Younger (2015) s07e05 Episode Script

The Last Unicorn

Previously on "Younger"
I just went through
a really bad breakup,
and I don't know if I could or should
jump back into bed with somebody.
What do you think about a fall release?
We'd have to move quickly, though.
Oh, good. I love moving quickly.
What is happening?
Are things really over
between you and Charles?
He's free to do whatever he wants.
Thanks, Liza.
I just never thought you'd
be someone's rebound.
When an employee doesn't get along
with the boss's new girlfriend,
guess who's out?
- Hey.
- BOTH: Hi.
Hey, baby girl.
Aw, thanks for taking
her on short notice.
Yes, of course. We got a light
day today, so we're good.
So, Clare, how is life with
the real estate mogul?
You mean Rob. And he's hardly a mogul.
- And we split up, so
- What?
- When did that happen?
- [SIGHS] Just last week.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
You didn't wanna say anything to me?
- You know you can still talk to me, right?
- [COOS]
I'm still your
- Baby daddy.
- Yeah, I'm yeah.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
[LAUGHS] Thanks, but I'm fine.
He's a great guy, we're just,
you know, in different places.
Yes, I'm even boring
myself with all this.
- Okay.
Bye, baby. Bye.
Bye. Go kick some ass today, Mommy.
God, that has to be so hard.
Dating as a single mom?
We should take her out to brunch.
Oh, Kelsey, brunch is
your answer to everything.
Do you think she really
wants to unload on us?
Just make it a tea.
It's less of a commitment.
Yeah, I think she'd love that.
Oh, no. No, no. No, no.
- This is this this is bad.
- Wait. What is happening?
- Use your words.
- Okay, I gotta get to Liza's.
Kels, bring my galleys to Empirical.
I am not your assistant.
- Good morning, beauty!
- Lauren, what why?
- Maggie!
- Uh-uh, nope.
I sent her on a bagel run.
You're gonna need some carbs.

Yeah, you're looking at me
like I'm the jittery waxer
who just ripped off your perineum,
and that's fine, okay?
Quinn is coming in to review
the marketing plan for
"The F Word" at 10:00.
And you can either find
out when she saunters in
wearing one of his wrinkled
shirts as a mini dress,
or you can find out from a friend.
I came as soon as I heard.
Thanks, friend.
FedEx just dropped off
his-and-her "Gatsby" costumes.
[SIGHS] Those are mine.
My friend Michelle's Roaring '20s
anniversary party is tonight.
- Oh, shit.
- His and hers?
Charles was supposed to come,
but I guess I'll just be hanging solo
in a room full of judgmental couples.
Liza, no, no, no, no, no. Say no more.
I'm gonna call my friend Stefanos, okay?
He staffs bartenders, cater waiters,
the hottest men you've ever seen.
Now most of them are Kinsey-6 gay,
but they will definitely give
you the old grope-a-dope
in front of your PTA friends
if you tip generously.
Lauren, are these sex
workers or waiters?
Yes, they are.
I'm good.
It's about to go down ♪
It's about to get loud ♪
It's about to go down ♪
Thank you all so much for
pulling this together so quickly.
I really wanna get it out
as soon as possible.
Ooh, can I read them the new ending?
- Oh, I'm not sure that
- He inspired it.
He made a joke that he
was my consolation prize
after the whole senate debacle.
Here, listen to this.
Um, why don't we save
it for the copy edits?
Aw, he's so shy.

