Xiaolin Showdown (2003) s02e15 Episode Script

The Black Vipers

Xiaolin Showdown
Xiaolin Showdown
what do you reckon
we're learning?
Surely it is a lesson
in humility
For Raimundo.
Oh, ha ha. Unh!
In order to be a team,
each must learn to trust
the others fully.
And the blindfolds?
Sometimes what you think you
see is merely a distraction.
Using only instinct,
pass this lit torch
and trust that your teammates
will not allow you to be burned.
Unh! Whoa! Hah!
Teriyaki pork?
Oh, dee-licious!
Yeow! Aah! Aah!
I-I'm sorry, Rai. I
couldn't help it.
I smelled my favorite meal and--
every meal is your
favorite meal, Clay.
I can't believe your first
loyalty is to a pork chop!
Aah! Hey, kids!
We got a 3-alarm
Shen Gong Wu alert!
Ahh--ahh--mmm, pork chops.
Dojo, where exactly
is this new Wu?
I can't believe we're
back home in Texas!
Isn't she beautiful?
Kimiko: She is a big,
flat, desert prairie.
Yeah, but the cactus all
look like kin to me.
Dojo, better stash the Wu.
We've got company.
Kimiko: What is it, Clay?
Not just motorcycles.
Black vipers.
Greetings, my friends.
My name is--
Yipe! Watch it! I bruise easily.
Golden ti--huh?
I'll take that, half pint.
Clay, look out!
Aah! Unh!
Oh! Oh!
Nice move, cowboy, but
too little, too late.
Oh! Not the hat! Whoa! Oof!
We're the black vipers,
and you just been snaked.
Ok, I am so over the
whole blindfold thing.
All: Whoa! Oof!
Well, well, what have we here?
Leapin' lizards! Clay?!
Um, do I know you?
Oh, well, now I'm hurt.
Don't you recognize
your own sister?
All: Sister?!
You never told us
you had a sister.
Would you want people knowin'
you were related to
a no-good varmint?
You think I'm a varmint?
Well, I think you'd sooner
tip a cow than milk it.
Ooh! You never understood
what it was like growing up
in the shadow of such a
perfect older sibling.
Oh, not this ol' saw again.
Oh, you were the
best at everything.
Choppin' wood
Shoein' horses
Chasin' pigs
Ma and pa always thought you
were the pick of the litter.
You chased pigs?
And whatever I wanted, you got!
Well, you know I only got things
first 'cause I was the oldest.
And then when it came to
going to monk school,
guess who they picked?
The big hero.
It was like I didn't even exist.
Now matter how much I tried,
I could never beat him.
So instead of trying to
be the best of the best,
you joined the vipers to
be the best of the worst.
I'm the best--period!
Hey, I say we settle this right
now like men. You and me!
Hey, I've done some
things I'm not proud of,
but I'm not getting into a fist
fight with my Baby sister.
You're just yellow 'cause you
know I'll whip your butt!
Ohh, tsk tsk tsk.
Brother and sister
should not be fighting.
Is there no warmth
in your heart?
Hey, butt out, round boy!
Unh! Aah! Ohh!
So, what do you want
to do with them?
I'll make you a deal.
If you scrap with me and win,
you and your monkey friends
are free to go look for
your Shen Gong warts.
And if he loses?
Well, then
Y'all gonna be buzzard bait!
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
What do you say, big brother?
We gonna throw down or what?
You keep askin' me,
I'm gonna keep sayin'
the same thing.
I'm not fighting you.
Just ain't right.
Well, it looks like
our uninvited guests
have decided on an extended stay
in the hospitality suite.
Why, thank you!
That sounds most inviting.
Where do we go?
Omi, we're already in
the hospitality suite.
Oh, I see.
Perhaps I am misunderstanding
the meaning of hospitality.
Or the meaning of sarcasm!
Ooh, darn this sarcasm!
It always seems to grab my goat.
Oh, come on, Clay! Just
accept the challenge
and beat the tar
out of your sister
so we can get out of here.
