Gintama (2005) s01e45 Episode Script

Walk Your Dog at an Appropriate Speed

Hey, I'm home.
Gin-san's back.
I feel like shit.
Somebody Bring meStrawberry milk What? Nobody's awake? Man, you lazy bums Hey, my strawberry mil?! What the I guess I had too much to drink, after all.
Sadaharu looks awfully huge.
Hey, Shinpachi, get your head out of there and bring me my strawberry milk.
Are you still half asleep or something?! Can't you see what's happening?! Sadaharu! Sadaharu turned giant overnight! Don't bother me with that.
Just a few days passed since I last saw him.
Men and dogs hit growth spurts all the time.
You remain hopeless no matter how many days pass! [Dear viewers, thank you for your honest opinions and feedback, as always.
.]
[Today, we have a cute dog story, so you can relax and enjoy the show.
.]
["Walk Your Dog at an Appropriate Speed".]
Sadaharu loves strawberry milk.
He's gotten bigger, but his personality hasn't changed.
But how in the world did he become like this? It's because you blindly gave him too much calcium.
Don't underestimate calcium.
Taking calcium makes everything better.
And yet, you're still as stupid as ever.
More importantly, though, what are we going to do? He's gotten so huge.
It'll be fine, Shinpachi-kun.
For times like these I have the extraordinary "Ruff Translator.
" With this, we can understand anything Sadaharu says!! Where'd you pick up such a convenient device?! Yesterday at the bar, I traded my edamame with the guy sitting next to me.
That's 100 percent suspicious! For now, we might be able to learn why he grew so huge and how to reverse it.
Sadaharu, how did you get so big? Hey, say something! [That hurt.
I'll report you to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, dammit!.]
I think it works Damn dog! That's no way to treat your master! My turn next.
I'm always taking good care of Sadaharu, so he'll be nice to me.
Sadaharu, tell them how much you like me! [More than the readers, who only ranked you 7th in the JUMP popularity poll.
.]
You! How do you know that?! Calm down, Kagura-chan.
I was only 8th, you know.
Guess I have no choice.
After all is said and done, the one who took care of Sadaharu the most was me.
Sadaharu, you'll listen to me, right? [Sure, you take care of me When you're not obsessing over that stupid girl idol or being the butt of everyone else's jokes.
You're pathetic!.]
You're so mean-spirited! How can such a white dog have such a black heart?! And how can one bark mean that much?! Wait!! I'm the butt of a joke again! This thing is a piece of junk! Give me back my edamame, old man! [It hurts.
.]
It hurts? Maybe it's broken.
I'm hurting from a hangover.
[Help me.
.]
Help me? We're the ones who need help.
What're we going to do? What's that sound? Somebody eating pocky sticks or something? What is that?! A dog? Is that a dog?! Moving on to our next story Ana Ketsuno, Japan's most popular weather forecaster, filed for divorce late last month.
And after being married for only three months! She stated a difference in values as the reason.
Seems she left him after all.
I always knew they would break up.
Difference in values, my foot.
It's a difference in values is what make marriage interesting.
Right, Komako-chan? Don't talk when you haven't even experienced love.
What's wrong with a miko keeping her body pure? I'm not a hussy like you, older sister.
(Note: A miko is a virginal shrine maiden) What was that, you little bitch?! Who do you think keeps you fed around here?! All miko have to do is be idle and pray.
If just praying made the money come pouring down, I'd be praying, too! Listen! We're not miko anymore! We're just regular, respectable, working girls.
Respectable? What's respectable about a miko, who forsakes their god and works at a hostess bar? Back then, I had no choice! I gave up my life as a miko and decided to live as a hostess bar priestess.
You haven't given it up.
You're using it to your advantage.
Foolish men flock to me just because of the word "miko.
" Komako-chan, please be quiet.
And now, we take you to Kabukicho, where a giant dog has suddenly appeared.
We have announcer Hanano on the scene.
Announcer Hanano? [Note: Hanano ana is a play on hana no ana, the word for nostril.
.]
Huh? Isn't that? [Kabukicho, Edo.]
[Announcer Hanano.]
This is Hanano at the scene.
I'm about to interview the owners of the giant dog.
[Giant dog owner A, feeding the dog.]
Excuse me.
We're from Edo Tonight Hey! Get that camera off me! Umthe entire neighborhood is quite troubled by the giant dog.
What do you have to say about it? I'm sorry! No, we're not looking for an apology I'm sorry! I apologize to everyone in the world! I said, we're not looking for an apology.
[Giant dog owner B.]
Excuse me, my name is Hanano.
I'm from Edo Tonight.
You people again?! Are you that intent on making us the bad guys? Is this what the mass media does?! Go away! Go away! Go home! Get out of here right now! We're not leaving.
That attitude will just isolate you from your neighbors.
Announcer Hanano is having an affair with the show's anchor! Am not!! Am not!! [Giant dog owner C.]
Excuse me! I'm from Edo Hey, hey, don't jump in front of me like that.