The gentlest warriors always
carry the biggest swords.
"Claw" would've been a much better book
if I had listened to your notes.
So I'm listening now.
I'd be happy to.
Uh, we have some more
editorial notes to review,
but why don't we do that in my office?
Of course. And thanks, Liza.
[QUIETLY] You're so welcome.
You handled that so much
better than I would
if someone was talking about
my ex's sword in a meeting.
You do not have to read that book.
- Oh, no.
It's well written.
I mean, even if a lot of
it sounds like bullshit.
Well, it's a book about failure
written by billionaire.
Of course it's bullshit.
But these stories that
she tells [LAUGHS]
They sound phony.
I mean, is anyone really going
to believe that Pope Benedict
consulted her about
admitting female clergy?
Well, Charles is editing the book.
Maybe we just let him worry about it.
Yeah, but he's not seeing things clearly
because they're whatever they are.
Okay, he's not seeing things clearly?
This has nothing to do with us.
Naomi Wolf's last book got canceled
when they found out that it
was full of factual errors.
Her publisher lost a ton of money.
Quinn has already hired a
third-party fact checker.
And she's never forged
anything before, has she?
Are we just going to sit by
while the woman who almost
bankrupted our company once
and besmirched our reputation
threatens to do it again?
[SIGHS] Okay.
Liza, I want you to know
that I recognize your passion, okay?
- I respect it, and I fear it.
- Okay, ignore her.
Ignore this, okay?
It's Charles's problem now, not yours.
And this story about Elizabeth Warren
telling Quinn she's one
of the good billionaires
is both politically volatile
and provably inaccurate.
Elizabeth Warren categorically
says the existence of billionaires
is immoral. Also
I need to apologize to you
for what happened in the meeting.
I can't imagine a worse way
for you to find that out.
I'd already seen it in "Page Six."
That's definitely worse.
- I'm sorry
- You know what?
It's none of my business.
Let's just keep it to the book.
Why don't I just fact-check
some of these?
You're still not sold?
Quinn is a controversial author.
People will already be dubious
that she's turned over a new leaf.
So let me know what you find.
Great. I will report any
red flags for the book.
I meant for the book.
I have gotta go.
I'm a late for a a thing. So.
There's a chair.

I'm honestly embarrassed
that I didn't clock this
Rob/Clare breakup thing.
I mean look at her Insta.
Apple picking with Rob,
then Domino Park with Rob and Gemma.
Yeah, and then back on the market hard.
Did we even know that
she could do the splits?
- No. [LAUGHS]
- Hey, you guys,
can someone grab my coat?
Uh, why, girl? You naked in there?
Uh, n no.
- I just oh
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Yes!
[GASPS] Hello, gorgeous.
It's just a costume for a party
that I maybe shouldn't even go to.
Why? You're single again.
You need to put it on main,
girl. That's what Clare did.
- Mm-hmm.
- Let the new customers see
what's on the menu and
let the old ones see
- what they're missing.
- What is she talking about?
[LAUGHS] I'll explain on
the way to the elevator.
Past Charles.
No, no, I shouldn't do that.
Yeah, and he shouldn't have shown up
in "Page Six" with Quinn, okay?
Sashay away.

Take a load off your mind ♪
Baby, you're one of a kind ♪

Let your individuality be kind ♪
Bye, Charles. Have a great weekend.
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'm sorry, which wave
of feminism is this?
Oh, shut up and just be petty for once.
- He's choking on his water.
- Don't look. [SCOFFS]
- Oh.
We got it, we got it, we got it ♪

Ooh, that dress.
- I thought you were just defrauding
that publishing house. What?
Are you embezzling now too?
[LAUGHS] I'm just kidding.
Where's Charles?
Oh, no.
Oh, you poor thing.
I knew this would happen.
I read all about his first marriage.
I did a little deep Googling.
It's just Googling on
three glasses of wine.
Of course he wasn't ready
to commit to anybody.
Oh, you must be devastated.
Are you devastated?
Actually, he proposed.
You said no?
I didn't want to get married again.
I don't even know if I
believe in it anymore.
- It's a flawed system.
- Aw, honey.
You and I can split a bottle of chards
and rail against the prison of matrimony
on another night
that isn't my 20th wedding
anniversary party.
- Ooh, Denny.
- Right.
Jules! Excuse me.
Oh! You poor thing.


Hi, hi. Excuse me.
I just wanted to take a minute as dean
to welcome all of our esteemed guests
and thank the artists who donated
to the silent auction to
benefit our scholarship fund.
- Bored?
- Yep.
- Booze?
- Yep.
So have a wonderful time,
enjoy the open bar,
please bid early and often,
but not on that piece by Maggie Amato.
I've already made space in my den.
Thank you all so much.

Um, you have your eye
on anything tonight?
Sure do.
- I mean on any pieces.
- I know what you meant.
You are so stunning.
Hey, did you hear that name-drop?
You're officially queen of art prom.
Aw, the dean's just friends
with my gallerist, that's all.
And whose friend is she?