Nope. I'm sorry, but
I can't hit a girl.
She doesn't even
look like a girl.
She looks like you
with lipstick.
Besides, I know another
way out of here.
We've got a secret skeleton key.
Or dragon key.
Where have you been?
Laying low since things
started getting ugly.
Oh! Unh!
Hey! Whoa!
Whew. She and her gang sure
know their way around a knot.
Yeah, it's good to be free.
One small problem--
we're not.
Not to worry. I still have
one Shen Gong Wu with me.
Changing Chopsticks!
Uh, a little help to
the keyhole, please.
Raimundo: You sure you
know what you're doing?
I do not have the
slightest idea,
but that has never
stopped me before.
Tornado strike--Water!
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
Changing Chopsticks!
Way to go, Omi! Your
first prison break!
A Xiaolin warrior is
prepared for anything.
Omi: I see we have
a clear coast.
Raimundo: Dojo, where's the
rest of our Shen Gong Wu?
Don't worry. They're safe.
Shen Gong Wu!
That's what I was asking!
Where'd you stash them?
No, not those Wu. The Wu
we came here to find!
The sphere of yun!
It creates an invisible,
impenetrable prison
around one's enemy.
It's also good when traveling
in bad neighborhoods.
Speaking of bad neighborhoods,
maybe we should keep moving.
The Wu's scent is strong.
Or something. Heh heh.
All I know is it's
right over here!
Clay: You ok?
The Shen Gong Wu is ours!
Girl: Think again, short stack!
Ha ha ha hoo hoo!
Well, I'll be a day-old biscuit.
You let us lead you right to it!
Maybe you ain't as slow as
drippin' tar after all.
But you're still thicker than
a cut of Texas prime rib.
Well, at least I ain't as slippery
as goat drool on an oil slick!
Yeah, I'm not the one
yellower than a slice
of auntie clarabelle's
lemon silk custard pie.
Will you two please stop
abusing the english language?
But the pie does sound
most delicious.
I got me a better idea.
See, I know enough about
these Shen Gong warts--
Raimundo: Wu!
That if we both grab
this here deal,
then you have to
fight me, brother.
So, Clay, you ready to be a man
and lose to a girl?
Jack Spicer!
That's right! Jack Spicer,
evil boy genius,
is in the house!
Silk Spinner!
Aah! Aah!
Jackbots, attack!
Whoa! That's it! I did it!
I can't believe it!
For once you are
actually the victor.
It's about time!
I almost forgot what
this feels like
Which, by the way, is sweet!
Say, who are all these people?
We're the black vipers,
the most elite all-girl gang
that ever roamed
these wild plains.
And since you have defeated us,
our law demands that
you inherit leadership
of the black vipers.
Yes! I guess this
makes me queen!
Huh? Huh?
Anyway, sweet.
So let's see if I've
got this straight--
Xiaolin dragons, defeated.
Shen Gong Wu, mine.
Outlaw cowchicks, bonus!
Between my jackbots
and the black vipers,
there's no way I can lose.
Yes, it would seem that way,
but then again, if
there is a way
This calls for a
hoedown victory dance!
Yee-haw! Huh-huh-huh!
Yee-haw! Yee-hee-hee!
So aren't you a
pretty little thing.
You got a name?
Is a cow pen full of sod?
I like that. Though
it smacks of a
deep-seated inner evil.
Keep it up, slick,
and I'll be introducing
your butt to my boot.
Yet another girl falls prey
to the irresistible
charms of Jack Spicer.
But he--
Oh, this Spicer fellow of yours,
he's about as appealing as a--
a pillowcase full of polecats?
Ha ha ha!
Heh heh, yeah.
And what's with his
girlie eyeliner?
Heh heh heh!
Oh, I know!
Hello! So not working.
Heh heh heh!
Hey, I'm still in
the room over here.
Oh, why don't you take
your fancy hairdo
Both: And jump into old
man hickory's lake!
I can't believe it.
We actually do have
something in common.
