Xiaolin Showdown (2003) s02e09 Episode Script

Hear Some Evil, See Some Evil

Man: Xiaolin Showdown.
All: Aah!
Xiaolin Showdown.
Today's exercise
requires one to choose
complimentary Shen Gong
Wu and work in unison
to fight a common foe.
I trust you are ready to
demonstrate great focus.
On the count of 3.
UhRuby of ramses!
Sword of the Storm!
A Thorn of of thunderbolt!
Wu-shu helmet!
Aah! Uhh!
Your choices were far
from complimentary.
The dummy remains intact.
Yes, yes, I remain intact.
Apprentices, you are
too easily distracted.
Raimundo, fidgeting
with your 3pm player.
Kimiko, doing your hair.
Clay, playing with
your little cow.
And Omi, you with
your bumble bee.
You must not let
your mind wander.
But my mind was made to wonder.
How else can I ponder
the great mysteries
of the universe?
Like how can bees fly
when their wings are too
small to lift their bodies?
I said "wander," not "wonder."
My rolling shield is complete.
Now to test it.
Megan, I told you not
to touch my stuff.
Shh! You're interrupting
our tea party.
Thank you, lady Megan.
Jack, we need to focus here.
Yuck! That ugly witch is back.
Do some tricks, ugly witch.
Like make yourself a
little less ugly.
One more word out of
your little cousin,
and I'll turn her unto a pig.
I hear you bark, little doggie,
now let's see you bite.
Yawn. Just as I thought,
you can't do nothing
Except look ugly!
Girls, girls. We
have work to do.
Evil isn't gonna get
done by itself.
Ah! Shen Gong Wu has
revealed itself
on an island off of java.
The Mind Reader Conch.
Time to roll.
Whatever you say, Jack.
Oh! Oh! I got that itch.
We must be near the
Shen Gong Wu
Or poison oak.
Lower. Lower. Lower.
Sorry, Dojo.
I haven't much to
earn you scratch.
After all, I am an apprentice.
Oh, yeah, baby!
Magic fingers!
Come on, crew, where's the wu?
The wu, as you call it,
is the Mind Reader Conch.
By holding it to your
ear and aiming it,
you can hear the
thoughts of others.
In Clay's case, I guess
you just hear the ocean.
Ha ha ha.
It'sThat-a way.
Take your time.
The lady dragons love
a guy with a tan.
Ow! Ow!
Relax, fellow apprentices.
My keen instincts will lead
us to the Mind Reader Conch.
Raimundo, thinking: Yeah, your
instincts are keen, all right.
Except when it
comes to haircuts.
You are all over the
line, my friend!
Nevertheless, little pal,
you might wanna put on a hat.
I think the sun's been
baking your potato too long.
Omi, thinking: That Raimundo
thinks he's all this.
It's all that, Omi.
What's all what?
It's not all what,
it's all that.
Of all people, you should
know that it's all that.
Dagnard! You folks sound like you were
kicked in the head by the family mule.
Kimiko, thinking: I wonder why
boys are born without brains.
If I was born without
a brain, little lady,
how come I'm the one who figured
out this is the Mind Reader Conch?
Jack, thinking: Ha! Kimiko
has the Mind Reader Conch.
It'll be easy to
take it from her.
No upper-body strength.
We have unwanted company.
And I'll show you real
upper-body strength.
Come on, Jack! You promised
you'd let me drive!
I lied. I'm an evil
boy genius, remember?
A promise is a promise.
I need reinforcements.
Jackbots, attack!
All: Dragon x-kumei formation!
Ruby of Ramses.
Thorn of thunderbolts!
All: Huh? Great teamworkNot.
Sword of the Storm!
Wu-shu helmet!
Every scale is evenly
greased with tanning oil.
Now all I gotta do
is avoid the sand.
Not good.
This has Xiaolin apprentices
written all over it.
All: Whoa!
Not bad for a
1,500-year-old dragon.
Do I hear a thank you for my
brave and Valiant rescue?
All, uninterested: Good job.
Way to go.
That's more like it.
Omi, thinking: Ugh!
Enough out of you.
Kimiko, thinking: Oh, shut up!
Raimundo, thinking:
Stupid dragon.
Clay, thinking: Put a
dadgarn sock in it.
Hey! I heard that!
All: Sorry, Dojo.
Used wisely, the conch can
prove a most valuable tool,
but until you learn to focus,
it is best that I lock it
away in the temple vault.
We are very sorry, Master Fung.
In the future, we
will do our best
to rise above our
petty differences.
I'm with the little feller.
Me, too.
I'm with Omi, too.
Ah, yes. Togetherness.
Check out my latest
super evil invention.
The molar 2000.
It'll let me drill
into the Earth.
Or into the Xiaolin
temple vault.
Uh, yeah, that, too.
Jackbots, to the temple!
Jackbots: Cinderella
Megan! Stop playing
with my toys--robots!
Forget about your robots!
She's got the juju flytrap.
Just get it back
before she breaks it!
Just try and take it back.
Aaahhh! Juju flytrap!
Aah! Ow! Ow!
Some evil genius!
Outsmarted by a little girl.
Ow! Hey, Megan! Ow!
I have a new toy--ow!--
I think you're gonna love!
Ow! Oh! Oh!
Finally, Jack,
you've come up with
something useful.
As long as I am here,
I will test my ability
to use the conch wisely.
Mind Reader Conch.