About thegiant dog Huh? What's with the camera? Is this an interview for "Ladies 4"? [Note: Ladies 4 is an afternoon talk show aimed at the housewife demographic.
.]
Your fly is open! In front! In front? Of the camera? Around here? Hey! Stop the camera! Stop it! Oh my god I never thought my fly would be open on national TV.
Not there.
What're you going to do? It's become a huge incident.
The Sad-chan manju aren't selling at all now.
Get out.
[Note: Sad-chan manju are bean jam cakes made in the shape of Sadaharu.]
Who gave you permission to make Sadaharu merchandise? Well, we've put you folks through a lot of trouble.
Maybe it's time for us to leave.
People who can't mind their manners have no right to keep a pet.
Gin-san But abandoning such a huge pet isn't going to be easy.
Abandon him? Don't be ridiculous.
If I intended to abandon him, I wouldn't have taken him in from the start.
I'm sorry, Sadaharu.
This umbrella's a bit small, but bear with it.
You don't have to worry about anything, Sadaharu.
No matter what anyone says, I absolutely won't abandon you.
No matter how huge you become, Sadaharu, I will protect you.
Understand? Sadaharu! Get out of town, you monster! What'd you do that for?! I'll report you to the SPCA! What "animal"?! It's a monster! And you're its handler! Stop it! Sadaharu's bigger than normalbut he's also that much more gentle! Shut up! Monster lover! H-Hey, what's happening?! Monster! Sadaharu! Stop! No! Down! Shake! Beg! Sit!! Stay!! It's no use.
He doesn't even hear me! How did this happen Gin-chan What should I do? Gin-chan! How do you intend to take responsibility for this? Tell us.
Move it! We don't have time for this! Everyone.
Please be quiet.
I will explain everything at the studio.
Damn you! Why're you selling out your friends? Look at them! This is what kind of people they are! Are you rolling tape? Did you get that? Shit! We're not getting anywhere like this, Gin-san! If this continues, Sadaharu will be Rock-a-bye-baby Go to sleep You've been good reportersfall asleep All of a sudden, I feel sleepy Hey, hey, what's going on? Whoa! What's this? Sadaharu? It's a mini Sadaharu! How unusual.
Komako never acts friendly towards anyone but us.
How do you do? We are the lovely miko sisters, Ane and Mone.
We are the ones who entrusted that huge dog with you.
You there, monster, stop! Do you know how fast you're walking that dog? Stop right now! Does it look like I'm walking my dog? I'd have stopped a long time ago, if I could.
You really are an idiot, aren't you? Big idiot! Okay, we'll arrest you for obstruction of justice.
You hurt a police officer's feelings.
You're an idiot! A real idiot! Then you leave me no choice.
I'll stop you by force.
Don't do it! Bye bye.
You're the one that goes bye-bye! That was close.
What?! Hey! Let go, you sadist! You're the sadist.
Hey, Sogo.
Look out! Hijikata-san? Fire! Hijikata, you bastard! Things are really getting out of hand, Gin-san.
Don't worry, Shinpachi.
We're just good citizens, who took care of an abandoned dog.
We've done nothing wrong.
The Dog Deity is a servant of the gods A guardian deity of the Koryumon, [Note: Koryumon = Golden Dragon Gate Ryuketsu = Dragon Hole.]
the very largest of the Ryuketsu, holes from which all the chi on Earth spews forth Hey, why'd you show up out of nowhere and start talking all this nonsense? You can talk about komon somewhere else.
[Note: a word play on the similarity between Koryumon = golden dragon gate and komon = anus/butt hole.]
No one's talking about such a thing! We are the shrine miko who have guarded the Koryumon for generations.
But the Amanto drove us away and built the Terminal over the Koryumon.
So, we lost our jobs, and in order to earn a living, were forced to give up being shrine maidens.
You dumped your sacred charge because you were broke? We had no choice! We were dirt poor! But why did he turn into that all of a sudden? The Inugami is a docile creature, but once it's strength is unleashed, it transforms into the horrific Jyushin.
[Note: Inugami means Dog God.
And Jyushin is a Beast God.
.]
But it's hard to believe it was awakened without doing the ceremony.
Ceremony? A crimson fruit and the blood of a mountain goat shall release the power of Kamiko.
[Note: Kamiko means "God Child" and is probably Sadaharu's real name.
.]
A crimson fruit and blood of a mountain goat? "Blood of a mountain goat" refers to the liquid that comes out of breasts.
In other words, milk.
"Fruit" means You were feeding him strawberries, weren't you? Cheap, nearly rotten, ones.
Strawberries, and Milk Strawberries Milk Strawberry milk! I'll give you strawberry milk! So please just calm down! The evil giant dog has climbed on top of O-Edo Dome.
Today's scheduled Aliens versus Yakuza game will be cancelled.
The fans are furious.
Hijikata, die! Huh? Those aren't fans.
You're the one who'll die! That aside, the giant dog's owners will be responsible for the huge losses resulting from the cancellation of today's game.
This is crazy! We can't have him causing any more damage! All the money I saved by working at the hostess club! I'm going to lose the house my sugar daddy bought me! Gin-chan! Sadaharu! Listen to me.