Five, six, seven, eight.
And left. And right.
And step, step, step, step.
Keep those hips square.
It's a Charleston, not a lap dance.
Hon, do you need a dance partner?
Nope, I'm good.
Shout hooray and hallelu! ♪
Now me and Mr. Wrong are through ♪
I'll find myself another beau ♪
Who I know is no rover ♪
Forget about the boy ♪
Forget about the boy ♪
Forget about the boy ♪
Liza Miller, is that you?
Vince? Hi!
What? Oh, my goodness.
It's been ages.
Carpool, ninth grade.
As soon as the girls could drive,
- I was a ghost.
- Vinny, you made it. [LAUGHS]
- Hey.
Without a costume like
the invitation required.
- Yeah, well
- I will go to the costume chest.
Liza, keep an eye on him.
- Let's go.
I can't believe Andrea
let you out of the house
without a costume.
Well, Andrea has a new husband to dress.
We got a divorce a few years ago.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know. I've been in New York.
I know, I know.
I've heard a lot about you.
Okay, everyone, let's Lindy hop!
Uh, show me a few moves?

They're plant-based oh, Maggie!
Hey, I had an ulterior motive
for asking you here tonight.
Is this a lesbian speed-dating event?
- Don't leave me alone.
Listen, we have an
open teaching position
in our visual arts program,
- and you are a perfect fit.
- Wha me? Really?
Yes, you, because you've
got decades of experience,
but you're still making vital work.
You'd mentor our students
and teach them everything you've learned
being a working artist in New York.
She's basically already
doing that for free.
Well, then let's get her paid for it.
Come by my office next week.
- Okay.
- Great.

What a night for Professor Amato.
- Right? It doesn't even sound real.
It's like a character in a bad porno.
Hey, now.
Speaking of bad pornos,
I think I know how this one's gonna end.
Look, I'm catching an
early train to Philly
to go see KT in the morning, so
Be good, Professor Amato.
- You got a light?
- Yeah.
You seem tense.
Yeah, well, it's not really my scene.
Me either. These things
are always super boring.
Well, then what are we still doing here?
Good question.

I didn't know that you
moved to the city.
- I'm so out of the loop.
- Or nobody talks about me.
Oh, well, they definitely
used to talk about you.
My book-club ladies
called you "hot dad."
- Ooh.
- I pitched "Prince Vince,"
but they thought it was too cutesy.
Is that why Lori Champlin
always "ran out of gas"
at away games?
You know, she tried to
kiss me at homecoming.
[GASPS] She kissed me at book club.
So by the transitive property,
we've already kissed.
But she didn't kiss you, so
Settle down, Hot Mom.
You know, we'll get there.