We both can't stomach Spicer.
What am I, invisible?
Come join us, Jesse,
and find out what real
evil power is like.
Ooh, this would be a
new low, even for you.
Ma'am, you have got
yourself a deal.
Put it there.
Excellent! Yeah!
This is most discouraging.
I say we send these losers
where they can't
cause any trouble.
Heh heh heh! Like a
few thousand feet
below the Earth's crust?
Loyalty issues?
No. I just want the fun
of burying the
golden boy myself.
Golden Tiger Claws!
Aaah! Aaah!
Bye-bye, big bro!
Can you still hear me?
Oh, this is my fault.
If I had just fought Jesse
when I had the chance,
none of this would
have happened.
Hey, but then we'd
miss our chance
to suffocate in a hole together.
I will never again be so foolish
as to believe her.
Come on! This
here's a jailbreak.
I knew I could believe you!
You have come to the
side of goodness.
Well, let's say I had to
pretend to be with 'em
so they'd trust me.
Sorry, but a raccoon
don't change its stripes
just by crossing a dirt road.
Yeah. Why are you helping us?
I thought you hated
your brother.
Well, I do, but he's still kin.
Besides, that Jack Spicer creep
gives me the prairie scaries.
I hear that, girl.
I don't know. I got a
bad feeling about this.
Clay, she is telling the truth.
I am never wrong
about these things.
Well, fine.
Let's just get the
rest of our Wu
and get out of here.
If Wuya hasn't already
found the stash.
No chance. I hid 'em so good
I may not be able to find 'em.
That came out wrong.
Ow! Oww! Oww!
Very clever, using the
Changing Chopsticks
to shrink down our Wu and
hide them in the cactus.
Yeah, but--oww!
Gettin' 'em back is--
ouch! Painful.
Changing Chopsticks!
Ah, the simplest traps
always bring the
greatest pleasure.
Unh! Gah! Uhh!
Jesse, I trusted you. Why?
I made a little
deal with Jack here
to regain leadership
over my vipers.
Nice to have you back, boss.
All I had to do
was get you to lead
them to your warts.
This is the
most disappointing
event-turning since the last.
Is it possible you're going
for "turn of events?"
Oh, it gets better.
Not only am I taking
my gang back,
but I'm taking your warts, too.
They're my warts! You can't!
I tried to warn y'all,
once a varmint,
always a varmint.
Jackbots, attack!
You're kidding me!
We work on our bikes
all day, son.
You think we can't
sabotage some tin cans
when you're not lookin'?
Man, I am never
coming back to Texas!
That's right, slick.
Don't mess with Texas. Hoo hoo!
Oh, looks like if you
want your warts,
you and me are gonna
have a Xiaolin Showdown.
I accept.
Your Silk Spinner
against my Changing Chopsticks.
The game is demolition
viper bike derby.
First to make it out
in one piece wins.
Let's just get this over with.
Let's go Xiaolin Showdown!
Gong yi tan pai!
Jesse: The only thing
better than ridin'
Is flying!
Silk Spinner!
Changing Chopsticks!
Whaaaah! Clay!
Aaah aah aah aah!
I got you! Uhh!
Hop on--unhh!
Don't mind if I do.
In your face, Clay!
Ha ha ha!
That was not a very
honorable way to win.
Are you hurt?
Just my pride and
maybe where I sit.
The worst part is
I'd really thought
she had changed.
I know.
But sometimes you are
just too trusting.
Ha ha ha hee hee hee!
Clay: A--a package for me?
Who is it from?
Jesse: "Dear big brother,
"it took a while, but I
finally did beat you,
"only it didn't feel as
satisfying as I had imagined.
"Anyway, just so there's
no hard feelings,
"I'm returning all your warts.
"Oh, except for one I
was hopin' to borrow.
See you 'round! Your
Baby sis, Jesse."
Omi: See? I knew she
had changed her ways.
Kimiko: I wonder
which Wu she kept.
Clay: I have a pretty good idea.
Wings of Tinabi!
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