Until we complete the incantation to undo his transformation, you need to buy us some time.
One minute One minute is all we need.
Gin-chan! Don't hurt him Don't hurt Sadaharu! Sadaharu is suffering! Say you'll help him! Don't be too easy on him.
Attack as if you were trying to kill him, or else, he'll kill you.
No way, no way, no freakin' way! One minute? I won't last ten seconds! Come on! No one told me about this! Who are those people?! Those sisters are totally self-absorbed! Hey, are they really chanting the incantation?! Looks awfully random to me! Don't talk to us! Now we have to start over from the beginning! Uh-oh, how did the beginning go again? I forgot.
Nanmaida? Nope.
[Nanmaida is short for Namu Amida Butsu.]
Shinpachi! Gin-san! Sadaharu enough of this! Gin-chan! Stop! Sadaha Gi--! Gin-chan! Damn now I'm seeing things! Look out! Gin-san! Hey! You interrupted the incantation again Damn you two! We have an emergency! This is no time to play some stupid party game! What? What are you trying to say? Don't tell me you can't get that flute out? Which is it? "Yes" or "No"? I'm asking you which! There it is! On no, we forgot those two! Mone.
They can run like that?! Gross! They look like some new freaky animal! But they're only exchanging carbon dioxide.
They're going to suffocate each other!! They're barely breathing.
They're already barely breathing.
Clench your teeth! It came out! So did my teeth! Why'd you tell me to clench my teeth! Don't worry about it.
They'll grow back.
Hey, what're you going to do now? The flute's broken! Komako! Now that it's come to this, our only chance is to awaken Komako and pit her against Sadaharu! Mone! Onmakayashabazarasatoba! Awaken! Inugami! Tiny! What's with this?! Now it's a runt with a scary face! Komako is the Inugami of Protection! She won't be fazed by minor problems! Is that a force field?! Now! Quickly! Now you all have to play catch with me.
Play catch?! This ball is loaded with the power of genriki.
[Note: Genriki are powers attained through ascetic practices.]
By throwing this to each other and tracing a five-pointed star, we can lay a huge magical formation on this field.
The five-pointed star represents the relationships between Yin, Yang and the five natural elements.
It's a powerful charm that cleanses calamity from all things in the Universe.
And, if we can seal him inside, it may revert the awakening of the Inugami.
Teacher, your lecture put Kagura-san to sleep.
The one problem is that we'll have to trap him.
So that means, we'll have to surround Sadaharu and create a five-pointed star while withstanding his attacks? That's impossible! But if it's the only way to save Sadaharu, we'll do it.
So, what is "play catch"? We're all going to die This is no time to bicker! Everyone, take your positions! Okay! Play ball!! Hey! Where're you throwing?! If you drop the ball, the spell will be useless! You absolutely must not drop it! Now you tell me! I got it! Shinpachi! I always knew you were a kid who could do it if he tried! Mone, catch! What're you doing, damn you! Make it! Make it! Get over there! Over there! Gin-chan, way to go.
Heads up, Kagura! Shinpachi! What're you doing over there?! It's no use.
I can't get to it! She kicked it! It's heading to the fifth player! Huh? Aren't you the fifth player? Was I? Nobody's there! Mone?! You can't! There's no way you can handle such a mean fastball! Get out of the way! Big sister We can't quit now.
We have to finish this.
We're the ones who let that puppy become a monster.
Whatever the reason, we neglected our responsibility.
But these people never abandoned him no matter what he turned into.
They cared for and protected him as a member of their family.
It may be too late, but I want to become a member of that puppy's family.
That's why I won't run away anymore! I will accept all my responsibilities in these hands.
I will accept that puppy with these hands And it still hits you in the face! Ack The ball It's hopeless! It's no use.
There's no time! You did well.
Leave the rest to me.
Sadaharu! Snap out of it! What is that? A strange light emanating from the ground Ack! Look! Sadaharu! Sadaharu!! I'm so glad so glad you're safe! Ahhseeing her cry so happily.
They really are a family.
Although it's probably over now.
There's no way they'll let him stay after this happened.
Big Sister Do we have any right to say anything after what happened? I know.
I'm not such a shameless woman You guys do whatever you want.
If you don't want him, we'll take him home with us.
You don't have to worry.
We won't abandon him ever again.
I make quite a lot these days at the hostess bar.
That's so stupid.
After all we've been through, don't talk to us like that.
You should know better.
Sadaharu is Stupid show.
Why did they pixellate the faces? You still haven't thrown away this piece of junk? Gin-san, hurry up or we'll leave without you.
Coming.
Hey, did you bring it? The poop bags.
Inconsiderate owners have no right to keep a pet.
Don't bark at me.
You sure caused us a lot of trouble.
[Thank you.
.]
The next episode "Adults Only.
We Wouldn't Want Anyone Immature in Here.
" [After incurring huge debts in the Sadaharu fiasco, Ane gets a job working at the same hostess bar Otae works at.
.]
[The two wage an all-out sales war as the suckers gather at the bar.
.]

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