No one called me Hot Mom.
Well, I did just now.
Keep dancing. Don't give up.
Ugh, the whole night was like a dream.
A room full of art snobs
gushing over my work,
and then a stranger I
- but you see where this is going.
- I do, and thanks for stopping.
Well, I mean you had a great night too.
Are you gonna text Hot Dad?
Um, maybe.
I mean, it was fun seeing him
and nice to know that a
crush was reciprocated.
You know, sometimes that's enough.
Really? That's enough now?
I don't know anything anymore, Maggie.
Ah, well, I got something that
might be able to help with that.
My trick left me a little treat.
I don't know what it does,
but it's French and it's pink.
[LAUGHS] Well, it's 8:00 a.m.
It's a little early for recreational
drugs, and I can't.
I have to fact-check Quinn's book.
Fact-check? You know, I really
don't understand your job.
[SIGHS] Neither do I.
I-I-I-I-I-I ♪
Like it, love it, love it ♪
I-I-I-I-I-I ♪
Like it, love it, ooh ♪
Love it! ♪
So, Aiden, you were Quinn's
assistant for how long?
Uh, second assistant.
Yeah, I never made it to first.
So I wasn't, like, interacting
with power players.
I was fetching her birth control.
Getting screamed at for
getting the wrong kind.
Been there. It's hard being
someone's assistant.
Yeah, "Hand-Aiden," that's
what she used to call me
in front of Melinda Gates; that was fun.
Sorry, you did not come here
to listen to me complain.
So, uh, what do you
need to kill this book?
- No, no, no.
- Oh, come on.
You can't stand her.
I could tell on the phone.
- I can help. I want to.
- I'm not
I am just trying to verify
a story from her book.
The one about her divestment from WeWork
just before they pulled their IPO.
A lot of pundits hinted
that she was tipped off
by someone inside and bailed.
That's a dead end.
She never wanted to invest in that cult,
but the board overruled her,
so she pulled out of the fund
and was the only one who
didn't look like an idiot
when they pulled it.
So she's telling the truth?
Thank you, Aiden.
Yeah, but, I mean, I'm sure
we can find something
to take her down, or, hell,
we could make something up.
- I mean look what you have
- Thank you, Aiden.
- Happy breakup brunch, ladies.
- Yeah.
- Go ahead, Clare. Let it all out.
This is really nice of you guys,
but I'm actually okay.
You know, it was a mature breakup.
Rob and I are at different
places in our lives,
and we're just, you know,
we're not the right fit.
That's it.
"A mature breakup"?
- I don't know her.
- No, I know, couldn't be me,
- but good for you.
Well, now I feel bad.
Can we keep day drinking even
though I'm not devastated?
I mean, I already paid the babysitter.
- Of course, yes, hello.
- Yeah.
Thank you, and I'm sure
you're exaggerating.
How did you and Zane end things?
Oh, he dumped her over FaceTime
because she got promoted above him.
- No.
- BOTH: Yes!
- Yes, 100.
- Okay.
Oh, my gosh. Okay. We're gonna
Can we one more?
Okay, start at the beginning.
Yes, Father. Okay, Father.
Yes, we just wanted to
verify everything in her book
before we go to print.
Yes, she is so great, isn't she?
Okay. Okay.
Hail hail hail Mary.
- Vince, hi.
- Hey, Hot Mom.
Oh, I don't think that
name's gonna stick.
Um, how was your Saturday?
Well, not as good as my
Friday, thanks to you.
So I was thinking,
we're both in the city,
we're both single,
and I have a reservation
in Soho on Monday
and no one to go with.
That sounds really nice, actually,
but I should be honest with you.
I'm not sure I'm ready to be
someone's dance partner right now.
That's good, because I think
I popped my knee out
- during the Lindy hop.
Listen, I know you just
got out of something.
All I'm looking for is somebody
to sit across from me
at a nice restaurant.
- A dinner buddy.
- Exactly.
You know, anything else is
just icing. Do you do icing?
You know, I should really learn
your dietary restrictions
if we're gonna be dinner buddies.
What? To dinner or to the icing?
Let's just start with dinner.
[LAUGHS] Okay.
I'll text you the details,
and I will see you Monday buddy.
- Okay.
- You know I've been hungry ♪
Help me feed my hunger ♪
Baby, can we hurry? ♪
I can't wait much longer ♪
And we're not getting
younger, younger ♪
So it's two classes per week,
a session of office hours,
and individual critiques
at the end of the term,
and this is your salary
- plus medical and dental.
- Fantastic!
You know, I've never had
dental insurance in my life.
- So you'll think about it?
- There's nothing to think about
except which crown I'm replacing.
Uh, where do I sign?
Well, we'll finalize the
long-form contracts,
but we can get your
paperwork started now.
- Hey, there she is.
Maggie, this my wife, Kamila.
- How are you, sweet pea?
- Hi, love.
- I remember you.
- Um, you do?
You bid on her painting, right, babe?
I did, I did, and we're gonna
be seeing a lot more of her
'cause she's teaching here now.
That's terrific news.

Welcome to the family.
So why were Clare and Lauren kissing
on Instagram Stories this weekend?
We had a breakup brunch
which Lauren tried to turn
into a make-out dinner.
- Oh.
- But we're over our exes,
so it all worked out.
Liza, thank you so much for your notes.
They were as smart and
incisive as I'd hoped.
Just doing my job.
Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do too.
So I hope we can put the past
in the past and move on.
Should I forward the notes to Charles?
Oh, no, I can show him
tonight at dinner.
- Great.
Oh oh, God, it's Pelosi.
I gotta take this.
Hey, girl.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I just gotta get
used to her being around.
Better to have her as an
ally than an enemy, right?
Yeah, definitely better as an ally.

Okay, they called me "Legs-a Miller"?
- Yes.
- That is so stupid.
[LAUGHS] Well, look, it's no Hot
Dad, but what do you expect
from a bunch of suburban
mortgage brokers?
I used to have such a crush on you.
Is that okay to say on a first date?
It's not a date, buddy.
Besides, I think I'm undatable.
You are many things,
but undatable isn't one of them.
So since it's not a date,
can I ask how you and Andrea are doing?
We're friendly.
My divorce was probably
a lot like yours.
Oh, so you cheated on her
and lost all your savings
playing blackjack in Bayonne?
Yikes. Not that. [CHUCKLES]
I just mean that we were
married pretty young,
and, um, I've been married
most of my adult life.
And so when it ended,
I finally had to ask myself
who I really was.