Raimundo, thinking: I'll just tell
Omi that I went out to meditate.
He believes
everything he's told.
People tell me all the time
that I don't believe
everything I'm told
And I believe them!
Oh, that Raimundo!
Mind Reader Conch.
Omi, thinking: I am
still most uncertain
of Raimundo's trustworthiness.
Clay, thinking: I can't believe the
way Kimiko threw a hissy fit today.
She gets angrier than a cat
in a hot tub of Water.
Angry? Me?
I am not angry.
I'm the least angry
person I know!
This place is colder
than a hound dog's nose
after sniffin' in the fridge.
Mind Reader Conch.
Kimiko, thinking: If I hear one
more lame-o down-home saying
My Dojo senses are tingling.
I'm feeling a strange rumbling.
Yeah, me, too.
We must investigate.
I will lead the way.
Why? Because you don't think
anyone else can handle it?
No. It is only you who
I have doubts in.
Omi, that's about as lowdown
as a snake's bellybutton.
Snake's don't have bellybuttons!
Hey! Hey! There's someone
in the temple vault!
Jack Spicer!
That was my old name.
From now on, I go by Jack Spicer,
dark prince of the universe!
All: Aah!
We are most lucky
that Master Fung
does not believe in
corporal punishment.
Your infighting has
cost us dearly,
but if you open your minds,
it can also bring
you enlightenment.
By pointing out each
other's shortcomings,
you help each other
to improve and grow,
both individually and as a team.
So you're saying we should thank
each other for the insults.
Thank you for insulting
me, Raimundo.
I am most appreciative.
Oh, no. Thank you
for humiliating me.
Hey, I reckon I owe
you a big thank you
for making fun of
the way I talk.
It's a pleasure.
And thank you for pointing
out my many anger flaws.
Now go, young warriors,
and fight together
using what you've learned from
the conch against your enemies.
Hi. I'm Megan.
Oh. There's something you
don't see every day.
A little girl in a hamster ball.
Are you looking for Jack
Spicer and the ugly old hag?
My stupid cousin Jack
thinks he locked me
inside that thing,
but I found the door.
Jack's cousin, we are not
only looking for Jack.
We are also looking for--
all the cool stuff he's stolen?
I'll tell you where it is if
I can play with your dragon.
He's yours.
What?! Don't I have a
say in whether or--
all: No!
Do you know what I am thinking?
They might not, but I do.
You were thinking, "this is way
too easy," and you were right.
Guardbots, attack!
Dragon x-kumei formation!
Both: Hyah!
Mind Reader Conch!
Whoa! Uhh!
More tea and
biscuits, lady Dojo?
Sorry, Princess Megan,
but I fear my royal subjects
are in need of assistance.
Please. Allow me to assist
you with your assistance.
Guardbots, finish them!
Hey! Never tell my
guardbots what to do!
Guardbots, finish them!
Dojo: Hey--hey, slow
it down, would you?
I'm gonna hurl here.
You may have defeated
my guardbots--
as usual.
But I still have the conch.
Mind Reader Conch.
Omi: I wonder
if he's losing it.
Kimiko: Just
need to get closer.
Clay: Darn near there.
Nice try, but no way.
Jack Spicer, I challenge
you to a Xiaolin Showdown.
My silk spinner against
your Mind Reader Conch
for this bag of Shen Gong Wu.
Fine, and the game is
First to cry "uncle" loses.
Let's go! Xiaolin Showdown!
Both: Gong Yi Tampai!
Mind Reader Conch!
Omi, thinking: I'll use
this silk spinner,
then go up, flip backwards,
then sidestep, then chop.
Silk spinner! Hyah!
Silk spinner!
I know your every thought.
And I do not need a breath mint.
I have an idea.
If our petty insults
can distract warriors
as disciplined as ourselves--
then just imagine what they'll
do to a mama's boy like Jack.
Hey! Who you calling
a mama's boy?
Kimiko: Huh. Maybe if he
worked out once in a while,
he wouldn't look like
a scrawny old lady.
Jack: I do not look like
a scrawny old lady!
Mind Reader Conch!
Clay, thinking: That Jack is slower
than a 3-legged cow in quicksand.
Huh? What?!
I'm faster than
any 3-legged cow.
Taste my boot!
Omi, thinking: For someone who
calls himself an evil genius,
Jack Spicer does not play with a deck of
cards that have been properly counted.
That's playing with a full deck.
Aah! Aah!
Wuya, thinking: His stupidity
is about to cost you
another victory.
It is not! Whose
side are you on?!
Uncle! Uncle!
Kmiko: Way to go! Clay:
Sweet butt kickin'!
No, it was you and your
thoughts that did it.
I humbly thank all of you.
You loser!
Are you saying that
or thinking that?
Jack: Changing Chopsticks.
Out of my way, rodent.
Thank you, Jack's cousin Megan.
And thank you, lady Dojo.
Omi: Thank you again, Megan.
Come back and play sometime.
Jack, I demand that you come out
and play with me this instant!
It's time to play Megan says,
and Megan says, "scream
like a sissy boy."
I don't think I know that game.
Jack! Aah!
Uhh! Hyah!
Orb of tornami
Sword of the Storm
Star HanabiFire!
Fist of TebigongEarth!
Kimiko, that is most definitely
not part of practising
your element.
Sword of the Storm!
When Master Fung finds out,
we are so going to fry for this.
Old proverb, what Master
Fung does not know
will not hurt him.
And what does Master
Fung not know?
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