that I'm afraid to answer questions about.
Just when I got used to the idea of being a kept man.
I guess now isn't really the right time to do anything radical.
Such as? Back myself.
What, you mean like start your own business? It's a dumb idea.
Well We've got savings, I mean If the thing's viable, then sure, why not? With your support, it's viable.
I mean, I really think I could do this.
Well, let's look at it seriously.
We've got nothing to lose.
Except all of our money? Except that.
You mind if I take these leftovers to Mum? Sure.
Are you having disturbing visions of our parents having sex? Why didn't you tell me as soon as you found out? Why let me think it was about Sasha when it wasn't? Well, Mum didn't want me to tell.
So? It's my family too.
Yeah, I know.
I guess I just wanted to save you from the horror.
So, when you were asking me about my dad's previous marriage, what were you doing? Figuring out his intentions? Oh.
Something like that.
Bad timing? No.
Where are you going? I'm just going to drop these at mum's.
I'll be back.
Look, I figured out what the issue was.
Right, so it wasn't me being toxic.
I'm sorry.
It's not your fault, he should have told you straightaway.
Yeah, yeah, I had no idea.
But FYI .
I don't appreciate you sharing your opinions about me to Tom or taking sides with his family.
Well, I was just You seem to think you know everything about him but you don't.
You need to understand that your ownership of Tom has expired.
Night, Mum.
Oh, dude.
Hey, mate.
I'm sorry that I didn't get the board on time.
That's alright, no worries.
I understand.
How's your lunch? Awesome.
She really looked after us.
Hey, listen.
Um, Colette said I shouldn't say anything but if some bloke was harassing my woman, I'd want to know about it.
Sasha? Yeah, some bloke outside the restaurant grabbed her arm and didn't really look friendly.
Guy drive a Ferrari? Yeah.
Do you know him? Ah, he's a customer, he's got something for her.
Don't worry, she's dealing with it.
Glad I brought it up.
You dibber dobber.
That's me! They're both young.
Why shouldn't they re-partner? Hmm.
And sure, Callan's on the rebound and Maggie's married.
I mean, it's complicated but it's not unusual.
Is it the fish you're worried about? Sorry.
No! They're going to compensate me for the fish.
It turns out the aquarium stuffed up with the water.
Did you think that someone sabotaged you? Well, um Oh, right.
Should I be taking notes on this crime scoop? I thought maybe Sasha put something in the water.
To spite me.
You don't know her! Oh, look.
You gave me advice to keep out of things with Dani.
Take my advice on this.
Stay out of their relationship.
She can't stop me from being Tom's friend.
Well .
might have to put you two in separate bowls.
Detox meal, version 2.
Plate of cabbage.
All alkaline.
You're stupid.
I can't wait for our next anniversary.
This one's still good.
I can't believe how close we came to not having this.