And who were you?
Well, I was a person
who grew up with miserable parents.
And then my own relationships
were not great,
but as long as I was successful,
I could convince myself
that a partner was a liability
that I didn't want.
All I ever really wanted was a family,
a house, a wife, kids.
Do you know how much pressure
that puts on a marriage?
I do,
and I know how destabilizing it is
when you put all your chips on
something, and it doesn't work out.
- Your whole life, a really good life,
just vaporizes.
And for the first time in your
life, you're just alone.
I never minded being alone.
But then when my senate race exploded,
I looked around.
I realized that I didn't have
any people in my life.
- Only employees.
And then when I bumped
into you in Chicago,
I can't even say it was
a feeling I had missed.
Because honestly, I don't know
if I'd ever felt it before.
I've never felt older
than on dates with younger women.
I mean, seriously, there's only
so many times that you can say,
"Wow," to a TikTok dance
challenge, you know?
And most people our age
are so terrified of ending up alone
that they just wanna
lock something down.
So why don't you?
I just got to a place where
my life can surprise me again.
I hate surprises.
Always have.
I like stability.
I just don't feel like I should
have to apologize for that.
Look, in my experience,
when you know what you want,
you don't apologize for it.
You go for it.
Well, then it's lucky that
we found each other.
Do you know how lucky we are
to have found each other?
You're a unicorn.
Most women, when I tell them I
don't want to get married again,
they get so upset.
But you're over it.
No rings, no strings.
Next time, we don't even
have to get dinner.
[LAUGHS] Buddy.
I want dinner, Vince.
Yeah. Good.
Okay, yeah, me too.
I want a relationship.
I don't I don't want to be
sleeping around forever.
- That sounds exhausting.
- Okay.
I want a partner. I want to
share my life with someone.
I just don't wanna move into his house
and become his wife
and have my life revolve around his.
I mean, why is that so hard
for him to understand?
I'm sorry, who?
My ex who proposed to me out of nowhere
at someone else's wedding.
And you said no, or
Like, it sounds like
that's what you wanted,
so why couldn't you just get married?
Why couldn't he just not get married?
Why did he have to throw
everything away over semantics?
Why does he get to decide it's over
just because he didn't
get what he wanted?
So you're still in love with him?
Of course I'm still in love with him!
And I blew it or
he did or we both did
or it doesn't matter because
it's over, and he's moved on,
and I'm in Soho at some
hot new restaurant
with a dinner buddy because I'm what?
Undatable? [CRIES]
I'm just gonna go use the

Ooh ♪
Ooh ♪
Ooh ♪

Hi, this is Liza.
Hi, Liza, this is Ayanna
Williams returning your call.
I was Quinn Tyler's consultant
in the California primary.
Right. Hi, Ayanna.
I am with her publisher.
I was just calling to
fact-check something
for her new book, but
I think we're all set.
Another book?
At least I don't have to read it.
What is it about?
Failure. It's called "The F Word."
That's smart. It makes
her look relatable.
That was always one of
her biggest negatives.
Not the only one though.
What did you do for her campaign?
Oppo research. I was
supposed to expose the flaws
in her candidacy so she could fix that.
What were her flaws, if I can ask?
People thought she was cold,
- a little condescending, elitist.
- Mmm.
But the biggest one and this
is so stupid and patriarchal
I could scream
was that she wasn't married.
People couldn't reconcile that.
How was she supposed to fix that?
I literally told her to find
a guy with kind eyes
and a strong jawline to stand next her,
and she would jump ten
points in the polls.
15 if the guy had a normal-looking kid.
And how did she take that?
Not well,
but she ate it pretty hard
in that senate race.
So if she runs again
when she runs again;
there are already rumors
she wants to be governor
I think she'd suck it up and do it.
Do what?
Recruit a discount Kennedy to
walk her across the finish line.
Lies, lies ♪
Thanks for getting back to me.
No problem.
They taste like honey ♪
Deceive your eyes ♪
Ooh ♪
It's all just fun again ♪
Yay ♪
Next time on "Younger"
As someone who's gone
head-to-head with Quinn,
trust me, there's no winning or losing.
There's just hangovers.
Why does Josh have all this baby stuff?
You still haven't told her
about your offspring?
It's not like I haven't tried.
I just want what's best for you.
You've got the wrong idea, Liza.
You set me up.
I mean, lucky for us, sex sells.
Do you think we can pull this off?
I have no idea.
If I would've said something sooner,
would it have made a difference?

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